Written By Nicosia Lawson

Whilst a first date is not enough time to figure out whether this is someone I will spend the rest of my life with, it is the perfect time to get an idea of whether I want to spend any more time getting to know that person and figuring out whether he is someone I could possibly promise forever to.

Like most people, I keep a mental note of qualities and attributes that I look for in a significant other, and though there are some things I am willing to compromise on others I will not tolerate. I know what I want and that’s important because when you know what you’re looking for you won’t waste time with the wrong person.

That’s why an assessment on the first date is important. If all indications show that my date isn’t what I’m looking for then why should I see him again? On a first date it’s not just about him playing his cards right, it’s also about me finding out whether he ticks the right boxes on my list.

So I’ve used my past experiences as the basis for some of my current dating rules and guidelines and have created a list of five things that will put me off on the first date and jeopardise him getting to date number two.

Here’s the list, in no particular order:





1. A Lack of Connection

I trust my intuition; that gut feeling which is almost never wrong, and most likely it will tell me whether my date and I connect or are missing that important chemistry. Some of you may not believe that you can tell this from just one date but in the past I went on more dates with the same person to see if the feeling would change and we’d somehow connect but we never did. And this happened on a couple of occasions with different people. In both instances the guys were good candidates, but the connection just wasn’t there. This caused the relationship to feel like there was something missing and somewhat forced.

In those experiences my intuition on the first date provided an inclination of what the future dates only confirmed. So now if I don’t have a connection with you, most likely we will not go out again. It’s all about saving me time and heartache and keeping myself available for when that person comes along who truly connects the dots.





2. He Has Sex-pectations

Like most women if a guy wants to sleep with me on the first date he will get the boot immediately! I’m talking about bedding me being his predetermined, sole desire, motive and purpose for our date. Obviously he does not value me or care to get to know me, but simply wants to use me. So that date would be his first and his last.





3. The Terrible Kisser

For me a guy’s inability to kiss is a huge turnoff. Kissing provides an indication of the intimate connection you may have with that person. I’m not saying that just because someone cannot kiss means they will not be good at other forms of intimacy but their lack of technique does not make you intrigued to find out.

I once had a guy kiss me like a dog slurping water from a bowl. I’m sure you can figure out what happened after that episode. I never wanted to kiss him again and it was one of the contributing factors for the demise of the relationship. His lack of ability to kiss somehow made me disinterested in him. It was a major blow to the connection that was once there. Kissing is one of the most used means of showing one’s affection for another (especially at the start of a relationship) but I couldn’t get past his lack of skills. To this day I sometimes wonder if he ever realised that after we first kissed I never really wanted to kiss him again.



4. Current Life Situation & Future Plans

I always want to know about my date’s current and future plans. After all that’s what dating is about, getting to know the other person. I want to know what I am getting myself into and how I would fit into his life should the date blossom into something more meaningful.

Some of the things I consider are, does he have a work-life balance; does he work, has his own hobbies and interests, but still finds time to spend with family and friends, meaning he’ll also find time for our relationship. Or is he a workaholic; will I have to compete with his career for his time and affection? If he has a child, does he have an amicable relationship with his child’s mother or is there a lot of baby-mama-drama? Or did he recently end a long-term relationship, because most likely he’s still sorting out his emotions and even though he assures you otherwise there’s the possibility that you’re merely a temporary distraction and not a long term fix. Also, what if he’s planning to spend a year abroad or emigrate soon? I can go on and on with a list of scenarios but I’m sure you get the idea. From the information gathered on a first date I would proceed with caution depending on what he says is going on in his life.



5. He Already Has a Girlfriend

I know some of you are wondering why this is even here but you’d be surprised at the amount of guys who would still go on a date under false pretence that they’re single. I’m not a home wrecker, I don’t like to share my guy and I believe that what goes around comes around so I try not to do to others what I would not want to be done to me. So plain and simple, if we’re on a date and I find out that you already have a girlfriend I’m walking! And the excuse that “it’s complicated” doesn’t make it any different or better! Sort your situation out then maybe we can talk.


http://amarudontv.com/2012/05/31/5-things-that-put-me-off-on-a-first-date-by-nicosia-lawson/

1. A Lack of Connection

2. He Has Sex-pectations

3. The Terrible Kisser

4. Current Life Situation & Future Plans

5. He Already Has a Girlfriend

#1. I can't predict ANYTHING, but if I didn't feel the connection during the "toasting" stage, there would be no date.

#2. What guy doesn't? (just kidding!...well..)

#3. I wouldn't know because it WOULD NOT go down!

#4. I agree with. If while we are on the date I learn his lifestyle and future plans will not match those of my own, are unrealistic or NON existent (his plans for the future I mean), then it's a wrap. That would be our first and last date.

#5. That would be something that I would JUST NOT KNOW. Because if I did, the date would NOT HAPPEN. Aside from myself and my family, my guy should be another source of my happiness...I've NO time for baby mama or scorned GF drama!

MsDarkSkin:


#1. I can't predict ANYTHING, but if I didn't feel the connection during the "toasting" stage, there would be no date.

#2. What guy doesn't? (just kidding!...well..)

#3. I wouldn't know because it WOULD NOT go down!

#4. I agree with. If while we are on the date I learn his lifestyle and future plans will not match those of my own, are unrealistic or NON existent (his plans for the future I mean), then it's a wrap. That would be our first and last date.

#5. That would be something that I would JUST NOT KNOW. Because if I did, the date would NOT HAPPEN. Aside from myself and my family, my guy should be another source of my happiness...I've NO time for baby mama or scorned GF drama!

Interesting. . .

From a guys perspective, the No1 interpretes my approach if given the chance for a 2nd date. I'll know if I'm in for another fling or something serious.

BU.L.L.S.H.IT!

Informative epistle

Killz1:
Who the hell is nicosa lawson? And why should what she feels on her first date be a bench mark for stereotyping guys? What model of rubbish is this?

Yeeeaaahhhhh!!!!

Blaze ur own dam-n path.

I like you. You got chutzpah. Oommmph.

Yes sir.