Hmnnnnnnn - I was about asking God why he created men, then I remembered that without them, there will be no pregnancy thread so we actually need them to fertilize our egos. Ok ooo

ahnie and blessedtwins - pls try and connect with each other like blessedtwins suggested. There are several things you might not be able to share us but which you will be able to tell each other. Also, it's more effective when someone who is passing through the same thing advises you. You can be strong for each other and advise each other better.

Blessedtwins - you didn't say if you were working, if you are not, you need to as a matter of urgency, to start a business or get a job. You need to be financially independent. Redeeming yourself will even be easier for you cuz your parents are already aware of the situation and are mad at him for treating you that way. Some women are so unlucky because even their parents are not on their side.

But if you are working, my advice to you and ahnie is - it is never okay to stay with a man who physically abuses one constantly. There is a very thin line between life and death, and that line is even thinner for someone who is being physically abused. I would rather be single and be a mother to my children than die as a Mrs. Mba!

There is no hope of reconciliation between an abuser and a dead wife but there is every chance of future reconciliation between a changed man and his seperated living wife. Pls, mothers, carefully and strategically plan your exit from any man who is physically abusing you. Many women have died because they kept on persevering. It will end in praise for us all.

Chimah414 - you are in our prayers. Whatever storm you are going through will be stilled by He alone who is able to calm every storm. It is well with you.

Nkkystel - God bless you for being there for your sister. Sometimes, men like that need a stronger in-law to show them that khaki no be leather.

Deezou - how are you? My water also broke without contractions and I was told I could only be in that situation for 24 hrs maximum to avoid infections to the baby. Force them to attend to you this morning but pls ensure you use a clean toilet and change your pad frequently while you are waiting for labour to start. It will end in praise

@ahnie and @blessedtwins, I can imagine and relate with what you both are going through cos my elder sister was a victim of domestic violence.Pls never try to embellish it or give it a nice name. You are both being abused.
Sorry 4 the long story. But to both of you and any other person going through domestic violence in silence, you need help. It's a good thing you both have opened up. But is the solution really 'renting' your husband out? Then after d rent,he returns to continue on u from where he has stopped? Wise up,my sisters. Have you discussed this problem with family? What did they think/do about it?

I'm a very strong advocate of being submissive to your husband as a woman but it shouldn't be done to the point of being foolish. The man in question has to be deserving of it. And in as much as I don't like the idea of separation or divorce, I would NEVER put up with domestic violence. I believe in God and the efficacy of prayers. But for how long do you intend to pray? I believe it has gotten to the point where you should run for your dear lives and be praying for your marriage from there. It is not impossible for things to improve later.

Most men who have ended up killing or maiming their wives through domestic violence didn't do so because they planned to do it or because they completely stopped loving their wives. The problem was,one day, they allowed their rage control them to the point where they didn't know when to stop.

Pls seek for help.

Project Alert on Violence Against Women (PROJECT ALERT)

Address:21, Akinsanya Street Off Isheri Road, Taiwo Bus stop (Behind FRSC) Ojodu - Berger Lagos, Nigeria
Telephone/E-mail:      234-1-8209387; 08052004698; 08180091072
projectalert@projectalertnig.org
info@projectalertnig.org

Put a call through to them. They help with counselling. And legal assistance where necessary. If you are not based in Lagos,still call and find out if they can help out with contact of a similar foundation around where you live. It is well with you both. You'll be in my prayers. What you're going through is what I would never wish for my enemies.

Do let us know how it goes. Also be sincere with yourselves and ensure you aren't the ones provoking such acts of violence from your husbands. But then, if it's your hubbys that have a problem, then you shouldn't be at d receiving end or be their punching bags. Do take care. E hugs to you both.

Thanks for sharing goldmine. God bless.

ahnie:
Another assault this morning.he woke me up sayin he's famish,that he needs food.i told him,please i'm tired,sinc i seldomly sleep in the nyt because of our child..that z 2months and some weeks.i pleaded with him to go to the kitchen,sinc there z food,to serve himself.he refused and went to the parlour to sit.meanwhile,zino was stil cryin.he started usin negative words on me,tellin me that since the arrival of zino,i no longer wake up early to prepare food for him.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
God will not allow our words to bring more trouble in our homes.
Ahnie...ive been reading all ur post..complains etc. Sorry to say but my dear u need to sit up carry ur weapon which is the bible n no the meaning of a virtuous woman.
Serious ur complains r much is not everything ur dh dose u complain about... why did e get married to u n why did u get married to him(think about dis)..
Every body blames ur dh n never see ur fault in dis issue..1) Who dose not have problems at home who?
2) as a woman always seek for good advise not to bring ur dh so low before people
3) wen e is angry how do u handle the issue...with anger attitude or with peace expression?
Most of the advise I see is tearing me apart ...
Hmmmmm...well I see d advise as 'that's what u want to hear thot!!!!
Where is that luvly woman you were wen u guys where single.... see him off to the gate....morning kisses...huges....food on the dinni..etc...Yes a gift has come to the hus...little stress...but that shouldn't stop u from doing little just little of that romantic tins to him n also once in a while u call him n let him know ur situation...stress...etc.. he is a man e won't understand if u don't tell him not everyman knowns dis for christ sake...teach him by telling him all dis...
If I wey u, i'll never say I'm renting out my dh...to a single girl....(my dear that word is powerful)... wen the time comes now you'll be the one crying begging for advise
What is wrong for ur dh to take out of ur money...did e force u or beats u before giving him?because of litle issues #imagine all what u've said about ur wonderful..sexy...handson dh..oh no dis is not right
My dear I wish to go on but please my dear sis go n settle with ur dh even if e is at fault put down ur pride as a sweet woman n apologize...dan ltr just call him to other n chat
May God continue to see us thru n give us wisdom to control our homes. Amen

toparie:
Lmao!!! Dudunt vex. Eeeerrrmmmm, I've introduced already na. Team October, 35weeks and waddling towards my supernatural child birth

Welcome my Teamie, you name don enter register now.
35weeks already , e be like say we go compete on who go born first . Anyway, chancing is not allowed.
My fellow team October, how body? The kyn pain that woke me up this morning ehhh, I no just understand am. It will surely end in praise.

jellymom:

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
God will not allow our words to bring more trouble in our homes.
Ahnie...ive been reading all ur post..complains etc. Sorry to say but my dear u need to sit up carry ur weapon which is the bible n no the meaning of a virtuous woman.
Serious ur complains r much is not everything ur dh dose u complain about... why did e get married to u n why did u get married to him(think about dis)..
Every body blames ur dh n never see ur fault in dis issue..1) Who dose not have problems at home who?
2) as a woman always seek for good advise not to bring ur dh so low before people
3) wen e is angry how do u handle the issue...with anger attitude or with peace expression?
Most of the advise I see is tearing me apart ...
Hmmmmm...well I see d advise as 'that's what u want to hear thot!!!!
Where is that luvly woman you were wen u guys where single.... see him off to the gate....morning kisses...huges....food on the dinni..etc...Yes a gift has come to the hus...little stress...but that shouldn't stop u from doing little just little of that romantic tins to him n also once in a while u call him n let him know ur situation...stress...etc.. he is a man e won't understand if u don't tell him not everyman knowns dis for christ sake...teach him by telling him all dis...
If I wey u, i'll never say I'm renting out my dh...to a single girl....(my dear that word is powerful)... wen the time comes now you'll be the one crying begging for advise
What is wrong for ur dh to take out of ur money...did e force u or beats u before giving him?because of litle issues #imagine all what u've said about ur wonderful..sexy...handson dh..oh no dis is not right
My dear I wish to go on but please my dear sis go n settle with ur dh even if e is at fault put down ur pride as a sweet woman n apologize...dan ltr just call him to other n chat
May God continue to see us thru n give us wisdom to control our homes. Amen

Ahnie might have her own fault but are you advising her to stay in an abusive relationship (hell NO) which reasonable man beats a woman because she's no longer caring, why can't he just take a bow instead of the giving her the beating of her life why she was pregnant? woman are bound to be naughty (in my dh voice)....... Am totally against the man's attitude alhaja zainie is even more naughty than ahnie in her dairy but dh didn't maltreate her....

@zainie I love your dairy and I have every page in my head....... you made me cry and laugh out loud so much ( my self and dh read it together) God bless moyo and dh and atinuke........ E hugs

Deezou i can't wait to hear the good news. the lord is ur strength. #mother alive, baby alive husband alive and plenty money IJN# TeamSepTemBer#

toparie:
Lol... Serious late comer o. I just stumbled on this thread a few days ago

chai late comer welcome

.

@blessedtwinz,Goodmarwin i got to see your response this marwin.pls send pm,and i'll reply.i might live before Dec for Good.

tyconcepts:


Reconfirm your mail address.

Chai sorry o! I'm usually not this clumpsy.
Soonestt@yahoo.com.au

goldmine:thank you.though mum too is late but her sisters are aware.I want help.My elder sister who was a close friend of his doesn't talk with me anymore because I stayed in the marriage after things broke down in January.Its not that I want to stay but my dad doesn't approve leaving is the only thing bothering me now.I am not working yet but I am still searching for a teaching job prefarably on the mainland.The one I got on the Island is on hold till April due to pregnancy.
ahnie:pm sent
Kimoni and nkkystel thank you for being there.I feel so lonely.

Kimoni:


see how missmalachi spoil market for me

you for credit my account today

He he he he he too bad

blessedtwins:
goldmine:thank you.though mum too is late but her sisters are aware.I want help.My elder sister who was a close friend of his doesn't talk with me anymore because I stayed in the marriage after things broke down in January.Its not that I want to stay but my dad doesn't approve leaving is the only thing bothering me now.I am not working yet but I am still searching for a teaching job prefarably on the mainland.The one I got on the Island is on hold till April due to pregnancy.
ahnie:pm sent
Kimoni and nkkystel thank you for being there.I feel so lonely.

The lord is your strength. ..... it is well sis

These heartbreaking stories...
I feel women in abusive relationships and marriages know what to do often times but for their children and other environmental factors they choose to ignore.

I know 3 close people who were in abusive home
One of them left after her children were all grown and graduates ... Imagine how many years of torture she endured... And the man still remarried
The other one left after like a year or two of abuse... She refused to get pregnant for him while she plotted her exit strategy...He practically drained her but she left and is happily married with kids now.
The third stayed it took him experiencing her in childbirth (I mean staying in d labour room and see d pains she went thru to give birth) for him to change... They have more kids together and are happy.

Ok Then "some" women who are married to men much more older than them shld be ready to dish out respect and services like he's their Dad. I think mainly becos the age difference gets into their heads.
I'm speechless... I don't even know what to say.

Abuse is like a character or habit if u tolerate it, You have given the "abuser" a go ahead with d habit or character.

Whatever we tolerate in our homes good or bad is what might come and stay.

We were thought something... That we shld show our babies love and care at d same time show our husbands d same measure of love and care. I don't have experience here.... But I read and have tried to tune/prepare my mindset in that direction.
MEN ARE BABIES whether we like it or not....

So many times we women and rude or nasty most times intentionally .... It takes a disciplined man to ignore.. Then now reading some women are beaten because of something we have done time and time again is enough to kiss and appreciate our husband.

The women who died from abuse didn't die intentionally... It was always a mistake as d man was beating her. Or she just slumped and hit her head... Painful thing is the men mostly remarry

I can't encourage a woman to endure abuse, same time I can't encourage a woman to leave her home... It's just crazy. May God grant both of u and other women out there d wisdom to handle whatever it is and decide correctly.

I'm sorry for the long post..

tyconcepts:

Sent.

Kindly send a copy to formailsalone(at) gmail.com

Kai, after reading thru, I take back wot ave written o. This is actually more than I thought. Annie, goldmine has said it all. I just pray God will give u and blessedtwins d divine wisdom 2 handle ds

Let's not forget to appreciate our husbands o.... And continue to pray to God... You might never know the bullshit or nastiness you dish out to ur DH till u read someone's story

pragmatistm:
Kindly send a copy to formailsalone(at) gmail.com

Done.

Kimoni:
Hmnnnnnnn - I was about asking God why he created men, then I remembered that without them, there will be no pregnancy thread so we actually need them to fertilize our egos. Ok ooo

ahnie and blessedtwins - pls try and connect with each other like blessedtwins suggested. There are several things you might not be able to share us but which you will be able to tell each other. Also, it's more effective when someone who is passing through the same thing advises you. You can be strong for each other and advise each other better.

Blessedtwins - you didn't say if you were working, if you are not, you need to as a matter of urgency, to start a business or get a job. You need to be financially independent. Redeeming yourself will even be easier for you cuz your parents are already aware of the situation and are mad at him for treating you that way. Some women are so unlucky because even their parents are not on their side.

But if you are working, my advice to you and ahnie is - it is never okay to stay with a man who physically abuses one constantly. There is a very thin line between life and death, and that line is even thinner for someone who is being physically abused. I would rather be single and be a mother to my children than die as a Mrs. Mba!

There is no hope of reconciliation between an abuser and a dead wife but there is every chance of future reconciliation between a changed man and his seperated living wife. Pls, mothers, carefully and strategically plan your exit from any man who is physically abusing you. Many women have died because they kept on persevering. It will end in praise for us all.

Chimah414 - you are in our prayers. Whatever storm you are going through will be stilled by He alone who is able to calm every storm. It is well with you.

Nkkystel - God bless you for being there for your sister. Sometimes, men like that need a stronger in-law to show them that khaki no be leather.

Deezou - how are you? My water also broke without contractions and I was told I could only be in that situation for 24 hrs maximum to avoid infections to the baby. Force them to attend to you this morning but pls ensure you use a clean toilet and change your pad frequently while you are waiting for labour to start. It will end in praise

thanx my dear sister.

@Deezou, it shall all end in priase Teammie.
#teamseptember4supernaturaldeliveries

@jellymom I beg to differ. Her complaints are valid. There's no sugar coating this. It's pure domestic violence that's gone on for sometime, worse still whilst she was pregnant... Like what kind of man does that?!!? I thinks it's most unrealistic to expect that she'd do the same things she did as at when they were single to now that she's with child. Going through the 40 weeks of pregnancy is not beans and then the responsibility of taking care of a vulnerable child that's totally dependent on you for everything takes it toll on a woman, and it only takes an understanding husband to see her through it. She needs love and attention not constant battering and nagging. No way hosay!!!!
I agree that her saying she wants to rent out the husband is trivialising the issue but it's definitely not one to be ignored or swept under the carpet nor taken lightly because we all know - not necessarily from experience that domestic violence kills emotionally and sometimes physically too. So please be empathetic in your advise and put yourself in her shoes.

[quote author=jellymom post=37749619]
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
God will not allow our words to bring more trouble in our homes.

lol.... Tankooooo

firsttymum:
chai late comer welcome

Tyconcepts, tnx. Hv gotten it. Sorry for the trouble.
A blessed week to all the bumping mums in the house

Deezou hw fr? God is with u dear.

Abeg my Sabi mamas, ave bin wanting 2 ask ds question since buh shame dey catch me FTM tins. Ds cleaning of tips, hw does one do it? Is it d normal bathing? Is it compulsory?
Secondly, does one wear pad wen in Labour? If yes, woh kinda pad? Always or d maternity pad?

Virtuouswife:
Deezou hw fr? God is with u dear.

Abeg my Sabi mamas, ave bin wanting 2 ask ds question since buh shame dey catch me FTM tins. Ds cleaning of tips, hw does one do it? Is it d normal bathing? Is it compulsory?
Secondly, does one wear pad wen in Labour? If yes, woh kinda pad? Always or d maternity pad?

U clean with cotton wool nd olive oil nd draw d tips out. It not only cleanses d tips but makes it ready for breas.tfeeding so dat u won't have cracked nipples.

As for maternity pad, i guess it's needed only wen ur water breaks or u r loosing ur mucus plug. I didn't use it coz my water was manually broken just before delivery

firsttymum:
my dear.... It's a wonderful book... I sleep better, my eating has improved.. Just by speaking to my body .... I'm glad you like the book. God b praised

mama,abeg,i wil also lyk 2av d book, i snt a msg 2ur email,wil snd my email add 2ur email,,,

Virtuouswife:
Deezou hw fr? God is with u dear.

Abeg my Sabi mamas, ave bin wanting 2 ask ds question since buh shame dey catch me FTM tins. Ds cleaning of tips, hw does one do it? Is it d normal bathing? Is it compulsory?
Secondly, does one wear pad wen in Labour? If yes, woh kinda pad? Always or d maternity pad?

I was actually thinking of the same thing yesterday. Also, what are we suppose to use for the cleaning.

smokeydrinky:


U clean with cotton wool nd olive oil nd draw d tips out. It not only cleanses d tips but makes it ready for breas.tfeeding so dat u won't have cracked nipples.

As for maternity pad, i guess it's needed only wen ur water breaks or u r loosing ur mucus plug. I didn't use it coz my water was manually broken just before delivery

Now I understand. Thanking you very much *in jenifa's voice *

happymama:

mama,abeg,i wil also lyk 2av d book, i snt a msg 2ur email,wil snd my email add 2ur email,,,

sweetie I don't have d e copy... I only have d hard copy. Pls ask tyconcepts or soonesst

soonest:
Tyconcepts, tnx. Hv gotten it. Sorry for the trouble.
A blessed week to all the bumping mums in the house

Pls send me a copy too. fatimabwaje@gmail.com

smokeydrinky:


U clean with cotton wool nd olive oil nd draw d tips out. It not only cleanses d tips but makes it ready for breas.tfeeding so dat u won't have cracked nipples.

As for maternity pad, i guess it's needed only wen ur water breaks or u r loosing ur mucus plug. I didn't use it coz my water was manually broken just before delivery

Now I understand. Thanking you very much *in jenifa's voice *