₦airaland Forum

Is this for real?!

shymexx: Those people are weaklings - they don't need therapy, they just need to know who they are...

Once you understand yourself and know your capabilities, you shouldn't have self-esteem issues...

Some individuals require a counsellor to help them reach a conclusion about who they are.

Everyone is different... Individual differences.

Also with African cultures, seeing a counsellor/ therapist is a rare thing to do, but in western societies, people book appointments with a therapist for trivial things.


Some people lack the ability to believe in themselves and their capabilities. They need someone to tell and reassure them that they are worthy.


If all of us are "black and strong", I won't be earning a salary. I won't have a job. We need people who needs us to tell them what they already know, but lack the self believe to do it in the comfort of their home.

coogar: i disagree with this....
if this were true, every nigerian child should be a mass murderer or a serial killer - most nigerian parents didn't spare the rod when raising their children and these kids still wen ahead to become upstanding citizens in their community!

You've obviously misread my post. When I said parents should be careful, I didn't mean that parents shouldn't discipline their children.

Parents should be careful by....
• not neglecting their kids
• not depriving their children of the love that they crave and deserve
• remembering that words sometimes have more impact and are not easily forgotten than getting beaten.
ETC...

Parents should defo not spare the rod. I got beats as a child, that has not affected me psychologically.

Chibest2000: u made some nice comments here, but where i will disagree wit u is 2 say dat self-esteem is heriditry while we hv pple wit diffrent self- esteem coming 4rom d same home. Better u say is a result of parental upbringing but can b influence by one's personality . Gud comments nice try.

Self-esteem is not a result of parental upbringing in some cases.

Hereditary is not a contributory factor to self-esteem in some cases.


We might have people from the same home having different self esteem issues because none of us are the same. You might share the same gene as your siblings, but does that mean that you all look similar? Do you have the same height, weight, skin tone etc.??...


...NO!

shymexx: Yeah, it might affect the children until they get to a certain age. However, once you grow past that, and know who you're and your self-worth - you should outgrow that...

Upbringing plays a role but it doesn't fully define who you become socially/psychologically as an adult...

You're the architect of your own reality..

Nope. If plays a vital role, but your upbringing does not define you.

But some people find it difficult to stop blaming their parents, and start taking responsibilities for their own actions.

That's why therapy comes in handy.

50calibre: You know there can be various reasons why someone might develope a low self esteem, it could be as a result of a deformity or disability, weight issues,it could low IQ (maybe a never do well in class), it could even be as a result of mirror reflection ( a child might see his/her mirror reflection and compare with their mates and conclude they are ugly or at least the brain tells them they are ugly) and school mates and friends are always quick to point these issues out which then re-enforces the kids views of being inadequate.

I personally think most self-esteem issues begin in schools. As for the part genetics plays in all these I'm not too sure. Because a man or woman with a low self-esteem doesn't necessarily give birth to a child with the same thing.

Self-esteem isn't visible, it's not like a physical disability which is easily detectable.

A child with a low self-esteem might struggle to open up to others about what he/she is going through. The child will bottle it up until adult life when the person will now find it difficult to accomplish simple tasks because they have a low self-worth.

Genetics does contribute in some cases, and it doesn't in other cases. It's hard to pin point which factor(s) contributed the most.


Read up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you'll see that getting the most basic thing wrong (like not providing a proper shelter for your kids) can have a big detrimental effect in their adult like.

For a person to be fully functioning, he/ she needs to be a self-actualiser. If you aren't loved enough by your parents, you can't be a fully functioning adults.



The effect of school and school mates to the issue of self-esteem isn't as big of a contributing factor in comparison to the role of parents and significant others.

A child doesn't start school properly until 3 years (I think), before then, a child would have begin to model (copy) the behaviours of his/ her parents, siblings, grans etc.


Although our upbringing matters a lot, however, a person who hasn't got a self-esteem issue previously, can develop it later in life. It could be triggered by anything, such as future partners. For example, getting into an emotionally abusive relationship where your partner makes you feel like nothing. Gradually, the victim will start to believe the words of their abusive, which can in turn affect how the victim views themselves...

shymexx: Even interaction/relationship can mess a person's self-esteem....

There are too many factors involved, I tell ya...

Yep, and having a low self-esteem can lead to other psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, relationships etc.

That's why parents needs to be careful when bringing up their children. They might not see the effect of bad parenting now, but the issue will arise in the future.

seedord247: I think its from the parents.

For i.e.. Check yoruba kids... Hardly you see a yoruba kid that doesnt know how to cursed bcus thats what their parents used in bringi g them up.

Check igbo kids... Hardly you see a igbo boy that does not know how to lie or steal from age 8. Thats why you see them turning drug pushers when they grow up.

Check benin and calabar kids..... Being a frnd of this tribe.... They hardly discipline their kids if they do something wrong.. They give thier kids freedom of speech in family matters while they are very young, their folks even do some nasty things in front of thier kids.... Thats why you see calabars and benin girls all over the street of lagos asking for pay as you f**ck.

Have you by any chance flushed your brain in the loo today?

I'm not even going to try and bring sense into that foölishness you've written.

all4naija: It could be both!

Definitely!

That's why studies on MZ (monozygotic) twins are excellent, because we can eliminate traits that are influenced by genetical factors, or environmental. Through twin studies, we can also identify which traits are both innate and environmental.


However, the proportion of twins both MZ and DZ (dizygotic) in the population is quite low, so that's why several studies done to investigate e.g. 'Self-esteem in twins' aren't as conclusive as we would want them to be.

shymexx: Hmmmm... I'll suck on your big black nip.ples soon, anyway...Expect me soon.

That's my abiL...

Ewwww!

Kindly fûck to the direction of off please

50calibre: 3 major factors contributing to low-self esteem

- Parental upbringing
- Environment and peer groups
- Media.

h.

All the three things that you've stated can all be grouped under one section... Environmental influences/ factors.

Genetics is also a major contributing factor to self-esteem.


If one can argue that IQ/ intelligence can sometimes be influenced by our genes, one can also argue that self-esteem can be influenced by our genes...AND environmental factors.

Personally, I think the environment play the biggest contributing role to self-esteem/ self-worth.




The media does contribute a wee bit, but the effects of the media is mostly manifested in weight issues (anorexia and bulimia). However, if one isn't about their weight, then one starts to have negative thoughts, which can lead to the development of a low self-esteem.

So yeah the media does affect self-esteem, but not directly.

shymexx: Epistle of abiL - I see you have been trying to kick knowledge since Seun called you out....

Do your thing, big mouth...

STFU Shymexx.

I had so much to say (and I've got more) because the issue of self-esteem is one of the things I have experience with... I'm a trained psychologist (still training), so I get clients with low self-esteem problems sometimes.

Just because I curse a lot doesn't mean that I ain't intelligent.

On that note, suck on my big black dîck Shymexx

Self-esteem is influenced by hereditary, but environmental factors also have an effect on it.

Self-esteem is not someone's personality. Both traits aren't related. For example, an individual with an extrovert personality can have a low self-esteem issue. However, you are more likely to find high self-esteem in people who are considered extroverts than introverts. There is a link, but both aren't associated.

Personality is quite similar to self-esteem because both are influenced by the effect of genes and our environment.

So no, self-esteem is not a result of our personality, but it can be influenced by our personality, and yes, self-esteem can be a result of parental upbringing.

Parental upbringing is an environmental factor, that coupled with other factors such as friends, relationships, weight, height, personality type, skin colour, self-worth etc. can affect an individual's self esteem.

There was a study done by (can't remember their names) who found a link between self-confidence and the nature argument. But the study didn't discard the influence of the environment.


How one feels about him/ her-self starts from home. If parents neglects complimenting their children, but only finds negative things to say to their kids, then those children are more likely to grow up thinking low of themselves.


Our childhood upbringing is highly vital, and they shape our adult lives.
If parents gets it wrong from the start, it's very difficult to change in the future.
That's why you see so many people requires therapy nowadays.


Children also models the behaviours of significant others, therefore, if a child is brought up in a household where most members doesn't think highly of themselves, and their ability to accomplish great things, the child will start to copy their thinking. Thus the child will grow up with the same mentality.


I'll stop ranting now

Happy birthday babe

Shollypopz: It's actually possible. But very impressive on his parents part. I know the push has gotta come from them. He prolly went straight from college to his masters program, graduated high school 14, skipped some elementary school grade. But we also have lying as an option.

*Ekaro ppl*

Hehehehehehehe

lilcutie8916: @ abil why re u hating. @

On you??

You must have flushed your brain in the toilet.

Ïdiot! Demented föol!

oMG its SLayer: abil isnt done staring at my pix son, i dont think yo pix would be of any use to her
^~^

Hahahahaha I'm dead

oMG its SLayer: send a PM then ^~^

Sent

ItsModella: Ok, it's settled. Our John Doe is DailyNews.

Nah it's not

I've got another clue of my own as to how I know who the person behind slayer is.

But since you want to keep your identity private, I'll respect it.

Shollypopz: @abiL: I just gave u an unwritten clue. If u don't know u d person is by now. Then forget it

I've got an idea.

I've got your clue.

I won't bother typing it here.




I thought as much.


Slayer.... I see you o!!

ikekings: Actually, the fellow is “dailynews”... ...

It's Dailynews

"sholly is too pretty!
I'll soon spice this thread up with just one pic of hers
^~^"

Only him likes posting pics of other people

Shollypopz: too much of a clue to say gender and honestly speaking it's not Mynd.

Idowuogbo. Case closed.

ItsModella: shyte...God go punish you.

ItsModella: wait!! abiL, who uses the word nigga a lot? That might lead us to the person cos this oMG iTs Slayer seems to use that word often.

I've got my thinking cap back on.

Shollypopz: Good point, U've listed d fellow earlier. That as much clue as I can give.

Werey ni e!!!


So it's mynd then.

ItsModella: Ok, does this person comment a lot? cos I'm about to dig through the romance section...

Hahahha and you called me crazy?!

Shollypopz no time for messing about


Male or female??

Even if we get the moniker right, sholly might not even tell us.

Tsch!

ikekings: Gbam!!!

I don't know the bennyraz guy...

"i heard the moderator of this section is a cute nigga?
^~^"

It's defo not a guy, unless he's gay. So the person must be a girl.

I'm pretty sure that the person is Onila. 90% sure.

oMG its SLayer: lol even if you were to pm anybody abil would be last on the list.
You're too pretty
^~^

STFU!!!!

Onila!!