hello dear nairalanders, I HAVE ONE PARTICULAR PROBLEM, EACH TIME MY BOY FRIEND PICKS MY CALL AND NOTICE IS A GUY VOICE AND HE DONT KNOW THE GUY E WILL GET UPSET.

AND EACH TIME HE SCROLL MY PHONE ND SAW A LOVE MESSAGE HE WILL NOT TAKE IT EASY WITH ME, INFACT IT WILL BE A SERIOUS WAR BETWEEN US.
PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ADVICE ME ON HOW TO GO ON WITH THIS.

LOVE YOU ALL

Hmmm!

he is unsafe and he has problem with self confidence

well you should let him know that you have a life outside of your relationship that is having friends etc

besides do you have anything to hide??

why would other guys be calling u n why would u have love messages on ur phone, he has every right to be pissed off, n im sure u will be if it was the other way around, doesn't really have anything to do with self confidence when its right in front of you that ur partner might be cheating on you,

Well, is it right to read your partner's emails, or open their letters? Is it right to creep after your partner, to see where they're going, or who they're meeting? Where does it end?

I don't answer my fiancee's phone, read her texts or emails, steam open her letters. Because, I trust her.

There's a trust issue here, partners are allowed to have friends of the oppositte sex. Ignore the fact there may be text's that appear suggestive. People cheated way before the advent of cell phones, and internet.

The fact is, if one wants to cheat, they will. So, you both have to make up your minds to trust each other, or go your seperate ways.

Siena:

Well, is it right to read your partner's emails, or open their letters? Is it right to creep after your partner, to see where they're going, or who they're meeting? Where does it end?

I don't answer my fiancee's phone, read her texts or emails, steam open her letters. Because, I trust her.

There's a trust issue here, partners are allowed to have friends of the oppositte sex. Ignore the fact there may be text's that appear suggestive. People cheated way before the advent of cell phones, and internet.

The fact is, if one wants to cheat, they will. So, you both have to make up your minds to trust each other, or go your seperate ways.

85% GBAM!


I may not like it, but I do not go around hiding my phone because I cannot do that all the time even when I have a lock code on it.  As for my e-mails--lai lai!  I can never share those.  Those are my "private" matters and has nothing to do with any body.  Not a matter of trust.  Everyone is entitled to some amount of privacy.  Not curious about what is in anybody's phone or email.  I am very capable of entertaining myself so no more external dramas! To each his own.

Like you said who will cheat will cheat and no amount of domestic policing can help at that stage.  Just like my privacy sometimes--my own fantasy world---no what I mean?

Besides no one is worth the stress--if im wan go make im go--no wahala na!

ima1:

why would other guys be calling u n why would u have love messages on your phone, he has every right to be pissed off, n im sure u will be if it was the other way around, doesn't really have anything to do with self confidence when its right in front of you that your partner might be cheating on you,

i don't think he has a right to be pissed off, u r not married to him, yet. other guys can call u, u do av a life outside that relationship


.

almondjoy:

85% GBAM!


I may not like it, but I do not go around hiding my phone because I cannot do that all the time even when I have a lock code on it. As for my e-mails--lai lai! I can never share those. Those are my "private" matters and has nothing to do with any body. Not a matter of trust. Everyone is entitled to some amount of privacy. Not curious about what is in anybody's phone or email. I am very capable of entertaining myself so no more external dramas! To each his own.

Like you said who will cheat will cheat and no amount of domestic policing can help at that stage. Just like my privacy sometimes--my own fantasy world---no what I mean?

Besides no one is worth the stress--if im wan go make im go--no wahala na!

true talk!!

Its very right.

$ammy:

Its very right.

How do you work that one out, Sammy? Even married couples are entitled to a degree of privacy, cell phones are NOT the reason people cheat! If they're bent on cheating, they'll cheat, regardless of whether they have a phone or not.

All you can do is trust, or split.

i got no problem if he picks it just to answer, maybe i was not around my phone. but if he picks it because he's suspicious then am against that.

That is why we have "voicemail"!   Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave me message and I will get back to you soonest!

I do not need a receptionist or a secretary no matter how in love I am.  I respect your privacy--you respect mine.  What in the world can be on the other person's phone or e-mail that I may be interested in for crying out loud?  Like I am idle or something or I am curious?  Something not done as a teenager?  A love interest or armed robbery/419 deal?  If no trust or there is a control freak problem just catch the next train to Monte Carlo! When the chips are down--water will always seek it's level--always!

Siena:

How do you work that one out, Sammy? Even married couples are entitled to a degree of privacy, cell phones are NOT the reason people cheat! If they're bent on cheating, they'll cheat, regardless of whether they have a phone or not.

All you can do is trust, or split.

Simple! Like it is a matter of life and death!   To add to what you said, people who exhibit such snooping behaviours are insecure, lack confidence/trust in themselves, are control freaks and outright jobless!

my boyfriend is like that and it's really beginning to irritate me, and when i tell him he's being insecure and lacks confidence he gets very angry, huh

Heloooo 2009DOREEN

It all depend on how u and you guy started the relationship, if u guys started well by having a full trust on ur selfs and confidence toward each other.

He should trust u that even if he goes away for years you are still with him, and you should also trust ur guy that nothing can happen even if u are not around any way, Nothing is bad ur guy reading ur the text messages and answering u phone while u are quite busy or absence or around, If you should see different love text messages from others Girls in your guy's phone won't you say he is cheating on you and get angry. what if you answer a call from u guy's fone and a lady call and ask u to tell u guy to call back when he comes that she is a friend won't u suspect him, and start acting some how?

Please build the confidence between u and ur guy, let him trust u and besure u don't cheat on him.

Heloooo 2009DOREEN

It all depend on how u and you guy started the relationship, if u guys started well by having a full trust on ur selfs and confidence toward each other.

He should trust u that even if he goes away for years you are still with him, and you should also trust ur guy that nothing can happen even if u are not around any way, Nothing is bad ur guy reading ur the text messages and answering u phone while u are quite busy or absence or around, If you should see different love text messages from others Girls in your guy's phone won't you say he is cheating on you and get angry. what if you answer a call from u guy's fone and a lady call and ask u to tell u guy to call back when he comes that she is a friend won't u suspect him, and start acting some how?

Please build the confidence between u and ur guy, let him trust u  and besure u don't cheat on him.

Maybe we should Put the question this way

IS IT GOOD TO HIDE UR TEXT MESSAGES OR PHONE CONVERSATIONS FROM UR GIRLFRIEND/WIFE?

Reply pls

as long as u've got nuthing to hide, its cool by me

but I hate it when he starts snooping around just cos he wanna find something.

Hi,

If u r faithful to him,

Why not.

Take kool.

To be very candid, i think its immature and connots lack of self-confidence. I for one detest such. really. Well my simple advice is that u tell him u do not like it. If that persist, then QUIT. there's certainly no trust.

Hazel-eyed:

my boyfriend is like that and it's really beginning to irritate me, and when i tell him he's being insecure and lacks confidence he gets very angry, huh

Please konk him!

Pk001:

Maybe we should Put the question this way

IS IT GOOD TO HIDE UR TEXT MESSAGES OR PHONE CONVERSATIONS FROM UR GIRLFRIEND/WIFE?

Reply please

No it is not good because it makes you a liar. And it looks like you have skeletons in your cupboard. Don't like that kind of "sneeky" feeling. Everyone should keep busy and stay away from other people's text messages on line or by phone. I do not hide mine. Just feel free to help yourself if so interested. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences. So I cannot fit to read any body own oh---I no wan know wetin dey for inside oh.


Because you fit see some things wen you fit tell Oba wen Bini People go begin run and you fit see some things too tell Bini people when go make Oba sef run 80-80! At your own rist I say---at your own risk. Just hold your liver for one hand and then cage your kidneys with the other cos its gunner get uglyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy---- because you fit go into shock! Curiosity will definitely kill the cat and mouse when dey find cheese.

I no send ooh!

MY FELLOW LANDERS THANKS A MILLION FOR YOUR ADVICE, I THINK AM CLEAR WITH YOUR SUGGESTION

Unless you are married or seriously engaged, he has no right to keep you away from other boys.

I cant deal with that sort of behaviour. i dont snoop around nobody and i will not tolerate anyone doing it to me either. doesnt mean i've got anything to hide. i just appreciate a bit of privacy and i accord my partner the same.

i see some hypocrisy here - someone said they are not married, hence he doesnt have the right to snoop on her - well - lets say the tables are turned and the poster is reading love messages from other women on the guys phone - i am sure most ladies will ask her to leave the guy - but now its the other way round, its a case of he doesnt have the right to do so bla bla bla.

Poster - if you like this guy and want to be with him and you don't have nothing to hide, then - feel free and be open with him - if you don't have suggestive messages on your phone - then let him satisfy himself - if he doesnt have a reason to doubt you, he wont suddenly start doubting you. Build up his trust but if you think you don't want him - just tell him and let him go - then he doesnt need to check or snoop on yah.

Seun:

Unless you are married or seriously engaged, he has no right to keep you away from other boys.

Even if you are married or previously engaged.  He still has no right to keep her from other "boys"---It just means that "things" are less negotiable and the one of the windows of the relationship has been left open for "viewing".  When people look elsewhere, it means they are still searching--married or engaged.  Satisfaction I think is no longer "guaranteed".

At this point you really do not have much of a choice but to move on.  When someone starts looking elsewhere being married or engaged--I think the hand writing is on the wall.  Salvage what is salvageable through counselling and dialogue but by no means can you "restrict" anyone's freedom to interact with others.  Things might just be happening for the "better"  since "you" may not be the one afterall. Can't blame people for searching for happiness can you?

angel101:

I can't deal with that sort of behaviour. i don't snoop around nobody and i will not tolerate anyone doing it to me either. doesnt mean i've got anything to hide. i just appreciate a bit of privacy and i accord my partner the same.

My sentiments exactly! 

@labiyemmy:

i see some hypocrisy here - someone said they are not married, hence he doesnt have the right to snoop on her - well - lets say the tables are turned and the poster is reading love messages from other women on the guys phone - i am sure most ladies will ask her to leave the guy - but now its the other way round, its a case of he doesnt have the right to do so bla bla bla.

Poster - if you like this guy and want to be with him and you don't have nothing to hide, then - feel free and be open with him - if you don't have suggestive messages on your phone - then let him satisfy himself - if he doesnt have a reason to doubt you, he wont suddenly start doubting you. Build up his trust but if you think you don't want hi - just tell him and let him go - then he doesnt ned to check or snoop on yah.

It applies to both males and females.  No snooping except you feel that someone's life is in danger.   Meaning for healthy and productive reasons.  Just like reading your kid's diary or trying to eavesdrop on their conversation.  That is outright lowdown and dirty.

but it is dirtier when your partner is cheating on you. wont you rather find out rather than being the fool as she does her dirt on you?

@labiyemmy:

but it is dirtier when your partner is cheating on you. wont you rather find out rather than being the fool and she does her dirt on you?

The act of "cheating" is dirty and it does not matter who does it first.  You will have to confront it one way or the other.  My point is that there are other ways to find out.  Usually before a partner starts cheating, there are signs and you really do not need e-mails or phone texts for that.   That is childish and you are creating rooms for lies and webweaves.  I just choose to cut through the chase.  If I suspect something--I will take ma partner to a quiet place.  The problem is when is the right time to know? 



You should be ready to deal with the consequences.  If I am not ready to know--then I do not ask.  If I am ready to know then I come up with a plan after thinking long and hard about all "possibilities".  I do not believe in fighting when not ready to go all the way.  At the right time--then I would like to know--when I know what is at stake.



After the wining and dining   and a fantastic romantic evening--since it might be "the last" just sit "it" down and look straight into the soul. Hard to lie then--the body language or even the silence confirms it all. Then you go from there.  No long talk! The defenses are down--and "it" is usually caught off guard.  Most people are more honest when you are less threatening.  No need for much grand standing or unwarranted melodrama at all! 



Just ask when "It" least expects it.  You will get your answers quickly---usually with tears first or a lump in the throat!

• This could go any which ways I mean, it depends on d level of d relatnship, I mean after 3 yrs, I cant still be hiding mjy phone from my bf, he can check all he wants2, but when he starts making mountains out of molehills it really upsets me, or if we have to quarrel bcuz someone sent a plain text, personally its bn an issue in my relationship so I just delete basically as it comes. Less talk that way

I rarely would keep secrets but if i have things he should not see, they wont be on my phone

if they are i wont stop him wat he see is wat he get- finish!
Creeping around irritates me instead of try to find out ASK
- cos i can still deny or change the story with all the facts from my phone. The more u look the less u see!

Even if i were married no sniffing !

Hmmn, I don't really see aproblem with it you know. It really depends on how close you are. Anyway what do you have to hide?
I don't mind my partner going through my phone at all.

the love messagesis what is wrong with your relationship.
if it were you that got to see love messages on his phone i know you'll do worse things than what he's doing.
be transparent. and you shot some bullets in your message.