My dear pretty sister, it's true. I cannot marry someone who's divorced and is a single parent. My Bible tells me that I will be tagged an adulterer by doing so. And I don't want to spend eternity in Hell o.

That's why I will only marry a true widow.

But, I've just learn't of another category of single parents: These are the types that were not legally married to a man/woman, but really had an issue for that man/woman, somehow by mistake.

Now, in such a case, I can marry the woman, if I love her and I will forgive her of her past wrongs, so long as she's sincerely told me all about her past, and there will be no surprises in the marriage. But she must return that child/children to the father and start a new life with me.

The question is:

Would You Date A Single Parent?

And my answer is YES, if all the situations are just right for it.

hazeleyes!

[if you are a single parent lets talk bout the issues of raising a child in london on your own]

As I nor come dey for london now how I go do?

@ hazeleyes:yes o,i'm a single mum to a 7monthold boy and men its not easy in this country.Sometimes you need support from the man.All my housemates have men and i feel left out sometimes but my son makes up for it.Are u actually in London?I'm in Wales.how old is your child?

I can marry the woman, if I love her and I will forgive her of her past wrongs. But she must return that child/children to the father and start a new life with me.

In order words, you are unwilling to adopt her child as your own. Do you think any woman who is worthy of being a mother will abandon her child because some selfish punk says he "forgives" her and wants to marry her? What do you mean by "forgive". Did she sin against you by having a child? What a self-centered way of thinking!

Seun, Respect! I could not have said it better.

ono:

My dear pretty sister, it's true. I cannot marry someone who's divorced and is a single parent. My Bible tells me that I will be tagged an adulterer by doing so. And I don't want to spend eternity in Hell o.

That's why I will only marry a true widow.

But, I've just learn't of another category of single parents: These are the types that were not legally married to a man/woman, but really had an issue for that man/woman, somehow by mistake.

Now, in such a case, I can marry the woman, if I love her and I will forgive her of her past wrongs, so long as she's sincerely told me all about her past, and there will be no surprises in the marriage. But she must return that child/children to the father and start a new life with me.

Thanks for your response Ono.

@Seun, you never really liked the way I view issues. It's OK. We are all entitled to our own opinion. And peoples opinions, often times, are based on some form of background knowledge. This ''knowledge'' must have been tried and tested in times past and its potency verified.

Would you blame me for believing in the potency, completeness and purity of the word of God and applying same to everything that affects mankind in every sphere of life?

Well, you once stated that you don't want to become a christian anymore. I hope you'd have a rethink on that and go back to where you'd find peace, true joy and knowledge undiluted.


Now, back to this matter:

Adoption is not as[b] simple [/b] as I think you've described it. Everyone of us came into this world via a man (the seed from him) and a woman. They both have a say (no matter how crude one of the other parties may be) in the life of that child. So when you want to adopt the child, you've got to seek the parents consent. Not one of them, but the two together (father and mother). Except of course, one of them is deceased, then the other partner can go it all alone.

So, in the case I've just described, I will adopt the child of the woman, if the ''father'' is dead, and I will be a father unto the child/children. But I will still seek the consent of the child/children's father's relations as well. But if the child/childrens father is still alive, then they must go back to him. He's their father and by tradition, these kids will bear his name. It does not matter if the mother likes the situation or not. When the chips are down, the mother will have to give in. Except if the child is of age and wants nothing to bind him to his biological father.

One other exception: The father was not legally married to this woman. He's alive. But he wants me to adopt the child and my would-be wife also accepts it and this agreement is properly documented, not some verbal stuff. He accepted that he made a big mistake by putting my would-be wife in the family line.

I will adopt that child and make him/her my own child, for the mother's sake. I know how normal women take children. I will take the child/children as my own.

Didyou consider how unhappy the woman would be without the child,Ono. At what age is it right to seperate a child from the mother.

It's not as difficult as you're trying to make it look. Don't lose sight of the basis of my arguments.

The woman is not legally married to the man. But she had a child for/through him. Now, I want to date her and eventually marry her.

If the child is still in the infant stage, I will seek the consent of the ''father''. I will make him understand why it's important for the woman to keep the child. But if he insists on keeping his baby and taking care of the child in his own way, then so be it.

But if the child is of age, I mean old enough to decide where he wants to be, then let him decide. If he decides to stay with me and her mother, this will be properly documented and filed. He will have to abide by the way we (I and his/her mother) wants to live our lfe. In fact, he/she must be pleased with us and our lifestyles, for him to want to stay with us.


But, if the woman was[b] married [/b] to the man legally, in the first instance, surely I will not even think of dating her, talkless of marriage.

@ono. Please try to put some reality in your comments. Everything doesnt have to be theory, try to be practical sometimes. What do you mean the mother should return the kid back to the father? Has it occured to you that in most cases the kid is with the mother because the father doesnt want to take responsibility for the child's upbringing? Has it occured to you that the mother might not know where the father is? If you really love the woman like you say you do, you will accept her child into your house without all those your circumstances or situations you're talking about.
And just so you know, it is very difficult for a mother to be seperated fro her child nomatter the age especially if the child has been with her all his/her life.
Personally, I think it would be rather selfish for you to expect a woman to give up her child for you. Any woman who even does that is not worthy of been a mother. I can never give up my son for my husband. My first child is not from my husband, he has always been with me and when I was getting married my husband accepted him into our house without putting any restrictions. I respect my husband for that. He has never told me to send Ibarahim to his father because I never married him. He accepted me with all the baggage because he loves me sincerely.

And to seun, big ups on your earlier comment.

Let me put it this way.
Iam ot sure that i want to pack into a mans house if he has a child ,
It will not be easy if the child is big. But i will not ask him to return the child to his Mother.
In this case we will both keep our place and visit each other. This way eveybody can go to their "Tents" to rest
It will also not be easy on my kids if a man packs into my place . But I will notsend my kids to any were because pf a man.

This thing does not apply to those who's divorced their first husbands and are married to another. Please understand my basis for argument.

ANOUSHKA,

YES I AM A SINGLE PARENT ( NOT BY CHOICE) BUT I WOULD NOT CHANGE IT FOR THE WORLDBECAUSE I HAVE A LOVELY SON,
ITS A LONG STORY BUT WOULD RATHER NOT GO INTO IT,
MY SON IS 11 AND HE IS GOING INTO SECONDARY SCHOOL SOON,
I HAVE BEEN THERE, AS THEY SAY "I HAVE SEEN 99, 100 IS A SMALL THING"[color=#006600][/color] AND I KNOW ITS NOT EASY IN LONDON, OR ENGLAND AND LIKE YOU I LEFT MY SON'S DAD WHEN HE WAS ONLY 6MNTHS OLD AND I HAVE LOOKED AFTER HIM ON MY OWN SINCE THEN.

IT MIGHT LOOK OR FEEL HARD BUT BELIEVE ME THERE IS ALWAYS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, AND WHEN YOU FEEL THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MORE STRENGTH THE LOVE OF YOUR CHILD WILL ONLY BUT PROPEL YOU ON.

I DECIDED TO LEAVE IT IN THE HANDS OF GOD AND BVELIEVE ME IT WORKE.

PEOPLE WHO SEE MY SON DON'T KNOW HE IS FROM A SINGLE FAMILY. MAYBE I HAVE THE LUCK OF MY FAMILY ERE WHO I CAN TURN TO BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU KNOW HOW LONDON IS, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.

DO YOU HAVE FAMILIES IN ENGLAND, I KNOW WALES COULD BE SO LONELY AND ALL.
BUT YOU CAN HOOK ME UP ANYTIME YOU COME INTO LONDON ALRITE OR IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING AND ALL THAT,IF I CAN BE OF HELP I'LL BE GLAD.

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU SET YOUR HEART TO, JUST REMEMBER THAT.

TAKE CARE BABES

***********************************
@ono. Please try to put some reality in your comments. Everything doesnt have to be theory, try to be practical sometimes. What do you mean the mother should return the kid back to the father? Has it occured to you that in most cases the kid is with the mother because the father doesnt want to take responsibility for the child's upbringing? Has it occured to you that the mother might not know where the father is? If you really love the woman like you say you do, you will accept her child into your house without all those your circumstances or situations you're talking about.
And just so you know, it is very difficult for a mother to be seperated fro her child nomatter the age especially if the child has been with her all his/her life.
Personally, I think it would be rather selfish for you to expect a woman to give up her child for you. Any woman who even does that is not worthy of been a mother. I can never give up my son for my husband. My first child is not from my husband, he has always been with me and when I was getting married my husband accepted him into our house without putting any restrictions. I respect my husband for that. He has never told me to send Ibarahim to his father because I never married him. He accepted me with all the baggage because he loves me sincerely.

And to seun, big ups on your earlier comment.
*********************************************

Alheri,thanks and thumbs up to ur husband ,he's truly a man
also i second the motion no woman worthy to be a mother and in her right senses will give up her child for a man

Why do I have this feeling that I'm dealing with muslim women in here? Anyway, I used to know that muslims can do and undo anything they want in marriage; or has that changed too?

Please note that my entries here applies only to christians o.


I've heard of stories in time past where women raised kids in other mens home. The man did not send a dime to help the woman raise his child. But the child kept asking after his father when he was old enough to know his left from right. It got to the stage where he had to personally search for his father. The boy wants to meet his biological father. His folks at school calls him a bastard. He's thoroughly embarrassed his mom will not tell him who his biological father is. A bit of digging here and there led him to his dad, and he left his mom for his dad, even when the man could not meet the need of the boy. He prefers staying with that poor dad and starting a new life than staying in some palatial building where he'd be called a bastard.

So, there lies my reasoning in this regard.

Please note that we have a Christian Forum for comments that apply to Christians only.

I know of a boy that the dad did not pay a cent for , the dad promised to visit but did not come.
Now the boy is a man the dad is looking for him but the man dose not waht to hear or know from him.
He dose not answer his letters nothing.

It just so happens that 50 to 60 % of Nigerians are Muslims. and not all are illiterates.
They too went to school and have assess to internet.
They too are single parents,

mamaput:

I know of a boy that the dad did not pay a cent for , the dad promised to visit but did not come.
Now the boy is a man the dad is looking for him but the man dose not waht to hear or know from him.
He dose not answer his letters nothing.

But that man is the biological dad, whether the ol'boy likes it or not, rich or poor, wretched or sane, abusive or not, beast or human. And believe me, he'll get over this annoyance of his when people make him realise that blood is thicker than water, especially when they start calling a family meeting here and there, and his name features prominently. Abeg, mamaput, leave matter for matthias, when the chips are down, pattern go change instanta.

Hey Hazeleyes,
im a single parent aswell but the thing is im 17,
i have a thread on this website that says how it happend coz ive got some issues with it,
yes people think itz bad but like u sed, i wouldnt change it back for the world coz i love my son like no other, hez my whole world, hez one year old an hez a really smart one too, but my best friend says i get too many girls wantin to go out wid me, i dnt think datz true neway but single parents aren't aliens, they're humans too n they are lovin some one so dearly, they also need someone to love and cherish them.

@ono, well am not sure you were but if you were refering to me as per your statement on people been muslims, am not a muslim. Never have been and by the grace will never be.
Now back to the topic. You see, I am very well aware that my son will ask for his biological father some day and I am really for such an eventuality, even though there is still no qurantee that when my son decides to go look for his father, his father would want him to become part of his life. But I also know that right now his father doesnt want to be a part of his life(for reasons best known to him) and if such is the case with the scenario you posted earlier, why would you now want to send a kid to be tormented by someone who doesnt want him? Is it not better he stays were he can get love?
I am well aware of the fact that a time will come when peers might call my son a bastard, I feel absolutely guilty and dread that eventuality but which would be worse?To be called a bastard in a place where you can find love or in a place which is void of love? Just because a kid is with his father doesnt erase the fact that he is a bastard,if you want to consider the dictionary defination of the word.
I am a christian, and I know that know I sinned by having pre-marital sex, God had a reason for blessing me with a son. Afterall the Bible says that children are a blessing from God and the fruit of the womb is his reward.I know like ten couples seeking the fruit of the womb for the past years(not less than ten) but even in sin, God chose to bless me. I have since recived his forgiveness and gotten on with my life with my husband, son and daughter,I really don't need holier than though ono to come and try to put me and others like me down on nairaland forum. As a christian, youre words should be words of encouragement,not of judgement and "leaving matter for matthias".
For now my son is better off with me because I can give him all the stability he needs till God reveals other wise for his life.
And my husband is willing to help give him that stability. That as far as am concerned is better than someone sayiing he will forgive me of my past as if I sinned against a human being and not God. Na wa for some people sha.
And yes, I agree that blood is thicker than water, but believe me, water is PURER!

@dupsybaby, thanks jare for your comments.

Alheri, remember, we are friends. No harm intended by any of my statements in here. I will reply you later. I'm very busy now.

@Alheri, Peace be unto you. You need not be angry at my statements here. I've even[b] gleaned from your entry that all I've been saying does not apply to you.[/b] Look at your own words:

alheri:

@ono, well am not sure you were but if you were refering to me as per your statement on people been muslims, am not a muslim. Never have been and by the grace will never be.
I am a christian, and I know that I sinned by having pre-marital sex, God had a reason for blessing me with a son.

If you were not married to that man (as I would like to believe) then, there's no cause for alarm. You have no reason to feel bad about my entries here. You had pre-marital,

OK, Alheri, let's chat on YIM on this matter, if you don't mind. I'm very sorry if I've hurt you in anyway.

@ono,

To say that am disappointed in your words and thinking is an understatement, who are you to judge anyone? didn't the bible also say that one should not judge? what does the bible say about being a new creature and all things passed away?

How you can make such judgment and even think to voice them out is beyond me?

a word for advice, wake up and smell the coffee luv, as seun says with a judgment like yours, I would rather be alone than marry someone who thinks he has been given the right to "forgive me".

I didn't sin towards you, if anything, I sinned against my God but if he can forgive me, you think I need approval from mortals?

Lets not be judgment, afterall it was only a subject that was raised " Would you date a single parent?"

if you would not , then your business not anyone's.

and for you to make such statements that you might have been speaking to Muslim women. there only one thing I have to say to you and that is
"GOD HELP YOU"

I and am sure many others are single parent and I am proud of myself and not the least ashamed, and it is because of stupidness and shortsightedness of people like you that make a lot of women single.

You young man seriously need to change your mindset and the way you see or judge people.

I am a Christian and I go to a believing church and deeply rooted in my church and I know that your ideas is not the general conceptions in church, so stop giving Christians a bad name.

There is nothing wrong with that , unless you don't love her.

@ono
I feel sorry dat u've been gr8ly misunderstood. Ur posts were ok but apparently quite touchy. Seun's posts also ddnt help. Take heart ol chap, in a thread like this, u'd be lucky 2 escape unscathed. I suspect dablessed gets ur drift though
Be cool

don't think so

In Nigeria its really rare for you to find a man that would really want to get married to single parent. especially if the one single is the lady.

beyunce:

In Nigeria its really rare for you to find a man that would really want to get married to single parent. especially if the one single is the lady.

in the midst of the singles you go for the one with parents title as if your life depends on it

to date for good times and fun. . . YES
to marry . . . NO