₦airaland Forum

greencard:
its not what u think it is

Billy was just a scapegoat...Higher powers in play

If u know u know

Higher powers or not, question - is he guilty or not? Shikina

Blissguts:
I am in dire need of a relationship counsellor. Its urgent to me before I break down. Would be fine chatting on WhatsApp. Thanks

let me know if you still need help. I hope things are fine with you now. Take care

emmie14:
You are a man woman. Advocates of women. Practically I assure you that I manage my woman and home perfectly more than you and what you shallowly represent. Am a man of my house. There is no way you can keep a happy peaceful home without respect for your wife and children alike but that doesn't mean that I cannot uphold taboo as African and draw limits where necessary. A woman claiming equality with the husband is totally unacceptable. It can exist and tolerated by your type...not me meen. I have a wife, in her I found a perpetual friend and sister sometimes mother because of me in her.

Abeg no make me laugh you this young learner. When has speaking the truth mean that I am a man woman? You be serious olodo o. About advocacy, yes, it is high time men sat up in taking responsibilities seriously. Are you following the topic at all? Where and when did a man helping out with chores at home or loving his wife unconditionally mean that the woman is agitating for equality? O gbeni receive sense abeg. African man ko Bill Gates ni. If you treat a woman right, the story about her fight for equality will only arise when you try to make her feel less human. So as alagbara wey you be, use your African man anti-taboo brain and power take subdue your wife you hear. Abi no be person beloved pikin, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, friend, relative, colleague wey she be abi? Your comments so far impairs your claims about your unconditional love for your wife (if you have any). We dey talk of wife o not GF or baby mama. So read the topic well before you begin comment. Your yapping my speaking the truth wont change the truth.

Ladyhippolyta88:
The women dey respect that type as they believe those kind of men are rare to find.To me it takes nothing from you as a man,you build a happy family by doing that.Mark zuckerberg with all his money took paternity leave to help his wife,even prince William of England took paternity leave to help Kate.It takes nothing from you,your wife would respect and appreciate you for being a rare gem.

we are same page. Helping in everything in the house as much as you can doesn't make you less a man. No mind the children wey dey waste their data on childish comments. Most are still waiting to buy jamb form and are here making comments on marriage matter

emmie14:
Am not your type of man if you're man at all

I hope you ever grow up or wise. Remain your type of man ok. You think there is anything good about treating a woman less. Anyways, maybe I am truly not your type of man sha cos your own type get as e b. As u believe say wife shouldnt be treated as good as you want to be treated

Jupxter:
Justify or not, who has the disease now?

the man own dey come soon so make him continue

TimeMod1:
Of course comprehension is lost on you.
wait a minute, who opened a thread celebrating a Santa who had come with a bottle of liquor?, but the fact you didn't tell us was how the Santa poured the liquor in your cunt. I knew on that day that you're a gutter bitch.
I repeat, the tiniest of my poverty would buy off your tiny little dry ass.

#EraOfTheHoes. #FuçkThem&BuyThemALiquor

Who dash all these boys data to come waste here abeg?

Jrevelation:
Truth be told i understand you
mordern days girls think more than twice
The invention of new ideas and style we are killing culture and principle
Your duty is to cook at home
Chef is a job dont miss the two together

The woman's duty is to cook
She is trained to based on our African culture, I agree. Even the times wives cook well, how many times wey the husband dey appreciate her or tell her say her food sweet? Abi na to just chop clean mouth then still go wait for bed own...mtccheew.

Jupxter:
Now, who ended up burnt ?

Still doesn't justify the man who started the cheating in the first place. The woman isn't right to have revenged by making same mistake her man made. make the man too zip up.

Ladyhippolyta88:
I can cook very well,if only i can see you and you have the honour to taste my food you won't be talking like this.My family is not the village type they are very liberal.All the men can cook in our house it is no joke.And my husband would most definitely know how to cook and it would not be only during pregnancies or sicknesses.Truth is times have changed and some of the best chefs in the world are male and they are seen in Nigeria i have male cousins who went to catering school.And by the grace of God my in laws won't complain if my sweetheart is domestic.Times have truly changed dear and we have some domestic men as well and they are more than special.

I agree with you biko. I was doing a lot of chores when I was living with my natal family. I didn't hands off in my conjugal family. A man is married to a woman to build a home with. Husband wey do chores no mean say him dey weak. Make him help out too because in a lot of cases the woman dey help you too with money matter for house. Except say the man dey too busy dey make billions like Jeff Bezos, at least the woman go hold her side. It is a different thing if your doing the chores makes her dump it all on you. Best case, do chores together and you will enjoy the companionship. From the chores, una go begin gist, from there wiping fit happen and na that unplanned type dey sweet pass.
I dey tire for men wey dey halla say woman no sabi cook when them no even know how to pluck leave comot from the stem

Jrevelation:
Your excute is not rigid
In Nigeria and as original Nigerian its not possible its can be possible if the wife is pregnant or sick go and ask elders they know better...
So when ur in law visit na ur husband go still cook for them abi
You better becareful
Learn how to cook even if it doesnt taste well try apply better ingredient to make it tasty

As a man who cant tolerate a woman not knowing how to cook, I hope you also know how to make a lot of money and how to satisfy a woman? May she can tolerate you too.

emmie14:
Keep your kitchen bathroom and bedroom neat. Your duty before going to work. I doubt you type can maintain employment.

When did it become a woman's bathroom and kitchen? My fellow men and their brain sha.

Jupxter:
I call this point, the divorced/alternate mindset



Believing there is always a better man out there .

This is one foolish thing married ladies believe. That they will get a better replacement.There are more than enough never married ladies out there for the unmarried guys so you will do yourself a great honor by sticking to your husband.
There is really no better man out there and except you are faced with an unrepentant violent man,please remain in your marriage because you will soon realize that its the same cycle we all go through in any union we find ourselves and there will always be one reason to leave any man you are married to.

Many women divorcees realize this too late as they end up as a toy in the hands of randy men,as second wife,or end up single for a long time as many men will believe they are doing them a big favour by wanting to be with them.

If you must throw in the towel on your marriage,make sure you have exhausted all means of reconciliation because i keep saying that it is better to be single at 40 than to be a divorcee at 20 and a 40 year old single lady is more maritally appealing than a 20year old divorcee,funny but true so think very well before you run out of your marriage.

wetin even be all these women this women that? are men the ultimate? I also do not encourage a woman to throw in the towel without exhausting diverse means of reconciliation. However, abeg slow down in making we men feel that the woman should be the one begging to remain in marriage. A man should also put in effort to keep his lovely wife if he truly loves and cherishes her.

Lawalemi:
Thanks Man. I had to scold my wife for harassing our kids some days ago. Whatever was bothering her should not be suffered by the kids. They don't understand until you share with them and they can be so loving when they understand our challenges

Then make them understand the challenge and watch them become the loving wife you need.
I hope she scolds you too when you take out your anger on the kids because from experience, husbands even take out their anger on the entire family more than the wives. Moreover, I hope you don't disrespect her by scolding her disrespectfully in front of your children.

124mumsy:
this particular advice is for women, maybe some other time men we be treated dont just bring comparison to spoil d atmosphere.

Advice!!!

Sanchez01:
This mentality is so wrong. Not all men drink, smoke or gamble, let alone LovePeddler. I strongly believe you've been getting too much parlour gists which are far from the truth in reality.

check his age, back ground, exposure, level of education (formal and informal), hence, his comment

thotianna:
Many small boys on NL, I pity any girl that takes them seriour.
See their long list of what women should do to please men but if a woman starts a thread about how men should please women they will rush in to bash her without reading first.

That clearly tells you the age range and level of maturity of males who respond to topics like this.

Holysiner503:
Abeg u don marry? If no marry me. U too get enuf oil for ya head! As for the Op, one thing he must know is that, the human mind or behavoiur can never be known, it is always subject to constant change.

wetin this one dey talk again abeg?

anonymuz:
you just said it all.

If only both of you wisely understand the institution. SMH :-(

Jupxter:
Halleluyah, it hits FP.


Lack of Trust

Nagging

Trying to Domineer the man

Emotional Abuse

Verbal Assault

Emotional Stonewalling

Lack of Restrain

Lack of Sensitivity

Lack of Care

Disrespect

Too Much Talk

Intolerance

Bad tasting Meals

Boring Sex

Rudeness

Disloyalty

Lack of proper Hygiene

Lack of Trust - same with men

Nagging - husband check yourself, you sef know say you don change.

Trying to Domineer the man - then there is something critical you are missing

Emotional Abuse - story. Men's highest definition of this is sex related

Verbal Assault - as them no too get physical strength, na the one dem get wey dem dey use. so you sef no dey too find their trouble.

Emotional Stonewalling - this one na story

Lack of Restrain - guy quiet abeg. where you dey copy all these fake ambiguous talk from?

Lack of Sensitivity - guy quiet abeg. where you dey copy all these fake ambiguous talk from?

Lack of Care - guy quiet abeg. where you dey copy all these fake ambiguous talk from?

Disrespect - same with men

Too Much Talk - baseless point

Intolerance - applies to both. also depends on how she has lost her patience over drawing your attention to same thing

Bad tasting Meals - you can work with her on this. Different women grew up in different family set ups and circumstances. As you feel say woman must suppose cook well, hope say you sef get better money to spoil her. We expect the world but give little.

Boring Sex - too much porn. Why not patiently teach her rather than jump at it the way you watch in porn. Abi you no know say them dey pay those people heavily just to act? Moreso, I hope you are even as good as the guys you watch to because some women may just give up on bringing out their all in bed because na the same men go say she be bad girl say she don dey hide herself since. While for some, maybe as she even decide to get fired up in the game, the guy go do him 1 minute come out. Nothing dey annoy women for even weeks like that...lol. Them go just kuku decide to lock up make the man do him 5 minutes press up comot :-(

Rudeness - applies both ways

Disloyalty - guy you just dey talk same thing with different words. where you copy all these things from? how old u b abeg make I ask?

Lack of proper Hygiene - not good but can be improved on

MrHistorian:
6.)Total disregard for body/beauty maintenance.

I don't know if this is peculiar to Nigeria but once a woman is married,she pays little attention to her looks with the ridiculous belief that "Who is looking at me?".. Though a married woman is not expected to portray herself as a slut but at the same time must make herself presentable at home and in the public.

When your wife dresses very well, na still you go begin suspect whether she dey go outside. Na why some women go kuku relax.
Some also try to stay away from he goats wey full everywhere. so they rather play low.

Chuks9000:
Women (married) have their overwhelmingly great sides. But their are some behaviours that could be detrimental to the relationship.

1. Lack of sex.
Having sex once in a month! She will always
come up with excuses like: I have a headache, I'm not in the mood, you only come to me when you need sex...
Sex is one of the cheapest things to get out there! But when the man holds those quality time with his wife as sacred, lack of sex can be a spoiler in the relationship.
The funny thing is that most time when he presses on, you tend to submit. Why then make him labour?
The worst is when you never initiate sex. No words to describe this torture.
Again, why will your husband walk into the room just for you to begin to adjust your top to conceal your boobs or bum? If you can't display the resources for him freely, then don't fault him if he thinks you are having an affair outside.

2. 'Disrespectfulness'.
Not acknowledging your husband at appropriate moments.
Imaging not saying good morning when you see him in the morning. Maybe after a fight. But making it a habit. Hmmm.
She will say you are on leave and still you don't have time to call. But when she is on leave, she will pretend to be asleep until the man leaves the house. Sometimes, he remembers he left his phone or something behind. He comes back to get it and relises that she was only waiting for him to leave the house before she gets up. What a shame.
Your husband gets home, rings the bell. You go unlock the door and return to what you were doing without receiving him at the door.
Funny when you always think his going out to have a drink is a sin. It's part of a man's DNA. Please get use to it.

3. Love for money.
Money makes the world go round.
But if the only time you are happy is when your palm is greased with money or gift, then, there is an issue.

4. 'Rudeness.
This is a little different from number 2.
"Baby, it's not done that way. See how it's done." When you take offence anytime a correction is suggested, you create a gap in the relationship. The husband cannot even ask if you have seen his wallet without you taking offence.

5. Pouring your annoyance on the kids always.
No illustration needed here.
If you have an issue bothering you, why not discuss it amicably?


These have been the order of the day and I just need your mature contribution.

Please if you cannot relate with the topic, you should take your joke(s) else where.

Thanks in advance.

While I agree with some of what you have written. However, I have the following responses to share.

1. Men should be patient to truly understand why their wives give those excuses about sex. She could be stressed out or have hormonal issues. Also, women's urge for sex isn't same as men's - medically explained. Husband go do all the romantic stuff to him GF to arouse her but e go just command him wife like sacrificial lamb wey suppose just spread for bed. The question is, how sincerely has he tried to communicate with her to understand why there is a change in how she responds to sex compared to the early times of their marriage? She may be unhappy with the man or certain situations. Also, why wont she lose her urge if her husband only comes to her or becomes nice to her when he needs sex? All your yarns no be excuse for the man to begin go outside him marriage. Like someone correctly said, even when the wife give am daily, man wey go go outside still dey go.

2. I understand and have experienced that behavior but trust me, she is not happy about a lot of things. So if you know how you were so loving before you married her to get the best of her, do same and more to find out why she is happier when you are not around. You annoy her and don't genuinely repent and you think settling an issue ends in love making. Then look for a prostitute not a wife. Nothing justifies a man staying out to drink. It is not in a man's DNA!!!

3. Your third point no even clear.

4. Reactions are effects of earlier actions.

5. The man should learn to love his wife and family the way he need from day 1. I am against either of the parents taking out their anger on innocent children, but this doesn't apply to females alone so don't make it a female thing.

Bottom line, it is not a man's world!!! I don't know where that bull crap came from. Why should a husband treat his wife like he is doing her a favor to be married to him? What the heck do you think you give her or do for her that she cant get more outside too if she decides to go out the way men stupidly justify their reasons for going out? Some men annoyingly say it is to answer a man's name. which dirty name? you be Dangote or Jeff Bezos? How much you even pay for bride price or dowry? How much your best wedding even cost?
The earlier we start treating our wives as wives, the better. Happy wife, happy home!!! Why because they are the support. Nothing lasts long without good support system. Shikina!!!

obadiah777: WHY SHE WASTING HER LIFE LIKE THIS ? THIS IS WHAT SHE NEED TO DO. STOP TRYING TO LIVE THE WHITE MANS DREAMS BY FLYING THAT INSTRUMENT OF DEATH. FIND A NICE MAN, GET MARRIED AND GET A NICE WHOLESOME CAREER

Ur brain contains only one palm kernel and ashes

No one is irreplaceable

D mumu na scammer jare. All lies. He has sent like 3 posts yet didn't say any gadem reasonable thng. Stl had gut 2 discredit NL.

Ifilinwa: That house doesn't look enticing @all, nd d couch is dull.. Gene should do something in that house

How ur own house dey? Akpako!!!

dayokanu: What did Ojuku achieve by himself.

His father Louis Ojuku was a succefull man and one of the richest men in the 1930s

Emeka Ojuku was a failure, failed at everything he laid his hands on and a disappointment to his wife

You dis idiot, wot hv u achieved in ur life? FOOL!!!

dayokanu: So Ojuku has been a disappointment all his life even to his widow.

What a Shame. Fled warfront, Rejected by his people , died deaf dumb and lonely in London, His brother helped him phucck his wife and a lifetime disappointment to his wife. Diary of a Failure Odumegwu Ojuku. He never succeeded at anything in his life

It's evident daat u r a poverty stricken wretched bastard.

U hv nothing neither does your generation. Who aare you to say he neva achievved anythng? Nobody in your family haaas eva achievved wot he achieved.

Am sure your family members won't mind claaiming to be his children just to get maayb d door of his dog's kernel.

seanet01: So oju iku is this irresponsible? He have a child outside without his family members Knowing. Ha God Bless Awolowo, he taught to be morally upright even in Death

See ds idiot ooo, is awolowo ur father or is he related to u? At least he admitted her to be his dauther even in death. I sure people like u for do born throway

Sagamite: Mynd, you are on your own on that fairytale description.

If I marry, I would love my wife, but definitely not to the disneyland/Mills & Boons unrealistic level you described especially when I know what women are made of.

I can't even see myself as emotional as that especially when it comes to sacrificing eating my food until I hear her voice.

To hell with her voice, I will chop my pounded yam and efo elegusi with relish.

Guy u r definitely not married or frustrated in ur marriage

Hanihairy: mtcheew.....wen u don use contraceptive destroy ur womb u dey dere dey cal God.....God get ur tym

U r d only fool on this nairaland.

sylve11: 95% of the people who commented on being patient are hypocrites.

My friend keep quiet there. Lil child like u wants to talk when elders r talkn. U better focus on ur social studies assignment