I have a friend who is married with two kids.we've been friends for a while now(before she got married).A few days ago,she called me on the phone crying and told me her marriage was in shambles cos she did something terrible.She fell to temptation that very afternoon.And she was contemplating opening up to her hubby when he gets back from work.I advised not to because I felt it'll be counterproductive.what makes this different from other instance is due to the fact that it happened right in her house and with a boy who is very much younger than she is and still an undergraduate.Her husband is also farmilier with the boy in question.
She eventually told him that night and he went over the top expectedly.But he did something else which she never imagined,he broadcasted it to her family,his family,her church(where she's the choir mistress and she's supposed to be ordained during the forthcomming convention) and even the neibhourhood where she lives.According to her,he said he did that to disgrace her so she wouldn't think of doing such next time.
He's also doubting the paternity of the child she had for him.she had the first boy long before she married him.He believes he might not be the father of the second son cos when he met her,she was carrying an unwanted pregnancy for another person and he assisted her in getting a D and C.Then he decided to marry her cos she's been through a lot in the hands of men and bla bla bla...
Now the dude is ready to work things but she doesn't know what to do cos she feels very bad that he could do such to her.she has lost face everywhere and he doesn't realise that he himself has also lost face cos people will also point at him and say,"that's the man whose wife ...",even the kids are not left out.she feels he's just bidding his time before he kicks her out cos she's the major financier in the family.
Personally,I advised her to end the marriage,move elsewhere and start anew cos tho she wronged him,he had no right dragging the poor kids(7 and 2) into it.She hurt her marriage to him but he destroyed the union with his big mouth.The controversy rages on.
Reasonable advice is urgently needed.

let the shameless woman go to hell cus she deserve that treatment.

Ebi jay jay: let the shameless woman go to hell cus she deserve that treatment.

You seem not to take cognizance of the fact that she confessed to him the very day she "fell".shouldn't that be a factor when making your decision as a man? And where you to be in the man's shoes would you have done the same?....Two wrongs don't make a right.

Wow! What a story. Hmmmnnnnn this one critical oooooo!

Anyway, i feel the man will definitely kick her out sooner or later.
Now she will be known as the lady who cheated on her husband. She has certainly lost her respect before her family, friends and her church.

Tell her to beg God for forgiveness and observe the man closely. But in the meantime, prepare for anything that will happen to her and the children (i mean divorce).

Serves the woman right ! Next time she learn to repent genuinely of her sins and confess ONLY to her maker.
If she's the sole breadwinner of the family and the husband really did what you typed here then I think(I could be wrong) that the man is only waiting to get himself in order financially before dumping her cheat arse.
A man that ever loved her woman for real wouldn't go to that extreme to get justice or avenge a wrong.she better watch her back.

.

I am sure the man is regretting his actions and he would have been scolded by the people he told. He shouldn‘t have broadcasted their dirty laundry. He acted immaturedly.

The lady on the other hand should have been able to predict her husband‘s reaction before confessing to him. She messed up big time and she should face the music. A woman may easily forgive her husband even if she catches him red handed but men don‘t forgive, not easily. Next time she should learn to close her legs.

Your friend is a woman without character and virtue. Confessing her infidelity to her husband was the biggest mistake EVER! She has literally destroyed her own marriage with her own hands and there is nothing besides divine intervention that can save that marriage.

There is obviously more to this story than meets the eye. A married woman does not suddenly "fall" into temptation with a young man without some serious warning signs. Here's what I can imply from the little you have disclosed to us here:

1) Your friend's marriage was experiencing some trouble before she cheated otherwise your friend would not have confessed the very same day. She most likely cheated to spite her husband. That she confessed to you, a male friend, and not to her pastor or parents shows she has ZERO respect for her husband. She wanted to end the marriage anyway.

2) Her choice of cheating partner (an undergraduate student) shows that she is used to buying her men. That she is the breadwinner of the family does NOT surprise me at all. She is used to using her cash to buy herself boyfriends and husbands. Her husband's reaction to the news is also very telling. That he chose to publicly humiliate her suggests that he is very powerless in the marriage and he is using his wife's public shaming to punish her because he can't do much else.

3) Yes, he is absolutely going to leave her as soon as he is able and I am sure that's exactly what your friend wanted from the very beginning. She knew perfectly well that her husband would not forgive her for her infidelity but she chose to confess anyway. She was already done with the marriage and was looking for an easy way out. From what you have posted, it's clear she isn't really upset that she hurt her husband; she's only upset because her destroyed her public image.

Overall, she deserves exactly what is coming to her and worse! I hope she has enough money saved up to buy herself a new husband. Perhaps you the OP can marry her now that she's soon going to be single.

braveheart2012: Your friend is a woman without character and virtue. Confessing her infidelity to her husband was the biggest mistake EVER! She has literally destroyed her own marriage with her own hands and there is nothing besides divine intervention that can save that marriage.

There is obviously more to this story than meets the eye. A married woman does not suddenly "fall" into temptation with a young man without some serious warning signs. Here's what I can imply from the little you have disclosed to us here:

1) Your friend's marriage was experiencing some trouble before she cheated otherwise your friend would not have confessed the very same day. She most likely cheated to spite her husband. That she confessed to you, a male friend, and not to her pastor or parents shows she has ZERO respect for her husband. She wanted to end the marriage anyway.

2) Her choice of cheating partner (an undergraduate student) shows that she is used to buying her men. That she is the breadwinner of the family does NOT surprise me at all. She is used to using her cash to buy herself boyfriends and husbands. Her husband's reaction to the news is also very telling. That he chose to publicly humiliate her suggests that he is very powerless in the marriage and he is using his wife's public shaming to punish her because he can't do much else.

3) Yes, he is absolutely going to leave her as soon as he is able and I am sure that's exactly what your friend wanted from the very beginning. She knew perfectly well that her husband would not forgive her for her infidelity but she chose to confess anyway. She was already done with the marriage and was looking for an easy way out. From what you have posted, it's clear she isn't really upset that she hurt her husband; she's only upset because her destroyed her public image.

Overall, she deserves exactly what is coming to her and worse! I hope she has enough money saved up to buy herself a new husband. Perhaps you the OP can marry her now that she's soon going to be single.

Ride on bro! R u a psychlogist?

we knw his wifes did was shameful, but does he av to wash his dirty linen,outdoor
he is such a funny fellow

This just goes to further prove why a cheating woman should always keep schtum, no matter the psychological torture she thinks she's going through.

Can we really call her a cheating woman? This is an isolated incident.Don't forget that she wasn't caught in the act.She opened up herself.Would it have been better if she kept living with the guilt?

tasandra: we knw his wifes did was shameful, but does he av to wash his dirty linen,outdoor
he is such a funny fellow

Go back and read my original post. The marriage has serious power-play issues. For the man to have publicly disgraced her after a confession, he must feel relatively powerless. Her husband could have kept this within in the family (or shared it only with their pastor) but he didn't. He willingly braved public ridicule to teach his wife a public lesson but he didn't immediately opt-out of the marriage by kicking out the wife or leaving the house. That's a classic move by disrespected and dis-empowered husbands. He only used this opportunity to reverse the power dynamics of his marriage. Now he is in control and he is only bidding his time. He has an ace up his sleeve; he'll make a move to kick the woman out in the near future.

This marriage had serious issues even before the cheating. There is a before-story we haven't heard yet and we probably won't hear it until we hear the husband's side of the story.

segun-obe:
Can we really call her a cheating woman? This is an isolated incident.Don't forget that she wasn't caught in the act.She opened up herself.Would it have been better if she kept living with the guilt?

Is this a rhetorical question? What else is she BUT a cheating woman of easy virtue? One thing men fail to understand is that women are much smarter than we give them credit for. A wife that wants a quick, one-time fling would not cheat with a man that her husband knows well. She would most likely cheat with a guy from work or some guy she met away from her family. This woman chose a man that I am presuming both she and her husband have known for a while. To make matters worse, she chose a much younger guy and they did the deed in her marital home!!!! These aren't actions of a woman that fell momentarily into temptation. Married women don't just "fall" into the laps of undergraduates! These are the actions of a woman who despises her husband and her marriage. If she had an affair with her boss or Dangote, we might say she was seduced by money and power. If she had an affair with a colleague or an ex-bf, then we can say she was lonely, vulnerable and momentarily seduced. She slept with a broke undergraduate in the family house! That's just a ho-move and a triple-assault on her husband's ego. I would NEVER forgive such a woman. Period.

Mr Segun Obe, what is a virtuous woman doing with a man-friend that is so close to her, she is comfortable confessing this kind of infidelity to him? Are you also her pastor or is there something else to your relationship that you aren't telling us? Isn't this the same woman that various men impregnated and dumped before marriage?!!!! A pattern is beginning to emerge here my friend. The answer is clear to anybody that cares to read in between the lines and to tell truth. Your friend is a ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!

^^ Wow!!

seriously subscribing...

You seem to know a lot about this subject, especially as a man.

Nothing spoil sha, I'm learning a lot from this - w.r.t human nature...

segun-obe:
Can we really call her a cheating woman? This is an isolated incident.Don't forget that she wasn't caught in the act.She opened up herself.Would it have been better if she kept living with the guilt?

Yes. She should have borne her cross in silence. (that is, if it was really a cross)

She is a cheat and deserved every bit of shame and indignity that comes her way.

If she leaves this marriage and starts afresh and comes across another undergraduate nko and cheats and confess again or imports this undergraduate into her new life.

Not everyone should cheat especially if their conscience can not carry the burden ( active conscience is not same as innocent though)

This situation happened to a friend of mine last year....they are separated as we speak and are headed to the courts.

After careful siddon look I came to the conclusion that my friend wanted out of the marriage before the incident consciously or unconsciously instigated the end.

A part of me wants to condemn your friend especially because it happened in her home but she has paid heavily for her sin.

Its really good to hear a guy analyse this matters @ braveheart so I am subbing.


P.S would you like to marry your friend ??

braveheart2012: Your friend is a woman without character and virtue. Confessing her infidelity to her husband was the biggest mistake EVER! She has literally destroyed her own marriage with her own hands and there is nothing besides divine intervention that can save that marriage.

There is obviously more to this story than meets the eye. A married woman does not suddenly "fall" into temptation with a young man without some serious warning signs. Here's what I can imply from the little you have disclosed to us here:

1) Your friend's marriage was experiencing some trouble before she cheated otherwise your friend would not have confessed the very same day. She most likely cheated to spite her husband. That she confessed to you, a male friend, and not to her pastor or parents shows she has ZERO respect for her husband. She wanted to end the marriage anyway.

2) Her choice of cheating partner (an undergraduate student) shows that she is used to buying her men. That she is the breadwinner of the family does NOT surprise me at all. She is used to using her cash to buy herself boyfriends and husbands. Her husband's reaction to the news is also very telling. That he chose to publicly humiliate her suggests that he is very powerless in the marriage and he is using his wife's public shaming to punish her because he can't do much else.

3) Yes, he is absolutely going to leave her as soon as he is able and I am sure that's exactly what your friend wanted from the very beginning. She knew perfectly well that her husband would not forgive her for her infidelity but she chose to confess anyway. She was already done with the marriage and was looking for an easy way out. From what you have posted, it's clear she isn't really upset that she hurt her husband; she's only upset because her destroyed her public image.

Overall, she deserves exactly what is coming to her and worse! I hope she has enough money saved up to buy herself a new husband. Perhaps you the OP can marry her now that she's soon going to be single.

I couldn't have analysed it any better!

To the best of my knwledge,they had a happy union till this uncident.And when it comes to emotional issues,its not always black and white for ladies.There are grey areas.she's not gloating over the fact that she cheated.It takes a lot for a cheatin partner to come out of the closet.I strongly believe she should be helped and not crucified for saying the truth.

^^ Is your outlook on life really that simplistic??

Don't you know that there are some things best left unsaid?

Efemena_xy: ^^ Is your outlook on life really that simplistic??

Don't you know that there are some things best left unsaid?