When ur mate de hammer n e con be like say God forget you.

JideTheBlogger: When you yansh a military man's daughter while in secondary school and she decides to keep the pregnancy

The military man go agree ni o

phadat: When you collect bribe and unknown to you the scene was being video taped

U go be come Farouq Junior

Chidex2442: 1. when u mistake superglue for eyedrop
2.when ur only child is sent 2 d north for NYSC
3.When rain beat u wer u dey treck with starched shirt
4. D day u find out that ur galfrnd is a member of a white garment church! Especially olumba olumba obu O.O.O.
5. when u ar fucking a commercial sex worker i.e ashawo and d condom breaks without ur notice meanwhile u've released siemens on her already. I bet u, u will cut down instantly!

Inclusive

When you an arsenal fan with full at the beginning of the season but your team come later Bleep up as usual
When you place an accumulator bet on 21 odds with all ya last card on nairabet and arsenal come loose...U go cry because the possible outcome na #989,762.20

When u look at the mirror,and realize YOUR LOSING HAIR. NO BE EVERY BALD HEAD GET FORTUNE OH.

Afta yrs of unemployment,u r invitd 4 interview wth thousands more qualified persons 4 d same post.

amosy007: When u wan shag ur new babe and u di.ck start acting dumb..

U hav a di.ck disorder

I just lost weight wen I read the 'house rent' part of the post.. Sept 8 oooo!! Who will save me from my landlord? *wailing uncontrollably*

when ever i remember boko haram

When a verystrong urge to poo suddenly hooks Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ in terrible trafik and Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ av to hold it in cos d nearest toilet is 30mins away, then Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ start sweatin buckets,fastest way to loose weight

Armed robbers are patrollin ur area at nite,with ur heart in ur mouth, Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ start an unplanned prayer vigil


When Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ didn't prepare for exam,putting all ur hopes on forming voltron in d hall,then d examiner decides to change d sitting arrangmnts

Sneaking off to a party with popsyz car without authorisation,and bashing it on d way back

The horrible feeling that Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ mite be pregnant outside wedlock

Wen u hav just one carry-over or missin script in one course in ur degree exam and doctor come tel u say u get HIV.

amosy007: When u wan shag ur new babe and u di.ck start acting dumb..

bad experience

amosy007: When u wan shag ur new babe and u di.ck start acting dumb..

bad experience

Basic: When you just bought an android phone @ computer village, and, on getting home, you found the phone stuffed with hot fufu!

hahaha...this actually happened to my frnd sometimes last yr.

U will surely loose weight;
1. When enemies from your village are running after you for no reason, you will loose weight.
2. When your only child is to go for a major operation and no power/ generator and theDoctor suggested a candle.
3. When your house rat just ate you American green card, you will loose weight.
4. When you just received a LATE text message that you have being called for an interview in Oil and gas(Chev, total, Slum, B.Hughes etc), that has being done 2 days ago.
5. etc
6. When an armed rubber just made a mistake in mentioning your name as their ring leader.

D-Explorer:
You got sacked the same day your wife delivers a twins.

.

engineerd:

Dang! Hope u found a new job...but hopefully the joy of the newborn offset the sadness from loosing the job.

Hosp bill unpaid, christening in few days, not even one to fed but TWO, though not by power but u go first lose 10pounds. LOL

You Need To Read These! After Aborting 3 Times For Him, He's Set To Marry Another Lady This Month.

21 Reasons He Hasn't Proposed to You Yet

16 Regular Mistakes Singles Make in Relationships

25 Warning Signs of a Possible Break up in Your Relationship

16 Raw but Bitter Truths Ladies Must Know

Wen theres a demolition exesice in all surroundin town close 2 u, and a mass exodus of people relocating 2 ur town, landlords increasing rent, still many are willing 2 pay 4 even double, n u ve nt paid ur rent 4 d past 3months? U go lose pounds per second

wyzman: When one yeye girl come say u don give am belle, or u bash d car of a senator, or u go beat soja wife.

U beat soldier wife? Ur own don be. U will receive the worst beating of Ur life that will make U lose 10 pounds. Lol!!!

amosy007: When u wan shag ur new babe and u di.ck start acting dumb..

lmao!

FriendMark: After 5 years in university, the clearance officers say your credentials are FAKE! No graduation or certificate for you. You were never a student in the first place.

a similar 1 happened 2me wen I wan kolect my NYSC call-up leta. My name on d file was re-arranged by 1 mumu officer & she kept my file n d middle of ova 5000 oda files @ d exams & records. I search sote I tire 4 dat day. I don lose hope finish b4 sumbody kom find am 4me. Sweat bath me dat day.

Clemzy16: This thread really got me cracking my ribs. Especially the op's no 5, 7 and 10. Keep it up guys

tanx. We v got 2 laf n 4get d worries of 9ja.

teevibez: DO A TYT SONG IN TEEVIBEZ STUDIO. Call: 07030486879 or 08059095485 home of excellent music...

When u record a song with teevibez n find only ur hip pop recognized as highlife.

Interesting one.

amosy007: When u wan shag ur new babe and u di.ck start acting dumb..

hahaha,happened to me once! I think na over excitement cos am...lol

When u dey sweet talk new babe inside bus on a long journey and poo begin disturb u. Na different sitting positions u go adopt.

engineerd:

Dang! Hope u found a new job...but hopefully the joy of the newborn offset the sadness from loosing the job.

Wake up from that dream. In Nigerian reality, no offset o my guy!

LWKMD!!! Gossh ! you guys can make me shit in my pants cos i cant laugh out.
Let me share my own losing of weight. When i saw my boyfriend with the girl i outwashed with my friends hanging out together.
Then you see your video on NTA news during sunday splas for a party and it was repeated on channels and you were suppose to be in school, your father and mum and your little sis/brother were watching TV and you couldnt change the channel.
You were impressed by a guy and the first thing that came out of your mouth was YHELZ cos u were used to it.

After several years of marriage with kids and now they're adults and graduates, you were told with proof (DNA test) that you're not their father, chai!

Okiki_Oluwa: Nigeria is country full of different kata kata. Plenty tins dey worry our mind. Family palava, issues at workplace, societal issues, religious etc all don sit-down berekete for the heart of our Country People.

Aside from doing an exercise for weight loss, there are things that can make you lose weight. When these things happen to you, they make you have goose pimples, sweet profusely & feel like shedding some kilos from your body weight immediately...I have a list of randomly selected ones for typical Nigerians.
They are;

1. Debt - I hate owing people debt. It makes me fear like say the person fit sell me.

2. House Rent - It's a sad thing to remember the due date of your house rent. Ask people whose Landlord/Lady loves money.

3. Notification of Sack - Atimes, this makes people feel as if they have been sentenced to penury before receiving the sack letter.

4. When your pregnant concubine just sent you a text that she's pregnant. After reading the text, mumu come catch you, you forgot to delete the message & your wife now picks up your phone.

5. Been caught in a mortuary elevator with corpse while the power was interrupted. This is serIOUS!

6. A man waiting to release semen but waits for over 30mins. Lmao! Fmj!

7. A man who has six kids before & his wife later gave birth to a sextuplet.

8. When you buy a Tokunbo Car from Cotonou, on your way back Costum Officials kom sieze am.

9. When a kid offends his dad & the mother asked him/her to go & cut the cane. This happened to me when I was growing up. I cut a small plant as cane & my mum used it on me as sample. She asked me to go & get a stronger cane.

10. When Thieves come to your house, dem ask you money, u no get. Dem ask for your wife's jewellry, she no get. Dem ask for your phones, you lied that you have none. Suddenly, your phone just rang with the song 'E bami kigbe ole o! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! (Intro of the song Bushmeat by Sound Sultan feat W4)'. Those thieves fit shymmex you & nyash your wife with vexation. Lwkmd!

Feel free to add what can make you shed weight. Let's share some fun.

i tink u got dis 4rm ALI BABA's program yestaday aftanun 2:00pm-4:00pm

After u don high on shayo and ur pastor call u say na you go conduct deliverance service for a mad man.

U mistakely touch bank's bre*st for inside banking hall.

The bus u enter breakdown 4 Mango bus-stop around 11:45 for night.

Wen u send mad man cooked beans

Wen you drink expired milk

After u don yars-h finish d girl come tell u say she ßε̲̣̣̣̥ Ogbanje