U are a fair man, and am happy u are not saying u are abandoning your duties, u just need support from ur partner, and i agree that's no bad idea. I should advice that, u need to love this girl and still keep ur senses up, u need to be in control of ur r/ship mr man, else this lady will run ur life. Me for instance am in naija, and my woman when she see's am challenged with finance often volunteers to assist, even in house rents, all here in naija. So mr maintain, wake up and drum this u.k pattern into ur wife to be head, let it be an agreement now before u guys get married, leave love out of this for now!

queensmith:

sarcasm?



You want to finish the posters life? Am I the only one that sees the girl as a crook?? and people complain about goldiggers yet nobody can recognise one! lol!

Everywoman who thinks this way cant possibly be a goldigger. If originally, parents would pick a wealthy guy who Already has a house and enough money to begin building a family, you are basically calling the parents goldiggers. This did not began with her generation.

IgboWifeUSA:
Everywoman who thinks this way cant possibly be a goldigger. If originally, parents would pick a wealthy guy who Already has a house and enough money to begin building a family, you are basically calling the parents goldiggers. This did not began with her generation.

Actually if we are to be frank thats exactly what it is, it isn't today women have been travelling to England for the full purpose of working to support thier husbands. Women that base thier life choices based on whether the man will cover their every need without them having to contribute are exactly so.
Whether the man is a cleaner or a billionaire is irrelevent since our perception of wealth in this case is relative.
I may not blink twice at the OPs situation, but to your typical village girl he's a goldmine. See what I mean?

Nigerian women can be selfish at times. Their sense of entitlement is annoying. God forbid!!!

Is the man the only person to live in the house? How is the mortgage payment supposed to be single handedly paid by him? It's only a lazy, myopic, selfish, local silly lady that will want the husband to provide everything for her...

A lot of people have already said it's not a cultural thing at all. We learnt that our mothers used to go the farm to assist their husbands, so no be today wey african woman dey support the family. In my opinion the only time when a woman can't contribute anything is if she's not working but even that one is dangerous, because anything can happen to the breadwinner and then the Cinderella woman will definately get cindered. Your wife needs to understand that marriage is not meant to be a burden but should be a union that makes all loads lighter. The bible aptly describes a virtous woman as someone who is industrous and takes care of the family. A wise woman with a 'trustworthy husband" will support her husband all the way and know that whatever she does is at least for the benefit of her children. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP o.

I heard on the news that nowadays you need to earn at least £50k to be a first time buyer.Like someone rightly said dont focus on Change but weigh it.In my own view its though raising a family here in teh Uk, I admire you guys who venture into that venture I swear.

Reading this was actually making me boil. Wow!
So she's not willing to contribute. And you two plan to marry? Reaally??
Mate, think its only you doing the "loving" in this relationship of yours, 2bh. Cos if she really does love you too, this won't be an issue at all!!!
Curious tho, if you don't mind telling pls. How did you two meet? Especiacially, since you never spent that much time in Nigeria.
Mate, this doesn't sound like love to me. I'm really sorry if I'm saying something you don't want to hear. But really, how did you two meet?

Atleast, she probably aint pretending for papers (aka passport)

My brother she has told her mind shekenai.Even she finally comes to join you in Uk.she will give problems. Remenber Nigeria is different from uk when it comes to the issue of marriage.She is not going to be supportive.Well i wish the best.

Your gf is being her real self with no pretense so take that into consideration. It's not about how things are done in Nigeria or UK or US, it's about her worldview and yours. So many men in America here have their wives as home makers while they work and take care of everything. And no, they're not earning six figures, instead they cut their coat according to the cloth. Some actually prefer such a traditional home so the woman takes care of the kids full time.

Some women cannot bear to stay home and chose to work, so also some men prefer their wives to work so they can pull resources together and live a bigger lifestyle. It's all your choice. If you prefer the partnership method, and she prefers the traditional method, it doesn't make a goldigger, she will make the best wife for a man who wants to be the HEAD of his home.

Deciding on roles and expectations is a fundamental part of marriage. I suggest you guys need have more discussions and reach a compromise or go your separate ways.

It is absolutely recommended that the husbands works very hard to pay for the mortgage.

In a society like Nigeria were men are polygamist by nature it wont be easy taking in a second wife in a situation were you and the first both contributed in getting the house.

Miss EZ:

What kind of response is this? Common sense is not so common o

Shut ur mouth, thats how we do it here, if the guy cant takecare of the home himself, let him go n marry oyinbo. Waka pass jor, nonsense

I suggest both in case the marriage has to end, at least you could both put it up for sale and split the proceeds.

sunky644: Is the man the only person to live in the house? How is the mortgage payment supposed to be single handedly paid by him? It's only a lazy, myopic, selfish, local silly lady that will want the husband to provide everything for her...

Quit ranting, you are not a man

sunky644: Is the man the only person to live in the house? How is the mortgage payment supposed to be single handedly paid by him? It's only a lazy, myopic, selfish, local silly lady that will want the husband to provide everything for her...

And especially in the UK, with average salary. Kai! That's a burden and a half mehnnnn. The guy better remain single.

OP,

The best thing you can do for yourself and your future is to dump this woman and marry someone that sensible.

This is not a cultural thing, Its pure greed, selfishness and wickedness.

So her own money is only for her? What a shame and disgrace to her family she is.

And dont let ppl tell you its the culture. My mom helped financially at home.

I know a family friend whose husband lost his job and the woman solely carried the responsibilities of the house for almost 10yrs before the man got back on his feet. The couple are both over 60yrs so no be today naija women don dey help their partners

Can you ask the girl that If you happen to loose your job, who would continue paying for the rent? Since she wants to keep her money to herself.

There a millions of girls in Nigeria even villagers who dont think that way she is just a greedy person.

And you said you barely travel to nigeria, can i ask how you met this girl? and what exactly are you sending money to her for? Doesnt she have her own job.

Guy you better look for all these warning signs before its too late.

You know if she comes to the UK and leaves you in a yr she has the right to collect that your house, With her kind of mentality i dont see how she stays long in a marriage.

If she wants a relationship where she contributes nothing, She should be Okoya 17th wife

If you cannot takecare of your bills alone, you shudnt call yourself man, smh to d boys of dis generation, yet they will still claim head of the house, pathetic losers

neyostica: If you cannot takecare of your bills alone, you shudnt call yourself man, smh to d boys of dis generation, yet they will still claim head of the house, pathetic losers

Ol boy see d scar on your face and tattered shirt u are wearing, and yet u get mouth to talk about money. Nonsense.

Ronaldo200:

Ol boy see d scar on your face and tattered shirt u are wearing, and yet u get mouth to talk about money. Nonsense.

Here comes anoda loser who will wait for his wife b4 he can pay elctricity bill. Smh

queensmith:

Actually if we are to be frank thats exactly what it is, it isn't today women have been travelling to England for the full purpose of working to support thier husbands. Women that base thier life choices based on whether the man will cover their every need without them having to contribute are exactly so.
Whether the man is a cleaner or a billionaire is irrelevent since our perception of wealth in this case is relative.
I may not blink twice at the OPs situation, but to your typical village girl he's a goldmine. See what I mean?

True The man must provide for his wife. But she will help surely

neyostica:
Here comes anoda loser who will wait for his wife b4 he can pay elctricity bill. Smh

My friend, change your shirt and get money for new wardrobe then I will listen to what you are saying

Ronaldo200:

My friend, change your shirt and get money for new wardrobe then I will listen to what you are saying

Hahahahahaha, loser
Baby, the rent is due next month, am gonna need that cheque or our ass is gone. A disgrace to manhood

neyostica:
Hahahahahaha, loser
Baby, the rent is due next month, am gonna need that cheque or our ass is gone. A disgrace to manhood

Dude which village are you from? We don't have rents over here. More fool you. Grow up and grow a pair, and stop embarrassing yourself in public like this. Just stop it.

neyostica:
Here comes anoda loser who will wait for his wife b4 he can pay elctricity bill. Smh

Oya go edit your grammatical errors sharp sharp, before the other nairalanders notice and have more reason to laugh at you. Yeye boy. Sit down joor,

Ronaldo200:

Oya go edit your grammatical errors sharp sharp, before the other nairalanders notice and have more reason to laugh at you. Yeye boy. Sit down joor,

You are a woman with balls, am sure u wait for ur wife b4 u fuel ur car

Ronaldo200:

Dude which village are you from? We don't have rents over here. More fool you. Grow up and grow a pair, and stop embarrassing yourself in public like this. Just stop it.

Whether rent or mortgage, stop waitin for madam, u no get shame

how is the guy paying his mortgage now, before marriage?

if he's not ready to marry then he shouldnt for goodness sake.

and if paying rent is a problem then he should find a rich woman where he is, who can pay his bills for him.

tpia@:
how is the guy paying his mortgage now, before marriage?

if he's not ready to marry then he shouldnt for goodness sake.

and if paying rent is a problem then he should find a rich woman where he is, who can pay his bills for him.

God bless you

not sure where most of these guys are coming from nowadays.

not even married yet but already planning how to spar with the partner.

do people get good jobs as soon as they set foot in foreign countries? Maybe the poster has connections i guess.

if the issue of your wife's salary bothers you that much then have her handle other bills if the two of you cant reach an agreement about the mortgage.

but why not even let her get the job first?

has she even gotten visa?

is the poster typing from mushin and imagining he's paying mortgage?

My brother please let her go , she does not understand the situation here in Europe.
i know how tough it is in the UK . i was there for 4 and half years before i came back to Switzerland.
if she is not going to pip low with a young guy like you to start a happy family let her go .

Maybe she love's your money not you as a person.

I believe you can pay your bills without the help of a woman!!! if yes , you are a ***

Pls be carefulllllll

Thank you all for d responses and lots of food for thought.

Want to clarify. I know hw hard I worked to purchase the place I have now, although those who are familiar with London will know that whilst Camden is good for young professional you can't have family there (hectic). So I'm talking abt in the future. Should we (God willing) be blessed with family etc and have family home. I must add that my current one is perfectly fine, as I (thankfully) got a sweet variablÉ rate deal and am not locked in fixed.
She isn't a gold digger @ all, I agree with most of you that this is just an individual issue with us. I was very careful not to sayy MOST women are like dis cos its clear that they aren't. I guess it's abt the communication anyway.

noyostica....hmmm u think I don't know your type ehn? Form big guy for nairaland to make u sound somehow but how be it u get so much time that every one of your posts has been on romance section? (Go check his profile) Keep deceiving urself, cos u not deceiving anyone else.