Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness
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Q: How is a PhD student in Theology like the Laplacian operator?
A: div grad. (Of course this refers to a graduate student of divinity, as well as del^2.)
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Mother: Why are you placing a tablecloth with the word "truth" on it on the study table?
Daughter: Mom, I'd like to make this a "truth table."
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Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said: "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
The discipleslooked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus mean - the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?
Peter said, "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."
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The zombie: "I HATE integrating by parts!"
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Big party; every possible function is having fun, chatting and drinking this evening. In an n-dimensional corner e^x stands bitter and alone. Near the lonely one there's a small group of exponential functions, and 2^x within them turns to see e^x on it's corner.
"Hey, e^x, come-on, integrate yourself, said 2^x pointing to the group.
"What for," whispers e^x, "it makes no difference."
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Random entries from Nelson's Dictionary of Mathematical Terms:
C
Calculus - what a dentist scrapes from teeth.
Center of Mass - the Priest.
Centroid - a 100 year old nerd.
Chaos - Kmart.
Chord - a pile of wood.
Circle - the longest distance between any two points.
Circumference - a circuitous inference.
Coefficient - two heads are better than one.
Cylinder - Budweiser.
D
Discrete number - a digit that won't talk out of class.
Divisor - what you wear on da head to protect from da sun.
Disjoint - what I am about to smoke in dis moment.
Denominator - one who nominates da candidate.
Decagon - what termites can do to a wooden ship.
Deduct - to butcher a fowl.
Differential - to show great respect.

Parabolas - two balls connected by a rope, and another one like it.
Rectangle - a twisted mess.
Scalar - mountain climber.
Abelian - a thousand melian.
Number - less sensitive.
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Graphing rational functions is a pain in the asymptote.
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Expand (a+b)^n.Solution: (a+b)^n (a + b) ^ n (a + b) ^ n (a + b) ^ n
etc.
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How do you teach mathematics to a woman?
Look for the tan line
subtract her pants
stack her on the bed
divide her legs
calculate the distance
arc her back
add a length
function properly
provide constant movement
give her a square root
turn her over for a reverse polish notion
gradiently increase the integer
round the remainder
fill the pi
hope she doesn't multiply
log the event
sine on the dotted line
get her to cosine
profit from the experience
base the result on an exponent

very very nice

SimonAndal: Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness
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Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said: "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
The discipleslooked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus mean - the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?
Peter said, "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."
_
Big party; every possible function is having fun, chatting and drinking this evening. In an n-dimensional corner e^x stands bitter and alone. Near the lonely one there's a small group of exponential functions, and 2^x within them turns to see e^x on it's corner.
"Hey, e^x, come-on, integrate yourself, said 2^x pointing to the group.
"What for," whispers e^x, "it makes no difference."
_
Expand (a+b)^n.Solution: (a+b)^n (a + b) ^ n (a + b) ^ n (a + b) ^ n
etc.

Me love thes ones

Really nice, i like this

SimonAndal: Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness
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How do you teach mathematics to a woman?
Look for the tan line
subtract her pants
stack her on the bed
divide her legs
calculate the distance
arc her back
add a length
function properly
provide constant movement
give her a square root
turn her over for a reverse polish notion
gradiently increase the integer
round the remainder
fill the pi
hope she doesn't multiply
log the event
sine on the dotted line
get her to cosine
profit from the experience
base the result on an exponent

You are too much.I dey feel you.

CArt:
You are too much.I dey feel you.

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So of all the mathematical puns I posted, that's the only one you understood. Smh!

Q: How do bankers take your money without your knowledge?
A: They don't. They employ discrete mathematics.