Getting Married To A Widower - Family (2) - Nairaland
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He Raped Me, Now Getting Married To My Best Friend... / Photos: The Girl Who Got Married To A Portrait Finally Replied Linda Ikeji / Adjusting To Life As A Widower (2) (3) (4)
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Nobody: 7:28pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
I like debrief's comment about getting the oldest girl as your friend, since losing mum has made her far mature above her age, that's true. I lost my mum too mid last year, and i dont think i d woman my dad is seeing will be nice. Though we all are grown adults but me think a woman that can accept a man's wooing just within 2months of his wife's demise might not be a nice woman. Maybe am emotional here. @op, go ahead and marry him, but find out why d first wife died(am not scaring you oh!, lol.) |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Humblesam(m): 7:44pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
I could be wrong, but that's what I think! thank God that's what u think. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Theblessed(f): 7:48pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
[b][size=16pt]Widow or a widower - which exactly do you want us to consider her? A widow?? Well, if a widow - my thoughts are, why on earth do people always like to enter troubled waters instead peace and quiet in their lives? Later, you'd all come out here on Nairaland, to cry wolf  Why would anyone want to marry a widow with 3 children to feed - is it because, there's scarcity of single hot blooded young women out there or you want to play a little messaiah to her and her children or what Sympathy? Sympathy has creeped in, has it?? Marrying her out of sympathy, eh?? Wrong reason, it won't last beyond your front door. And if it does, you'd regret it unless, you have your own family with her. Even with your good intentions, when the kids grow up and flew the nest, they might or might not remember and you'd be left as though - a messager and there's nothing your beautiful widow could do about it! Go get yourself a single woman without any baggage, please - there's so much trouble in this life to deal with than taking on someone else's left-over!  Or you want to do it because, you haven't got enough to pay dowry on a beautiful young woman? I'll see if I could lend you a hand in that area - lol!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, if you're looking for a role in the widow's life, why not consider helping her raise her kids by being a good Charity sponsor to them - she would reward your effort in kind, assuming she's not doing so right now hence, this degree of emotional attachement that you'd displayed here! Well, since you want to help - take a role, help her with the children's school fees at least and that would certainly show you really care, and want to help her but, making her your Mrs might not be a good move unless----! (see no.2) No. 2. If you're considering enlarging your own family/clan - go on, what a marvelous idea! That will get you really noticed!!  No. 3. Or do it if you have no family of your own at all, and no other ways of creating one yourself - that could benefit you all, in the end! At least, the kids will always remember you, as a good and fantastic dad! Good luck! [/size][/b] |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by SisiKill1: 7:52pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
Theblessed: Errr. . . WidowER. . .WI-DOW-ER!!! |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by chika98: 7:55pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
What I'm wondering is why Theblessed continues to write in such big bold font? Are we the readers blind? or is it the other way 'round? 1 Like |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Nobody: 8:38pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
Theblessed: After all the plenty talk and bolding of font she did not even address the topic of discussion. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by seal777(m): 8:40pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
@chika 98, You almost mad me hit my head on my laptop with your comment, lol!!! @poster, Time is not on your side you said?. I am not too comfortable with the affair, its much more than just loving the children as you own and been like a mother to them There is a vast different between giving love and been loved in return, been fair and receiving fairness in return, its a journey of no return or amendment as you will not like to go through it twice using the trial and error method. If your excuse is just because the young and single guys don't seem to be coming, i will advice you to get a hold on your psychology from getting you swayed from thinking you are getting too hold to be single. Its better late and done well, be cautious of possible challenges you might not envisaged which in turn might affect the true love you have for this man. GOD IS YOUR STRENGTH BECAUSE HE KNOWS BEST. 1 Like |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by vislabraye(m): 9:16pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
It would be a challenge if he has children. . Does the lady in question mind mothering another woman's child? A widower is also a human being and he has to get married. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Yemoooo: 9:20pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
@ niddamugu; am still single. I really thank you all for your comments and contributions. God bless you. I know with God all things are possible. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Lawchuks: 9:28pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
I don't usually comment on threads but will like to give you an advice based on my experience. My dad married my step mum 4 yrs after my mum passed away. I was about 13 then and our first daughter was 16. We didn't really want a step mum but since we wanted our Dad happy again, we accepted. As my Dad is very strict I would say we were very disciplined and respectful. We welcomed her(didn't call her mum though cos we didn't feel like), loved her and were at our best behavior whenever she was around but at the same time watching her(remember you'll be watched and all your actions will be interpreted by the children first). The first thing she did (which we noticed) was stopping our Dad from buying the cloth we wanted to wear for their wedding because they were expensive and "we were children". she said, they needed to save money for their wedding while buying expensive things for herself. She did some other odd behaviors which i would not mention and treated us like children of primary school age and our interests and opinions didn't matter. she would give us soured soup and made us work very hard, would report us to our Dad at little things and would call us names and even accused my younger brother of killing my mum but all these didn't really make us disrespect her until she started having issues with my Dad. We lost all respect for her when she started exchanging words with my Dad and calling him names right in front of us. Like other people have commented, love the kids and respect there interests, remember before you know it, they will be grown up and look after you. My Dad started having problems because of her bad treatment to us and the more she treated us badly, the more our Dad is being drawn to us and further away from her(currently they are separated) Communicate with the children, don't ignore them and respect their interests and opinions. Encourage their Dad to give them the best if he can afford it. Don't worry about yourself cos you will reap in the long run. Involve them in home decisions like choosing what to eat, going to market with you, help them with school work and encourage them. I tell you they wouldn't want to disappoint you if they are well behaved. Discipline them (explain why you are disciplining them and they will appreciate and apologize)and reward them for good performances. Please don't report them to their Dad all the time(only do it at extreme cases) Make the girls your friends. The truth is, they need you more than you need them so don't let them down Keep the family together by praying together. I wish you well. Remain blessed. 1 Like |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by beamed: 9:37pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
Dear Yemooon, I'm a widower too and equally scared of re-marrying. I have a son and I just wonder what kind of a woman will fit in and love my son more than his late mum. I salute your courage and I want urge you to pray more and if all works fine, pour all your love on the kids and your would be husband. Pls try and make him happy because I know what I'm going through at the moment. May God guide you through. Amen. 1 Like |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by swaggrbabe: 9:50pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
@ Debreife 08. I need ur advice on a lady having a son for a single man nd living in his house for like 3 yrs but has not proposed to marry her, is there hop of them geting married or should she quit the relationship. Note this guy is above 35yrs and has a very good job. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by waladis(m): 10:35pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
At last, god appeared to humans and said: "I have come to assess the situation of my creation. I want men to form two queues - one queue for men who dominated their women, and the other for men who were dominated by their women. Further, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk while the queues are formed" When God came back after a while, the women are gone and there are two queues. The queue for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long. In the other queue, there is only one man. God got angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you are not using what you can. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up in the other queue and made me proud. Learn from him!" The men did not give reply. "Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this queue?" The man replied, "I do not know sir! My wife told me to stand here." |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Btruth: 10:49pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
@poster, my simple advice to you is to go into that relationship with loads of love. Pure love for your husband to be, motherly love to all his kids and perfect love for the entire home. I want you to see yourself with the man as if you started the show together; don't ever see yourself as a stepmom, you need to be confident of yourself, don't be too emotional, and also, whatever happen in the home; don't rush into a negative conclusion. You need a lot of patience, perseverance and endurance. Remember, it's going to be tough in there, but also be wise to quickly realise that tough situation never last, but tough people do. Read more about a wise woman who knows how to handle her home in Proverb 31:10-31. There is nothing wrong to marry a widower, all that matter is love. Whatever you give out with love to both the man and his kids, I am sure you will definitely get back in double. I wish you all the luck. Shalom |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Theblessed(f): 11:26pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
fellis: [size=30pt]Thick head, what exactly is your problem, eh? Petty jealousy, or---? So, you're not yet blind after reading my work? Thought, you'd have been! And, if you are not, why not? Maybe this would give you the cure, you need! I d i o t, how many times would I warn you - stop reading my work, if it's causing you blindness! Or do I have to remind you of your glucoma, thick head? I command you out of my doormot now, by fire!!! PPPaaaaaasssss!!! Wanka!!!! [/size] |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Sagamite(m): 12:14am On Feb 03, 2012 |
Theblessed: OP, sorry, this is obviously a mental patient on the loose. Her nurses are running around looking for her to sedate. Na proper Weyree! |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by dasparrow: 12:39am On Feb 03, 2012 |
Na wa! |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by queensmith: 1:06am On Feb 03, 2012 |
I dont have experience, i dont have advice, but what i will say is if you love her then you go for it. You see soo many things this day and age, and the time goes by soo quickly you end up with nothing but regrets. Put aside your fears and go for what your heart trusts. Whats the worst that could happen that has never happened before? |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Outstrip(f): 2:55am On Feb 03, 2012 |
As long as you are not marrying him because you feel you have no other options. If you love him then you have to love his baggage. You have to be honest with yourself |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by kolexy(m): 3:40am On Feb 03, 2012 |
@Poster, debrief08 has said it all. @debrief, are you related to King Solomon? |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Yemoooo: 8:49am On Feb 03, 2012 |
@ Lawchuks, thanks for your contribution and advise; I reall appreciate you. God will continue to increase you in every areas of your life.[b][/b] I really appreciate everydody's contributions and comments. Thank you all and God bless. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Great9ja: 9:11am On Feb 03, 2012 |
, PLS THE HOUSE LET EVERYONE OF YOU COMMENTING DO SO WITH WISDOM OF GOD AND THE WISDOM OF THE WORLD, COS WITH GOD NOTHING IS IN POSSIBLE, MY SISTER IF YOU HAVE FIND PEACE BEEN WITH THE FAMILIES DO IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND GOD WILL REWARDS YOU, I AM WIDOWER WITH MORE CHILDREN THAT YOURS, I MET A LADY LIKE YOU AND SHE IS HAPPY WITH ALL MY CHILDREN AND I LOVE HER VERY MUCH, ALL WHAT IT TAKE SACRIFICE AND GOD WILL LEAD YOU THRU, IF WE ABIDE TO WHAT PEOPLE SAYS THE WORLD CAN,T GO ON, CHECK AND CHOOSE THE WISE WORD AND MOVE UR LIFE WITH UR MAN,,,,,,,,,AND GOD WILL BE WIT U ALWAYS. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by mutter(f): 10:03am On Feb 03, 2012 |
When i re - married I had kids and the marriage has worked out quite well. Initially it was hard for my oldest son to accept another man in my life but the younger once adjusted pretty fast. However I did tell my husband that we must always also with our mutual kids confront the kids with one voice. With time i became easy because i could already know how my husband would react on an issue and vice versa. I think my husband was just awesome. He did not make an exaggerated effort to be a father but simply gave the kids the time they needed to get to know him and reach out to him. Sometimes trying too hard can be just as bad as trying too little. He was nice to the kids but he did not demand to b a art of it all. Somewhere along the line the kids started calling him daddy on their own (except my oldest) who talks about him as his dad but would not directly call him dad. It was also difficult for me to have someone taking decisions about my kids. I really had to work on myself. No two people have the same views when it comes to raising the child. I also had to make it clear to my kids that i loved them over everything but that this was my husband and they had to respect that. The problem with kids is that you can try all you want but sometimes the kid does not want to accept you? How would you react over the years? my husband is very conservative and extremely, disciplined. as such he expected allot from the kids. Now over the years with our mutual kids he has come to understand that kids are that way sometimes. When it is not your kid you tend to be very sensitive and read meaning into things. You might find it hard to let go. You might get hurt or irritated if you think that your husband is investing too much emotion, time and money in those kids. You might find yourself comparing. Your husband too may not help matters. Is he the kind of man that would stand to you or would he have private "talks" with his kids. l |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by MissyB3(f): 10:13am On Feb 03, 2012 |
Theblessed:Lmao! I knew you were going to do this, and you can't imagine how much I like it when you do it. Each time they complain, you increase the font size. Hobson's choice - Read it or ignore it.  |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Nobody: 10:20am On Feb 03, 2012 |
LMAO Carry waka Theblessed I like your I don't send attitude, don't mind them jobless jealousy workers |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Nobody: 1:38pm On Feb 03, 2012 |
swaggrbabe:Please can you open a thread for this? Am sure so many people here will give you valuable advice and kindly provide more details. But from the little you have writen I think its time you have a talk with him and know what plans he has for you. You have lived with him for 3 years and you both have a child together so You deserve to know if he wants to marry you or not. Talk with him or if you have already spoken what reason did he give? If he wants to marry you great, if he doesnt and you want to get married then maybe its time to move on, make proper arrangements for the care of your son with him, dont use your son as a weapon or to blackkmail him, just openly and honestly talk. Cant say much now till you provide more details |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Yemoooo: 2:18pm On Feb 03, 2012 |
@ Great9ja; that alot I really appreciate you, your happiness will not turn to sorrow IJN. @ Mutter; I appreciate you too, I pray God should give me the wisdom I need to use on any matter that arises. Thanks alot and God bless you. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by swaggrbabe: 3:22pm On Feb 03, 2012 |
@debrief 08. Its not me though that's invovled its my friend. She told me he acts like he wants to marry her and loves His son so much. He takes v v gud care of his son. He is 1yr and 6mnths now yet he has not even gone to see her family. Sometimes she says his girlfriends call her. She says she hears from people that he said he will never marry her. She said she over heard him saying to some one he is looking for a house for Her cos he is now a born again and wants God to give him his wife. So she needs advise cos she does not want to be caught unawear and she reaLly want the father of her son to marry her. She is still in his house now. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Nobody: 3:42pm On Feb 03, 2012 |
swaggrbabe:Why is she hearing from people? Why cant she talk to him directly and find out what he wants? Why is she scared of him? Why would she want to marry someone she is even too afraid to communicate with? I am confused. She has been living and sleeping with him for 3 years yet she cant ask him simple questions concerning thier future, she is hearing news from outsiders. She is not even married yet oh. Anyway ask her why she is afraid of asking him about their future. Secondly, she needs to stop being desperate, build her self esteem, get a Job or something to do and stop relying on him to care for her and their son. Even I wasnt this docile. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by andyanders: 3:57pm On Feb 03, 2012 |
Well young lady, the ONLY way for you to handle this is for your TOTAL submission to God Almighty by taking and seeing those children as your own biological children. Love them as the body of Christ. You LOVE Must be TOTAL without bias. If you can handle this children and bring them up in the way of the Lord, you will have a place in the kingdom of God here on earth and in heaven. Wake up to prepare them for school. Try to welcome them home with open arms. When God blesses you, NEVER EVER be partial. Do not EVER try to let your own biological child/ren see them as different. Let your own children when they come, know them as his/her own elder ones. Note also, that you must be tempted by the devil one day. There is no way you cannot be tempted. But also display, patience, be humble, do not be quick to ANGER. Always seek for God's help and always be in prayer. Do not get annoyed even when you see them doing wrong, rather, show them love then, talk to them by counselling them. With God, you will be able carry this and He will be with you. NEVER go out and complain about their attitude. Never call them names. Never swear for them because one day, they will all become adults and any abusive words you used, will now become a topic of discuss. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by Yemoooo: 9:19pm On Feb 03, 2012 |
@ andyanders; thanks for your contribution and advise. I'll try my best and with God on my side, I know All will be Well. Thanks. |
| Re: Getting Married To A Widower by chika98: 9:24pm On Feb 03, 2012 |
Seal777: Seriously that cracked me up as well. LOL! I can't deal. Quite mental if you ask me |
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