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This is a deep family situation. I'll leave this for Madam CC and her cabal of feminist warriors!

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Your Mother has created a monster which will soon consume her. She has spoilt your brother silly, always bailing him out so he knows he can go spend money and come back to Mama. Well it seems Mama is running out of money and has resorted to in this case fraudulently obtaining money from others to satisfy her Pets demands. Soon there will be no more money and more demands from the spoilt one and I wonder what Mama will do then. They is nothing normal or right with what Mama is doing. A Good mother even if she has favorites raises her kids to be independent and responsible not putting the interest of one child ahead of the interest of the whole family. Mama no try oh

Well obviously you must be doing well, if you were able to give your mother the money.

What exactly do you want from your mother? You wrote your mother LIKES your brother more.
Don`t you see you have some serious problems? The word here is LOVE.

It is wrong to expect equal financial assistance. Your mother will help according to the needs of the children and according to how she can afford it at the moment.
Maybe when giving your elder brother that money she was hoping that he will be able to assist you but that did not work out.

As a mother of grown children  I can also assure you that some kids are very good at making their demands. it is love that makes a mothers heart soft and sometimes in her bid to please one she displeases the other.

If she already has to take the money from you that way it shows that she is scared of asking you directly to help your brother.
When there is love in a family, it is not about who gets what but about being there for another.  That is why blood is thicker than water. If you and your sister are doing well, help your brother.
The basic problem i see in your family is lack of honest communication. You can talk to your mother about your fears . Be honest about your feelings and show her the sympathy a child should show his mother. That way she will open up to you and you would understand her better.
Do not forget parents are not without fault and they make mistakes and can be illogical like every other person walking the street.

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apocalypse
If that is the case, I can only say:
DEAP FAMILY SECRET.
n such cases i have seen there was always a family secret behind it. You need to get to the root of it.

Your mum no try at all,I understand this issue very well cos I was once in a place like this,my dad loves me like no tomorrow and didn't care whose ox was gored about it,it almost tore I and my siblings apart while we were growing up but my mum came to the rescue,she did her best to salvage the situation and made my dad reduce the way he flaunted that I'm his favorite.

As I grew older I realized acting daddy's pet isn't good for my relationship with my siblings so I adjusted and stopped playing favorite by concealing most things my dad does for me from them just to avoid something like the one going on with your family now.

I think you need to have a meeting with your siblings and mum to talk and work it out,well you all are grown so their should be some level of maturity and understanding,what about your dad? What has been his take on the ish?

Seriously some parents don't realize how they can affect their kids life,please try and calm your sister down,your mum seriously needs to realize what she's doing before it becomes too late like aunty Debrief has said,she might not know the dangers entailed with her behavior,though I'm sure she loves and wishes you all well,its just that your bro is her favorite and she hasn't done a good job at concealing it.

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Your sister is right. Your mom should even be the one paying it back. Her son can give her the money but she should pay it back. I wonder why she dotes on him? Was he very sick as a child? I don't get it. Did you have an older brother before him that did not make it? It just seems strange. I don't believe anybody is too old to learn. I really hope that your mom has not spoiled your brother

apocalypse:

My dad is the happy go lucky type but he also feels my mum's doting on my brother isn't healthy. Knowing him well he might not interfere with the issue and just wait to see how it pans out ( actually he has done this on several occasions ).

Hmm well I won't blame the man but he should have done something more than just let it play out all along,anyways there's really nothing much you can do but call for a meeting with your siblings and mum,I support that the money be paid back but your sis should calm down and not let it turn into a feud or something. You could use the medium to table your grievances(if any) and then let your mum know what she did wasn't wise at all.

This story really touch me!

OP i can understand how you feel, but look at the positive side of it. In my family of 8, i would say am the least desired by my parents and most of my siblings when growing up, so i grew up feeling i dont do things right, hence i tend to work harder than i should have.

Today, i can tell you, that am the one my parents are looking up to for major financial backup. I don't mind at all but seriously having favorites and letting the kids know about it its something i pray i never do when i start my own family because i know how i manage to go through life.

Just overlook all that is going on, do the best you can in what area of field you are doing, i can tell you, you will be like the rejected stone that , (Cant remember the proverbs)!!

Anyway, forget about the money and focus your energy in your biz.

All the best!

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@ O.P

I will first of all start by extending my condolences to you. Your situation is a real bummer.

Now, NO MOTHER is supposed to like one kid over the other, so much so as to even pray for the success of one over the rest. The line your mother is drawing between you and your siblings would definitely come back to bite her up the ass

mutter:

Well obviously you must be doing well, if you were able to give your mother the money.

What exactly do you want from your mother? You wrote your mother LIKES your brother more.
Don`t you see you have some serious problems? The word here is LOVE.

It is wrong to expect equal financial assistance. Your mother will help according to the needs of the children and according to how she can afford it at the moment.
Maybe when giving your elder brother that money she was hoping that he will be able to assist you but that did not work out.

As a mother of grown children I can also assure you that some kids are very good at making their demands. it is love that makes a mothers heart soft and sometimes in her bid to please one she displeases the other.

If she already has to take the money from you that way it shows that she is scared of asking you directly to help your brother.
When there is love in a family, it is not about who gets what but about being there for another. That is why blood is thicker than water. If you and your sister are doing well, help your brother.
The basic problem i see in your family is lack of honest communication. You can talk to your mother about your fears . Be honest about your feelings and show her the sympathy a child should show his mother. That way she will open up to you and you would understand her better.
Do not forget parents are not without fault and they make mistakes and can be illogical like every other person walking the street.

Madam Mutter, no offence, but I think sometimes you let your personal experiences cloud your judgement. I dont see how you would NOT see anything wrong in his mother's attitude.

The fact that she shows favouritism is bad enough, but having to actually wish one child suceeds more than the other . . and say it to their hearing . . is just WRONG!

That alone is enough to make someone wonder if indeed h/she is a real part of the family.

@ Poster

What can I say? You lived through it and turned out well. Just leave her to her consience. If your sister can let go of the money, let her . . . one day, your mother will see the errors in her ways.

Ujujoan:

Madam Mutter, no offence, but I think sometimes you let your personal experiences cloud your judgement. I dont see how you would NOT see anything wrong in his mother's attitude.

The fact that she shows favouritism is bad enough, but having to actually wish one child suceeds more than the other . . and say it to their hearing . . is just WRONG!

That alone is enough to make someone wonder if indeed h/she is a real part of the family.

@ Poster

What can I say? You lived through it and turned out well. Just leave her to her consience. If your sister can let go of the money, let her . . . one day, your mother will see the errors in her ways.

Uju i totally agree, haba, how can you pray for one to succed above another? Haba, thats just so so wrong in so many ways. Pray for all your kids to succed, give them equal opporunities. How do you go and fradulently collect money from one child to give another child. just so so wrong

mutter:

Well obviously you must be doing well, if you were able to give your mother the money.

What exactly do you want from your mother? You wrote your mother LIKES your brother more.
Don`t you see you have some serious problems? The word here is LOVE.

It is wrong to expect equal financial assistance. Your mother will help according to the needs of the children and according to how she can afford it at the moment.
Maybe when giving your elder brother that money she was hoping that he will be able to assist you but that did not work out.

As a mother of grown children I can also assure you that some kids are very good at making their demands. it is love that makes a mothers heart soft and sometimes in her bid to please one she displeases the other.

If she already has to take the money from you that way it shows that she is scared of asking you directly to help your brother.
When there is love in a family, it is not about who gets what but about being there for another. That is why blood is thicker than water. If you and your sister are doing well, help your brother.
The basic problem i see in your family is lack of honest communication. You can talk to your mother about your fears . Be honest about your feelings and show her the sympathy a child should show his mother. That way she will open up to you and you would understand her better.
Do not forget parents are not without fault and they make mistakes and can be illogical like every other person walking the street.

Are you on your period?! Or are you always irrational?!

Secondly, you dont sound like a mother let alone that of grown children, cos if you were, your post would read differently. How did you miss the part of his post that read "Her prayers is for my brother to excel more than his other siblings"?! How does that reflect the evidence of a good mother? Did it occur to you that if no love exists between the siblings, its prolly because of the favoritism that is being shown by the mother towards that one child? You even went ahead to say the OP had some serious problems. If you are indeed a mother, then I am afraid for your children, cos this your line of reasoning defies reason.

@ O.P

I grew up in a house where my mum and Dads favorite kid was my lil sister. The reason for this was simply the fact that she had brains like Einstein. She always came first in class. I remember one prize-giving day in school when my sister swept up virtually all the prizes in her class, my mum actually told me "why cant you be more like your sister". My mum even went as far as telling me things like "I would grow to beg my siblings for money, and that as long as she was alive, she would make sure I never got a dime". Now I grew up hating both my sister and my mother. My Dad was the person who would always come back much later after my mum has left and tell me to relax and not take whatever she says to heart as she dosent mean it.
Well, long story short, I later had to build a relationship with my sister from scratch, because even she herself started to act like the favorite child. She was hated by all my other siblings. I had to try and repair the fences that my mum almost destroyed. Now in defense of my mum, she truly didnt know any better as she was known to let her anger becloud her better sense of judgement, but there is no doubt that her actions did cause alot of problems.
My advice to you is to try and make sure that the relationship between you and your siblings is one that is built outside of family. It has to be a bond that your mother cant break. Your mother might just be as ignorant as mine and may not be aware that she is digging a dict of separation between her kids and that it might end up swallowing her.

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apocalypse:

Thank you all for your response
The thing is I have a very good relationship with my brother ( I've always had ) but my sister is adamant ( she has always been very heady ) and although I told her to let go she says if I don't want the money then she wants her money back. I will tell her I have collected the money ( without collecting it ) but I don't want another incident happening , which is likely , so I might have to sit my mum down and talk to her.

Your sister is very right, there is nothing heady about her reaction. That action of your mom was clear cut unfair. haba, how can she collect her own money without telling her, you sister who gave you the money didnt see it fit to ask you back why would your mom go and collect her money ad give your brother. Its wrong, nothing heady anout her actions at all. I hope your mom will change her ways oh, I know you want peace but I will suggest you allow mama and your brother to pay this money, you cant keep cleaning their mistakes, how will they learn if there is someone to always pick up their slack. Allow your brother and your mom to pay back the money abeg or else this will happen again

OKIJA JUJU, it is obvious that you haven`t buried the hatchets. You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to mine, so there is no use getting rude and abusive.

apocalypse, your mother is not perfect and neither are you but as I stated earlier there is a communication problem in your family.
As regards paying back the money:

who lent you the money ? Your sister!
So you had no right to give the money to your mother, without consulting your sister. The right person to return the money to your sister is you.
Maybe your intentions were good but you caused this mix - up by not consulting with your sister before giving the money to your mum. You are a part of the family and you know about the family issues.

It breaks my heart to hear adults say things like this happened to them. i wonder if it is the hardship in raising kids that makes parents say things like these to their children. How can they possibly expect that anything good will come out of telling their children that one is better than the other. It just vexes me

@op I would advice you don't lie to your sister about collecting the money back. It's her money and your mum's deceit has not helped, every mothers' prayer is that all her kids should be successful so that non becomes a liability to the other. Even with all her prayers she still resorts to taking money from you to give to your elder brother, then there is something she is not telling you, you all need to sit and talk before it really gets out of hand.

To an extent I think I understand ur sis and ur mom is walking on a long thread she will regret later.she's lucky d remainnin 2 dat urself n ur sis didn't plan to harm ur brother due to jelousy or rage.bt leave her. Wit time she will eat back her words.however pls don't cease to love her and let's see how nemesis/destiny plays out

@ op,

I support your sister's actions.
She obviously has been observant of your mother's actions, probably made comments in the past
with no changes evident.

Using this opportunity as It's her money maybe her chance to right a wrong.
Your mother's wrong on several counts.
On this matter, obtaining money by deception from you, collecting a gift your sister had given to you,.likewise your brother is ALL WRONG.

More kudos to ur sis, as this will get worse. The reason behind the favoritism needs to be explored.

I'm glad that there's love abounding btw the three of you. There appears to be no hesitation to helping each other out even when 1 sibling appears to be doing better than the other.

It's the modus operandi exhibited by the mum here that's under question.

To the contributor (Vikin) going on , about being the chief cornerstone. It's only for a short period of time whilst they are living off your money.
The minute that stops, they revert back to type.
Parental love should never be available for sale as it is in the above example.
The minute that becomes an overwhelming factor, the bond in that family is gone.



I have seen people who have fallen for this, being burnt at the end, sometimes creating havoc in the family tree for generations now and in the future.


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