Girls Are Evil:

First we state that girls require time and money :-
Girls = Time x Money
And we know that time is money :-
Time = Money
Therefore :-
Girls = Money x Money
Girls = (Money)^2
And because ‘money is the root of all evil’
Girls = (Evil)^1/2 x (Evil)^1/2
Girls = Evil

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Brainy Mathematicians:

guy decided to go to the brain transplant clinic to refreshen his
supply of brains. The secretary informed him that they had three
kinds of brains available at that time. Doctors’ brains were going
for $20 per ounce and lawyers’ brains were getting $30 per ounce. And
then there were mathematicians’ brains which were currently fetching
$1000 per ounce.

“1000 dollars an ounce!” he cried. “Why are they so expensive?”

It takes more mathematicians to get an ounce of brains,” she explained.

---

The CIA Test

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists……two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!”

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes.”I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, “This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

---

Interviews:
There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this “unusual” handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.

Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business.

So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.

He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was, “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” The guy said, “Now that you mention it, you have no ears.” The man got really upset and threw the guy out.

The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” This guy also noticed, “Yes, you have no ears.” The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.

Then he had the third interview. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, “Do you notice anything unusual about me?”

The guy replied, “Yeah, you’re wearing contact lenses.” Surprised, the man then asked, “Wow! That’s quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?” The guy burst out laughing and said, “Well, You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have any ears!”

---

Engineers. . .

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week, and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now, that’s cool!”

Very nice joke collection. Well done!

i feel you

Nice ones

waooo

Cool jokes

One of our family friends Mr Salami arrived UK for the first time 5 years ago.

He decided to go to Sainsburys by himself for some shopping. He was moving round the big store in awe, undecided what and what to buy when he heard the supervisor's announcement on the speaker: 'will somebody bring 'Salami' to the Deli counter'.

He couldn't believe his ears, somebody from home must have recognised him as he came into the store. He left his trolley, rushed to the Deli counter and said to the assistant: 'excuse me, 'am salami, I understand 'am wanted at the counter'.

The attendant was so shocked - 'You what?!' she said.

Am salami, the man repeated, somebody just announced my name on the speaker.

You couldn't be she said.

You see Salami is a type of sausage!!!

@original poster,nice ones.
@coolier. . . .it didnt sound as cool as your name

I agree with u ify

damn nice jokes

. . . .kronk which ones nices
which ones damn

some stuffs!


i like dem got me laffn real hrd

u try no be small

fanx big tym

u are welcome