A friend of mine just opened up to ♏ε̲ that her husband of over 5yrs is always sad and always querreling and beating her up. She takes care of their home aπϑ 3children financially as τђё mans business is not goin well, aπϑ she is also faithful aπϑ dedicated. Anything she does, τђё man will always quarell with her aπϑ accuse her of disrespectin him cos she futes τђё bills. Pls what shld she do and what could be wrong with τђё man, she is suspecting τђё man is having an affair as he has been denying her of se.x under τђё cover of being angry wit her.
Candid advice needed pls. She will see ♏ε̲ on sunday, ℓ̊ need suggestions on what kind of advice to give her.

Hey pees, comments, sugessions pls! Let's help a sis out!

Definately no man will deny his wife sex because he is angry and even beat up his wife. Those kinda men should be locked up completely. My mother faced the same situation like that and i know how it is. But with time my dad changed. It only takes a patient woman to win a man's heart completely. Need advise PM me.

Some men could be heartless. Why can't people just look well before leaping into marriage. Most people marry these days for everything apart from luv. I hardly sympathize with people who have difficult marriages. As long as one wasn't forced to marry, the onus falls on u to look properly, scrutinize and be sensitive. Tell tale signs are always there but most people choose to ignore them.

Nawa ooo. Dis type of story is becomin to much jare... I no even get advice to give for now. I tire for dis kain tori joor

I am even getting fed up with the rate of domestic abuse going on, b4 I married I thought it was something u watched on TV until it happened to me - now everyday I am reading stories on NL and blogs like water coming out of a fast flowing tap - SMH

taryour: Nawa ooo. Dis type of story is becomin to much jare... I no even get advice to give for now. I tire for dis kain tori joor

Tell her to sitdon diaaaa. I will leave my own husbands house to come tell her what to do

Well has her family spoken to this man? Look he married a woman a wife and not a punching bag. Can she go somewhere for some time a safe house? Look its important that she knows that she is not the problem and her husband has anger management issues and he needs help or in this country he needs talking to or preferably a beatdown himself .

jenny and (madam) CC - its not easy to leave o - and what with our culture and what people will say do you honestly think some women can hack dealing with it.

I was lucky as I had a very good support system and structures in place to make it easier to be financially independent (to a point) not a lot of women can walk away from abuse as its not as simple as "he hit me, how dare he i'm out"

some of my inlaws even after 2 years of seperation are still telling me to beg my ex to take me back (na wah o) I should beg the man who almost killed my unborn child to take me back cos the beating and burns were not enough then...........all in the name of "our culture says women must endure"

I cannot tell another woman to leave an abusive situation cos it has to come from her and no one can make you leave but I feel sick and angry when some people (including fellow women) advise the victim to change their behaviour, cook better, dress better, be less "rude" etc..........

I wish my ex would have tried his rubbish in this country - I will bring him that jolloff rice and dress well when I visit him in his prison cell. nonsense

no one wants to end their marriage but even the bible allows you to leave for certain reasons

@

Another onesided story from "my imaginary pal" who I am going to advise on sunday. Most of these so obvious lies are planted by people who just want to follow follow. They just serve as platforms for the cabal to hate on men. I am sure that the OP is single. So much crap.
If a woman gets beat sometimes it's cos she deserved it. Please even Islam recognizes this and makes allowance for it. But hey this is NL, so if something with a kunt says something, it's true and we all have to cry about what the big bad "MAN" did.

Sorry, double post

do you even know what is so pathetic about the poster's story - the woman is taking care of the home financially and this useless man is beating her on top of it.


madam CC - the first few months I left I had my inlaws telling me its my fault - my mouth is too sharp (as he told them). I guess when you loose respect for a man that can beat u while pregnant ur mouth might become a bit sharp, when ur husband is following small small girls out side at his old age (40+) yes ur mouth can become a bit sharp, when ur husband refuses to bring money for ante natal care and expects his unemployed wife to foot all the bills "sebi you have money" while he spends it on woman outside y won't my mouth be sharp..........frekking nonsense.

but if there is any woman reading this and wondering - there is life after leaving an abusive relationship. It is hard - if you cannot hack it please stay where you are and pray the man changes cos IT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT.

anyway I have since moved on - I thank God for a good job my daughter does not lack - I am trying to plan my summer holiday - madam CC any suggestions cos a weekend to Brighton is not going to be my portion - lol.

Johndoe100: Another onesided story from "my imaginary pal" who I am going to advise on sunday. Most of these so obvious lies are planted by people who just want to follow follow. They just serve as platforms for the cabal to hate on men. I am sure that the OP is single. So much crap.
If a woman gets beat sometimes it's cos she deserved it. Please even Islam recognizes this and makes allowance for it. But hey this is NL, so if something with a kunt says something, it's true and we all have to cry about what the big bad "MAN" did.

yes people who get beaten deserved it! we have heard. talking back to you husband after he hits you while pregnant deserves a good slap and kick in the back. my bad!! there I was thinking that assault was a crime. kmt

cotton101:

yes people who get beaten deserved it! we have heard. talking back to you husband after he hits you while pregnant deserves a good slap and kick in the back. my bad!! there I was thinking that assault was a crime. kmt

Your face and your back are they pregnant? Please spare us the crap.

john - i don't get ur point but its ok.

Whatever happens in this thread, please ignore JohnDoe100. He's a fcking troll and his opinions are not worthy of a reaction. Replying him will just drag the conversation downwards into the gutter.

Violence of any kind be it physical or emotional is totally unacceptable - moreso, where children are involved.

The innocent children get caught up in the middle of the feuding parents, and grow up believing this despicable act in marriage is acceptable. They in turn emulate their parents and practise what they see with their spouse, thereby creating a viscious circle.

Nigeria being what it is, i.e lack of adequate support structures for victims of domestic abuse coupled with insufficient deterants for perpetrators of these abhorrant acts - makes it difficult to help the victim in question here.

@poster, ask your friend to call a meeting for both sides of the family preferably, with older married members whom the husband respects, and whose opinions he holds in high regards. Hopefully, they would be able to interceed on behalf of your friend.

There are always two sides to a story. Most Nigeria men have that thing called "pride" and it hurts their pride esp. in Nigeria if they are seen as not being able to provide for their family. He May be going through a difficult patch (not an excuse for the violence though), and would be irked if wifey rubs his nose in on it that she has to foot all the financial bills.

Nevertheless, if the families are unable to help resolve the issues between hubby & wifey, and the violence from him continues, then she should seriously consider moving out. Her children need her alive, not dead. Heaven forbid, but we don't want to read another Ogo's story.

cotton101: john - i don't get ur point but its ok.

It's very simple. What has your being pregnant got to do with it? If your face and back are hit that's a separate issue.

moremi2008: Whatever happens in this thread, please ignore JohnDoe100. He's a fcking troll and his opinions are not worthy of a reaction. Replying him will just drag the conversation downwards into the gutter.

I have chosen on several occasions to ignore you, it seems that your lack of home training is total. Why don't you go change your diapers or something?

Reduce d financial inputs, let d financial situation be clear to him. Dnt fit into his shoes by readily supplying him money. besides taking it for granted it may be hurting his ego and insecurity gets d grip on him. Cook up reasons for pay cut. Don't assume he is cheating on you becos he does not make love. It'll help psychologically and help the situation. Don't rush into impressing him by covering up his shame, do what u do cos ur sense of responsibility needs u to.

These might not solve anything, but maybe help him appreciate ur input more when you offer it.

And op (I assume u r married) whatever solutions u think up, be cautious with ur advice, actually it'd be better if u don't turn to her lecturer, dnt advice her directly. Be sly abt it, if u jump into bad mouthing men and/or submissive women, it may be to ur dismay after she eventually sorts things out with her husband. Tell her an old friend of yours had similar issues and did these..

Between husbands and wives, u never quite know enough.

Despite all her efforts, he has being beating her up for the past 5 years? And to add salt to the injury, that mad man is even denying her conjugal rights. Nawa o, some women can tolerate shit. This is not marriage at all; the whole thing has to be reviewed. Otherwise, this shitty set up is an accident waiting to happen.

chaircover:

Jenny I'm finally gradually getting there and beginning to understand how you feel sometimes and what you wrote echoed exactly how I feel on this one.

You know something I dont even blame the men anymore, cos I figured out that many a time, they only give you what you are willing to accept. Many of us have sold ourselves short for a loaf of bread. These things did not happen in 2012 but a long long time ago as far back as courtship.

Before nko, why will you blame the men? didn't I say it on one thread that we WOMEN are the problem. We are passing a message across to these men that it's okay for them to hurt us intentionally because. . . . "We cannot make it without them, it's okay to do this as long as you apologize I will forgive you, He buys me a bag of rice and bag of beans so I can manage, as long as he takes care of my extended family I can still manage, the grass is not greener on the other side so let me just sitdon and let him beat me to death, I'd rather be one man's punching bag".

Is it not you that always tell your daughter how beautiful she is so tey she is beginning to carry herself like the QUEEN OF ENGLAND. If you continue building up her self esteem do you think she will take rubbish from one eediot that has a third leg? or let one man treat her like a second class citizen?

I am known as the number one advocate for divorce On NLD but most times I don't even suggest divorce to these people, all I do is tell them they deserve better and then you will see all the anti cabal crew killing themselves on the thread. I have seen fellow women tell their fellow women to manage a serial cheat cos the grass is not greener, the poster has not said anything about looking for greener pasture on the other side. I believe in fighting for my marriage but how can I fight for a man that sleeps around with any v@g he sees on the street? how can I fight for a man that beats the crap out of me? how can I fight for a man who has infected me with STD not once, not twice not even 10 times? It takes two people to make a marriage work CC not one, if you are not on the same page with your husband that marriage is heading for the rocks. May our children not see these kind of men in JESUS NAME. Amen

I loved your comment on one thread a few months ago, I think this woman's ID is "Gayi" or so can't remember. The one whose husband sleeps around with anything, she came here the first time and she told some of us that her husband gives her money and takes care of her family so she can manage, then she came back again after a few months this time he slept with his secretary or so and the secretary told her. I remember your comment till date, you said to her "He has been doing this for a long time and you let him get away with it, how is it any different now, you know what I mean". Phewww, when I read your comment I just jejely got myself a nice glass of red wine and drank to my satisfaction.

Do you see where I am coming from sometimes?

jenny ur drinking red wine without the crackers, cheese and grapes? slacker!!!!

she's getting nothing 4rm d marriage. What's d essence then?

and she s still there what s she enjoyin she s killin her self ova worthless thin i only pity the kids,that are assistin such drama every day

How do you all know that what she says is true? I don't just support someone because she is female. Maybe the thread was created as a platform after all.

The truth is in situations like this no one can actually advice the victim. She knows what she is supposed to do but won't do it not yet anyway and she can never take advice from anyone. That is how it happens. Victims of abuse always know when its time to walk: its only few that actually gets around to walking out of abusive marriages.
My ex started with verbal abuse that were totally uncalled for. I remember when i tell him we should sit and discuss about d marriage, issues building up unresolved, his attitude, plans for our future, etc etc, he will tell me "f.uck you", "am not interested in your st.u.pid discussion, "go and f.u.ck yourself" etc etc. It continued like that till he finally demonstrated physically. You needed to see the man that day setting blow and posturing (like Jackie Chan) to fight a pregnant woman.
Anyway i didn't tell anyone not even my mum cos they all would have said please endure and pray to God for your husband to change. I had already made up my mind finally before informing my mother and like i said she tried to settle us but i was done. There was no way i would ever refer to the monster as my husband again, there was absolutely no way i would ever love him again or even cook his meals or wash his clothes, there was no way i would look him in the eye without the urge to do something terrible to him, there was no way i could ever ever let beast touch me again. The honest truth is that if i had stayed and some other persons had advised me leave, i doubt i would have left. That is just how it works people.....a woman in an abusive marriage only leaves when she gets the will power. He never taught i will survive childbirth and taught i will miscarry my child even a lady told me same thing that there was no way on earth i will be able to carry the child to term that the stress will be too much for me but well here i am, alive and kicking, my child is strong and healthy and am so so so glad i left that man. Domestic abuse makes you feel you are loosing it, you loose your self esteem, your husband totally disrespects you, your husband tells you stuffs like "you should be glad i married you cos if i hadn't no man would have married you"! He reminds you daily of how girls are tripping for him because he is very handsome, how they are begging him to marry them, when he comes back from work, the first thing he says is one of his ex girlfriend called him and was begging him to marry her. That is ehn i was just like a fool as in i was just doing everythin to please him, i became a slave to a man i called my husband.
The very day he raised his hands on me was the first and last. I didn't wait for it to happen the second time.
So madam, if you are enjoying the beatings and the emotional trauma your children are going thru, remain for dia you hear. When you think its time....follow your heart. A man who loves his wife will never ever raise his hands on her. May God protect you.

^^^ What? are you serious? You married a kid. I mean which man comes home everyday and tells his wife his ex girlfriend from no where called him suddenly and started begging him for marriage? that man has a big time insecurity issues. BIG TIME