When I look back at how my brother's wife treated me, Άπϑ other sibling,I can't but remember her sheer wickedness. She did everything to frustrate us from my brother's house,knowing fully well then that my parents had. Accomodation problem then. She was always nagging, Άπϑ complaining at †ђξ slighted provocation,reporting minor issues to my brother,getting angry at ♍Ɣ brothet,if ĦΣ didn't take her expected decision. She did all this us,but always pampering her own sibling. She serve me food attimes without meat,and I never complained to my brother..I wonder why she did all that.. Do anyone I̶̲̅n †ђξ house had such experience to share please...some women are hell to live with...

Your experience is a rather common occurrence. Some women are just horrible people; there's nothing you can do to change that. Thankfully, life usually treats such women unkindly.

Just thank God you're out of their house. At the end of the day, she was doing you a favor by hosting you in her house. At least now you know what a horrible person she is and you can avoid her like a plague going forward.

@OP
i would understand why your presence upset her. not every person is cool with having unwanted guests staying with them for a LONG period of time. remember, she didnt invite you there, she was "forced" to accept you because of your family ties, and had NO SAy in the matter........so treating you like shiit was just a way of letting you guys know how she really felt about you being there.

@ OP, they have given you accommodation, they feed you, etc and all you can complain about is that they do not give you meat and that she is always reporting you. Why not show gratitude for the one they are doing for you? Is it compulsory for them to take you in? You would have had to go back to your folks that are having accommodation issues.

GOing forward, all those little things you do that annoy her, stop doing them. Be more grateful and show your appreciation. Try and stay out of her hair as much as you can during the day and help out as much as possible. You will definitely see a change.

blank: @ OP, they have given you accommodation, they feed you, etc and all you can complain about is that they do not give you meat and that she is always reporting you. Why not show gratitude for the one they are doing for you? Is it compulsory for them to take you in? You would have had to go back to your folks that are having accommodation issues.

GOing forward, all those little things you do that annoy her, stop doing them. Be more grateful and show your appreciation. Try and stay out of her hair as much as you can during the day and help out as much as possible. You will definitely see a change.

that was then,now I am big man now,I can even house your entire generation, Άπϑ household.I was ǰU̶̲̥̅̊§τ̲̅ complaining Ђδω wicked she was to me,and behaving opposite to her own siblings,she came begging us all after S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ many years,mind you.

Yomieluv: that was then,now I am big man now,I can even house your entire generation, Άπϑ household.I was ǰU̶̲̥̅̊§τ̲̅ complaining Ђδω wicked she was to me,and behaving opposite to her own siblings,she came begging us all after S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ many years,mind you.

Ok. My opinion still stands for those who are in your shoes.

@ blank,i hope u will nt b dat kind of woman because some women dnt want to see their inlaws around them. They over emphasis the gratitude thing as if thats d way they appreciate God 4 all d good things he has done 4 them. Women can b so horrible. Am a woman and i know how some of us act 2 inlaws!

MRbrownJAY: @OP
i would understand why your presence upset her. not every person is cool with having unwanted guests staying with them for a LONG period of time. remember, she didnt invite you there, she was "forced" to accept you because of your family ties, and had NO SAy in the matter........so treating you like shiit was just a way of letting you guys know how she really felt about you being there.

I am sorry. She doesn't have any justifiable reason to behave harshly towards her in-laws. She should know that she married the entire family and not just her husband. Her in-laws become her new family once she married them. Fine, they may be un-wanted guests, but twas just a temporary situation. Would she be happy if they treated her like trash if her n hubby becomes destitute? And to think that she treated her own siblings well...

I know it isn't easy to have people living with u (I don't even like it personally cos u have to go d extra mile to please them), but it's all she could do to show support at that time.

Her attitude is actually very bad n uncalled for.

^^^ i am sorry but i dont believe in what you just wrote. if someone dont like you, there is no way that her marriage is gonna make any difference to that. many people are quick to say that they will treat their in laws right but, the reality of the matter is that most wont (if they dont like them or their presence).

who are we kidding here? she only has a duty towards her husband, she married HIM, not his in-laws (no matter how you want to look at it). she should onl be nice, where nice is DUE. believing that someone should/would LIKE and respect any of their in-law family (whoever/however they are), just because they marry in that family is the biggest con on the face of the earth.

here is a clue: if someone had a great life with their husband, and suddenly you come in their lives and mess it up and make it unbearable to her with your annoying presence, then i see no reason why A) she should like you or B) act as if she enjoys your presence in their home. the fact that the husband "may" think as you do, is the reason why many are treated like the OP.

staying a few days/weeks is understandable, but we know that some stay for MONTHS/YEARS!!!!

beblessed: @ blank,i hope u will nt b dat kind of woman because some women dnt want to see their inlaws around them. They over emphasis the gratitude thing as if thats d way they appreciate God 4 all d good things he has done 4 them. Women can b so horrible. Am a woman and i know how some of us act 2 inlaws!

I know what i am saying. I am not saying she acted right, what i mean is that you should stop focusing on the things she did wrong and focus on what she did right. When i was just starting junior secondary, my parents felt i would be too young to live in the dormitory so i stayed with my uncle and his family. I felt that his wife was just too mean to me. I would wash their kids clothes over the weekend, swept the house before i left for school, she would beat me mercilessly if i did something wrong, always shouting at me. These were things i was not used to at home. I hated her then.

As i grew up i realised all she did was for my benefit. I washed the 2 youngest kid's clothes cos they were too young to do so themselves and i was the oldest. Her older kids all washed their own clothes. I learnt to tidy the house before i left in the morning and since she was a caterer, learnt how to cook different special dishes. I did not appreciate them then. Now, i am best friends with her. Her kids are like my younger ones. They come and go from my house as they like. I thought about it and considered the good she did in my life and overlooked the bad. She calls me ever so often and we chat like long lost friends.

What my epistle is just trying to say is that you should not focus on the bad but look at the good things and be grateful for those things.

Respect and honour is given to whom it is due. Just because you are an inlaw, does not warrant unnecessary behaviour, as long as you know your place and know that your married brother or sister have their own lives to live, there will not be any problem, failure to acknowledge that is the beginning of disrespect, disregard and trouble.

blank:

I know what i am saying. I am not saying she acted right, what i mean is that you should stop focusing on the things she did wrong and focus on what she did right. When i was just starting junior secondary, my parents felt i would be too young to live in the dormitory so i stayed with my uncle and his family. I felt that his wife was just too mean to me. I would wash their kids clothes over the weekend, swept the house before i left for school, she would beat me mercilessly if i did something wrong, always shouting at me. These were things i was not used to at home. I hated her then.

As i grew up i realised all she did was for my benefit. I washed the 2 youngest kid's clothes cos they were too young to do so themselves and i was the oldest. Her older kids all washed their own clothes. I learnt to tidy the house before i left in the morning and since she was a caterer, learnt how to cook different special dishes. I did not appreciate them then. Now, i am best friends with her. Her kids are like my younger ones. They come and go from my house as they like. I thought about it and considered the good she did in my life and overlooked the bad. She calls me ever so often and we chat like long lost friends.

What my epistle is just trying to say is that you should not focus on the bad but look at the good things and be grateful for those things.

I wasn't looking at †ђξ bad side of Ψђåt she did then,I was ǰU̶̲̥̅̊§τ̲̅ complaining about all she did then,she was unnecessarily harsh towards us. That Iڪ uncalled f or . ♍Ɣ immediate elder brother's wife Iڪ very close to me,W̶̲̥̅̊ξ are S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ close that pple at timed think she Iڪ ♍Ɣ sister.being wicked to pple,especially young ones fans †ђξ ember of discord I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ †ђξ family..now she Iڪ trying to ße̶̲̥̅̊ friendly..anytime I see her,I can't but remember all she did. there was a time,she hid bread,golden morn, Άπϑ other stuff meant for kitchen I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ her room I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ order to starve us...can U̶̲̥̅̊ imagine that?

InterestinG!
Not even a single positive point,all negatives.The mind is a weird thing,keeps record of evil and have zero memory of good.

OP, the positive thing is she gave you rice. that OP is not enough . what is rice without almight meat
let's say she fed you with garri and epa all the time nko? and then you developed some garrum plight/allergical reaction to garri etc
count your blessing...i'm sure what she did no matter what has an impact in your life. e.g you will never allow your kid to be raised by someone else.
cheers, it is well.

Housing issues eh?
Sounds like the whole of your brother's family was living in that house. Including Papa, mama and the rest of the lot.
That sounds like it would stress anybody out. Different people have different variances of tolerance. (Though the wife could have possibly done better)
I'm going to also go on a lib and guess that no one coughed up some cash on the in-law end to help with certain costs, so it would also stress the couple's pockets as well.

Young man, does meat come from air? That is the same logic jobless Nigerians girls use when they ask for funny things out of the blue like BB and Brazilian weave. If someone gives you food and there is no meat, as long as you haven't been banned from the kitchen and you can afford it, why not go buy meat and cook for yourself?
I sincerely hope y'all didn't just go and camp at their house and expected to be waited on by the female butler. From personal experience, I know Nigerians to act without consideration for the limited resources of their host when living with someone they feel is "family". Time has taught me that this is not right.

Yomieluv: I wasn't looking at †ђξ bad side of Ψђåt she did then,I was ǰU̶̲̥̅̊§τ̲̅ complaining about all she did then,she was unnecessarily harsh towards us. That Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ uncalled f or . ♍Ɣ immediate elder brother's wife Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ very close to me,W̶̲̥̅̊ξ are S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ close that pple at timed think she Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ ♍Ɣ sister.being wicked to pple,especially young ones fans †ђξ ember of discord I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ †ђξ family..now she Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ trying to ße̶̲̥̅̊ friendly..anytime I see her,I can't but remember all she did. there was a time,she hid bread,golden morn, Άπϑ other stuff meant for kitchen I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ her room I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ order to starve us...can U̶̲̥̅̊ imagine that?

And this confirms my earlier raised point.
Could you not have very well gone to buy foodstuffs yourselves?
Why do you think this couple you were living with had infinite resources? Granted you still haven't said anything about how long you all lived there.

You realize it's not just one extra mouth they had to feed right? There was you and the rest of the in-laws, that's a LOT of RESOURCES.
Is this hard to understand because of Nigerian society's general lack of a sense of maintenance?
They think because something has been done/built/made, maintenance is not an issue.

Now I don't necessarily agree too much with her way of handling the issue, but it was an issue non-the-less, one I know Nigerians tend to be very bad at helping with.

I'm not justifying your sister in law but I can understand her. It is not easy having other people living with you especially when things are not going well. Believe it or not she was not hiding golden morn to starve you she was probably just trying to stretch it. Sometimes when people come to my house I feel like hiding my sardines and milk because I know I am stretched for the month and I cannot afford to buy more. Or sometimes there is only 3 meat in the soup I give my oga 2 and son 1, inlaw no go get ni. Me sef I no dey chop meat all d time. Pls don't think she was mean she was probably was struggling to cope and having a hard time too. Instead of hating her why don't you thank her for having you in her house cos it ain't easy to feed grown ups.

@ poster, I hear what you are saying and Ive been on both ends of the story .I know what its like to have a family stay with me for an extended time,(yikes!) and I know what its like to live somewhere as a child and not feel welcome for whatever reasons. All you can do is try to understand what it was like for her at the time, since youre an adult now. Yes, it can feel hurtful, but just try to do your best to move on. Its in the past.

some people can be petty! It's not as if she served you no food, it's the absence of the meat that is your problem? If she had served u with meat, you'll complain about not having access to ice water since she locked the fridge? Or if na garri, u go vex say no sugar? When will people stop associating thn number of pieces of meat or it's absence with the degree of fondness the giver has?
I'm sorry, but it was uncles like you that we never wanted around as kids: bitter complainants!

blank: @ OP, they have given you accommodation, they feed you, etc and all you can complain about is that they do not give you meat and that she is always reporting you. Why not show gratitude for the one they are doing for you? Is it compulsory for them to take you in? You would have had to go back to your folks that are having accommodation issues.

GOing forward, all those little things you do that annoy her, stop doing them. Be more grateful and show your appreciation. Try and stay out of her hair as much as you can during the day and help out as much as possible. You will definitely see a change.

Are you serious? Grtitude for being mistreated? He ia related to the man, she should have shown him kindness as a mark of respect for the man's family.

Yomieluv: When I look back at how my brother's wife treated me, Άπϑ other sibling,I can't but remember her sheer wickedness. She did everything to frustrate us from my brother's house,knowing fully well then that my parents had. Accomodation problem then. She was always nagging, Άπϑ complaining at †ђξ slighted provocation,reporting minor issues to my brother,getting angry at ♍Ɣ brothet,if ĦΣ didn't take her expected decision. She did all this us,but always pampering her own sibling. She serve me food attimes without meat,and I never complained to my brother..I wonder why she did all that.. Do anyone I̶̲̅n †ђξ house had such experience to share please...some women are hell to live with...

why is meat so important in food? as long as your belly is full, i really
don't see why nigerians attach so much importance to meat. you must be above
23, you have stopped growth so no amount of meat would improve your health.
matter of fact, eating meat would quicken your death.

forget the past and move on with your life.

[b]@ Yomieluv,[/b]reading your story brought back memories of my childhood and it makes me wonder about you & your family. How did you conduct yourselves while staying with your brother and sister in law? Were you helpful around the house or did you carry on like this is my big brother's house with no regard to his wife or their crib? I didn't live in that situation with you and I don't know how your SIL acted. I am not endorsing the ill treatment of others or bad character from a wife, but I hope you can feel me and relate to what I'm saying.

Growing up as a child we constantly had relatives (on my father's side) live with us, and others would often bombard the house day and night with one issue or the other. And I can tell you that it wasn't a pleasant experience for me, because of how they would carry on in our home. They were hardly ever helpful around the house with chores,always came empty handed to visit (and am not exaggerating this)and would love to grab/take away things they could lay their hands on from foodstuffs to electronics that were spoilt and awaiting repairs etc. My mum's relatives on the other hand were the opposite. And I've come to realize that the negative issues often flows from in-laws on the husband's part (am not saying your family had issues).

In fact as far as I am concerned we didn't have a home what we had was a house that served as a restaurant, hotel, TV centre for folks to come watch football, a sick bay where people from the village would come and be dump for my parents to deal with it was just AAAARRRRRGHHH So if I resented that as a teenager/young adult then you can only imagine how my mum felt. It was a miserable environment to live in and I am not willing to put myself through that a second time.

If anyone is going to live with me whether relatives or in-laws you will conduct yourself appropriately,respect me and my crib or you take a walk.It is after all what I do whenever I go visiting family & friends. The key is to apply lots of common sense when staying with people, use your initiative and help with chores without being asked. Make yourself a pleasant visitor to have around so next time you say you would like to visit or need a place to stay, you will be welcomed and your presence will be celebrated not tolerated.

Just saying I know your situation came to an end and you are doing fine now.I only hope you will let it go and not hold this against her now.

coogar:

why is meat so important in food? as long as your belly is full, i really
don't see why nigerians attach so much importance to meat. you must be above
23, you have stopped growth so no amount of meat would improve your health.
matter of fact, eating meat would quicken your death.

forget the past and move on with your life.

don't you think it's a punishment to eat a bowl of amala without meat? it's bitter mate! seeing the meat motivates you.

LMAO @ gratitude for being mercilessly beaten. Even my own mother did not beat me mercilessly. I left my parents house after high school to live with in a country where I had no relatives. My mum trained me very well, taught me how to cook, clean, wash my clothes and do things for myself. Did she smack me a lot of times? yes. Did she beat me mercilessly, hell no.

Why should I owe gratitude to a woman who flogged the day light out of me before I left for school? her eldest kids wash their own clothes, can't they wash their younger ones clothes too?

Gratitude

@Topic
There is no excuse for her harshness.If she likes let her buy you a car and do so many good things for you, you don't treat someone like an ant and claim to take very good care of them. This is one of the reasons why I have brought up every child I know not to accept some gifts from people. You don't say shait about me, say nasty things to me and expect me to collect your apology gift, i have forgiven you alright but please keep your wretched gift to yourself.

If she likes let her even help him clean his nyash after knacking, the minute she starts her wickedness, that same minute every thing she has done for you depreciates.

I don't know if this story is true but if it is, with the comments I have seen so far from some women, all I can say is we were born to be WICKED Tufia.

Is it until he comes to tell us that his SIL locked him out we will feel sorry for him? there is no big sin or small sin. Even christ acknowledged a woman who only had almost nothing more than those that dropped millions. A piece of meat could be your saving grace, what the fvck is meat anyways? if you wan punish person sef, please step up your game.

My mum went through something similar, so tey they withheld lotion from her and gave her groundnut oil to use instead but look at her today. The stone that was rejected always turns out to be the chief corner stone. If not for God I would have deleted a lot of people from my life because of what they made my parents go through many years ago before they met.

My dear jennykadry, no mind those women that kept on talking about appreciating them because u stay in their homes! Most WOMEN are wicked and cant care for people who they didnt give birth to, chikena! U will work d most in their house n eat d least. Sleep late n wake early. And they want u to be gratefully? God knows how he blesses such inhumane women.

I must confess that I am happy with †ђξ response.let me tell U̶̲̥̅̊ a little bit of all ♍Ɣ chores then,I had to wake up 5:00am everyday,do †ђξ sweeping of †ђξ entire house, ♍Ɣ room,†ђξ sitting room,kitchen,balcony,outside,etc,boil water into †ђξ flask,wash ♍Ɣ brother's car, Άπϑ his wife's car,clean †ђξ dog cage,wash †ђξ dishes,fetch water if there was N̶̲̥̅̊Ơ̴̴̴͡‎​​ lite to pump.etc,I HªvΣ to do all these before going to school at 8am,I was a 100 level student then.†ђξ most painful thing was she was never grateful.she sees all as her birth right..there was a time I left home early, Άπϑ unable to do †ђξ house chores that day,she left everything undone Ƒ☺ř till I came back..I was mad that day..I kept all dis from ♍Ɣ brother..women are ǰU̶̲̥̅̊§τ̲̅ wicked.

Yomieluv: I must confess that I am happy with †ђξ response.let me tell U̶̲̥̅̊ a little bit of all ♍Ɣ chores then,I had to wake up 5:00am everyday,do †ђξ sweeping of †ђξ entire house, ♍Ɣ room,†ђξ sitting room,kitchen,balcony,outside,etc,boil water into †ђξ flask,wash ♍Ɣ brother's car, Άπϑ his wife's car,clean †ђξ dog cage,wash †ђξ dishes,fetch water if there was N̶̲̥̅̊Ơ̴̴̴͡‎​​ lite to pump.etc,I HªvΣ to do all these before going to school at 8am,I was a 100 level student then.†ђξ most painful thing was she was never grateful.she sees all as her birth right..there was a time I left home early, Άπϑ unable to do †ђξ house chores that day,she left everything undone Ƒ☺ř till I came back..I was mad that day..I kept all dis from ♍Ɣ brother..women are ǰU̶̲̥̅̊§τ̲̅ wicked.

THERE you go. NOW you've given us a better picture of things.
Before all you were complaining about was how there was no meat in your soup and how she was rationing resources.

Ya she was a total b[i]i[/i]tch.
Forgive and move on sha. You get your own swag now.
And I know because of what you experienced at her hand, you therefore have a better consciousness of: what to look out for in your own woman/ how you treat people, etc So you can look at it as you became a better person because of it. Look on the bright side, leave it all in the past and let it all rot away in the decay of forgetfulness.

Well done bros

OUCH! I hear you and I am impressed that you didn't carry on badly when you stayed with them. Your SIL is one of those ungrateful and intolerable (monster) in-laws no one prays for.

OFF TOPIC
Pls how can I deactivate my nairaland account and permanently close it? I really would appreciate the information on how to do this, can a moderator pls help. It's really important that I do this for security reasons.