O.D.B.:
Most ladies I have dated, first love to love me, then they begin to hate the fact that they love me and eventually they end up knowing they love to hate me.
I have tried to understand why my relationships always goes bust and have been able to identify a resounding theme or argument that they all sing before they hit the hate mode. It's always ; "whenever will you grow up or be serious for once, I need a committing relationship"; which translates to marry me now or the "when are you going to start thinking and planning for the future", meaning when are you going to propose to me.

Why am bringing this up now is because a quasi-relationship, I never knew was still on till last weekend when she "broke off" with me, had me re-evaluating every single B.S. relationship I have been in which is practically all the relationships I have been in.

I met her sometime last year in a friend of friend's party and in my tipsy drunken haze I found her to be the most alluring woman ever and practically chased her round the party until she finally gave me her number. Fast forward two months later sometime early this year, I get a friend's request from her without me knowing who she was at first. I never called her after the party and she never got to get my number but she was able to track me down through her facebook suggestion feed.

After some back and forth messaging on facebook we finally began talking by phone and eventually had a date. Now I have a very high success rate with dates and the rest was 3 mths of absolute hell. She practically wanted to remodel me into what she thinks a man should be. My easy going dress sense she wanted to add more swagg, formality and a sense of tradition meaning she wanted to see me in skinny jeans complete with nerd glasses, a 3-piece suit and a kaftan complete with every head gear from every geo-political zone.

She also wanted to do the couple thing, not the go-out-on-dates-and-back-to-the-crib-and-phuck-thing but the actually boring stuff real couples do like attend weddings and funerals, house openings, child dedications and even attend church together.

So after much pressure I decide to let have her way and agreed to attend a wedding with her.
Now it took me all the will power not to buy the wedding attire for myself since there is no way You will ever make me wear a native attire. Not that I find anything wrong with native attires but I don't think it's me. So she suggested that I wear at least a suit. I own just one suit and it's not one of those Chinese cloned designer suits that you can buy in Lagos driveby shopping malls on third mainland bridge but an Armani, a very expensive Armani. I have only worn it once and I wore just the jacket on my favorite jeans. She hates that jeans. So come the wedding day and she decides to come over to my place rather that me come over and pick her, she did this to assess my outfit. We argued, fought and she tried manipulating me by crying her croc tears that I should at least go completely formal without the jeans. I stood my ground, hey it's not like am the one getting married?

So we head to the venue and she tries as much as possible to highlight to me how every other guy is looking very formal. Half way into the wedding she asks me for the wedding present I was totally taken aback cos I never remember anyone asking me to buy a present but then it came back to me. One nite,2 weeks before the wedding day, while I tried to sleep off she starts suggesting possible gifts we may present to the couple. Seriously I never was comfortable presenting a couple's gift to a wedding couple with her but I was so tired from all the s@x and booze that I had no energy to argue with her.

So she looks at me and says again;"where is the present? You did remember to get the present?" I said yep, it's in the car. So she says she will get it and I say no, let me get it, you just sit here with your friends and besides it's quite heavy.

There was no present because I forgot to buy one, phuck that there is no present because I never even wanted to be here or any wedding involving her. But I knew she will be pissed so I had to formulate something, the venue was located far from any mall or market so I had to drive and very fast at that to the nearest mall, buy a microwave, gift wrap it at another shop since Emeka doesn't gift wrap sh1t and then drive back approximately 40km to hand over the gift. She grabbed it from me and presented it to the chief bride's maid and told her it was a food processor and the Bride's maid goes "ohh you mean the one that can do a 1000 things from making juice to steaming vegetables? let me see I've been looking for it since". She opened it and to both their amazement it was a microwave and I had to look very surprised as well.

So we eventually ended up leaving and she isn't speaking to me on the way. About 5mins into our drive back my car begins to act funny, jerking and all that sh1t. It so happens my 60km high speed race to get a microwave totally guzzled up my fuel reserves. She says at that moment what is going on, don't tell me you forgot to buy fuel?". She gets out of the car and flags another car which was just coming from the wedding and leaves me in the middle of a deserted road with only returning wedding guest who probably must have noticed the sweaty guy in a black suit and a pair of dirty faded blue jeans.

I spent the next 1hr getting fuel from a roadside fuel dealer and zoomed off to my normal life.

She never contacted me till this Wednesday with the most annoying text asking "where are you?".

I never answered it and she called several times to which i ignored it only for her to send a txt message saying "it's over".

I replied with the best three words I could come up with at that moment;

"Fine with me".

Mr..Cork:


Bro are u related to REALITY101 and could u please summarize.. cheers! ((errmm Mr MOD sexxskillz, i simply asked him to summarize. its just a simple request!))

Mynd_44: I am waiting for the short version

Mynd_44:
Still waiting

waooo: Women & their wahala, they never cease to amaze me with their attitude. God help we men

Mynd_44: @Ijebabe, thanks. I am glad I did not read that. No offence OP