Hi house. Thanks for your contributions once again. It is really appreciated. I like the mature advice & its natural to differ in our views cos we are different. I'l sieve through the contributions & try out the suggestions. Thank you. @maclatunji- i couldnt stop laughing with tears running down my cheeks & even forgot i had a dilemma on my hands. Thanks 4 making my day. Cheers!

Pinkzs: Hi house. Thanks for your contributions once again. It is really appreciated. I like the mature advice & its natural to differ in our views cos we are different. I'l sieve through the contributions & try out the suggestions. Thank you. @maclatunji- i couldnt stop laughing with tears running down my cheeks & even forgot i had a dilemma on my hands. Thanks 4 making my day. Cheers!

It makes me happy to know that you are happy.

agiboma:

Ahh yes an all to familiar story one that I know too well, in short this relationship is the exact same thing as mine except we still sleep in the same bed. Well I can see that you have tried and its easy for some folks on here to say do this, do that, but until they are in the enviornment and see the constant rejection they truely wont understand. My sister i feel for you and your not alone in this many women are suffering like yourself. I can't give advice becuase i have not even found a good solution for my own problem but what i can tell you is what is working for me now: try and be happy for yourself, dont depend on this man for happiness, like if your kids are laughing or being silly do they same, learn to laugh again. I also made my hubby open a business for me so that is keeping me busy these days. For example do things with your kids and invite them out to the playlands, where they have games, ask hubby to come along, before you know it he will be playing with the kids and having a good old time. Talk to him about the good old days when you guys where dating and how he use to make you feel.

Me and my hubby have also been together for 9 years and i know how hard it is to keep the flame alive after having children. I really think the first step is to move back into his room, some nights if he does not want sex just ask him to hold you, or do other things and one thing may lead to another. I am no expert but im just sharing with you some of the things im doing and hopefully they can help you. Everyday try to look at him as a human being and not the SOURCE OF YOUR LIFE MISERY. This has allowed the peace to remain in my house. I know it seems like you are doing all the work, but with that type of husband its sadly the only way to go. ALso are you certain there are no other women involved, that may also be distracting his attention he gives to you?

chaircover: ajibgoma I try not to cross you on this forum because I know that you are going through a lot, I havent walked in your shoes and I dont have any answers for you and so even though I dont agree with your stand, I just let you be.

However, I need to speak up when I feel that some of your advice may cause more problems that solve.

Many Mother-in-laws from hell giving their daughters in law grief started like this. They had issues with their husbands and so decided to focus on their children (especially their sons) and made their children their "husbands"

When the sons decide to get a life of their own these mothers refuse to let go and then become wife number one to their sons. Nothing the wife does is good enough and they cant live without their sons. Their whole life revolves round their sons giving the ,an no chance to breathe.

@poster, you are married to your husband and not your children. Your children have their own lives to live.

Go back, sit down and have a long think about why your husband has changed/changing. Very few men refuse sex with their wives so you need to work out why: is he seeing someone else, does he suspect that you are cheating on him, does he have erectile problems, does he have a low seex drive, is he in some cult or something, do you turn him off etc. You need to be proactive & honest with yourself and explore all the possibilities and only then can you tackle the problem from source.

Una see am too Richvkunt Utilised my searchlight/binoculars/microscope to go thru Agiboma's post, yet nowhere did she even mention "using Children as a crutch" once Asking rhetorically, what crime did this Agy lady commit/when is she gonna be let off Dang. . .

@BB lol girl i been missing you how u b

All i can say is what i'll do in this situation- 'hypootheticals'

I cannot accept being in a marriage with no love- i will rather be alone.

I cannot accept the sexx ending when only he has climaxed:- i might as well have se with myself

I do not like a laid back attitude or non chalantness in matters involving the relationship- if i take it seriously he should to.

Children or no children, they are meant to make your life better not wreck it.

Communication is the no1 thing, let it be known how you feel, he may not have noticed.

People often suggest working overtime or fighting for a mans love- i dont encourage it. He will perceive it as smothering and will never appreciate it. Also i think hes meant to care as much as you do. If he doesn't theres a problem.

I'd suggest therapy or counselling or whatever it's called, he might be stressed. That way a 3rd party can tell you if your the one being paranoid or if you really need to fix up.
Arrange a holiday, send the kids somewhere and spend time alone together. The busy work schedules might be what is pulling you apart.
I think thats about all i will do before i send him packing until he's ready to behave. Lol. Marriage is not a clean house for you to eat and sleep in!

agiboma: @BB lol girl i been missing you how u b

I'm cool and calm and collected like a swan on the surface of a water yet paddling like crazy underneath wishing for more hours in a day, thanks for asking, how are you too

And i agree with bb- ccs post was a bit to personal. You could have gone with.....i disagree because. Rather than make obvious judgements on how she lives her life. Also she didnt actually ask for a psych evaluation of her life she just stated her opinion.

chaircover: Yes you ladies are right; maybe I was too quick to pounce; and If her post hadnt been modified, then I must have read between the lines & picked up on previous posts of hers which have mentioned about staying in her present relationship only for her son. I was only speaking from experience (not my personal experience) about the MIL's who find it difficult to let go because they have sacrificed so much happiness for their kids over the years.

From a woman to another woman even though she says that she needs no pity and fully knows what she is doing, I do feel for her as it seems so unfair and that and that was what I said in the first line or so of my post.

Like I said, I am not here to fight anybody; however we all cant agree all of the time. we are all not genetically cloned lol. I dont really put faces to people; just usernames & thats simply what everyone is to me; So its nothing personal.

She did not modify her thread, but its cool, "its just the way you interpreted her innocent comment about "one needing to be in the OP's shoe to feel where it pinches" that sent you off in a tizzy, but she ended it with "you have to face constant rejection to know" . . .

queensmith:
I think thats about all i will do before i send him packing until he's ready to behave. [size=14pt]Lol. Marriage is not a clean house for you to eat and sleep in![/size]

Send "him" packing ke, you have spent too long overseas

Exactly why do Naija men treat their matrimonial homes like a bed and breakfast hotel!

chaircover: Lets just blame seun and his new nairaland. Now I have to put on my glasses to see things. BTW who said anything about constant rejection?

and where is the spellcheck?

She said "one has to face constant rejection. . ."

Your goggles is due for a change if you cannot see the "spellcheck" button just right beside the "submit" button, unless you commoners are still using NL2 whilst we in yabaleft are already on NL8

chaircover: NL8 Ke? The only button beside the submit button is "follow this topic" no spellcheck button o!

I think I am getting too old for this malakey. BTW Do age concern do a forum?

You have to trust me when I tell you the spellchecker is directly on top of the submit button, lol.

Facebook is now for golden oldies, the more youngies wave goodbye to the website crossing over to Twitter, the more silver surfers are joining.

I remember a friend yarning me that her Mum joined and its been one complaint(advice) or the other, like telling her to remove pictures of her children because of "awon aiye", then poking her nose into her friend's list and who she should be talking to and the number of male friends she has and how she forgot to respond to a comment and my friend shakes her head at her Mum who is still baffled as to why the rest of her kids refuse to accept her friend's request

My Mama too don join FB and BB, and she has been asking for my pin since, I told her "Mummy I am coming oh", BB pin ko, BB nail ni

Busy_body:

Send "him" packing ke, you have spent too long overseas

Exactly why do Naija men treat their matrimonial homes like a bed and breakfast hotel!

Lol! Yes nau,

Who said only a man can send a woman packing!

chaircover: Awon omo aiye isin o leko rara and then he has the guts to be asking me for £40 to buy pencil trousers

looooool! thats funny!

dont blame him please- i added my dad but he cannot see anything but my info page, did that with my whole family, cant be having him getting a heart attack on my fb rants!

chaircover: Oya Bisi abeg show me the spell check o! & while you are there please explain what the friends function does cos Im getting requests and dont know what to do with them. better still open a new thread for us fuddy duddys "an idioots guide to the new nairaland"

You are right o! about facebook, my son came off it ages ago cos he compained that we his parents were on it. He even refused to link to us as his parents on FB. Awon omo aiye isin o leko rara and then he has the guts to be asking me for £40 to buy pencil trousers

Ehn, why won't he leave FB, when your amebo self is interested in catching and dealing with any potential girlfriend.

Abeg waka.

[s]CC has just insulted my beautiful and well loved pencil shaped jeans. I no wear again[/s]. BB borrow me your akwa-oche trouser ejo. I cannot fitn't shout

EHN railuway workers. By their fruits [BB and CC we shall know them. Me I promised Mukiki to be a good abiding nairaland citizen I promised not to curse, insult or derail a thread and I have so far kept my side of the contract. Even BB and her iyalode backside will not make me deviate. I am a conqueror

Ehn the above is not derailing oo but part of my well thought out answer to the topic.

No intimacy no marriage. Infact it is advisable for every woman during courtship to unzip her man's pants and do a vital signs check on the yekini by weighing the size, temperature, width, breathe, check the pulse per min, oxygen level, capillary refill and respiration.

[size=14pt]Failure to do the above will lead to un-satisfaction in marriage as the yekini could have suffered a prolapse due to in-efficiency. Hear me my fellow women, hear me. For what shall it profit a woman if she marries wealth, X5, RR Evoque( ) and good looks and forever loses kpekus? [/size]

No be my fault if this happens.

did someone call?

Agiboma,i'm on ur team girl. I like your individuality. U are not one of her disciples. Dey even call her madam now a faceless madam. what a joke!
@ OP, Seriously, a lot of marriages are going in the same direction worldwide. Just do ur thing and be happy. Someday the man will come around. It's tough trying to win another persons luv. It's either they're interested or they ain't. If you have kids channel ur energy there. We men could be confused sometimes but we still knw those we care about.

Dnt mind dem. Imagine d bad belle people getting jealous of her royal highness. E nor go better for those peasants.

^
lol. Women, dnt u just luv dem. Kidding with u ma'am. No beef o. Na play i dey.

^Gaggi, no be play you dey play, na tease you dey tease (Wetin be d difference abi?). Meself no know.

U get sense of humour sha.

maclatunji: ^Gaggi, no be play you dey play, na tease you dey tease (Wetin be d difference abi?). Meself no know.

U get sense of humour sha.

A man will always be a man. Thanks for seeing the playful side.

I feel you. Am married for 12years with 4 kids, and sex is NEVER the same as the years go by because of stress of surviving in Nigeria.

Living in separate bedroom, is a NO-NO! Move in back! If he likes, let him don't have sex with you, but in the middle of the night when

he makes contact with your warm body, he might get aroused. OR if you want it, you seduce him with feathering kisses, whisper words in

his ears.....and see what would happen.

As for communication, men generally are not programmed to be talkative like we women. Discuss with him any important issue concerning the family,

and staying in the same bedroom, gives chance for pillow talks, whether he listens or not! He would soon get used to your voice and look

forward to it.

Then find how to entertain yourself! Not necessarily, transferring ALL your attention on your children. Read, watch films, browse and visit places

that interest you.

Please don't live your life around your husband and get closer to God. HE is our comforter.

WHAT:
I feel you. Am married for 12years with 4 kids, and sex is NEVER the same as the years go by because of stress of surviving in Nigeria.


Then find how to entertain yourself! Not necessarily, transferring ALL your attention on your children. Read, watch films, browse and visit places

that interest you.

Please don't live your life around your husband and get closer to God. HE is our comforter.

Very good advice, this is the message i was trying to give in my post. You and you only are your true source of happiness

Ithen what was the need of getting a husband? You might as well be a single mom? If the relationship cant keep its flame