There's a debate in my office about a colleague's cousin.

He's the bread winner of his home and his wife's salary is meagre. However, when there's an arguement, the wife yells at him in the presence of the kids and later tells the kids terrible things about their father. Now the guy has noticed his kids are kind of distant from him and more drawn to their mother.

Any ladies in the house? Is this normal?

Quite normal

Not normal, she is a sick woman who should get help, she is the female version of a wife beater, she doesnt beat him because she is not strong enough but she beats him emotionally. What kind of mad woman shouts on her husband in the presence of anyone let alone the kids and even goes to tell them what he did? too many mentally affected people getting married these days. He better tell her he is done with this nonsense and more of it and she is gone alone, because she will scare those kids for life, she should get help or get out.
I don taya for these kind stories abeg, people know your values, let the spouse know what you will and will not take, the day i shout on my husband in front of my son I know my marriage is over. Crazy people, always going to church but have no single fear of God in their heart

Very abnormal.

Infact,i think the NASS should just pass a law that would ban marriages in Nigeria for 3 years.WTF is all these negativity everywhere?we all need to get back to the drawing board.why are people getting married these days?I might prolly ask when next i get a wedding IV.

ifyalways: Very abnormal.

Infact,i think the NASS should just pass a law that would ban marriages in Nigeria for 3 years.WTF is all these negativity everywhere?we all need to get back to the drawing board.why are people getting married these days?I might prolly ask when next i get a wedding IV.

Permit me to copy this ya tactics, it is crazy my sister the things considered as 'normal, challenges and ups and downs" in Nigerian marriages, Like i said earlier I had to de-learn everything i had learnt and learn afresh what marriage really means.

That woman is sick and should go for medical examination. Soon she will run to nairaland crying for solution for her naughty kids. Crazy woman!

Op
dat man is not a full grown man yet,and i doubt if he is truely d breadwinner of d home. That woman is d kind that their husbands beat up,am sure the next time she wunt only shout on him but tie him up when he is asleep and beat him blue black with koboko,while d kids watch and laff. Foolish woman and ode man.

taryour: Op
dat man is not a full grown man yet,and i doubt if he is truely d breadwinner of d home. That woman is d kind that their husbands beat up,am sure the next time she wunt only shout on him but tie him up when he is asleep and beat him blue black with koboko,while d kids watch and laff. Foolish woman and ode man.

No need to blame the man, he has a problem and may not know how to solve it, he doesnt want to get violent which is a plus on him. Best thing is to lay ground rules for this insane woman, she breaks the and she is gone.

There is nothing I hate more than a parent that tries to turn kids against the other. Even if they are separated or divorced. it is very cruel to get kids involved in your stupid decision to marry the wrong person. Kids do not have the capacity to understand things. It is very stressful for them. Now let me go to the OPs post. I am not sure how this man told you guys this or how you have chosen to interprete it. You pointing out that her salary is meager yet she yells at him makes me feel that the man is not innocent in this. Would it be okay if she made more money? Would it be more bearable for her to keep being abusive. Anyway it's only the man that knows what really happens in his home. it looks like he and his wife are doing a fine job of destrying their home. She telling their children and he telling his coworkers

baby.me:
Quite normal

I ignored your ignorance.

@debrief08
truely said,d man has less blame,its possible d man is quite n soft in nature but if care is not taken,that creature he has in his house will turn him in2 a mumu of d highest oder and his kids will become his enemy. Futhermore it will b abit difficult to lay down rules for her now cos she wunt change soon,he should av refused dat insult the first time she dished it across to him or slaped her face and make her realise who d head of the home is.

It is an endemic nature of every woman..

LIST OF WOMEN THAT ARE PERMITTED TO SHOUT;
1. OKONJO IWEALA
2. MAMA KASS
3. DIZANI (D AUSTRAILIAN WOMAN)
4 MADAM PATIENCE
ALL OTHER WOMEN SHOULD RESPECT THEIR SELVES AND TAKE THE SECOND ROLE :-)

baby.me:
Quite normal

u must be high on sumtin,its ladies lyk u dat end up in broken homes jst 5-10 yrs into ur marriage....work on urself now u have d tym to

Tayour so what will slapping her achieve? More violence and solve nothing. Richy I agree some women do that just as some not all men cheat and it goes back to the fact that a spouse who misbehaves can only do as much as he/ she knows he can get away with. As i have said he needs to put his foot down and say its enough if she doesnt agree send her away for a while. It is sad that there are no real therapist and counselors here only Pastors who are dealing with their own marriage "shows" and to whom every solution to every problem is pray

wat?
if my bros wife does it
i ll so detest er
its wrong wen ppl r dere
u can both scream ur head out wen alone

taryour: Op
dat man is not a full grown man yet,and i doubt if he is truely d breadwinner of d home. That woman is d kind that their husbands beat up,am sure the next time she wunt only shout on him but tie him up when he is asleep and beat him blue black with koboko,while d kids watch and laff. Foolish woman and ode man.

so if the woman is the bread winner she has d right to? women dis days get it all wrong,cos it aint right for a man to hit a lady doesn't give her the right to push the man beyond his limits...on no condition should the lady yell at a man wen it comes to family issues let alone in front of the kids...sometins jst cant be justifed!!!!

Nooooo

U get what u give in marriage...

It might be tough but with time, you'll see the effects of the seeds you have sown...

sow wisely

If you marry your original wife,she will never and never shout at you,and if she does that means she has expired!!

It's very bad what kind of legacy is she setting for her female kids? If she does'nt stop she destroy her family.

No, it's not normal.

This is yet another reason why some peace loving 'gentumen' like us dread the prospect of marriage. I am certain that this woman did not display these traits while they were courting. . .otherwise, the man would not have married her. Even if she displayed a few of such signs, maybe the man was blinded by love for her - which is why I also dread the idea of romantic 'love' in any shape or form; it obscures your vision and impairs your reasoning.

To be honest, I've never been able to handle being shouted at. Except you're my source of livelihood (my overall boss), or you constitute an immediate threat to my life (armed robber, armed soldier, etc), in which case I'd have no choice but to endure for a short while. I tend to react very badly to being shouted at. My dad is a quiet, soft-spoken man who can't even shout to save his life - so he never shouted at me and my siblings while growing up. But my mum was quite fond of doing that in my pre-teens. Not until one fateful morning when I lifted the glass centre table in the living room and shattered it on the floor (I was barely 15) did she develop a positive fear of me and learned to refrain from shouting at me ever since. I have also had cause to abuse the living daylight out of a female 'superior' I had during my NYSC days. The silly old spinster had the audacity to shout like a fishwife at me for no good reason despite my entreaties that she should respect herself. I washed her down to nothingness, (with a few carefully selected 'choice words' that I usually save for such 'rainy days') in the full glare of everybody and threatened to deal ruthlessly with her if he dared slap me as she was almost about to resort to. The teary, scorned look on her shrivelled face remains memorable to this day. Needless to say I immediately resigned from the establishment and sought redeployment elsewhere.

The point of my long story is that it would be very very dangerous for my wife (if I ever get married) to shout at me in private, let alone in front of the kids or in public. I simply cannot predict how exactly I would react; all I know is that my reaction would be very very bad. If my own parents did not shout at me as a teenager and as a young adult, I can't imagine my wife (who is likely to be a few years younger than me) shouting at me with impunity. I would never be 'mature' enough to overlook or tolerate such nonsense. She can be sure that I wouldn't shout at her; I don't shout at anybody (not even househelps) because I believe it is classless. As such I expect that a wife would be graceful enough to explore other less vulgar ways of expressing her misgivings or displeasure.

And on a side note, if she goes about telling the kids bad things about me - thereby making them less attached to me, then we shall first have to authenticate the paternity of those kids before I take the next line of action that will surely be very decisive and effective.

To all that says it's abnormal, I'd want you to re-evaluate the scenario that led to such outburst.

What if the husband was the initiator of such shouting? Possibility is that the husband might have been doing the same to her.
The way you respond to me would determine my own response as well. Nigerian men in general have this domineering and commanding mentality.

Do remember that in as much as the husband is the head of the house, he's practically equal with the wife. Women are the keeper of the home and oversees everything concerning the family (they own the home).

Shouting at your husband or wife is not something to be proud about, but if that's the only option left to get his/her attention, then you could shout till Jesus come.

If you respect and honour your wife, she'd reciprocate the same gesture to you. But all in all shouting is sometimes good for the health and helps release stress and frustration.

Men pls let us cherish our women and listen to them. You cannot as men win an argument with a woman. Be more mature and consider them as the wicker vessel.

Peace!

paris10: To all that says it's abnormal, I'd want you to re-evaluate the scenario that led to such outburst.

What if the husband was the initiator of such shouting? Possibility is that the husband might have been doing the same to her.
The way you respond to me would determine my own response as well. Nigerian men in general have this domineering and commanding mentality.

Do remember that in as much as the husband is the head of the house, he's practically equal with the wife. Women are the keeper of the home and oversees everything concerning the family (they own the home).

Shouting at your husband or wife is not something to be proud about, but if that's the only option left to get his/her attention, then you could shout till Jesus come.

If you respect and honour your wife, she'd reciprocate the same gesture to you. But all in all shouting is sometimes good for the health and helps release stress and frustration.

Men pls let us cherish our women and listen to them. You cannot as men win an argument with a woman. Be more mature and consider them as the wicker vessel.

Peace!

If he had slapped her will we be asking for the origin of the arguement? There is no excuse to shout at your husband when your kids are present, handle you fight between your selves you are adults, control your anger till you are alone, what kind of daughters will you be raising with this attitude? Worse is even telling the kids what caused the disagreement, horrible parenting.

debrief08: Not normal, she is a sick woman who should get help, she is the female version of a wife beater, she doesnt beat him because she is not strong enough but she beats him emotionally. What kind of mad woman shouts on her husband in the presence of anyone let alone the kids and even goes to tell them what he did? too many mentally affected people getting married these days. He better tell her he is done with this nonsense and more of it and she is gone alone, because she will scare those kids for life, she should get help or get out.
I don taya for these kind stories abeg, people know your values, let the spouse know what you will and will not take, the day i shout on my husband in front of my son I know my marriage is over. Crazy people, always going to church but have no single fear of God in their heart

My sister,you should actively be at the 'counselling dept' in your local church o.Handling young couples-to-be.

geeez: There's a debate in my office about a colleague's cousin.

He's the bread winner of his home and his wife's salary is meagre. However, when there's an arguement, the wife yells at him in the presence of the kids and later tells the kids terrible things about their father. Now the guy has noticed his kids are kind of distant from him and more drawn to their mother.

Any ladies in the house? Is this normal?

[size=13pt]it is sooooooooooooo wrong!!!!!![/size]

What's her plan doing that? o ga oo!!

debrief08:
If he had slapped her will we be asking for the origin of the arguement? There is no excuse to shout at your husband when your kids are present, handle you fight between your selves you are adults, control your anger till you are alone, what kind of daughters will you be raising with this attitude? Worse is even telling the kids what caused the disagreement, horrible parenting.

If he had slapped her then that would sum up the point I've been trying to pass across. No excuse for a woman to shout at the husband, really? Not when he's a cheater, not when he lies all the time, not when he's a wife beater, not when he shouts at his woman in front of his kids, not when he's an egoistic maniac, not when he's a control frick, not when he gives all the money to his family and not when he doesn't pay attention to the needs of the children.

Regarding having privacy, I believe husbands should always know when katakata wan burst (lol), and take his wife to a private place to address the issue.

Sometimes knowing the origin of a matter really matters a lot,an irresponsible man who comes home drunk almost everyday or isn't alive to the responsibilities at home
would have a shouting and nagging woman to contend with,but with women one must just be extra patient else man go just wound am.

The best bet is just to walk away...cos there is a thin line between sanity and insanity.

paris10: To all that says it's abnormal, I'd want you to re-evaluate the scenario that led to such outburst.

What if the husband was the initiator of such shouting? Possibility is that the husband might have been doing the same to her.

So it is ok to shout on your husband as long as he is not loving to you? what a brilliant strategy to making your marriage better.

paris10:

If he had slapped her then that would sum up the point I've been trying to pass across. No excuse for a woman to shout at the husband, really? Not when he's a cheater, not when he lies all the time, not when he's a wife beater, not when he shouts at his woman in front of his kids, not when he's an egoistic maniac, not when he's a control frick, not when he gives all the money to his family and not when he doesn't pay attention to the needs of the children.

Regarding having privacy, I believe husbands should always know when katakata wan burst (lol), and take his wife to a private place to address the issue.

Yes still no excuse, you have a problem with him sort it out with him dont shout in the presence of your kids, dont tell the kids what daddy or mommy did to you, you are both adults, if he is a drunk or a cheater, go to your bedroom and sort out your issues, If he doesnt provide still go and sort your issues out, Will you be defending a man who beats his wife up in the presence of the kids becuase she cheats?

geeez: There's a debate in my office about a colleague's cousin.

He's the bread winner of his home and his wife's salary is meagre. However, when there's an arguement, the wife yells at him in the presence of the kids and later tells the kids terrible things about their father. Now the guy has noticed his kids are kind of distant from him and more drawn to their mother.

Any ladies in the house? Is this normal?

The quoted phrase above just shows how ignorant some people can be. Who else better be in the position of a bread winner if not the husband? And to complement his effort, the woman works as well. What else would you want more from the mother of your children if she works to support the family, not minding her income?

As a people and nation, Nigerians are practically aggressive and loud. Black women always finds it difficult to play the background of a relationship. They also want to make decisions. Nigeria men should know this by now, and if not entirely satisfied they should seek alternate women (white women).

I don't condone shouting at any stage (including in presence of children), but I don't just make judgement based on the shouting alone.