Hello all I am just venting here ok, but feel free to comment or offer advice as you see fit.

Today my Nigerian boyfriend just dumped me! I am just tripping because it is all over money. So here is what happened. He lost his job over the Holiday because he was not able to report back to work on the correct day. The reason he gave me is he was confused about the date he was supposed to return. Subsequently he has to find another living quarters which cost him 2300.00 for a 3 year lease. This lease took most of his money, so he went to begging me to send him money of 500.00 to help him with living expenses. I am not stingy but I have a couple of problems with his request.

1. I don't think that a man should ask his woman for money.
2. If a man does need his woman's help, that is fine if they are married, or even if they have decided to depend on each other during cohabitation.
3. We have not known each other long enough to ask each other for money.
4. I have my own living expenses and responsibilities to take care of.
I am pissed off because I feel like he wasted my time for three months telling me how much he loved me and how I would never regret knowing him and then this happens. He should have done this ish at day two or even week one!

Go and jump into the nearest Lake na. Selfish girl. I can bet you did not give the guy punny

chucluvr:

Hello all I am just venting here ok, but feel free to comment or offer advice as you see fit.

Today my Nigerian boyfriend just dumped me! I am just tripping because it is all over money. So here is what happened. He lost his job over the Holiday because he was not able to report back to work on the correct day. The reason he gave me is he was confused about the date he was supposed to return. Subsequently he has to find another living quarters which cost him 2300.00 for a 3 year lease. This lease took most of his money, so he went to begging me to send him money of 500.00 to help him with living expenses. I am not stingy but I have a couple of problems with his request.

1. I don't think that a man should ask his woman for money.
2. If a man does need his woman's help, that is fine if they are married, or even if they have decided to depend on each other during cohabitation.
3. We have not known each other long enough to ask each other for money.
4. I have my own living expenses and responsibilities to take care of.
I am pissed off because I feel like he wasted my time for three months telling me how much he loved me and how I would never regret knowing him and then this happens. He should have done this ish at day two or even week one!

OP.
You don't owe him any money.
Your money. You decide what to do with it!

Not a bad decision, I'd say

Smart girl, Since u are in Oaklahama and he is in Nigeria, I would be very careful of knowing a random person overseas for 3 months and sending them $500. Even if he lived down the street from you he shouldn't be asking you for something like that.

Op, ar u a Nigerian?

@Sijo01 I am african american.

oh well,although i think a man could ask his woman for money if he truly needs it and she has it to give but 3 mths is too early in the relationship to give that kind of money to a boyfriend.
He could have sought eleswhere for it.
What if he wasnt dating you?
and why should he even be pissed.
Its your money and you have every right to spend it as you please.go girl!

Op, u'r wise & smart!

Wait o,he dumped you cos you didn't give him money?    Op please don't even stress yourself,good ridders(according to my neighbor) although I must say I don't agree with you that a woman is not supposed to give a man money,she's free to give if she has and wants to but its not a must,if you can't help a deserving partner even monetary wise when he needs it how can you claim to love him?

Thanks all for your comments. I really feel much better now that I have gotten to vent.  

@OP:
But I assume it will be ok for a woman to ask her man for money.
He came to you for help and in my dictionary help involves a bit of sacrifice from the one given the help in the first place.
Now you are angry at him for wasting 3mths of your life.
He walked out on you sensing that you might be one selfish b@tch.

Smh

@ cocoa I would not mind helping under different circumstances as I have mentioned in the post. Maybe if we had known each other longer than 3 months, and had actually spent time together in person not just over the phone and messaging I would be more incline to help him a little, but not 500.00 worth.

The fact that I have had countless issues of my own regarding money and have not once asked him to step in and save me, shows that I have respect for him and his troubles. I have resolved to try to find a second job here as bad as our economy is right now, instead of begging him for money. I share my issues with him. He knows that I don't have money like that.
I love him, but I love myself more. Just like he obviously loves himself more.

hmmm @ thread.

chucluvr:

Hello all I am just venting here ok, but feel free to comment or offer advice as you see fit.

Today my Nigerian boyfriend just dumped me! I am just tripping because it is all over money. So here is what happened. He lost his job over the Holiday because he was not able to report back to work on the correct day. The reason he gave me is he was confused about the date he was supposed to return. Subsequently he has to find another living quarters which cost him 2300.00 for a 3 year lease. This lease took most of his money, so he went to begging me to send him money of 500.00 to help him with living expenses. I am not stingy but I have a couple of problems with his request.

[size=18pt]1. I don't think that a man should ask his woman for money.[/size]
2. If a man does need his woman's help, that is fine if they are married, or even if they have decided to depend on each other during cohabitation.
3. We have not known each other long enough to ask each other for money.
4. I have my own living expenses and responsibilities to take care of.
I am pissed off because I feel like he wasted my time for three months telling me how much he loved me and how I would never regret knowing him and then this happens. He should have done this ish at day two or even week one!

i totally disagree with you first objection. This is not the ancient days where a woman could lay down on her azz and wait for prince charming to come rescue her. Things and times have changed. There WILL be times that a woman will have to lend a helping hand to a man and it doesn't make a man any less than for relying on his woman during his down times. I agree that you don't have to send your money if you don't to but be upset at him for looking for the alternative either.

@ OK2nv you could not be more wrong. I take care of myself, if that means I have to work two or three jobs. I don't ask my man for anything. Don't get me wrong I would love to have a man that wants to do for me, but it is not a requirement.  My momma told me never to depend on a man to give me what I want. So I don't. I am a grown woman and I can handle mines. I would rather go without before I put him or any of my friends or family in that type of position for that matter.

@OP:
I JUS SAW UR PIC. U R ONE BUTT UGLY CHIC. ADD THAT TO YOUR RESUME OF BEING SELFISH.
U LOOK LIKE SHREK!

OK2NV:

@OP:
I JUS SAW your PIC. U R ONE BUTT UGLY CHIC. ADD THAT TO YOUR RESUME OF BEING SELFISH.
U LOOK LIKE SHREK!

that's WAAAY below the belt. 

as for chucluvr don't pay that any mind.
Nairalanders are not the most mature of people sometimes. Don't take it to heart.
he probably isn't anything to look @ himself talking about someone else.

@ ok0nv you something else. Imma pray for you.

OK2NV

What is WRONG with you? That was totally uncalled for!

lola.luv:

OK2NV

What is WRONG with you? That was totally uncalled for!

right! his signature is truly fitting.

@op

looks like you 've got the proper thinking cap on

well here's my little bit:

Today my Nigerian boyfriend just dumped me! I am just tripping because it is all over money. So here is what happened. He lost his job over the Holiday because he was not able to report back to work on the correct day. The reason he gave me is he was confused about the date he was supposed to return. Subsequently he has to find another living quarters which cost him 2300.00 for a 3 year lease. This lease took most of his money, so he went to begging me to send him money of 500.00 to help him with living expenses. I am not stingy but I have a couple of problems with his request

In that paragraph alone, there are 3 major lies
=Him losing his job, just because he returned to work late, he would  have been served a disciplinary letter, or if it were that serious suspended while investigations were going on
-he paid 2300.00 for a 3 year lease in Lagos really?
he is begging for money and asking for 500 dollars,such a greedy beggar

well here goes,
the fact that he is so willing to dump you just because you refused to send him the money should only prove to you that that is what he ever wanted in you and also he likely has some one else on the go that he is feeding the same lies to
don't send him the money ,once you start he is going to feed  you with more sympathy stories and may directly  or indirectly ask you for money

on the other hand ,tell him you will send him the money and then don't just count the number of phones calls he will make to you

my sister don't be fooled. This guy is one of the notorious jobless scrammers that litter cyber cafes in Lagosls don't be deceived

@OK2NV

seriously why would one big fool sit in Lagos and come up with this kind of stupid lie?

and why does he have to dump her because he couldn't get the money from her, that indicates that it was always all about the money!

If her being ugly is hurting you you at this point, then all i can perceive emanating from you is the fear of being exposed for who you are

As for me I beg her not to send money to that Arrow he is just another user

toyemz:

@op

looks like you 've got the proper thinking cap on

well here's my little bit:
In that paragraph alone, there are 3 major lies
=Him losing his job, just because he returned to work late, he would  have been served a disciplinary letter, or if it were that serious suspended while investigations were going on
-he paid 2300.00 for a 3 year lease in Lagos really?
he is begging for money and asking for 500 dollars,such a greedy beggar

well here goes,
the fact that he is so willing to dump you just because you refused to send him the money should only prove to you that that is what he ever wanted in you and also he likely has some one else on the go that he is feeding the same lies to
don't send him the money ,once you start he is going to feed  you with more sympathy stories and may directly  or indirectly ask you for money

on the other hand ,tell him you will send him the money and then don't just count the number of phones calls he will make to you

my sister don't be fooled. This guy is one of the notorious jobless scrammers that litter cyber cafes in Lagosls don't be deceived

he might actually need her help for real but like i said she is right to keep her money to herself. it's her hard earned paper we are talking about PLUS an entire ocean between the two of them (distance). but like i told her she shouldn't be upset if he says "deuces!" instead she should brush her shoulders off and keep it moving too. the signs are there for her to read and like i said it doesn't mean he is a scammer but obviously neither of them are in the position to do for the other so it's obvious they are not meant to be, at least not now.

I am willing and able to spend in my relationships but I will have to get paid in return to date OP.
lol!

toyemz:

@op

looks like you 've got the proper thinking cap on

well here's my little bit:
In that paragraph alone, there are 3 major lies
=Him losing his job, just because he returned to work late, he would  have been served a disciplinary letter, or if it were that serious suspended while investigations were going on
-he paid 2300.00 for a 3 year lease in Lagos really?
he is begging for money and asking for 500 dollars,such a greedy beggar

well here goes,
the fact that he is so willing to dump you just because you refused to send him the money should only prove to you that that is what he ever wanted in you and also he likely has some one else on the go that he is feeding the same lies to
don't send him the money ,once you start he is going to feed  you with more sympathy stories and may directly  or indirectly ask you for money

on the other hand ,tell him you will send him the money and then don't just count the number of phones calls he will make to you

my sister don't be fooled. This guy is one of the notorious jobless scrammers that litter cyber cafes in Lagosls don't be deceived

My thoughts exactly. OP you are wise not to have sent the money. Some women would be so caught up with "love" that they end up broke and still alone.

Nekai:

My thoughts exactly. OP you are wise not to have sent the money. Some women would be so caught up with "love" that they end up broke and still alone.

If she was a guy, she will even pay more or she will have to live alone in a swamp like shrek!

@Msdarkskin

he might actually need her help for real but like i said she is right to keep her money to herself. it's her hard earned paper we are talking about PLUS an entire ocean between the two of them (distance). but like i told her she shouldn't be upset if he says "deuces!" instead she should brush her shoulders off and keep it moving too. the signs are there for her to read and like i said it doesn't mean he is a scammer but obviously neither of them are in the position to do for the other so it's obvious they are not meant to be, at least not now.

Lol
That's another way of looking at the situation
but I would say the hurdle of being oceans apart was one the Op was willing to overcome
i honestly cant even feel that whiff from the Lagos guy, I get the feeling more that he was gleefully singing oh lucky day,the day they clicked!

common the guy no sabi lie sef,what with all the strikes going on
i honestly think that no body has resumed work in Lagos, maybe later on sha( who knows)
and if he was real he wont be asking for a set sum for living expenses,he would just ask for whatever she could spare

him trying to garner maximum sympathy didn't help either and not being funny if ( like he said ) he really had 2300,000 to pay for a 3 year lease,then he would have chicken change to help cope with the living expenses
my two euros just

Thanks to everyone! I'm not pissed off anymore. In the words of my preacher (It's all good and it's all God)!!!

toyemz:

@Msdarkskin


Lol
That's another way of looking at the situation
but I would say the hurdle of being oceans apart was one the Op was willing to overcome
i honestly cant even feel that whiff from the Lagos guy, I get the feeling more that he was gleefully singing oh lucky day,the day they clicked!

common the guy no sabi lie sef,what with all the strikes going on
i honestly think that no body has resumed work in Lagos, maybe later on sha( who knows)
and if he was real he wont be asking for a set sum for living expenses,he would just ask for whatever she could spare

him trying to garner maximum sympathy didn't help either and not being funny if ( like he said ) he really had 2300,000 to pay for a 3 year lease,then he would have chicken change to help cope with the living expenses
my two euros just

hmmm interesting. i can definitely see your point and how it could really be that way.
he just might be faking the funk lol. Good points.

Op

You are sending money to a man that you haven't met physically and the fact that he is UPSET WITH YOU because you will not send him money?

Never sell yourself cheap and never buy love from NO ONE. I understand that people go through hard times and need help but damn. There are hundreds of people who do not depend on the system nor their families busting their asses EVERYDAY and if they can make it so can he.

He was using you for the money and HAD NO INTENTION on ever seeing you unless you don't mind being wifey for a minute.

Tell the dude, you aren't interested in being rent a sugar momma.

Mrs. Chima I didn't send any money that is why he broke up with me. I agree with you. thank you for your response.