The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article - Family - Nairaland
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| The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 11:48am On Dec 31, 2011 |
( My sister and I recently sat down to watch a show that we enjoy quite often called Millionaire Matchmaker. The host of the show was setting up a session for a rich and distinguished black man and was in the process of considering black women who she thought would be of interest to him. One stood out from the rest. She was tall, medium brown–and simply beautiful. Her hair was in its natural state and styled in a neat mini-Afro. The host asked her, “You have a beautiful face, but could you possibly style your hair something like Tyra Banks?” The girl eagerly nodded, and the next day, when she was set to meet the millionaire, her hair had been straightened and she had added a noticeable weave. After changing who she was, though, the millionaire didn’t choose her as his date. This set off a string of questions in my mind. Are white people really not comfortable looking at a black woman with her hair unprocessed? Are black women who don’t process their hair at the bottom of the dating barrel than their processed and weaved counterparts? Are black men more attracted to black women with perms and weaves? Are black women who wear their hair different from the social norm just not attractive enough? I raise these questions partly because, every time I read a blog, a young woman is being highlighted who wears her hair in its natural state–and she gets a tremendous amount of negative feedback from readers who post their views in the blog’s comment section. While some consider her brave, others plead that she straighten or weave her hair. Case in point, Raven Simon: She has recently been wearing her beautiful natural hair in a short crop. Many readers are uncomfortable looking at her and ask her to do something about it. What’s even more disparaging, some black men were even suggesting that Raven sport her weave because they didn’t like her hair short. They were not taking into consideration the possibility that she was growing her hair out and that it would take time for it to grow long. It’s as if the world cannot accept a black woman who chooses to wear her hair in its God-given state. I myself have natural hair, but I cannot tell you how many times, going on job interviews, I make sure to blow dry the kinks out of it and consciously wear it in a pulled-back bun, making it as neat as possible so that I don’t offend a potential employer. I know of some black women who don’t wear braids, although they are in a neat style, to interviews for fear that they will look too ethnic. Black women, whether their hair is processed or not, have to constantly keep in mind how to wear their hair to make a good impression on everyone around them, even each other. Straight hair versus kinky hair is still a subject of debate among black women. This was recently highlighted on the Dr. Drew show, when Dr. Drew had black women discussing the topic of hair. In that episode, he also let black men weigh in on how they viewed black women with processed versus unprocessed hair. I wish such discussions were conducted in a more constructive way, because they don’t really answer any questions regarding how we truly feel about one another and our hair. When it comes down to it, it’s all about acceptance. Black women must accept themselves no matter how they choose to wear their hair. When we feel comfortable in our own skin, then we can make an impact on the world–forcing it to accept us as we are. Just last week, I went on a job interview and decided to wear my hair in a “twist out.” The young Caucasian guy who interviewed me said that he liked my hair. (I guess I can also attribute the compliment to the confidence I was exuding with my hairstyle.) I accepted myself, forcing others to accept me as I am. I ask black men who act as if it’s a crime for a black woman to wear her hair unprocessed, What is your problem? Don’t you know the same hair that grows out of our heads is growing out of yours? It’s the hair that grew out of your mother’s and grandmother’s heads, too. If we choose to not add a relaxing agent to our hair, you should accept us for the choices that we make. I want to thank the black men who don’t mind if a black woman wears her hair unprocessed, and find it sexy that she chooses to rock her natural tresses. Thank you very much. But for the others–if we black women can accept you black men with your natural hair, then you can accept us. I mean, we’d rather have you natural than looking fried, dyed, and laid to the side in the manner of our 1960s grandfathers, or decked out in the Jerri curls you wore in the early ’80s (some West Coast brothers rocked it well into the ’90s). And as a teenager growing up in the ’90s, I would have preferred to see you natural than with those sickening S-curl waves that were oh-so-popular. Staff Writer; Yolanda Spivey |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 11:51am On Dec 31, 2011 |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 2:53pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
sadly, the people to blame for such issue are WOMEN, they are the ones who teach their daughters that they look better in unnatural hair, so therefore, we men get used to see them like that, and then down the line they suddenly want us to change and accept them for the "awkward" natural look (that we have rarely seen). women should MAKE UP THEIR MINDS and decide if they want to be admired for who they REALLY are physically, or for who they "pretend" to be most (if not all) their lives. here below is where the problem REALLY starts:
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| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by MissIfe(f): 2:59pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
I personnally [i]love [/i]natural african hair. Though it's a lot of work to maintain (I can see that taking care of my kid's hair), I would have love to be black just to wear a nice afro hair style  I regularly braid my daughter's hair, but also often leave it natural. Anyways, I wouldn't accept her to straighten it or wear weaves before she reaches at least 16yrs old (and I still hope she wouldn't need it). It's not that I dislike weaves but, it gives me a weird feeling knowing it's not "natural" hair. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 3:38pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
As usual MBJ, a man cheats on his wife, it's her fault, men love articial women, it's our fault, a man is broke, it's our fault, a man dies it's our fault. When will you lot start taking responsibility for your actions? |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 4:04pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
sista Jenny if women change who they naturally are because of their DESPERATION to attract men, then why should MEN be blamed for it? the fact that some deluded women think that men love these fake looks is where the problem is. men love beautiful things and, if some women dont have such attribute, then they should accept their fate rather than fooling themselves with cheap tools to make them look like the Beckys out there. why should men accept the natural looking black women, when these natural black women are NOT ready to accept themselves? lol! |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 5:15pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
if women change who they naturally are because of their DESPERATION to attract men, then why should MEN be blamed for it? the fact that some deluded women think that men love these fake looks is where the problem is. men love beautiful things and, if some women dont have such attribute, then they should accept their fate rather than fooling themselves with cheap tools to make them look like the Beckys out there. I think it's bigger than the desperation to attract men. From the article, it appears it's also a problem in the work-place. I think this should take precedence and beget more concern over attracting some mate. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Outstrip(f): 6:27pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
The issue with hair and black people is just too complicated. It is not as simple as what the woman wants or even what men prefer. The issues are also different in different cultures. I can definitely relate to changing hairstyles depending on your audience. My hair usually is in a very curly fro-like hairstyle but if I am going to see a potential client especially if it is the first time I will wear my hair smaller. Part of it is that I don't want my hairstyle to be the focus of a meeting and the other is that I don't want them to make an ignorant assumption and screw up a deal. With African Americans the whole 'good hair" thing drives me crazy and that started from back in the slave days. You had "good hair" and light skin you might get special priviledges from "master". In Nigeria it is just a mess. People just walk around wearing wigs backwards or sideways and think they are cute. As long as they have fake hair it is okay. It makes them look more American. There are Nigerian men that will look at woman like she is crazy if she even wears her natural hair. I would even go as far as to say that educated american men are more accepting of women wearing natural hair than educated nigerian men |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by ifyalways(f): 8:12pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
Its alot worse in Naija,trust me. I know how hard I fought and all the problems i had back in the days at a nursing school and my only crime was cos i was spotting a clean locks.(not dada oh) I also remember going out on a date with a compound fooool who at the end of the day,was giving me money to make my hair the next day,asking me if i was so broke i can't afford to make my hair.Jeez! I almost slapped the guy.People embarass you anuhow just cos u choose to stay natural. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Outstrip(f): 8:29pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
ifyalways: Actually they are embarassing themselves and not you. Ignorance is a disease. I laughed when you said he gave you money cause he thought you were broke. Sorry o lol |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by ShyOne(f): 11:58pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
Outstrip: Seconded and totally agree! jennykadry: Seconded! ifyalways: I wore my hair natural - exactly 3 years ago - had it completely cut off to less than one inch - just washed it once a week - but wet it every single day and put in conditioner and allowed the conditioner to air dry in the hair and it curled the hair in tiny curls all over my head, received so many compliments. I walked around like that for 2 years - but I rarely went outdoors - I owned my own business from the home which is computer based so I didn't receive any feedback from others and if I did, my personality could care less, About one year ago I finally permed it because if it wasn't wet, it was difficult to comb through and I didn't have the time it took to tear through it, destroying my locks and ripping hair out, so I put a perm in it. I don't do weaves or braids - HATE THEM ALL - now I just soften the hair with perm versus the bone straight look, but the conditioner "creme leave in" gives a very straightened look where I don't have to perm my hair any longer but 3 times a year and just enough to soften the kink, so it is now manageable and I lose less hair because no more ripping through it and fighting with it by using water, etc, But that doesn't mean that I don't love natural hair - if your hair is natural and you can style it without having to put braids in it or spend hours tugging through it, I encourage you to wear it in that manner. Hair isn't about you as a person. We live amongst our families, friends, mates, neighbors. Though we want to make our appearance as though we have "sole ownership to it." The reality is that if you want to succeed and progress and train your household and offspring. If you wear it natural or store-bought - it definitely has to do with confidence, acceptability (home and society). Or you can opt on being an outcast, a rebel with your cause and go forth. There are still some acceptable "natural" styles such as the very close cropped cuts and big earrings. If you have glowing skin and a personality to match - I don't know much about Naija but U.S. adores a black woman who sports that look, she is on the page of periodicals and magazines, in law firms, corporate America, schools, etc. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 12:30am On Jan 01, 2012 |
Outstrip: Lolll.  ifyalways: Lol, what's the difference between dada and locks? To be honest I've never liked dada, dreadlocks and all forms of it. But after seeing Dakore on her wedding day, I changed my mind. They actually do look nice. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 4:24am On Jan 01, 2012 |
Lmao ify, that guy that gave you money is something else. @ stilly I was actually on dreads a few years back but chopped it off, till date my husband is still querying me for chopping it off. Not all dreads are bad especially if it's well taken are of. I agree with outstrip, even @ work, if you are meeting a " client" for the first time, the pressure is on you to look your best lest they question the authorities on why this woman's got a license to practice in the first place. Spot on @shyone |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nadanbata: 8:05am On Jan 01, 2012 |
Chocolate/Caramel girls with headscarf/hijab/head gear with lips and sexy eyes > Every other female on earth.  But really. I hate how everyone likes to wear weave anyhow like it soley makes them pretty when it doesnt. I really dont find that attractive, Just screams fake to me. Big problem with that in UK and girls starting from early. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by iice(f): 5:06pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
Outstrip: Gbam! I think MBJ is saying be the change you want others to be. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by ifyalways(f): 7:06pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
Outstrip,happy Holidays. @Stillwater,one of the Okoye boiz,basketmouth and daddy Showkey are all sporting 'dada'(always unkempt and offensive to the eyes) while Lauyrn hill,Dakore are living testimonies of the beauty of 'locks'.lolz Jenny,that was my school days,dude was a spare parts dealer. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Outstrip(f): 8:32pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
Same to you Ify. I agree. I love Dakore's hair. When I had a perm I always had my hair highlighted and if I ever decide to go with dreads it will be highlighted too |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 9:19am On Jan 02, 2012 |
I personally dislike weave-ons and wigs. I think it makes the black woman feel that there is something that she inherently lacks, that - to be pretty - she has to resemble a white woman somehow. The big problem I see there is that the more [b]Caucasian [/b]our ladies want to appear, the greater the caricature they make of themselves, and the more they betray their deep fears and insecurities about their appearance. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by freecocoa(f): 1:33pm On Jan 02, 2012 |
I totally agree with ifalways,almost the same thing has happened to me,people tend to see you as broke when you carry your natural hair,although personally I don't even like hair,I usually cut my hair very low,I just decided to start braiding and the likes because my mum,sisters,friends even boyfriend wouldn't let me rest,saying something about me liking to be anything but a girl with my hair. I'll soon shave it off again sef. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 4:02pm On Jan 02, 2012 |
ifyalways: Lol, I see. That Okoye boy, doesn't he look at his brother? |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by N101: 6:32pm On Jan 02, 2012 |
The big problem regarding black women and their hair is complex, yet simple. Most women did not seem to appreciate their hair as children, or never grew up in an environment where you embraced your natural hair as a part of you. Who didn't get knocked on the head for not sitting still while your hair was being braided, plaited and twisted? Who didn't have some degree of animosity with their natural hair due to the PAIN of having to comb it after washing it? Men don't get it because they either have women who'll do their hair, or never grew up with lots of hair. The amount of things we had to do to maintain our hair as children. By comparison my brothers just used to add water and comb; that was not an option for me. When I was 14 years old I decided to cut my hair and not tell my mother. The only thing she said to me was "you should've let your father do it (he who did old school haircuts and it was not going to be fashionable if I let him near mine!). That was my first taste of hair liberation - no more having to get someone to plait it, no more hassles when it comes to combing and washing. . .ah, life was sweet. Ironically, I was watching Channels TV a few weeks ago where they were speaking to women about traditional hairstyles. Out of the women they spoke to, all said they liked traditional hairstyles but they make you look like a child. One girl (probably a Uni girl), basically said "we are living in the jet age, and so we have to wear modern styles like weaves". Oh really? I was in a Caribbean island some months ago, and was amazed at how many of the women either wore their hair naturally, had their hair permed or had braids. In the two weeks I was there I saw about 3 weaves. Whereas in Lagos, you will probably see more weaves than natural hairdos. I count how many women on TV wear their natural hair rather than awful weaves and wigs (it seems the more powerful position, the worst the weave excluding Madam Finance Minister). Weaves are seen as more "professional", yet so many of us wear weaves that don't suit our faces and, as Outstrip said, back-to-front. Why would I, as a black woman, want to wear a hairstyle that doesn't suit me for the sake of looking good? Yet many of us do that in the name of "beauty". As for what my "partner" thinks - well, he was the first man I met who was never fascinated by my hair. When I transformed from perm to natural, he didn't bat an eyelid. I'm thinking of going short again cos it takes me so long to wash and plait my hair, and he actually commented on how much easier it is with shorter hair. My sister-in-law has short natural hair and I envy her (yes, I said it!  )I have to agree with MBJ to a degree - often we are our worst enemy when it comes to our natural hair. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 6:01am On Jan 03, 2012 |
I don't really agree with MBJ. Not every woman wear weaves just to attract men, I know a lot of people that do it because it makes them feel good about themselves. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by armyofone(m): 8:35pm On Jan 03, 2012 |
interesting article. black ladies spend on hair stuff more than any other group of ladies in the world, imo. imagine 200 dollars for hair style that you will take out in 4-6weeks time. heard Beyonce hairstyle cost avg 20k to do. not sure if it's true. AA don't joke with their hair. black ladies have come a long way from Hair Ironing to painful relaxer to back/front wig etc.Hollywood not helping matter |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by ronkebp(f): 9:11pm On Jan 03, 2012 |
Some ladies solely depend on the wig/weave to look beautiful, the host of that show might think that the lady would look sexier with having a total make-over starting from the hair, i watch similar shows, and i can tell you that the hosts usually changes the style of the participants, they want to give them an image ''they'' think is sexier than what they actually are. And so many women have believed this lie, that is why they think if they are everly on weaves/wig they are more prettier with heavy make-up like masquerades. Personally my natural hair is more prettier than any weave or wig that i might have on, but God knows i always have (my wigs ) handy, especially when i do not feel like doing anything to that hair, just weave de thing and cover it up, na go get me be that. In conclusion i think there should be moderation in everything, the way you eat, dress, make-up, and so on and so forth. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by mutter(f): 4:18pm On Jan 04, 2012 |
I used to have my hair permed for many years but for some time now it`s all natural and I feel much better with it only t is allot more work. Since I have more than enough hair I never ever had extensions. My daughters also all have their hair natural and with braids but the oldest uses attachments for her braids sometimes. It may not look as nice as when all made up for some people but for me it is natural and unique. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 4:49pm On Jan 04, 2012 |
armyofone: 20k Ke?  if I had 20k I would have given it to oga kadry to add it to the RR sports money . Biggest mistake ever, I no go see the money and i no go see the RR sports  |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Nobody: 7:43pm On Jan 04, 2012 |
jennykadry: what you wrote is THE whole problem: people needing "tools" to disguise themselves as someone else, RATHER THAN EMBRACING (AND ACCEPTING) WHO THEY NATURALLY ARE. so we (men) will start to appreciate the fake person with weaves or fake eye lashes/nails/blue eyes etc. . . . . . . . . and then when these fake women FINALLY decide to take off all these masquerade items, WE (men), who got used to that masquerade person, should still find the "new you" attractive, even if you arent?! you all have to make up your minds about who you want to be (fake or natural), AND STICK TO IT! |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by ShyOne(f): 8:18pm On Jan 04, 2012 |
^^^ ahahahahahahahah - Oh my Goodness - ahahahahaha Happy New Year - Negro, lolololol |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by bigbumper(f): 9:09pm On Jan 04, 2012 |
Huh, you expect me to read all these and watch the whole video just to find out about the black women's hair wey nor dey grow pass 3cm in its entirety  You must be joking |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by bigbumper(f): 9:21pm On Jan 04, 2012 |
Sorry, oya please Jenny summarise it for me in two lines, ha see MrBrownJay even commenting, i don't want to miss the gist  See me on my knees [s]AGAIN, I wonder what can be interesting in something that is just 3cm long and only comes in black colour, pssssft([/s]  |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by Ibime(m): 1:00am On Jan 06, 2012 |
Interesting subject. . . this is one of the issues that brings up beef with my fiance at-times, as I ask her to wear her hair natural or permed. . . but no weaves or extensions. The dilemma is two-fold. . . black men (I speak for myself) do not like weaves, but also do not like short nappy hair (except the woman has the look to pull it off). The comfortable medium lies somewhere inbetween such as the Lauryn Hill (twist) style, seventies afro, braid and afro, twisted blow-out etc etc. I think there are many styles women can play with before resorting to weaves and extensions. . . . and even if you're hair is 3 inches long, there are some nice mohican-style cuts I see some girls rocking these days. |
| Re: The Black Woman's Hair- What Do Your Partners Think? Please This Article by coogar: 3:43pm On Jan 06, 2012 |
Ibime: personally, i prefer a very low cut for a woman or something like baby curls. if she cannot do that, she should plait it the traditional way. all those weaves, dirty attachments and coloured braids are hideous to my eyeballs. some black women look like depraved vampires in them. |
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