Pray, is there are any requisitie qualification needed to become a Nigerian pastor.

It seems anybody with the gift of the gab, with a bit of colour and dash - the Nigerian definition of charisma, can become a pastor in one of the numerous pentecostal chruches in Nigeria and the diaspora.

Leaving aside the moral question where less background checks are conducted on would be pastors than would be gatemen, with ex armed robbers, rapists and thugs accepted as pastors, ostensibly since they've been born again (although having not served time for their crime) what about the intellectual calibre of these reverends. We are quick to dismiss the orthodox churches in the west and I am by no means saying they're superior. However the religion originated from there and surely they have got some things right.

Becoming a Reverend of either the Catholic or Anglican church is a huge intellectual challenge, in many cases rivaling the rigors of such demanding academic careers as medicine, Pharmacy and law. The clergy in the west boast some of the best brains and sharpest intellects in these countries. They are not our version of rent a verse reverend father's - all have undergone serious and challenging courses of studies in topics such as the history of religion, classical philosophy, science, sociology and law. They are prepared, sound in mind and intellect

Many are feared by the political class mainly due to their formidable intellects, deep erudition and the flawless eloquence with which they express it..

The average Nigerian pastor seems to know nothing more than what is written in the bible,with no context, background or real depth. Their interpretation of the bible is literal and pedantic betraying their poor education and simplistic intellects. The intellectual deficit is made up for by an over emphasis on blind faith, endless clapping and dancing and false miracles.

Is there a school these pastors are trained and if there is what entry qualifications are required to be admitted. The average level of education of most of the catholic and protestant clergy in the west is the equivalent of a PH.d and that is from some of the best universities in the world. Now don't get me wrong I know many of these pastors are lawyers and doctors. However they are not running law firms and clinics - they are running churches based on a religion that is nourished by some of the greatest intellectual traditions in human history.

Most of these guys seem to know next to nothing.

This Iƨ̣̣̣̇̇̇ politics not religion.

As an ordained minister with Our Lady of Divine Debauchery Celestial Church, I can help you out with a few tips, but it will cost you serious money, thank you Jeeesus.

To whet your appetite for more details, I will for now list but a few of the pre-requisites you will need to become a Man of the Cloth, Nigeria-style.

1. You must feel completely at ease claiming ALL the monthly salaries of even the most destitute members of your congregation, under the pretext of saving their souls. In the same vein, you must be prepared to threaten God's most severe punishments for those reluctant to pay up. Those Holy Sanctions may include the vigorous public floggings of tightwads, administered by church orderlies acting under your instructions as relayed from God, while the wives of less serious offenders might be punitively boned per plea-bargin compromises. Shout Hallelujah with me now, please.

2. You must be prepared to hold private midnight prayer sessions and VIGILS for married female members of your congregation who seek your spiritual help to get pregnant, during which you will be expected to impale their Mounds of Venus with your throbbing Holy Septer, so as to get them knocked up in the name of Jeeesus, amen. Thank you Lord.

3. Un-married female church members of between 18 and 23 years old must be taken regularly for Holy Bathing, Baptisms, Silken Thighs and Wonders beside the nearest river you can find. The wenches will of course be required to strip down to their birthday suits, enabling you to administer the Laying on of Hands and Anointing of Golden Globes, all the while Speaking in Tongues between the luscious thighs of those bathing girls, in order that their sinful souls be saved in righteous glory, even as you get your rocks off in the name of the Holy Ghost.

4. You must live LARGE, as you grab more wealth from your congregation, by acquiring the latest S-Class Mercedes available, living in the most expensive neigborhoods worldwide, and ultimately purchasing a private jet, which is absolutely necessary for those personal appointments with Jeeeesus in heaven.

5. Most importantly of all, you must be prompt and loud, in accusing of blasphemy ALL who question your lifestyle, thus foolishly earning themselves eligibility for Divine Retribution, normally prompted by making payments to hit-men detailed to liquidate enemies of God in a hail of Holy Spirit gunfire. Let there be light, that they might knowest thine wrath, Oh Lord.

For the above nuggets of privileged information, I expect a check for $1,000 USD to be sent to me right away. Praise the Lord !

All u need is a Bible.

A bible, a white flowing garment and a sugar coated tongue.

Just be a sweet talker and be ready to stand by and defend yours lies without blinking.Especially at the point where you are literally forcing people to give the offerings they did not intend to give becuase god said so,that one dollar you about to give,change it ten dollars for more blessing.That point is very crucial because rational people would have easily read that something is amiss.It can kind be likened to oyinbo mugus falling for the 19 gangs,totally under spell.

This thread make me laugh a lot.

If I was a christian I should have being a pastor, living large.

you need a calling

jst ve a sweet tongue

Jakumo: As an ordained minister with Our Lady of Divine Debauchery Celestial Church, I can help you out with a few tips, but it will cost you serious money, thank you Jeeesus.

To whet your appetite for more details, I will for now list but a few of the pre-requisites you will need to become a Man of the Cloth, Nigeria-style.

1. You must feel completely at ease claiming ALL the monthly salaries of even the most destitute members of your congregation, under the pretext of saving their souls. In the same vein, you must be prepared to threaten God's most severe punishments for those reluctant to pay up. Those Holy Sanctions may include the vigorous public floggings of tightwads, administered by church orderlies acting under your instructions as relayed from God, while the wives of less serious offenders might be punitively boned per plea-bargin compromises. Shout Hallelujah with me now, please.

2. You must be prepared to hold private midnight prayer sessions and VIGILS for married female members of your congregation who seek your spiritual help to get pregnant, during which you will be expected to impale their Mounds of Venus with your throbbing Holy Septer, so as to get them knocked up in the name of Jeeesus, amen. Thank you Lord.

3. Un-married female church members of between 18 and 23 years old must be taken regularly for Holy Bathing, Baptisms, Silken Thighs and Wonders beside the nearest river you can find. The wenches will of course be required to strip down to their birthday suits, enabling you to administer the Laying on of Hands and Anointing of Golden Globes, all the while Speaking in Tongues between the luscious thighs of those bathing girls, in order that their sinful souls be saved in righteous glory, even as you get your rocks off in the name of the Holy Ghost.

4. You must live LARGE, as you grab more wealth from your congregation, by acquiring the latest S-Class Mercedes available, living in the most expensive neigborhoods worldwide, and ultimately purchasing a private jet, which is absolutely necessary for those personal appointments with Jeeeesus in heaven.

5. Most importantly of all, you must be prompt and loud, in accusing of blasphemy ALL who question your lifestyle, thus foolishly earning themselves eligibility for Divine Retribution, normally prompted by making payments to hit-men detailed to liquidate enemies of God in a hail of Holy Spirit gunfire. Let there be light, that they might knowest thine wrath, Oh Lord.

For the above nuggets of privileged information, I expect a check for $1,000 USD to be sent to me right away. Praise the Lord !

_
Holy Gaga! Halleluia somebody!
_
What of the gay pastors? Will they also hold 'blessings of the divine man-tle' for their single male members? Lol

I am even thinkin of establishing a pentecostal church. Some of my friends have gone for d speaking in tongues tutorials and they are good in it now. May be I will start from my boys quarter. . I envy these pentecostal pastors wealth.

Your mistake is to think that academic qualification could substitute for anointing. Unfortunately, God is not looking for the qualified, He only need the available. It is the same way and reason why Jesus looked for the uneducated like Peter and others who were shine lights at the expense of the well read, learned Pharisees, Sadducis among others. God looks for those that make themselves available, the weak, illiterate, even the mr nobody. God likes to use nothing to bring out something. That is why it pleased God to use the simplicity of the gospel to save mankind, instead of subjecting salvation to rigorous academic and intellectual debates. Qualification to be a pastor is not about academic pedigree, it is about the book of life, the bible and the Holy Spirit.

@poster, u said ‘rent a verse reverend fathers‘. That is rather insulting if by rev. fathers u mean dose in the Catholic Church. Need I inform you that a reverend father in the Catholic Church spends at least 8yrs of in the seminary studying philosophy and theology b4 ordination, thus they can hardly be described in such manner.

firstly,you need to learn how to mislead people because that very common amongst Nigerian pastors!!!

I'm going to be watching this thread and be having a good laugh,
the title already told me that it will have ribs cracking.

@poster, u said ‘rent a verse reverend fathers‘
YOU WILL SOON DIE LIKE UR IDIOTIC FATHERS.
USELESS GOAT.

Jakumo: As an ordained minister with Our Lady of Divine Debauchery Celestial Church, I can help you out with a few tips, but it will cost you serious money, thank you Jeeesus.

To whet your appetite for more details, I will for now list but a few of the pre-requisites you will need to become a Man of the Cloth, Nigeria-style.

1. You must feel completely at ease claiming ALL the monthly salaries of even the most destitute members of your congregation, under the pretext of saving their souls. In the same vein, you must be prepared to threaten God's most severe punishments for those reluctant to pay up. Those Holy Sanctions may include the vigorous public floggings of tightwads, administered by church orderlies acting under your instructions as relayed from God, while the wives of less serious offenders might be punitively boned per plea-bargin compromises. Shout Hallelujah with me now, please.

2. You must be prepared to hold private midnight prayer sessions and VIGILS for married female members of your congregation who seek your spiritual help to get pregnant, during which you will be expected to impale their Mounds of Venus with your throbbing Holy Septer, so as to get them knocked up in the name of Jeeesus, amen. Thank you Lord.

3. Un-married female church members of between 18 and 23 years old must be taken regularly for Holy Bathing, Baptisms, Silken Thighs and Wonders beside the nearest river you can find. The wenches will of course be required to strip down to their birthday suits, enabling you to administer the Laying on of Hands and Anointing of Golden Globes, all the while Speaking in Tongues between the luscious thighs of those bathing girls, in order that their sinful souls be saved in righteous glory, even as you get your rocks off in the name of the Holy Ghost.

4. You must live LARGE, as you grab more wealth from your congregation, by acquiring the latest S-Class Mercedes available, living in the most expensive neigborhoods worldwide, and ultimately purchasing a private jet, which is absolutely necessary for those personal appointments with Jeeeesus in heaven.

5. Most importantly of all, you must be prompt and loud, in accusing of blasphemy ALL who question your lifestyle, thus foolishly earning themselves eligibility for Divine Retribution, normally prompted by making payments to hit-men detailed to liquidate enemies of God in a hail of Holy Spirit gunfire. Let there be light, that they might knowest thine wrath, Oh Lord.

For the above nuggets of privileged information, I expect a check for $1,000 USD to be sent to me right away. Praise the Lord !

No! you didn't disappoint me Baby. Thank you.

Jakumo: As an ordained minister with Our Lady of Divine Debauchery Celestial Church, I can help you out with a few tips, but it will cost you serious money, thank you Jeeesus.

To whet your appetite for more details, I will for now list but a few of the pre-requisites you will need to become a Man of the Cloth, Nigeria-style.

1. You must feel completely at ease claiming ALL the monthly salaries of even the most destitute members of your congregation, under the pretext of saving their souls. In the same vein, you must be prepared to threaten God's most severe punishments for those reluctant to pay up. Those Holy Sanctions may include the vigorous public floggings of tightwads, administered by church orderlies acting under your instructions as relayed from God, while the wives of less serious offenders might be punitively boned per plea-bargin compromises. Shout Hallelujah with me now, please.

2. You must be prepared to hold private midnight prayer sessions and VIGILS for married female members of your congregation who seek your spiritual help to get pregnant, during which you will be expected to impale their Mounds of Venus with your throbbing Holy Septer, so as to get them knocked up in the name of Jeeesus, amen. Thank you Lord.

3. Un-married female church members of between 18 and 23 years old must be taken regularly for Holy Bathing, Baptisms, Silken Thighs and Wonders beside the nearest river you can find. The wenches will of course be required to strip down to their birthday suits, enabling you to administer the Laying on of Hands and Anointing of Golden Globes, all the while Speaking in Tongues between the luscious thighs of those bathing girls, in order that their sinful souls be saved in righteous glory, even as you get your rocks off in the name of the Holy Ghost.

4. You must live LARGE, as you grab more wealth from your congregation, by acquiring the latest S-Class Mercedes available, living in the most expensive neigborhoods worldwide, and ultimately purchasing a private jet, which is absolutely necessary for those personal appointments with Jeeeesus in heaven.

5. Most importantly of all, you must be prompt and loud, in accusing of blasphemy ALL who question your lifestyle, thus foolishly earning themselves eligibility for Divine Retribution, normally prompted by making payments to hit-men detailed to liquidate enemies of God in a hail of Holy Spirit gunfire. Let there be light, that they might knowest thine wrath, Oh Lord.

For the above nuggets of privileged information, I expect a check for $1,000 USD to be sent to me right away. Praise the Lord !

I am a fan of you. Only if half of our people will understand where they are being lead to.

Used 2 be an orthodox believer, nw am pentecostal. Strongly blive dat christianity is a very personal venture dat doesn't require d norms idiosyncrasies and traditions of a 3rd party. Shikena.

DO YOU WANT TO BE A PASTOR ?

Sam Milla:

I am a fan of you. Only if half of our people will understand where they are being lead to.

Yeah boy, I am also wishing that through the laughter and jokes that the eyes of many be opened from senseless clinging to their fellow humans that brainwash, deceive and use them in the name of religion.

Chuks49: Used 2 be an orthodox believer, nw am pentecostal. Strongly blive dat christianity is a very personal venture dat doesn't require d norms idiosyncrasies and traditions of a 3rd party. Shikena.

Oga Chuks is that you on the poster? Na your church dey do the radical vigil thing? Una say make we bring knife come on that day?

@ivynwa 4 d weapons of our warfare re not canal, they re mighty in d pulling down of stronghold. As 4 d cuttlass man need defend himself against d spirit of boko, if u call haram na u sabi.

it require confidence wit sugar cotted mouth. With this, sky is d startin point. Plenty judgemnt for heaven

[/b][b]

The average Nigerian pastor seems to know nothing more than what is written in the bible,with no context, background or real depth. Their interpretation of the bible is literal and pedantic betraying their poor education and simplistic intellects. The intellectual deficit is made up for by an over emphasis on blind faith, endless clapping and dancing and false miracles.

Most of these guys seem to know next to nothing.[/quote][b][quote author=odumorun 1]Pray, is there are any requisitie qualification needed to become a Nigerian pastor.
The average Nigerian pastor seems to know nothing more than what is written in the bible,with no context, background or real depth. Their interpretation of the bible is literal and pedantic betraying their poor education and simplistic intellects. The intellectual deficit is made up for by an over emphasis on blind faith, endless clapping and dancing and false miracles.
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@Poster:
I have been privileged to be lectured by some Nobel Prize winning and top scientists and Theologians alike. I can testify regarding the sharpness of mind of those theologians.
You see, ours is a superstitious society. Intellect and scholarship are frowned upon or people are completely indifferent. The loud and boastful ones carry the day.

One of the best professors I have ever had was one New Testament specialist (an eschatologist) who is now late. That says something considering comparison with Nobel Prize winners in Med & Physiol.
In the African case, it is mostly about survival. We like to abdicate our duties and expect God to do everything for us. That's where "men of God" come in. They have figured out how gullible their fellow Africans are. When we fail as individuals, it is very comforting to hear somebody tell us (having had a vision) that "the enemy" caused it.

I cringe when I hear those largely uneducated or half-educated pastors use the bible to explain things that are now fully explicable scientific phenomena like medieval people did.
To cut the story short, you need no qualification: just rent one uncompleted building (you can be an armed robber at night), put a colourful sign board and call your church one outrageous name, claim to see more vision than Jesus himself, promise lots of miracles and you're good to go.

Ivynwa: I'm going to be watching this thread and be having a good laugh,
the title already told me that it will have ribs cracking.

same here, d best thing to do, i guess.

kutchs: @poster, u said ‘rent a verse reverend fathers‘. That is rather insulting if by rev. fathers u mean dose in the Catholic Church. Need I inform you that a reverend father in the Catholic Church spends at least 8yrs of in the seminary studying philosophy and theology b4 ordination, thus they can hardly be described in such manner.

And after 8years in the seminary they come out like starved hyenas preying on innocent girls and drinking for the lost years,feeding fat on the church welfare just to recite some quotes from a book durin the mass every sunday! Its all bullsh except for a selected few.

What many people dont realise is dat its actually all bout faith,these pastors just encourage u to build up ur faith which is the only factor responsible for any miracles signs and wonders,if u noticed most pastors will first ask u to pray for what u want encourage u to have more faith and u will get results u want,anyone can be a pastor u just have to be righteous,build up ur faith in God and love him with all u got,and he will make ur ministry grow

chuks49: @ivynwa 4 d weapons of our warfare re not canal, they re mighty in d pulling down of stronghold. As 4 d cuttlass man need defend himself against d spirit of boko, if u call haram na u sabi.

Hehehehehehe I no fit laugh-o-o brother Chuks wan use laughter finish me-o-o.

Ivynwa: I'm going to be watching this thread and be having a good laugh, the title already told me that it will have ribs cracking.

Ivynwa I notice you're quite atypical (*'religiously' speaking*), unlike most females around here. Which Alusi do you worship? *Maybe its the same I do* lol.

;Dchei c kolomental topic,c kolomental replies chei dis place is a sanatorium o....as in OGBA WEREY PROPER

pro01:

Ivynwa I notice you're quite atypical (*'religiously' speaking*), unlike most females around here. Which Alusi do you worship? *Maybe its the same I do* lol.

Sorry Babes I love God and have a good relationship going between myself and him ( now don't get jealous). I love loving God in sweet praise and worship and through his words too. I go to church when I can, yes when I can. When I cannot I stay home and still have church or do other stuffs I want to do---when I do fellowship with others in church I don't allow anybody interfere with my life or tell me how to live my life and how often to come to church----blah,blah,blah even in my university days my fellow campus fellowship members all knew that nobody can net me down in church. I do my thing, run my show, enjoy church, lift holy hands to God, sing in the choir when I want etc.

I am not against religion-o-o Ojare, is it nice for people to allow others deceive them (sleep with their wives and sisters), wreck their homes with false prophesy, cheat them off their hard earned money and even brainwash and imbibe strange doctrines in them(some blindfolded religionists) that will have them acting funny and maiming/killing others?

Jakumo: As an ordained minister with Our Lady of Divine Debauchery Celestial Church, I can help you out with a few tips, but it will cost you serious money, thank you Jeeesus.

To whet your appetite for more details, I will for now list but a few of the pre-requisites you will need to become a Man of the Cloth, Nigeria-style.

1. You must feel completely at ease claiming ALL the monthly salaries of even the most destitute members of your congregation, under the pretext of saving their souls. In the same vein, you must be prepared to threaten God's most severe punishments for those reluctant to pay up. Those Holy Sanctions may include the vigorous public floggings of tightwads, administered by church orderlies acting under your instructions as relayed from God, while the wives of less serious offenders might be punitively boned per plea-bargin compromises. Shout Hallelujah with me now, please.

2. You must be prepared to hold private midnight prayer sessions and VIGILS for married female members of your congregation who seek your spiritual help to get pregnant, during which you will be expected to impale their Mounds of Venus with your throbbing Holy Septer, so as to get them knocked up in the name of Jeeesus, amen. Thank you Lord.

3. Un-married female church members of between 18 and 23 years old must be taken regularly for Holy Bathing, Baptisms, Silken Thighs and Wonders beside the nearest river you can find. The wenches will of course be required to strip down to their birthday suits, enabling you to administer the Laying on of Hands and Anointing of Golden Globes, all the while Speaking in Tongues between the luscious thighs of those bathing girls, in order that their sinful souls be saved in righteous glory, even as you get your rocks off in the name of the Holy Ghost.

4. You must live LARGE, as you grab more wealth from your congregation, by acquiring the latest S-Class Mercedes available, living in the most expensive neigborhoods worldwide, and ultimately purchasing a private jet, which is absolutely necessary for those personal appointments with Jeeeesus in heaven.


5. Most importantly of all, you must be prompt and loud, in accusing of blasphemy ALL who question your lifestyle, thus foolishly earning themselves eligibility for Divine Retribution, normally prompted by making payments to hit-men detailed to liquidate enemies of God in a hail of Holy Spirit gunfire. Let there be light, that they might knowest thine wrath, Oh Lord.

For the above nuggets of privileged information, I expect a check for $1,000 USD to be sent to me right away. Praise the Lord !

BEST post on this thread.