Im in a "mixed" marriage. lol. Its becoming more common these days. I feel like this is so because majority of the new generation are not so steeped in their culture and unwilling to bend like it used to be say 10 years ago. Honestly, every marriage has its challenges and with God, love, maturity and patience, these challenges can be overcome. For some, "he beats me", for others, "hes Ibo, Im Yoruba!". Others complain "she cant cook stones!!"

Cultural difference has never been one of our challenges and if it were, we would still have gotten married. We would both have to learn to appreciate one another and our cultures though. We do this anyway, so I guess this is why it hasnt been a problem for us.

@OP, if you are contemplating marrying someone from a different culture as yours, pls pray about it. Follow your heart. May God guide you. If he/she is a great person, biko, dont let culture stop you oh! lol

Imp!

@impish, tanx for ur kind words.

Sometimes, love isn't just enough. I am a believer in limiting the potentials for conflict in relationships as much as possible. For instance, I am someone who is very much steeped in tradition and culture. When I play my high life songs and research indigenous cultures and belief systems, most of my female friends make derogatory remarks calling me "local", "old skool", "backward" etc. Needless to say, I won't be marrying a woman who has such dim views about my interests-love or no love. I want to raise kids that are well rounded-able to speak their native language flawlessly (they can pick up any other foreign language they like of course), understand the culture and traditions of their fathers while at the same time in sync with the times. It is difficult enough raising kids like that in the present climes, but a spouse that doesn't share the same aspiration would make it near impossible. This is a clearly avoidable potential flashpoint, but most people like to act all stoic like love is an antidote to all differences.

Beync: Please be honest with your answers,

would you quit a lovely relationship due to socio-cultural differences?

Will you ignore the differences and go ahead with the marriage believing that the differences will not matter?

Note, history has it that two or three persons who went ahead and married from the said place did not fair well, but he is sick in love and wants you to marry him.

will you ignore the warnings and follow love?

What's you take on this?

Socio-cultural differences do matter. However, the way both parties address these differences is what determines the outcome of the relationship. I dont see a big deal in inter-cultural/racial etc marriages/relationships. We live in a global village and it definitely calls for tolerance, acceptance and understanding of other cultures or social groups of people. You just need to know how to make the differences work in your favor. Besides, I think it's more fun to be with someone from a different socio-cultural background. It spices up the relationship especially if both parties are open-minded and adventurous. (I'm not married so y'al excuse me if I speak from a theoretical point of view but Ive been in relationships with non-nigerians before.)

Btw, don't base the success of your relationship on the history of XYZ. You and Mr D are not XYZ. Be open-minded and choose to see the person as an individual rather than group him in a category.

Beowolf,

Excellent points

Beowulf: Sometimes, love isn't just enough. I am a believer in limiting the potentials for conflict in relationships as much as possible. For instance, I am someone who is very much steeped in tradition and culture. When I play my high life songs and research indigenous cultures and belief systems, most of my female friends make derogatory remarks calling me "local", "old skool", "backward" etc. Needless to say, I won't be marrying a woman who has such dim views about my interests-love or no love. I want to raise kids that are well rounded-able to speak their native language flawlessly (they can pick up any other foreign language they like of course), understand the culture and traditions of their fathers while at the same time in sync with the times. It is difficult enough raising kids like that in the present climes, but a spouse that doesn't share the same aspiration would make it near impossible. This is a clearly avoidable potential flashpoint, but most people like to act all stoic like love is an antidote to all differences.

Interesting post.

@dayokanu & tpia: Thanks

Beowulf: Sometimes, love isn't just enough. I am a believer in limiting the potentials for conflict in relationships as much as possible. For instance, I am someone who is very much steeped in tradition and culture. When I play my high life songs and research indigenous cultures and belief systems, most of my female friends make derogatory remarks calling me "local", "old skool", "backward" etc. Needless to say, I won't be marrying a woman who has such dim views about my interests-love or no love. I want to raise kids that are well rounded-able to speak their native language flawlessly (they can pick up any other foreign language they like of course), understand the culture and traditions of their fathers while at the same time in sync with the times. It is difficult enough raising kids like that in the present climes, but a spouse that doesn't share the same aspiration would make it near impossible. This is a clearly avoidable potential flashpoint, but most people like to act all stoic like love is an antidote to all differences.

You're on point.

I've noticed that most people who go into multi-cultural marraiges have had to forgo their tribal affiliation to some extent fort the relationship to survive. It's not everyone that marries some from another tribe that is liberal. That's why you notice that most of these people are not usually the very typical brand of people from their various ethnicities. I think the younger generation won't have a problem mixing with people from other tribes because unlike their parents, many of them are not culturally inclined. All they know is English and pidgin. All they listen to is Lagos urban music and not Oriental brother or KSA. So, technically, to them it won't even look as if they're doing something worth talking about.

Beync: Please be honest with your answers,

would you quit a lovely relationship due to socio-cultural differences?

Will you ignore the differences and go ahead with the marriage believing that the differences will not matter?

Note, history has it that two or three persons who went ahead and married from the said place did not fair well, but he is sick in love and wants you to marry him.

will you ignore the warnings and follow love?

What's you take on this?

There are bound to be differences irrespective of cultures because we are raised in different homes as such, our ability to settle those differences is the most important.

Beync: thanks @ all, especially some of you who truly hit the nail. I like the person who said something about what you want, the family background and how they relate with others, also appreciate the one who ask if I could be able to live with these differences say like 50yrs. that's the issue. There are certain things we have power over them, there are things we can change and thing we cannot. Remember there are times when love wil go down but others things will keep it glowing. also in this part of Africa marriage is not just between a man and a woman other things surroundings it. If you love someone but not in acceptance with his people's ways of doing things will u find happiness at the end?

Yes, because at the end of the day his family does not run our home. He is a grown man and he will not allow them to dictate to him nor offer unwanted "advice". We don't share our business with outsiders and so it should be. Adults who let their family's voices have a say in their relationship are not ready to be married.

Whether culture is involved or not, marriage requires sacrifice and compromise. It is better to have shared values than a common culture. If you are not prepared to do that and want to eat Ewedu and Amala every day and not try Edikaikong, your choice - but you're missing out!

afam4eva:
You're on point.

I've noticed that most people who go into multi-cultural marraiges have had to forgo their tribal affiliation to some extent fort the relationship to survive. It's not everyone that marries some from another tribe that is liberal. That's why you notice that most of these people are not usually the very typical brand of people from their various ethnicities. I think the younger generation won't have a problem mixing with people from other tribes because unlike their parents, many of them are not culturally inclined. All they know is English and pidgin. All they listen to is Lagos urban music and not Oriental brother or KSA. So, technically, to them it won't even look as if they're doing something worth talking about.

Seconded Afam. Your observation that most people who go into multi-cultural marraiges have had to forgo their tribal affiliation to some extent for the relationship to survive also rings true even for people that marry within their ethnic groups. I have met people from various ethnic groups who have antipathy for their respective cultures and traditions. Assuming those people get married to someone with the same ethnicity who is culturally inclined, the latter may be forced to forgo their cultural affiliations for the sake of the marriage notwithstanding that he or she is ironically married to someone who share the same cultural heritage! Do you know that there are now generations of parents in this country who cannot speak their respective native languages and are raising kids only in the English language? For the sake of marital harmony, or at least for a good measure of it, persons who are culturally inclined should seek mates with similar views while those who are not so gung-ho about the whole culture business should also seek like minded mates.

Where persons who are at opposite ends of the spectrum (and are not ready to compromise) get married, best believe that you have to take your sit, kick back and watch the fireworks because it is going to get ugly.

Beowulf:

Seconded Afam. Your observation that most people who go into multi-cultural marraiges have had to forgo their tribal affiliation to some extent for the relationship to survive also rings true even for people that marry within their ethnic groups. I have met people from various ethnic groups who have antipathy for their respective cultures and traditions. Assuming those people get married to someone with the same ethnicity who is culturally inclined, the latter may be forced to forgo their cultural affiliations for the sake of the marriage notwithstanding that he or she is ironically married to someone who share the same cultural heritage! Do you know that there are now generations of parents in this country who cannot speak their respective native languages and are raising kids only in the English language? For the sake of marital harmony, or at least for a good measure of it, persons who are culturally inclined should seek mates with similar views while those who are not so gung-ho about the whole culture business should also seek like minded mates.

Where persons who are at opposite ends of the spectrum (and are not ready to compromise) get married, best believe that you have to take your sit, kick back and watch the fireworks because it is going to get ugly.

Gbam

I'm still waiting to see a marreaige between a man who has lived in Isi-Ala-Ngwa all his life and a woman who calls Ikere-Ekiti home. It's only by the grace of God that such marraige will work. Most people that are into inter-tribal marraige are usually based in cosmopolitan settings and have a considerable amount of the other person's culture. Even that is not enough most times because you're not just marrying the person but the person's family as well. So, like you suggested, people should go for like minds in the most important facets. If you're an Nwa-Afor who prides yourself in Igbo culture and listen to mostly Igbo movies, don't go looking for a wife that's a stickler fore Yoruba movies because you guys might end up fighting oveer the TV remote. A word they say is enough foer the wise.

YES IT MATTERS CAUSE WHEN ITS ALL SAID AND DONE THE CULTURAL DISPARITY WILL BE A STRONG HOLD WHEN TAKING DECISIONS ON ISSUES LIKE THE WEDDING , CHILD BEARING ETC

Interesting replies, tanx. Let me give one issue dat gives me concern abt their culture. Instead of a man to live in his father's home their men lives in their maternal home. The man not have anything to do with his father's side. where I hail from it's abnormal, a man live in his father's home.

Beync: Interesting replies, tanx. Let me give one issue dat gives me concern abt their culture. Instead of a man to live in his father's home their men lives in their maternal home. The man not have anything to do with his father's side. where I hail from it's abnormal, a man live in his father's home.

Beync, that may not be a culture thing but a peculiar case with his family. In my culture, there are cases where families are oppressed by the father's side and they seek refuge in their maternal homes. This is more so when the husband is late or is at loggerheads with the wife. Women in troubled marriages usually gravitate homewards and understandably so. Hence, kids from such homes almost always identify with their maternal homes. This may explain the reason why your man is living in his maternal home. I suggest you ask him questions along these lines and subtly of course. If you love this guy and are looking forward to spending the rest of your life with him, you have to ask the hard questions from the outset. You do not want any unpleasant surprises along the way because when it happens, you would accuse the man of non-disclosure and he will simply retort that you never asked.

I asked

I asked and he confirmed is a common practice so it's their culture, I don't know of other things that may be done upside down too.

afam4eva:
Gbam

I'm still waiting to see a marreaige between a man who has lived in Isi-Ala-Ngwa all his life and a woman who calls Ikere-Ekiti home. It's only by the grace of God that such marraige will work. Most people that are into inter-tribal marraige are usually based in cosmopolitan settings and have a considerable amount of the other person's culture. Even that is not enough most times because you're not just marrying the person but the person's family as well. So, like you suggested, people should go for like minds in the most important facets. If you're an Nwa-Afor who prides yourself in Igbo culture and listen to mostly Igbo movies, don't go looking for a wife that's a stickler fore Yoruba movies because you guys might end up fighting oveer the TV remote. A word they say is enough foer the wise.

The highlighted part had me reeling with laughter but is very true. I have this Yoruba colleague that is as culturally inclined to Yoruba stuffs like I am to Ibo matters. He told me that he found it strange that I was usually the only one that fights his corner during arguments about Yoruba culture against the "sophisticated" Yoruba ladies in my office who deride him as "village Ekiti man". We find ourselves these days comparing notes on similar aspects of our cultures and the areas of divergence helping understand the other side better. I could identify with him because I have the same issue with the "sophisticated" Ibo ladies in my office who see me as anachronistic accusing me of wasting my education and calling me "importer"

Beync: I asked and he confirmed is a common practice so it's their culture, I don't know of other things that may be done upside down too.

Strange one that. Well, if it is something you can live with you can let it slide then.

Beowulf:

The highlighted part had me reeling with laughter but is very true. I have this Yoruba colleague that is as culturally inclined to Yoruba stuffs like I am to Ibo matters. He told me that he found it strange that I was usually the only one that fights his corner during arguments about Yoruba culture against the "sophisticated" Yoruba ladies in my office who deride him as "village Ekiti man". We find ourselves these days comparing notes on similar aspects of our cultures and the areas of divergence helping understand the other side better. I could identify with him because I have the same issue with the "sophisticated" Ibo ladies in my office who see me as anachronistic accusing me of wasting my education and calling me "importer"

things like this are what make it easier for the men to simply date outsiders, no doubt.


i dont know sha- i grew up listening to musicians like elemure ogunyemi [i think it is], orlando owo, obey, sunny ade, fuji, etc.

so, i dont know what its like socially for men who have these interests, and while i dont stock up on nollywood, i meet people all the time who do- including non nigerians.

personally, being local goes beyond things like that imo- attitude and behaviour are what should be the qualifying factors if i'm not mistaken.

tpia@:


things like this are what make it easier for the men to simply date outsiders, no doubt.


i dont know sha- i grew up listening to musicians like elemure ogunyemi [i think it is], orlando owo, obey, sunny ade, fuji, etc.

so, i dont know what its like socially for men who have these interests, and while i dont stock up on nollywood, i meet people all the time who do- including non nigerians.

personally, being local goes beyond things like that imo- attitude and behaviour are what should be the qualifying factors if i'm not mistaken.

Totally agree with the highlighted portion

The cultural differences will always matter no matter how you hide or disguise it. Now, is the love you have for each other strong enough to withstand the problems when they arise??. If it is not, then stick to your culture jejely, if it is, then marry whoever.

GboyegaD:

There are bound to be differences irrespective of cultures because we are raised in different homes as such, our ability to settle those differences is the most important.

I agree with you totally. I have met individuals whom shares SIMILAR CULTURAL backgrounds are TOTALLY DIFFERENT because as you said...just because X is 123 doesn't mean they will share similar experience with other individuals who are 123.

As I have stated several times....if you make excuses about NOT MOVING FORWARD from ignorance..YOU DESERVE every bit of downfall you encounter in life. Real talk.

One other things I want to express if everyone were anal retentive about multi-culturalism...

Then there weren't be any mixed/tribal Nigerians.

You wouldn't have Igbo/Yoruba, Edo/Benin, Delta/Igbo, Yoruba/Ijaw, Fulani/Edo, and many host of other mixed tribals.

I know some people would say that Nigerians share similar perspectives...BULLSHIT.

Mrs. Chima, there is no doubt we have mix tribes endowed with beautiful cultures and yes there is need for us to interact, appreciate, and among all tolerate our divergent cultures. And among these different tribes we find people with similar cultures which make it easy for them to inter marry. However, there are certain practices that may be acceptable in one area and not practicable or accepted in another place. That doesn't mean I wll not appreciate and tolerate people from the other culture, but then there are things that cannot mix that is the issue. and u can't just change a system over night, that's if you even have power over it.