Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? - Romance - Nairaland
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| Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 11:44am On Apr 12, 2012 |
I mean why would a guy meet a girl make advances at her and just lay back. to me its quite frustrating especially when as a lady i want to get to know him and decide if there is any need of starting a relationship.We met in Febuary and i still cant decide if i want to date him cos we ve only met at restaurants like 4 times with very little time for serious talk. based on first impression basis i kinda off like him but beyond that nothing.i have hinted at it jokingly when we talk dat interest might start to wane and he has often said no. i have decided to distance my self totally by ignoring his pings or show low level of interest and hope that serves as a reality check. or maybe he is no longer interested and doesnt know how to let go . I have asked him on d second date when he made his intentions known if he was married and he replied dat he wasnt. over the course of our discussions i mentioned his laid back attitude he said he was shy nd would like me too take charge . which i found very funny. dont know what to make of his attitude. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Killz1(m): 11:56am On Apr 12, 2012 |
Maybe he's really shy. . . I guess you should just ask him, tell him what you want from him, wait for an improvement, and if it's not forthcoming, you walk. Not all guys are hot and cold. By the way, if i was the guy, 4 dates is not enough for me to decide if i want a future with you, i'll prefer to take my time, but since you are kinda desperate, i guess you ask him and get it over with! |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 12:06pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
killz its not about being desperate its about getting to know him as a person so a decision can be made. like i said i only like him on d basis of our little interaction and would want to know more about him .note that the decision to be made is noy marriage but if i actually want a relationship. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by SAFO(m): 1:42pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
If he's not shy then he's weighing his options. He probably has no plans on marriage in the near future and justs wants to enjoy playing the field. Remember, the chase is always more enticing than the catch. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by deniyor: 1:59pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
That's a smart guy right there. He is taking his time to study you. He also sounds like someone with options, and he is considering if you are the best for him in his options. Lastly, he likes you but he is not that into you yet. It's nice to let relationships grow and take its natural course rather than forcing it. You have both talked about "I'm into you" etc so its not a matter of too shy to admit there are romantic feelings. However, if in six months or so, he is still like that, move on cos he is really not into you. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 2:59pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
thanks u all , at least i am able to deduce that 1) he is taking his time in knowing me. 2)he probably has other options . 3) i should go with the flow with a time frame in mind. 4) and i should keep my options "very" open. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by deniyor: 3:24pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
twinkles286: thanks u all , at least i am able to deduce that I'm not sure about the 'very' open part. Keeping options open is a good thing at this stage. Very open may lead to inability to focus on anything even for a little bit. At least give this one a chance first in the time frame you have set for yourself. If another option comes in the time, then consider it, but don't go looking for options. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Killz1(m): 3:39pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
twinkles286: killz its not about being desperate its about getting to know him as a person so a decision can be made. like i said i only like him on d basis of our little interaction and would want to know more about him .note that the decision to be made is noy marriage but if i actually want a relationship.I get you. But since he claimed to be shy and asked you to take the lead, what are you waiting for?  |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 3:54pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
@killz , such naughty thots going on in ur head. but seriously on that issue my fear is i am might scare him off because really that statement is kind of vague. @deniyor my issue is as regards the time frame and i cant imagine hanging around six months for him to decide what he wants . if after six months he becomes overly interested i would assume his first choice didnt work and i am d fall back babe. he is due back in town dis weekend and i hope we get to hang out , but really he is such a different person from guys am used too. answering queries with monosyllabic words or in short sentences. the only reassurance i have with him is dat well he hasnt made any move towards the physical cos i tend to think most guys re so fast and forward about irrespecctive of the time u met . anyway thanks will keep u posted. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Killz1(m): 4:31pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
twinkles286: @killz , such naughty thots going on in ur head. but seriously on that issue my fear is i am might scare him off because really that statement is kind of vague.Scare him off? Then so be it. But at least, you've tried your best in trying to get to know him. Guys are not stereotypical. What works for one may not be applicable to the other. He may truly be shy, but then, how would you know? |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 4:35pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
@ killz how do u suggest i do that, really want to get it rite. at least if he gets scared off i will know i did my best |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Killz1(m): 4:39pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
twinkles286: @ killz how do u suggest i do that, really want to get it rite. at least if he gets scared off i will know i did my bestSuggestion: On one of your "eatery" dates, ask him who you are to him, when he's least expecting it. If he stammers while giving you an answer, RUN! |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 4:54pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
@ killz u re not really a bad person as some pple tend to claim. thank u so much , will keep u posted. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by yommy2sure(m): 6:36pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
@op, hi, if you are below 23, then u can play the 6months game with him but if you are older, therez no point beating about the bush...he said hez shy and told u to take the lead, then do that...tell him u like to define ur relationship with guys and dnt wanna make assumptions...i believe true love is a seed that shld be allow the time to grow but at least one shld acknowledge therez a seed in thefirst place...all the best |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 7:08pm On Apr 12, 2012 |
@yommy2sure thanks,ur point is duly noted as i am in my 30"s and my time frame would be a month from now. really cant afford to be stringed along.thanks anyway |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 12:25pm On Apr 20, 2012 |
hi, @killz,yommy2sure and deniyor: well had lunch with the dude during the week and he bascially beat me too asking where we were. i had to push the question back to him cos i didnt want to sound like i had too much hopes or was way too much into him than he was into me. anyway his reply was dat we are friends working towards a relationship. honestly i wasnt thrilled with the answer and unfortunately my face mirrored my emotions.well he tried fishing to know if i was cool with that and i said yes , that at least there was no assumption.am really thinking of keeping my options very very open. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by joudini(m): 1:18pm On Apr 20, 2012 |
You say you have met 4 to 5 times in a restaurant, do you physically know where he stays? I dont mean you going there but do you know? Do you know any of his friends? Can you be a so casual friends with them? You will be surprised what big information a friend might casually reveal. Does he sound different on phone? Less emotionally aloof? I dont have much time now to keep springing hypothetical questions but dude seems to have a good check on his emotions or might be a calculating punk. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 3:55pm On Apr 20, 2012 |
@ joudini thanks for ur reply .I am suspicious too especially after his non committal response. well i have decided to really move on and let him catch on or drops behind. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Nobody: 5:09pm On Apr 20, 2012 |
My dear twinkles, you must keep your options very very very open indeed. From henceforth consider him strictly a friend. Dnt make the mistake of believing yourself to be in a rship. This guy probably has a real rship somewhere or He is attracted to you and trying to feel what you are willing to settle for he does not want to tie himself down with you or he is not really into you or he wants to take it slow but you better be moving along. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 6:40pm On Apr 20, 2012 |
Thank u but with the way u guys analyzed it am grateful I voiced out. I think I approached d whole with a level of naivete . Well I hope I can actually keep my cool and not tell him to Bleep off. Thanks everyone. Will keep u posted. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by KevinII(m): 6:42pm On Apr 20, 2012 |
twinkle come to my bedroom let me show you something i promise you will leave with many a twinkle on ur face. am waiting |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 6:54pm On Apr 20, 2012 |
Must every thread have a jester. I don't do boys in mens body. Now run along. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by KevinII(m): 8:09pm On Apr 20, 2012 |
twinkles286: Must every thread have a jester. I don't do boys in mens body. Now run along.take it easy boo dont be so desperate god's time is the best. in the meantime come to my bedroom let us while away time before your knight comes along. am still waiting |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Nobody: 6:48am On May 01, 2012 |
Twinkles, this guy must be very calculating. What does he do? Is he goodlooking? Determined? Focused? Or a cassanova? How often do you 2 meet? Don't sound desperate and try to move study him too. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Onegai(f): 9:49am On May 01, 2012 |
Don't keep this guy as an option. He has options and he's weighing them. And you're not high on the list, even. If you were, you'd see him often. And that question about him asking where you stood, that's BS. If he wants you, he won't beat around the bush. No matter how shy. I've had a guy in his late 30s do this, I was thinking he wanted to take things slow and was busy with work, then I saw a mssg he sent to his friend (my co-worker) saying he went to watch a movie with Tosin (he put a smiley beside it). I blanked him, now 3 months later, he wants to see me, but I don't hear from him frequently still. I guess he and Tosin are having issues, and he wants to keep his options open. Bounce that nigger. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Nobody: 10:07pm On May 01, 2012 |
@Twinkles. What's the latest on this story?  |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by twinkles286: 3:01pm On May 02, 2012 |
thanks guys. we have actually being hanging out with the same laid back attitude and my attitude is to hell with him.he hasnt changed despite my hints and outright questioning. Anyways the truth is the deadline i gave him in my mind is up as he seems to be taking forever to make up his mind . the upsetting part was when i raised the issue he made it seem like i was making a fuss over nothing. i will just go with the flow and move on immediately a better person comes along. |
| Re: Why Do Guys Blow Hot And Cold? by Nobody: 9:26pm On May 02, 2012 |
I dnt think you should wait till a better person comes up sef if you can forget about him now pls do so. |
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