neyostica: Op, leave the girl alone, she wants a real man who can takecare of her not some struggling modafucker like you. Yeye boy, why she go contribute? You beta go n work harder. Queensmith, you are a foollllllllllll

neyostica: Op, leave the girl alone, she wants a real man who can takecare of her not some struggling modafucker like you. Yeye boy, why she go contribute? You beta go n work harder. Queensmith, you are a foollllllllllll

Lexusgs430: I also live in the UK and pay towards my mortgage and have been doing for almost 15 years. There is no crime in you paying the mortgage, but there are other bills that needs looking after, ie council tax,water bill,electricity bill,sky bill,household and contents insurance,life insurance policies,feeding expense,kids extra curriculum activities,kids clothing,car insurances,kids school meals to mention but a few.
Both of you would sit down, work out who does what and who pays what, problem solved.
If she insists on you paying all, run like fire is burning you,cos after you have overworked yourself and ended up an invalid, she would serve you a divorce petition and claim she needs to keep to the house for the well being of your kids and inevitable, kick your sorry ass out!
Best of Luck.

ledima: Some of u pple r funny. We keep shouting that we are 'equal' so women are now sharing the responsibility of men at home, but that's all. @poster if get home u will demand for dinner, if there is a mess u may demand for an explanation. If you choose to help ur wife with the baby n domestic chores it is because u have 'chosen' to, and if you don't nobody will call u a bush man. So, it is the mans 'responsibility' to provide for the home (including mortgage). If u are married to a wife who helps with that thank God, but if u r not, suck it up and be a man. Don't come and make a mockery of your home on NL. After all, were u forced 2 marry her?

walcolm:

you have put it succintly. any averagely educated woman who tells you your money is our money but her own money is her money is just a wicked and selfish person and it has nothing to do with culture.

i know of a couple...the husband was badly burnt in the 2008 economic and stock market crash in Nigeria and he has been struggling with paying loans and maintaining his stock portfolio to wade through the downturn. he was already in that situation by the time they got married. the woman earns a significant income from her job with a top multi-national bank but keeps all her money to herself. she has not helped the guy with a penny to offset his loans. she keeps her money in fixed deposit and treasury bills, always shopping for shoes and clothes and travelling for vacation every year. she would rather offer to buy his ticket for them to go abroad for a holiday than put her money in the family pot.

so OP, dont fall for that cultural BS...men were saddled with the responsibility for providing for the family because historically, men were empowered with education and the means to earn a living whilst women were expected to be domesticated. they made noise about inequality and all what not but now that they are now equally empowered, they now dont want to accept the responsibility that comes with that power

why would a woman spend 12hrs of her time working at a job, 10hrs sleeping, eating, taking her bath etc. thats 22hrs spent on herself and 2hrs available to spend on issues that have something to do with me and i get to pay for her 24hrs of existence in a day? that's the height of inequity!

neyostica:
Shut ur mouth, thats how we do it here, if the guy cant takecare of the home himself, let him go n marry oyinbo. Waka pass jor, nonsense

tpia@:
how is the guy paying his mortgage now, before marriage?

if he's not ready to marry then he shouldnt for goodness sake.

and if paying rent is a problem then he should find a rich woman where he is, who can pay his bills for him.

clintwine: You've made one already which is always sending her money
she has bragged about you to her friends
In her mindset you are the meal ticket.

You are an equivalent to her young aristo senator.

How many times have we seen this kind of things
a man from here goes to Nigeria marries a selfish woman or gives her an impression of who he is not
only for the woman to turn up abroad to get a reality shock that its a hard life

Then they wreck the mans life or the man ends up killing the woman.
You are a nice guy and family oriented, she is not, stay clear off her or you would be back here asking for advice on how to make your marriage work

MrMaintain: Thank you all for d responses and lots of food for thought.

Want to clarify. I know hw hard I worked to purchase the place I have now, although those who are familiar with London will know that whilst Camden is good for young professional you can't have family there (hectic). So I'm talking abt in the future. Should we (God willing) be blessed with family etc and have family home. I must add that my current one is perfectly fine, as I (thankfully) got a sweet variablÉ rate deal and am not locked in fixed.
She isn't a gold digger @ all, I agree with most of you that this is just an individual issue with us. I was very careful not to sayy MOST women are like dis cos its clear that they aren't. I guess it's abt the communication anyway.

noyostica....hmmm u think I don't know your type ehn? Form big guy for nairaland to make u sound somehow but how be it u get so much time that every one of your posts has been on romance section? (Go check his profile) Keep deceiving urself, cos u not deceiving anyone else.

MrMaintain:

Thanks for your reply,

It's not that I pretend to be something that I am not. I am
I hear what you are saying about comparability and not trying to change someone. But I am thinking, maybe once she gets here and sees how things are done here, her mindset might change?

MrMaintain: Thank you all for d responses and lots of food for thought.

Want to clarify. I know hw hard I worked to purchase the place I have now, although those who are familiar with London will know that whilst Camden is good for young professional you can't have family there (hectic). So I'm talking abt in the future. Should we (God willing) be blessed with family etc and have family home. I must add that my current one is perfectly fine, as I (thankfully) got a sweet variablÉ rate deal and am not locked in fixed.
She isn't a gold digger @ all, I agree with most of you that this is just an individual issue with us. I was very careful not to sayy MOST women are like dis cos its clear that they aren't. I guess it's abt the communication anyway.

noyostica....hmmm u think I don't know your type ehn? Form big guy for nairaland to make u sound somehow but how be it u get so much time that every one of your posts has been on romance section? (Go check his profile) Keep deceiving urself, cos u not deceiving anyone else.

dabrake: t[/b]ila[b]pia, why are you so ugly?

Africaine: Its admirable that you are talking about money before signing the dotted lines,I can't begin to tell how important it is.
When I got married we didn't talk our money,I just assumed that since we were married it automatically meant that we shared and plan together and was I wrong. He took some financial that almost wrecked us witout telling me,he tried to cover up bcus I guess he knew he was wrong, but instead of things to get beta,they got worse and he refused to come clean,instead he was giving me stories that just didn't add up,things got so bad that I had to sell my car just to help correct the mistakes he made and by the time I found it was almost too late,we had lost almost everything,I was 7months pregnant wit our 2nd child when I got the true picture of hw bad things were,I had hypertension and was in hospital till gave birth,I felt betrayed and still trying to work out that part,a lot happened a whole lot I cnt go into right but with the grace of God we are working out our marriage and I have taken up all the expenses while he concentrates on repaying his loans which I have insisted I won't help pay anymore,
Today we much happier and we working on ourselves
So see poster,its good you spell out ur expectations in clear terms and same applies to her,both of you have to find a common ground,and if that doesn't happen, pls find ur way. This is experience speakinh oh!

queensmith:

Actually if we are to be frank thats exactly what it is, it isn't today women have been travelling to England for the full purpose of working to support thier husbands. Women that base thier life choices based on whether the man will cover their every need without them having to contribute are exactly so.
Whether the man is a cleaner or a billionaire is irrelevent since our perception of wealth in this case is relative.
I may not blink twice at the OPs situation, but to your typical village girl he's a goldmine. See what I mean?