My friend as a banker lived up to his responsibility as a husband and a father until he lost his job three years ago and life has not been the same again. Good enough, his wife, a trained nurse,rose up to the challenges so much that the difference could hardly be noticed except from a very close quater. From all indications it's still the same happy family but then someones opinion is that my friend should be ashamed of been provided for by a woman and should life continue this way, his self respect as a man is at stake. I therefore ask; what difference does it make in a family where  love, in its complete four letters, abide.

No it does not matter.  Marriage is a "team" work and all hands must be on deck aim at success.

There is nothing wrong with either party stepping up to the plate as the breadwinner.  But it should never be a "permanent" condition. One main concern that one person gets burned out carrying it all, for no matter how much you love your job--it is not a place you want to be 7 days a week.  Besides,  there might be a possiblity of losing the only breadwinner to illness or death--leaving the whole family at a total loss for recovery.

It is more advantageous for both parties to be gainfully employed or take turns "breadwinning" so each party can have a break once in a while.

No need to let "outsiders" mind your home affairs.  It is really between the man and the woman and no other person.


@poster
Your friend should not rest too much on his oars but should find something to do no matter how small before the wife gets too stressed out and turns into a nag.  When one person loses his or her job, the income becomes half of what it used to be or less.  The only working spouse in the house has to work twice as hard to keep the family afloat and that can be detrimental to his or her health--or both.  Besides, family time is compromised with one person spending most time away from home.  You might just wake up one day and find a total "stranger" in your bed.  Please ensure a healthy balance.

Yours truly,

Kobo Kobo Land Relationship Expert,

A.J.

@ almondjoy, uve said it all .

What if the woman notices before the wedding that she will be the bread winner for the nearest forseable future considering the fact that she has a better job?will she be a 'bad' person if she backs out?

Dekie:

What if the woman notices before the wedding that she will be the bread winner for the nearest forseable future considering the fact that she has a better job?will she be a 'bad' person if she backs out?

She should not wait before the wedding.  She should have backed out a long time ago like in never started the relationship at all.  When she gets pregnant and has to work full time to keep a family together all by herself--she may never live to tell the story of her woes! If she does not end up miscarrying all her pregnancies from stress.

No woman should have to sacrifice her childbearing years feeding a jobless man! Her priority should be having and raising her children while working part time just to be registered in the work force incase of eventuality in the future.

She is a wise person to back out as soon as possible or she risks losing her life to high blood pressure or stroke.  That kind of marriage can never last.  I see them all the time.  All usually end up divorced when the women's stress levels reaches the clouds.  At the end of the day a total loss--no husband, no children, no job from ending up in different psychiatric units or becoming best friends with their pastors--sleeping in churches and searching for answers.  While the men usually end up in other women's homes to start the cycle all over again--as chronic gigolos!

That is why most Nigerian men run to Nigeria to go and marry nurses to come and enslave them in foreign countries while they play draught and ludo in bullpens waiting to drive their taxis for the day. When they are not busy--they are in ponographic modes!  They are very many over here!

Quite true, marriage is a team work and once your wife agrees to taking up the responsibilities, no prob. . . life goes on. But come to think of it. . .  too much of everything is bad, I just can't imagine my husband being at home 24/7 doing nothing . It would be absurd. . . and for how long is it going to be . Moreso, If the children grow up to the knowledge of it that, their mother is the bread winner, I tell you the prestige and respect for that father won't be there again. . . . . The children would see it as a cheat on their mother. . . . well! only time would tell.