fellis: @Agiboma
With all due respect to you ma,
not all men are like your husband. You were lucky that your husband appreciated your efforts and became more loving and caring towards you but the fact remains that human beings are not the same, we are all different and what works for one person may not work for another.
1. The OP wrote that she lost weight, tried to make herself more attractive and tried to make the marriage work, hoping that her husband will change but he only got worse. The fact that your husband responded to your efforts does not mean OP's husband will respond to her efforts.
2. The man is not interested in the welfare of his children, she stated this in a post.
3. People are threatening to harm her and her husband doesn't care what happens. What if they carry out their threats?
4. AIDS.
So after all these considerations, you still think she should be a good wife and remain married to her husband?

2mch: Wow, Aigboma sounds emotionally frustrated and trampled. No human being has a right to subject another to such. No human being has a right to make this short life miserable for anyone. OP made a choice to get married, and she is making the choice to get divorced. 10yrs is a long time to make it work. Not because you have been emotionally manipulated and so desire to keep your title doesn't mean others take themselves for granted like you. If OP was my sister I will get her the lawyer. Life preservation should be your first concern. Live for your kids, not for any spouse. So many diseases out there that will take your life. No one will take care of your kids like you. And your parents, if that is your back up plan will die sooner than you think. Nigeria is dangerous to live in already, why increase the rate at which you die? You only live once, and everyone is entitled to as much happiness as they want. OP, if this is how you feel and what you have experienced, you are on the right path. Goodluck. The people fighting you for him will win a lottery when they marry the guy.

agiboma:

I am non of those things but people on NL can either understand my logic or in your case it goes way above you limited level of understanding but that's ok. Wait a few years get some more life experience and then com back on comment.

agiboma:
actually i do and I am a living testimony that these men change, she is just seeing the misery which i saw a few months back, my relationship today is the complete opposite, like night and day. I dont want to grocery list the things that hubby does these days, but what i know is that i am very much enjoying my marriage these days and i think it can also happen for OP if she exercise patience. I am sharing with her
my lived experience.

TV01: I’m not surprised, but pained and appalled by some of the hurt that gets posted here. I love marriage. Everything about it. It has no downside if correctly understood and properly entered into.

Marriage is not an estate to be entered into or taken lightly. For all those yet to, but hoping for, please make every preparation and every effort to get it right.

At the very least, this section should serve as a warning. And if the only counsel you take away is caution, please heed that. I also see invaluable insights for those already married and some succour for those going through within it.

For those seeking to keep onside of the Bible, my reading is, it permits – not necessarily prescribes – divorce for adultery, but only allows re-marriage in the event of death. And if you do believe God, seeking him wholeheartedly before, will profit you more than coming to NL after.


@OP, your situation is a difficult one. I wish you well.


TV

Tirade over. I'm just pained.

Johndoe100: Sometimes I really wonder at the way people on this board think. Womanizing and being a serial womanizer is SOP (standard operating procedure) in Nigeria. Most women have come to understand that as long as the man takes care of his home and family they have nothing really to complain about. This woman is talking crap because the man has girlfriends? What if he decides to marry one? Can she or the fools who live in Australia and timbucto egging her on stop him? If she wants to leave let her, what is her fate going to be? She will end up the mistress to someone else's husband in a year or so when she wants to have sex.
Women who come on here to complain of this are really the foolish ones. The wise ones have come to terms with the reality of life in Nigeria. I mean if you are not insane like the internet Nigerian fools who come here to escape their miserable lives, would you be complaining about girlfriend in a country where men can legally marry multiple wives?
To the OP, please divorce your husband and free him from your trouble. Nothing spoil. He has already told you that you can go, you must really be a liability.

moremi2008:

LOL! It's like a game of whack-a-mole on these boards. Just when you think we've reached a consensus that women are human beings, another one pops up!

Johndoe100: Sometimes I really wonder at the way people on this board think. Womanizing and being a serial womanizer is SOP (standard operating procedure) in Nigeria. Most women have come to understand that as long as the man takes care of his home and family they have nothing really to complain about.

agiboma: Thank you to all the men for responding well said all of you. But you FOOLS are not deceiving me. [b]First of all are you all married? [/b]Secound of all would you date OP and build a life with her and her 3 children or be with a young 23 year old thats single. Come on be realistic here and not write complete nonsense. What she needs to know is the probability of her future in this Nigeria. Not deceiving herself of an unrealistic future which is what you people are gingering her up for. I have no problem with divorce but i dont see a womanizer as a reason for divorce, a wife beater is the only reason i see a woman should divorce a man. But all will be well ooo one of you upright men will be the man OP is looking for so all is well on this thread.

Sisi_Kill: Timbuktu. . .Tim-Buk-Tu!

Carry on!

Johndoe100:

My respect for you grows by the minute. You found out the koko. These are unmarried school children who are feeling grown up and hoping against hope that one of the females will give them a sniff of her underwear. I don't respond to them. Some of the young boys have promise but not the ones you are wasting time with. When the men who post on this board resurface, I will be glad to join issues with them.

obasijoy: @ op I sent a mail to you but is bouncing back. I know a very good lawyer and I've worked as a secretary in his law firm before. He is too good, his office is in festac. His no. Is 08037252752. Your hubby will be surprise when the letter will be presented to him. Divorce him and be happy for life with your children. You don't need to remarry, just have a lovely, peaceful and wonderful home with your kids. He must come back pleading. Don't be surprise that if you die in that marriage *God Forbid* he must come to your burial with his girl friend. DIVORCE HIM.

agiboma: Thank you to all the men for responding well said all of you. But you FOOLS are not deceiving me. First of all are you all married? Secound of all would you date OP and build a life with her and her 3 children or be with a young 23 year old thats single. Come on be realistic here and not write complete nonsense. What she needs to know is the probability of her future in this Nigeria. Not deceiving herself of an unrealistic future which is what you people are gingering her up for. I have no problem with divorce but i dont see a womanizer as a reason for divorce, a wife beater is the only reason i see a woman should divorce a man. But all will be well ooo one of you upright men will be the man OP is looking for so all is well on this thread.

agiboma:

I am non of those things but people on NL can either understand my logic or in your case it goes way above you limited level of understanding but that's ok. Wait a few years get some more life experience and then com back on comment.

agiboma:
actually i do and I am a living testimony that these men change, she is just seeing the misery which i saw a few months back, my relationship today is the complete opposite, like night and day. I dont want to grocery list the things that hubby does these days, but what i know is that i am very much enjoying my marriage these days and i think it can also happen for OP if she exercise patience. I am sharing with her my lived experience.

kcheerful: i av been married for 10 years with 3 lovely kids. the problem is my husband is an unrepentent adulterer and liar.
its been an issue in all our years of marriaige. the problem is he has always been like that before we got married but i thot it was just youthful exhuberance and marraige will change him
but i was wrong. i av begged him, quarrelled with him, prayed and done everything i can imagine. reported to his family my family but he seem to be cursed.
he runs after young girls of 21 to 23 at 43 years old.
i am tired.. cant take it any more.
when i told him i want to leave he said i am free that to get a wife is not difficult that there are many willing ladies pout there.
that he will not ask me to leave but if i say i want to go he will not force me to stay either.
so i want to leave.
i need a lawyer who will advise me on how to go about the divorce proceedings.
his lies are runnining me cracy
his unfaithfulness is making me sick
some of ds girls send curses an threats to my phone and when i tell him he is not bothered and tells me to go and sort it out myself.
in short i av made up my mind to leave
if u are a lawyer or knows anyone that is competent with divorce proceedings should drop her phone number or mail me on kofocheerful@yahoo.co.uk.
thank u

Johndoe100: Sometimes I really wonder at the way people on this board think. Womanizing and being a serial womanizer is SOP (standard operating procedure) in Nigeria. Most women have come to understand that as long as the man takes care of his home and family they have nothing really to complain about. This woman is talking crap because the man has girlfriends? What if he decides to marry one? Can she or the fools who live in Australia and timbucto egging her on stop him? If she wants to leave let her, what is her fate going to be? She will end up the mistress to someone else's husband in a year or so when she wants to have sex.
Women who come on here to complain of this are really the foolish ones. The wise ones have come to terms with the reality of life in Nigeria. I mean if you are not insane like the internet Nigerian fools who come here to escape their miserable lives, would you be complaining about girlfriend in a country where men can legally marry multiple wives?
To the OP, please divorce your husband and free him from your trouble. Nothing spoil. He has already told you that you can go, you must really be a liability.

coogar:

this marriage business is getting scarier by the day.
how many couples are actually happy in marriage? for feck's sake - did you people pick each other on the streets?
are men getting increasingly selfish? are women getting increasingly impatient?

anyone aspiring to marry should stop coming to this section of nairaland.
i think the woes clearly outweigh the smiles.
the people happy in their marriages should post more and eliminate this doom n gloom stories.

blank: @ Agiboma,you have stated your opinion, no need to call others "fools". Your actions paid off for you, that is good but the same actions have not paid off for the op. She has said that she has been threatened. Does she have to wait to be beaten before she leaves? Remember that you once said that you chose to remain cos you had no means to support yourself and your kid. The OP has and she is tired of the relationship and is ready to move on. Whether she meets someone new or not is a risk she is willing to take. All she asked for where the services of a lawyer! If you know one, tell her, if you do not know one, let her be.

fellis: Agiboma,
pay no mind to those being insultive to you.
I personally, understand that people have differing opinions and I don't think people should be insulted because they think differently from us.

OK.
But what about the risks she faces of contacting STDs, especially AIDs?
Or what if her husband's girlfriends decide to carry out their threats and harm her?

Johndoe100:

My respect for you grows by the minute. You found out the koko. These are unmarried school children who are feeling grown up and hoping against hope that one of the females will give them a sniff of her underwear. I don't respond to them. Some of the young boys have promise but not the ones you are wasting time with. When the men who post on this board resurface, I will be glad to join issues with them.

Richvkunt:


[/b]

[/b]


@agiboma,
From the three quoted posts I was able to come to the following conclusions-
1.EXPERIENCE is the best teacher.
2.Lots of people with no experience of what marriage entails are posting on these threads.
3.Your husband is a very lucky man to be married to a woman like you.
4.A bad husband can change and become a good husband if given the chance.

obasijoy: @ johndoe wizard like you! Is your kind of guy that doesn't care about your wife or girl friend's feelings. So if she is your sister you will tell her to stay in that marriage and die sheaaaa. IS MARRIAGE THE BEST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE? Abeg the hubby doesn't deserve her and her kids ok. Moreover I just answered her question. She has made up her mind and she needs a good lawyer which I provided her with one so what's your stress. I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT YOU MUST BE AN ADULTERER.

agiboma:

She can use condoms if she choose to still sleep with him? Now about the threats that has never happened to me so i cant comment.

fellis:

Marriage is not supposed to be miserable or burdensome for any one of the parties involved, especially not the woman who is usually more emotionally fragile and sensitive to psychological traumas.
The man is supposed to be the leader of the family, the head, the one that keeps everything together, in order. The one that sees to the welfare of his wife and children, sees to their happiness and peace of mind and protects them. As a leader should.
Why do some Nigerian women, instead of encouraging men to step up to their responsibilities and play the role of head that society bestows on them, why do these women encourage randy, irresponsible husbands by making it seem like the duty of keeping the home together is the sole responsibility of the woman?

ronkebp: Agiboma....really i have been following your advice on this thread, and my question is 'really'??

agiboma:

Look i agree with you 100% on the above no doubt about it. So lets talk about this Nigeria for a minute ok.

1.) Nigeria where a man can LEGALLY have multiple wives
2.) Nigeria where men are the head of the houshold and usually have all the money
3.) Nigeria where woman are not empowered or recognised in the society as an equal
4.) Nigeria where the employment is scare unemployment is high

What are women to do in this society based on the above and so much more i did not mention, find a wealthy man and hold on @ all cost.