This question really goes to the married men but married women and other groups of persons who have something to say on this can also contribute. I hear a lot of 'oh, don't be too cheap. Don't throw yourself at him. Let him work n not walk his way into your heart ....etc'

i mean is that how u guys got d ladies that u have married? By actually working hard to get her. I used to think it pays to just be yourself and be honest. Like if i meet a guy i like, i wouldn't wanna put him through all that cos fact is i like him already so am gonna be friendly and accommodating. But i think what some of us may not be getting is, where do u cross d line? By trying not to act cheap u may actually be crossing over to actually being too uptight and playing 'too' hard to get.


Please, guys enlighten us more as to what and what ACTIONS you consider as being cheap with regards to ladies an those that will also mean a lady is just too much trouble/uptight

This question really goes to the married men but married women and other groups of persons who have something to say on this can also contribute. I hear a lot of 'oh, dont be too cheap. Don't throw urself at him. Let him work n not walk his way into ur heart ....etc'

Never date someone with that at the back of your mind. Do you. The men these days are a far-cry from our fathers. Work at your own pace. If you don't like being rushed, please don't rush yourself. If you are the type that is quite decisive when propositioned, by all means say yes. You are an adult, make decisions for yourself and not what society dictates or what your friends would say.

But if the girl's aim is just to play hard to get, I think she's lost the plot.

@OP
it all depends on the intentions of that said man, in regards to you. not all women are approached to become wifeys....some are approached SOLELY to be used and abused, and to these lot, we REQUIRE that they cheapened themselves, lol!

sadly, there are MANY women (and men) out there who are highly desperate and who are willing to go to amazing length to settle with someone (sometimes ANYONE), and there is not much we can do to help them. we can only look and shake our heads at the level they are willing to lower themselves.

there are many actions that would be considered CHEAP in my world:
- you beg/demand for any material thing WHATSOEVER .
- you have no class and yet expect to be treated like a celebrity.
- you dont know what the difference between a Sauvignon and a Chardonnay is, but yet you want to eat at the classiest restaurant in town.
- you've ridden okada and buses all your life but suddenly expect to be driven around, simply because you new BF has a car.
- you automatically expect your man to elevate you status to HIS own, simply because you guys are dating.
- you see anything remotely RIGHT about sleeping your way to get ANYTHING in life (other than the affection from your man)
- you believe that your money should be spent on yourself only.
- you love a man but yet dont want to show him that you do , for whatever reason (emotionally cheap)

******out of breath****** will be back for more, lol!

It depends. When a man truly love a woman playing hard or cheap shouldn't be an issue, that's where many girls get it wrong. Dating a guy is not a dramma on nolywood or how much effort or things you do. You can do everything in this world if a guy will not marry you he will not, even if u copy nollywood or take advise. Even some women go into juju charms, if the man is not hers it can never be hers else she will add more problem to herself. Playing hard on guys should depend on how he comes into ur life. If he comes in a way u don't trust him u can play hard a little bit to be sure and satisfy he's a serious guy. For me I like cheap girls, that's the type i miggle with, they are mature and open, if u are the other type that play hard to get then u miss me, in many ocassion i end up deleting many girls who play hard on me and they ended up flashing or calling me to remind me where i stop when they notice i'm not following with there plan. They lose big time because getting a man is luck, even if hes a bad man he will be good to u, bad people in this world like galdafi still get married. So What i see as cheap is when a girl is sleeping around and not truthful. But there are guys who love hard to get girls but that doesn't count. Lastly all better and succeful big men want a lady with good Head. Once they are getting prosper around u. They will never leave u. Even if they do they will come back begging.

@op, I'm exactly like u - neva been able to get the pt of playin hard 2 get. It's so annoyin esp because evn wen u tell guys no, cos they've been fed the belief that u're playing hard 2 get, they'll intensify efforts

IMO, one's best bet if u're in Naija is to practise the 'he chased me till I caught him' concept, cos immature guys wen u don't play hard 2 get will turn round 2 call u cheap . Na so we c am

stillwater:

Never date someone with that at the back of your mind. Do you. The men these days are a far-cry from our fathers. Work at your own pace. If you don't like being rushed, please don't rush yourself. If you are the type that is quite decisive when propositioned, by all means say yes. You are an adult, make decisions for yourself and not what society dictates or what your friends would say.

But if the girl's aim is just to play hard to get, I think she's lost the plot.

Thank you, thats great advice. 'cos at the end of the day one lives with the decisions that one has made and not the society

MRbrownJAY: @OP
it all depends on the intentions of that said man, in regards to you. not all women are approached to become wifeys....some are approached SOLELY to be used and abused, and to these lot, we REQUIRE that they cheapened themselves, lol!

sadly, there are MANY women (and men) out there who are highly desperate and who are willing to go to amazing length to settle with someone (sometimes ANYONE), and there is not much we can do to help them. we can only look and shake our heads at the level they are willing to lower themselves.

there are many actions that would be considered CHEAP in my world:
- you beg/demand for any material thing WHATSOEVER .
- you have no class and yet expect to be treated like a celebrity.
- you dont know what the difference between a Sauvignon and a Chardonnay is, but yet you want to eat at the classiest restaurant in town.
- you've ridden okada and buses all your life but suddenly expect to be driven around, simply because you new BF has a car.
- you automatically expect your man to elevate you status to HIS own, simply because you guys are dating.
- you see anything remotely RIGHT about sleeping your way to get ANYTHING in life (other than the affection from your man)
- you believe that your money should be spent on yourself only.
- you love a man but yet dont want to show him that you do , for whatever reason (emotionally cheap)

******out of breath****** will be back for more, lol!

lol, funny but an eye opener all the same especially where u wrote about some women being approached solely for d purpose of being used. As women we have to always have that at d back of our minds and i think dats where playing hard comes in.
P.s- all those actions u listed sound cheap to me

edogram.:
It depends. When a man truly love a woman playing hard or cheap shouldn't be an issue, that's where many girls get it wrong. Dating a guy is not a dramma on nolywood or how much effort or things you do. You can do everything in this world if a guy will not marry you he will not, even if u copy nollywood or take advise. Even some women go into juju charms, if the man is not hers it can never be hers else she will add more problem to herself. Playing hard on guys should depend on how he comes into ur life. If he comes in a way u don't trust him u can play hard a little bit to be sure and satisfy he's a serious guy. For me I like cheap girls, that's the type i miggle with, they are mature and open, if u are the other type that play hard to get then u miss me, in many ocassion i end up deleting many girls who play hard on me and they ended up flashing or calling me to remind me where i stop when they notice i'm not following with there plan. They lose big time because getting a man is luck, even if hes a bad man he will be good to u, bad people in this world like galdafi still get married. So What i see as cheap is when a girl is sleeping around and not truthful. But there are guys who love hard to get girls but that doesn't count. Lastly all better and succeful big men want a lady with good Head. Once they are getting prosper around u. They will never leave u. Even if they do they will come back begging.

well said, in essence a man that wants u wil want u whether u play hard or not. Thank u

Gloriagee: @op, I'm exactly like u - neva been able to get the pt of playin hard 2 get. It's so annoyin esp because evn wen u tell guys no, cos they've been fed the belief that u're playing hard 2 get, they'll intensify efforts

IMO, one's best bet if u're in Naija is to practise the 'he chased me till I caught him' concept, cos immature guys wen u don't play hard 2 get will turn round 2 call u cheap . Na so we c am

na so we see am, my sister. So true about some guys intensifying efforts cos dey think u are just playing hard to get when actually u really dont want them!

MRbrownJAY: @OP

there are many actions that would be considered CHEAP in my world:
- you beg/demand for any material thing WHATSOEVER .
- you have no class and yet expect to be treated like a celebrity.
- you dont know what the difference between a Sauvignon and a Chardonnay is, but yet you want to eat at the classiest restaurant in town.
- you've ridden okada and buses all your life but suddenly expect to be driven around, simply because you new BF has a car.
- you automatically expect your man to elevate you status to HIS own, simply because you guys are dating.
- you see anything remotely RIGHT about sleeping your way to get ANYTHING in life (other than the affection from your man)
- you believe that your money should be spent on yourself only.
-
- you love a man but yet dont want to show him that you do , for whatever reason (emotionally cheap)

******out of breath****** will be back for more, lol!

Seriously LOL at this list which I enjoyed reading. By the way I don't know the difference btw a Sauvignon and Chardonnay but that's because I don't drink and when a guy wants to treat me to lunch or dinner I let him pick the restaurant,cos am not in his pockets and don't know what his budget may be.

I am thanking heaven right now for my pride (I would never describe myself as proud in a million years but a close friend tells me I am every chance she gets), a strong sense of self sufficiency and independence which has certainly prevented me from doing the stuff mentioned above.

Well thanks to you Mr JB, now I know for a fact I've got game/swagger and I wasn't being flattered all those times I was told I've got class by the men in my life. I sound full of myself don't I? I do to my ears but am just being sincere so I won't take that back. Abeg make una free me oooo.

@ Sasha

I feel you on this issue and use to struggle with the whole "don't be cheap or too hard to get " saga. Until I figured out what works for me and what doesn't, there are certain rules to play by which shouldn't be broken e.g no sex on the very first date or meeting. I think a copy of The Ten Commandments of Dating by Brian Adams & some other guy would help. Its a very simple book filled with common sense advice on dating. Check it out

Do not get that 'play hard to get twisted oooo'....some lady thinks is telling a guy off, immediately he winks or says hi, you see some ladies eyeing the guy or hissing, some wear this big frown on their faces.

In my own view..it is not getting easily laid....majority of the guys, come to you for one thing, "to get laid" once they are done, they are off, to the next available chic...I had a friend who was always so easily laid and easily dumped....she would call me the next morning, " Ronke, it has happened again oo,the guy has dumped me again" my question would always be, "did you sleep with him"? we know what the answer would be.

There is nothing wrong in going on couple of dates in an open place where the guy in question will not grab and r/a/p/e you, there is nothing wrong in being polite and approachable. You just have to have class and love yourself...not with unnecessary pride and ego.... you will be surprised the type of men, you will be attracting.


Everyone woman has and owns the keys to her legs....

Exactly my point girl, U can be cheap in the essence of accepting and meeting people but not to open ur leg and can allow touch or romance, that should be ur tools, many guys will be so attracted to u everytime and ur phone will be so busy with calls. so enjoy the fun.

sashaa:
lol, funny but an eye opener all the same especially where u wrote about some women being approached solely for d purpose of being used. As women we have to always have that at d back of our minds and i think dats where playing hard comes in.
P.s- all those actions u listed sound cheap to me

i doubt playing hard to get will solve the issue, simply because men always have spare women to get down with. so playing hard to get will simply make "such guys" give more attention to his side chica, while patiently waiting for you to feel comfortable with him. times when men were starved for coochie is long gone as we all know that many desperate women are throwing p[b]u[/b]ssy at us like damn frisbees.

also, playing hard to get solves absolutely nothing. if you dont want to mount this guy because you FEEL that its too early then this is NOT playing hard to get.....and it is VERY UNDERSTANDABLE. the problem arises if you are all dripping wet for the guy and dying to have him inside you, yet pretend that its "too early or you aint ready bla bla bla".

Dimples 316:
Seriously LOL at this list which I enjoyed reading. By the way I don't know the difference btw a Sauvignon and Chardonnay but that's because I don't drink and when a guy wants to treat me to lunch or dinner I let him pick the restaurant,cos am not in his pockets and don't know what his budget may be.

fair enough, but would you offer to go Dutch when the bill comes or simply pretend that you suddenly went deaf and blind (like many do)?
if you always expect him to foot the bill, thats a clear sign of being cheap, unless you ALWAYS wait for him to invite you......whether you are dying of hunger or not.

ronkebp:
In my own view..it is not getting easily laid....majority of the guys, come to you for one thing, "to get laid" once they are done, they are off, to the next available chic

Kai sista Ronke, thats a big generalization....what you should have said is that many men go to women searching for something "special", and each woman's action/vibe/character will be what we men use to decide if we want to try to discover more of her or not. it has a LOT to do with how the coochie was handed to us and what the gal did during/afterwards.
not all ONS are automatically looked down upon (not in my world anyway).

I had a friend who was always so easily laid and easily dumped....she would call me the next morning, " Ronke, it has happened again oo,the guy has dumped me again" my question would always be, "did you sleep with him"? we know what the answer would be.

that girl could also wait for 6months before handing the cootie cat over, and the result would still be the same. toto is just that:TOTO. if a tree has bad roots, then it will always bares bad fruits, regardless of how you water it.

MRbrownJAY:

fair enough, but would you offer to go Dutch when the bill comes or simply pretend that you suddenly went deaf and blind (like many do)?
if you always expect him to foot the bill, thats a clear sign of being cheap, unless you ALWAYS wait for him to invite you......whether you are dying of hunger or not.

Well I certainly do not split bills with a guy on our first two dates or outing, If am feeling you afterwards you can be sure the next treat will be on me, If am not feeling you there won't be a 3rd, 4th or 5th outing of any kind. But I NEVER do that splitting of bills thing at the initial stage of a relationship he is doing the chasing and I definitely would like to be wooed.

I can cook, so hell no I won't be dying of hunger and waiting for some bloke to take me out, if it gets so bad and am not in a position to quickly make myself a meal there are fast food restaurants littered all over the place and with just 1k I can grab me some food. Wait for a man to buy me food when am hungry that is really cheap you won't catch me in that one oooo.

MRbrownJAY: Kai sista Ronke, thats a big generalization....what you should have said is that many men go to women searching for something "special", and each woman's action/vibe/character will be what we men use to decide if we want to try to discover more of her or not. it has a LOT to do with how the coochie was handed to us and what the gal did during/afterwards.
not all ONS are automatically looked down upon (not in my world anyway).

, you are funny, there was no point beating around the bush, i just hit the nail on the head....gbamm!!!, men go looking for something from a woman, it is either, they chop and clean mouth, or get hooked, eating that thing....

MRbrownJAY: that girl could also wait for 6months before handing the cootie cat over, and the result would still be the same. toto is just that:TOTO. if a tree has bad roots, then it will always bares bad fruits, regardless of how you water it.

If she had waited for 2 weeks it would have been better, some men know how to target the easy babe, especially when they are on 'fire', if you know how to play the game, you will be a retainer, who ever the person might.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
it all depends on the intentions of that said man, in regards to you. not all women are approached to become wifeys....some are approached SOLELY to be used and abused, and to these lot, we REQUIRE that they cheapened themselves, lol!

sadly, there are MANY women (and men) out there who are highly desperate and who are willing to go to amazing length to settle with someone (sometimes ANYONE), and there is not much we can do to help them. we can only look and shake our heads at the level they are willing to lower themselves.

there are many actions that would be considered CHEAP in my world:
- you beg/demand for any material thing WHATSOEVER .
- you have no class and yet expect to be treated like a celebrity.
- you dont know what the difference between a Sauvignon and a Chardonnay is, but yet you want to eat at the classiest restaurant in town.
- you've ridden okada and buses all your life but suddenly expect to be driven around, simply because you new BF has a car.
- you automatically expect your man to elevate you status to HIS own, simply because you guys are dating.
- you see anything remotely RIGHT about sleeping your way to get ANYTHING in life (other than the affection from your man)
- you believe that your money should be spent on yourself only.
- you love a man but yet dont want to show him that you do , for whatever reason (emotionally cheap)

******out of breath****** will be back for more, lol!

You must be a guru guy...in fact, u six much jor! lol...and to sum it up, playing hard to get won't ever win you any busy honorable man cos they got no time or strength for all that, thats y u see most end up marrying some ladies you see as bad girls, cos those bad girls don't play too hard to get, but when they finally accept you, you will discover they aren't that cheap as u tot, hence the men stay and do mostly marry them while the nice girls are out there studying all relationship manuals from religious to moral and in an attempt to act or appear too decent by playing hard to get, they end up attracting only playboys who are experts in wooing and can wait for eternity just to get what they want! So op, just make it easy but don't be cheap like MrBrownJay pointed out above, those things are part of why most guys dump some girls without the girls knowing. good luck! I have gotta get back to work now!

The era of playing hard to get ended in our parents generation. Cos right now, when a lady is trying to play hard to get, 3 more beautiful ladies are pinging a guy's BB and asking for a date.

.

Op

Nope

Stop making things difficult 4 guyz

Only a broke a$$ nigga woo a girl for months.

sashaa: This question really goes to the married men but married women and other groups of persons who have something to say on this can also contribute. I hear a lot of 'oh, don't be too cheap. Don't throw yourself at him. Let him work n not walk his way into your heart ....etc'

i mean is that how u guys got d ladies that u have married? By actually working hard to get her. I used to think[b] it pays to just be yourself and be honest[/b]. Like if i meet a guy i like, i wouldn't wanna put him through all that cos fact is i like him already so am gonna be friendly and accommodating. But i think what some of us may not be getting is, where do u cross d line? By trying not to act cheap u may actually be crossing over to actually being too uptight and playing 'too' hard to get.


Please, guys enlighten us more as to what and what ACTIONS you consider as being cheap with regards to ladies an those that will also mean a lady is just too much trouble/uptight

you answered your question yourself - the key element is BE YOURSELF. Playing "hard to get" might work against you as it implied you are being pretentious. That's what the word 'play' stands for anyway. If you don't like a man, you can play hard to get in order to discourage him but you would be shooting yourself in the foot if you like a man and you are playing hard to get. Moreso, wise men realise that playing hard to get does not translate to you having good morals. it only means you are 'acting'

Billyonaire: The era of playing hard to get ended in our parents generation. Cos right now, when a lady is trying to play hard to get, 3 more beautiful ladies are pinging a guy's BB and asking for a date.

Word!!!

Nowadays, the VIOLENT smart babes take it by force..

Dey there dey form hard to get!!

LOL mehn just listen to yourself you sound very cheap to me

seedord247: Only a broke a$$ nigga woo a girl for months.

I dont "pursue" women like that. Gone are those days when man had that kind of time. It was fun in college when I was still into silly hit and run tinz, but not now as a reformed man with things to do with his time.
Some girls have it wrong though. They feel constantly making themselves unavailable to a guy is how to be "chased". It is not.
Chasing mostly implies you holding him back a little when he's gotten to the point in his analysis of you that he rstarts asking for a relationship. THAT is when any chase can sensibly begin, and not before. Even at that, you are still to create time for him.

I'm well advanced in the game to know that if 2 people truly like each other, they will make the time for each other. Vogue magazine games tend to turn me off as I dont intend on having a Vogue magazine relationship.
During the early times, when he invites you to several events and activities, it is mainly so he can examine everything about you and see if you are a good fit.
If you never make the time sacrifice to partake in these opportunities, then how do you expect him to see how awesome you truly are? Except you just want him to chase you based on the fact that you are fine, in which case, you have already made yourself meat to players by virtue of your thinking.

Even if he liked you before, if you dont regularly instill in the mind of a "long-thinker" WHY he should keep chasing you (by coming out with him, having adventures together, showing him that you are indeed a great fit to his life) then dont be surprised if any serious guy who isnt in it for your body loses interest (or forces himself to lose it out of principle) as several women abound (who are likely better than you in every way) who are willing to play it right. Girls, you too have to be smart when these things are involved.

Dont think a self-respecting man will turn himself into your stalker, no matter how much he likes you.
Otherwise that ish backfires and you quickly find YOURSELF becoming his stalker as you then keep sending pointless "so you've forgotten me eh?" text messages after the fire has died and he hasnt sended you in weeks.

essay writers una weldone o

@Op its bad!!! Point finale!

Easy things are tempting, but only if they are forbidden to others. If the woman is easy for me but hard for everyone else, then no problems.

Its Hypocritical.