Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage - Romance - Nairaland
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| Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Pinkzs(f): 11:31am On Mar 15, 2012 |
I have been married for 9years with 3kids. My marriage is ok but theres no spark in our love life. Anytime i bring up the issue of lack of intimacy between us he claims theres no problem between us. We maintain separate bedrooms & i feel that contributes but he doesnt want us to maintain one. We make love only when he feels like it & even then its onesided cos its over when he has climaxed. I know he cares about us but i dont feel any love on his part. I dont here the words "I LOVE YOU". I have sort of resigned myself to fate but its getting to me. I have tried repeatedly to talk about it but its pushed aside passively. Isnt marriage meant to be enjoyed? I am not enjoying my marriage. PLS WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK? (Pls serious contributions only) |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Rhymez(m): 11:35am On Mar 15, 2012 |
Pinkzs: I have been married for 9years with 3kids. My marriage is ok but theres no spark in our love life. Anytime i bring up the issue of lack of intimacy between us he claims theres no problem between us. We maintain separate bedrooms & i feel that contributes but he doesnt want us to maintain one. We make love only when he feels like it & even then its onesided cos its over when he has climaxed. I know he cares about us but i dont feel any love on his part. I dont here the words "I LOVE YOU". I have sort of resigned myself to fate but its getting to me. I have tried repeatedly to talk about it but its pushed aside passively. Isnt marriage meant to be enjoyed? I am not enjoying my marriage. PLS WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK? (Pls serious contributions only)was he forced to marry you? Did u guys dated before he married u? Pls I need ur answers. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Pinkzs(f): 11:41am On Mar 15, 2012 |
We dated for 4years & things were going very well. I dont know what caused the change cos he claims all is well. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by slimyem: 11:49am On Mar 15, 2012 |
this is a really big deal! maybe you should find out the things that used to make it lively when you first got married to him. then you should start spending nights in his bedroom and move back in gradually. organise picnics and romantic dinners just for you and him. then i think you should present your case in the family section...they'll be much more helpful. goodluck!  |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Pinkzs(f): 12:04pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
@slimyem. Thank you. I appreciate your mature advise. I'l give it a try but i know there will be resistance on his part cos in d past i tried organizing outings 4 us but he wasnt interested, i tried doing the things we did while dating but i end up feeling embarassed cos of his nonchalance. But i'l be more forceful this time cos i want things to work. Thanks |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by mikuz(m): 12:11pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
In plain text : your husband is cheating on you. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by stepo707: 12:48pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
mikuz: In plain text : your husband is cheating on you.And How do you know that? |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Nobody: 12:55pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
Moderators help her move this to the family section. She would get wiser and more mature responses there. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by zitel(f): 2:04pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
Romance doesn't come naturally to many guys. they are told from an early age to be strong, don't cry, take it like a man.....i.e. to hide their feelings. Keep yourself in shape. Go for a few runs every week, so he stays interested. I don't know if you do or not but make sure you don't neglect your own physical self. Wear a light perfume in the night and just a long t shirt with no bra n panties.go to his bedroom. seduce him. Initiate sex'. Cuddle him. Kiss him. don't be shy And you will see the spark developing into a raging fire.try to (Switch it up and be creative in bed , that should wake him up.also Try doing things like sexy role play. Hopefully that spices things up |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by MrsChima(f): 2:06pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
Pinkzs: I have been married for 9years with 3kids. My marriage is ok but theres no spark in our love life. Anytime i bring up the issue of lack of intimacy between us he claims theres no problem between us. We maintain separate bedrooms & i feel that contributes but he doesnt want us to maintain one. We make love only when he feels like it & even then its onesided cos its over when he has climaxed. I know he cares about us but i dont feel any love on his part. I dont here the words "I LOVE YOU". I have sort of resigned myself to fate but its getting to me. I have tried repeatedly to talk about it but its pushed aside passively. Isnt marriage meant to be enjoyed? I am not enjoying my marriage. PLS WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK? (Pls serious contributions only) Make sure you do not divorce or otherwise you will be labeled as a Westerner.  Stay in your miserable marriage to avoid shame from your people. Just keep trying and hopefully it will get better. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by thehunted(m): 2:14pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
hmmmm[i][/i] |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by omega25red(m): 2:19pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
Pinkzs: I have been married for 9years with 3kids. My marriage is ok but theres no spark in our love life. Anytime i bring up the issue of lack of intimacy between us he claims theres no problem between us. We maintain separate bedrooms & i feel that contributes but he doesnt want us to maintain one. We make love only when he feels like it & even then its onesided cos its over when he has climaxed. I know he cares about us but i dont feel any love on his part. I dont here the words "I LOVE YOU". I have sort of resigned myself to fate but its getting to me. I have tried repeatedly to talk about it but its pushed aside passively. Isnt marriage meant to be enjoyed? I am not enjoying my marriage. PLS WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK? (Pls serious contributions only)Poster this is what i fear most about marriage. Im sorry to hear that your man is not more interested in working on the issue at hand but im sure there are somethings you can do to get him interested again (i said that because seems like you are more concerned) 1. im sure after three kids the body is not the same as it was when you guys hooked up so exercise and get back in shape or at least start working on that 2. Figure out a way to get back to one bedroom with your husband because i find it odd that you both have a separate bedroom 3. kill him with kindness 4. when you guys do make love you can slow him down. it's your body tell him to talk dirty to you or learn some new bedroom tricks that might intrigue him 5. be mysterious that way he would have questions in his head and pay you more attention 6. you can take sex from him just like he does to you. As in when you feel Hot you take some of the new tricks like giving him a blow to get him aroused and taking the sex from him then stop before he cums and go to your bedroom. Things like that would blow his mind basically you are both in a rut and you need new things to spark up the relationship i wish you the best |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Pinkzs(f): 4:10pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
Thank you all for your advice. Divorce is totally out of the question. After 3kids i look like i havent given birth to even 1 so its not in terms of been out of shape. Its my kids & job that keeps me going. But all the same i'l keep on doing my best & praying to GOD 2 turn him around cos the more i try 2 liven things up it gets thrown back in my face. When i go 2 his bedroom he doesnt touch me when i lie beside him. Its really frustrating thats why i tend to stay on my own now. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Rhymez(m): 5:11pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
Dont complain yet. Just give him a surprise gift(for a start). |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by mikuz(m): 5:18pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
stepo707:there is no other reasonable explanation there is to it. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Idowuogbo(f): 6:12am On Mar 16, 2012 |
Awwwwwh cutie! I sense dis is biting deep, have u had conversations wiv his closest friend or his parents? Darling don't seat dia telling urself it's acceptable No!!!!! u shud act afterall he's ur husband.U need to lay ur hands on dat thing dats making ur relationship shady, u also shouldn't have bought d idea of sleeping in separate rooms.I think u got him used to not having you next to him, probs y u get d woeva treatment wen you complain about not bin intimate.Gal move ur shitz bck into his bedroom, tease and get all freaky y u dere.I no something turned him on about you, re-trace dat tin and work magic.Think out d box and do stuff extremely extra-ordinary if u have to, ur man must touch u it's important. Goodluck! |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by tellwisdom: 8:23am On Mar 16, 2012 |
Mrs.Chima: Miserable   What da fucckkk is this big yansh talking about?? |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by tellwisdom: 8:25am On Mar 16, 2012 |
Op, give me your number let me advise you |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Nobody: 8:39am On Mar 16, 2012 |
@OP let me get this straight: you tell your husband that something is NOT right in the bedroom, he replies that everything is ok, AND YOU JUST ACCEPT IT?! why didnt you simply tell him what is bothering YOU? or is marriage only about men in your world? also, keep God out of your bedroom affairs, and instead face the facts at hands: your hubby is not sexually attracted to you any longer and probably bored of mounting you. the fact that you havent changed physically is irrelevant IF YOU DONT UPGRADE YOUR BEDROOM GAME. here is my question to you: - what have YOU done lately to bring sparks into your r/ship? - have you ever told your hubby about what you fantasize about or DESIRE in the bedroom? saying that there is a problem in your union is only half the problem, if you have no solution for it. - how do you expect your hubby to know that something is wrong if you cant even talk to him openly, like adults do? - if YOU have given up on the problem at hand, why would you expect him NOT TO do the same? as for separate bedrooms: let me offer you my condolences, really! |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by coderXO(m): 10:27pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
Write him a lover letter, only to be read after he leaves the house for work. Tell him (in your own words) how much you love and adore him- and how your inner woman is passionately yearning his caress. get some badass lingerie. take care. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Killz3(m): 1:42am On Mar 17, 2012 |
mikuz: In plain text : your husband is cheating on you.What a fccked up lame asss dumb deduction. . . Who let these mor[i]o[/i]ns out on the romance board? OP, Take the game to him. . . Don't wait till he comes to you. Damn. It's not a crime to seduce your husband.  Perfumes, attire, make up. . . Make him want the hell out of you. Dress like Nicki Minaj if you have to. . .  Tell him you love him instead of waiting for him to say it. Which do you prefer? Hearing "I love you" or actually feeling that love? You don't need to talk about nada. Talking at this stage could seem like nagging. . . Action pls. . . Action. He'll initiate the talk later. Send the kids away for weekends if you have to. . . Make him fall in love with you again. How did you make him fall in love the first time? Forget eba and fufu and feed him ice cream Be more creative. Look for other places to hav[i]e[/i] sex than your bedroom alone. Tell him what you want and how you want it. Are you shy of your hubby again?  Send him sensual text messages while he's away and make him realize how bad you are missing him and how you can't wait for him to come back and in the shower, etc. Get pet names and unleash them on him. Cockroach in my tea blah blah. Talk more in slow whispers brb. . .  |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by 9lifes(m): 9:53am On Mar 17, 2012 |
it's really a difficult situation to be in especially when only one party is seeking for the solution. OP,from your reply i don't think you guys communicate very well,even before your marriage.Something is just wrong somewhere..this story is not complete.If his current behavior is not something you are used to,then i feel he is cheating or having an emotional affair and the guilt due to his love for you is creating an emotional distance between you guys.(just my idea,i may be totally wrong). it's had to find a solution when both parties are not involved.You have to speak out,you have to scream until he hears you.Until he gets involved,it is really going to be hard,get him to listen to you,you have to speak out so you don't die in silence. Be strong,everything will be fine. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by ayanfemy(f): 11:01am On Mar 17, 2012 |
A wife n three kids? Sure the man has a lot of things on his mind that is drastically reducing his libido! Cld also be midlife crises or menopause! get to know d things he s passing thru and assist in profering workable intelligent solutions! |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by LordReed(m): 6:10pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
@Pinkz Was this separate bedroom thingy that way from the beginning? If not who suggested it? For me this is one reason I won't support separate bedroom for husband and wife. It allows couple to diverge emotional too easily. If its you who brought it up I suggest you cancel the arrangement immediately. Another thing is you can't tell me you don't know what to do to get your husband's attention. Doesn't he have stuff he enthuses about? Sports? News? Movies? Drinking? Food? Unless your husband is the most boring guy on earth there has to be something he does to relax. My suggestion is find a new joy in sharing this his 'chillaxing' activity. Don't fake an enthusiasm for something you have no passion for but rather make it about sharing each others presence - be happy he is happy. Also don't put any romantic pressure on he during such times rather seek to know why he likes the activity and try whatever you can to make it even moreso ie he likes soccer? Bring him some fried pepper chicken and a cool drink and sit down to enjoy it with him, you can even make a do of feeding him. Get creative you have many options; do not despair its a part of the circle of our emotions for us to let the flame drop but then you must realise that work is at hand. Another thing is like MrbrownJay said your bedroom game has to change. When things start make your man now that if you don't get satisfaction you ain't going on thrust me a man aroused will do his damnedest to please you so he too can be satisfied. Afterword HINT (romance is above being coy, no open all ya mouth) at how much you enjoyed the difference. There are no easy cuts to a solution Pinkz, this is like a dirty bathroom someone has to go in and work. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by ITbomb(m): 6:37pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
naijasexy: Moderators help her move this to the family section. She would get wiser and more mature responses there. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Apawa(f): 7:59pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
Pinkzs: I have been married for 9years with 3kids. My marriage is ok but theres no spark in our love life. Anytime i bring up the issue of lack of intimacy between us he claims theres no problem between us. We maintain separate bedrooms & i feel that contributes but he doesnt want us to maintain one. We make love only when he feels like it & even then its onesided cos its over when he has climaxed. I know he cares about us but i dont feel any love on his part. I dont here the words "I LOVE YOU". I have sort of resigned myself to fate but its getting to me. I have tried repeatedly to talk about it but its pushed aside passively. Isnt marriage meant to be enjoyed? I am not enjoying my marriage. PLS WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK? (Pls serious contributions only)I didnt hear fighting n insult.my advice is stick to your marriage and device a means of romance again.gudluck |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Nobody: 8:19pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
@ poster, what is wrong here is that its only you seeking to get close with your partner again. And people suggesting that you seduce him etc etc would, IMO ,make you feel like a begger.It seems to be about a mutual lack of communication and cosideration. Youre husband does not understand what you are feeling right now or else he doesnt care to.And that he is ok with things the way they are says there is definatly something wrong.I can only suggest you sincerly tell him how you feel, what you need, and that you miss being close with him.Be confident, and then its up to him to respond. Best of luck to you! |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by thaira(f): 2:06pm On Mar 19, 2012 |
OP, I feel you though to a lesser extent, my marriage is less than two years and already I have to devise all sort of tricks to get my husband to look my way. He's not great at expressing emotions, I guess like most men so I look to the non verbal cues. Now I know to never ever allow him Keep another bed. |
| Re: Lack Of Romance & Intimacy In My Marriage by Nobody: 2:21pm On Mar 19, 2012 |
dis is wat happens wen dem jus dump one girl from village enter ur house and force u make u marry am  |
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