A certain man always goes to eat Rice and stew in a restaurant, so one day when he went to eat @ d restaurant dey said " Stew neva don yet" the man said no probs just bring the ordinary rice for me, so he ate d ordinary rice, immediately he finished eating they said d stew z done, the man said "bring the stew wey una suppose put 4 ma rice" so they gave him d stew, this guy just drank d stew, b4 I know ehn dis guy start tumbling and scattering d whole place, he use his body 2 hit d ground several times, we managed to hol him down and ask him what wrong. The guy said " I dey mix d rice and stew wey dey inside my belle"

TV & MOBILE
A Wife is like a TV
A Girlfriend is like a MOBILE
At home u watch TV, but whenu go out u take ur MOBILE
Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with urMOBILE
TV is free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable
U can have only one TV and becomfortable
but mobile can be packed like 4 at a time in one pocket and they will still be comfortable
We only change our TV only if spoilt(dead)
but we like a newer and a finer mobile unless we don't see or hear about them
Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding.
TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't
Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),
but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to ornot)
Last but not least! TVs don't have viruses, but Mobiles' often do so
let's love our TVs and forget about the mobiles....
Tell every man close to u.

Employer to applicant:
In this job we need sum1 who is responsible...
Applicant: I'm the one you want ... on my last job,every time sumtin went wrong,they said i was responsible.

man filling form at airport
Airport hostess: Name ?
Passenger: Abdul al-Rhazib.
Airport hostess: Sex ?
Passenger: Three to five times a week.
Airport hostess: No, no...I mean male or female ?
Passenger: Male, female, sometimes camel.
Airport hostess: Holy cow !
Passenger: Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
Airport hostess: But isn't that hostile ?
Passenger: Horse style, doggy style, any style !
Airport hostess: Oh dear !
Passenger: No, no! Deer run too fast ...

A woman has an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.
The little Boy says: 'Dark in here.'
The Man says: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$150'
A few weeks later it happenedagain and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: 'Dark in here'.
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have soccer boots.'
The Man, remembering the lasttime, asks the boy: 'How much?'
The Boy says:'$350'
The Man says: 'Fine, I will buy them.'
A few days later, the Father says to the boy: 'Grab your balland boots, let's go outside andhave a game.'
The Boy says: 'I can't, I sold them for $500.'
The Father says: 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that... $500 is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your sins.'
They went to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The Boy says: 'Dark in here.'
The Priest says: 'Don't start that sh۱۲ again!'

A boy nd his uncle were discussing abt wat d boy
would love 2 be in future..
Uncle: wat do you want 2 be
in future
Boy: doctor nd i knw with ur help as a lecturer in uni-ilorin, I wuld b able 2 realize my dream
Uncle: how was ur waec result
Boy: i had 2 credits Yoruba nd
Agric
Uncle: you can still be a doctor
but a native doctor,just use
ur knowledge in agric 2 look
for HERBS nd ur knowledge in
Yoruba for INCANTATIONS.

If You Can Answer These
Questions, You Are Smarter Than
Google!
1. If swimming is a good exercise
to stay fit, why are whales fat?
2. Shall I say that there is racial
discrimination even in game of
chess as the white piece is moved
first?
3. We have freedom of speech,
then why do we have telephone
bills?
4. If money doesn’t grow on trees
then why do banks have
branches?
5. Why doesn’t glue stick to its
bottle?
6. If you aren’t supposed to drink
and drive why do bars have
packing lots?
7. If to abbreviate is to make a
word short, why is abbreviation
such a long word?
8. If attendance at an event is
strictly by invitation, why
publicize it on TV?
9. If towels are meant to dry our
clean bodies after bathing, why
wash towels? Where do they get
the dirts from?

Three tortoise Mick, Andy and Roy, decided togo on
a picnic. Mick packed the picnic basket
with drinks and sandwiches. The
trouble was that the picnic sitewas
ten miles away; so it took them ten
days to get there. When they got there Mick unpacked the food and
drinks. "Ok Roy give me the bottle
opener" "I didn't bring it" saysRoy "I
thought you packed it" Mick gets
worried,He turns to Andy, " did you bring the bottle opener?" No, Andy
didn't bring it too. So they're stuck ten
miles away from home without a
bottle opener. Mick and Andy begged
Roy to go back for it. But he refused as
he said they will eat all the sandwiches b4 he comes back. After
two hours, and after they have sworn
on their tortoise lives that theywill
not eat the sandwiches, Roy finally
agreed to go and get d bottle opener.
So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace, 20 days passed and he
wasn't back and Mick and Andy were
starving, but they have to keep their
promise. Another 5 days and he still
wasn't back, but a promise is a
promise. Finally, 30days went by and they couldn't take it any longer so
they took out a sandwich each, and
just as they were about to eat it, Roy
pops up from behind a rock and
shouts: "I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING!

What is Stress.
You gave a
beautiful girl a
lift, she faints inside your car and
you take
her to the hospital - Now that's
stressful. At
the hospital, they say she's
pregnant and
congratulate you that you are
going to be a
father. You said that you are not
the father
but the girl says you are - This is
getting very
stressful. You requested for a
DNA Test
(which sets your account back
by N50K) to
prove that you are not the
father. After the
test, the doctor says that you are
infertile -
You are extremely stressed but
relieved. On
your way home, you started
remembering
that you left 3 kids at home -
Who the hell is
their father?? -- Now that's
STRESS !!!!

I know 9 things about you right now.
1. You are reading this.
2. You are human.
3. You can't say the letter "P" without separating your lips...
4. You just attempted to do it...
6. You are laughing at yourself.
See ur teeth
7. You have a smile on your face, and u skipped No.5
8. You just checked to see if there is a No.5
9. You are still smiling

Mathematical Prove dat girls are Evil
FIRST OF ALL... Given than
As we all know, GIRLS require TIME
and MONEY
Therefore we can state that GIRLS
= TIME X MONEY
Remember that Time is Money
i.e TIME = MONEY
Then, we State next that:
GIRLS = MONEY X MONEY
As we all know, MONEY is the root
of EVIL
i.e MONEY = √EVIL
Now we can say,
GIRLS = √EVIL X √EVIL
Then,
GIRLS = EVIL

@op, they are lovely....keep it up!

NEMESIS is wen u submit ur answer sheet wit ur expo inside...
RACISM is wen a white iphone costs more than a black one...
LONG THROAT is wen u take a gal out on a sunny day & she orders 4 a hot plate of pepper soup...
SELFISH is dat gal dat eats nkwobi,fish pepper soup,shawama,suya,kilishi,chicken & smirnoff, &wen u take her home she says"sorry i'm on my period"...
OVERSABI is wen u're eating salad wit a gal & she says"honey,dis food no done"...
OLODO is wen u're in a plane wit a gal & she says "i'm hot,can u pls roll down d glass"...
FIRST CLASS LONG THROAT is dat kid dat sees u eating & says "my mummy said i shldnt take foodfrm strangers"...

Exponental: @op, they are lovely....keep it up!

thankx

Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and thendelivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.

wonderful jokes, u see wat u cursed, u made me dirty my cloth while i was laughing and was rolling on de floor. Pls next time put some instructions. Me like de jokes

lolmaolwkmd4hooooooo

Purpinkx you're d best! *Lmao*

Nice! nice! Nice jokes! All d jokes are lovely! Infact a plate of nkobi 4 u to nite!

purpinkx: I know 9 things about you right now.
1. You are reading this.
2. You are human.
3. You can't say the letter "P" without separating your lips...
4. You just attempted to do it...
6. You are laughing at yourself.
See ur teeth
7. You have a smile on your face, and u skipped No.5
8. You just checked to see if there is a No.5
9. You are still smiling

The tittle of this should have been "don't eat while u read this" because food came out of M̶̲̥̅̊y̶̲̥̅ nose while I read this.

u re gud pls we need more of it. But mind u am takin u 2 nkwobi joint to nite ok...

Guy you've spoilt my day.
Infact, you have rendered the next few hours unproductive.
I cannot control myself any longer.
I just can't stop laughing again.
Keep it up.

purpinkx: TV & MOBILE
A Wife is like a TV
A Girlfriend is like a MOBILE
At home u watch TV, but whenu go out u take ur MOBILE
Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with urMOBILE
TV is free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable
U can have only one TV and becomfortable
but mobile can be packed like 4 at a time in one pocket and they will still be comfortable
We only change our TV only if spoilt(dead)
but we like a newer and a finer mobile unless we don't see or hear about them
Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding.
TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't
Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),
but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to ornot)
Last but not least! TVs don't have viruses, but Mobiles' often do so
let's love our TVs and forget about the mobiles....
Tell every man close to u.

nice one. Very educative

Tope wealth: Nice! nice! Nice jokes! All d jokes are lovely! Infact a plate of nkobi 4 u to nite!

Nkwobi my brother

nice jokes @ OP. Expecially the 3 tortoise.