I need to put this out there...

Personally, I'm grateful to my parents for the "bootcamp/African" kind of upbringing they gave me... I hated my pops growing up because he used to beat me like a thief... However, that upbringing gave me the strong mentality I have got today - and I'm forever grateful to him for that... To be honest, nothing can ever break me...

Not saying I'm going to smack my kids around and molest them, however, when you spare the rod, you're definitely spoiling the child...

Big ups to African parents!! - salute!

Chibest2000: u made some nice comments here, but where i will disagree wit u is 2 say dat self-esteem is heriditry while we hv pple wit diffrent self- esteem coming 4rom d same home. Better u say is a result of parental upbringing but can b influence by one's personality . Gud comments nice try.

Self-esteem is not a result of parental upbringing in some cases.

Hereditary is not a contributory factor to self-esteem in some cases.


We might have people from the same home having different self esteem issues because none of us are the same. You might share the same gene as your siblings, but does that mean that you all look similar? Do you have the same height, weight, skin tone etc.??...


...NO!

abiL:
Nope. If plays a vital role, but your upbringing does not define you.

But some people find it difficult to stop blaming their parents, and start taking responsibilities for their own actions.

That's why therapy comes in handy.

Those people are weaklings - they don't need therapy, they just need to know who they are...

Once you understand yourself and know your capabilities, you shouldn't have self-esteem issues...

shymexx: I need to put this out there...

Personally, I'm grateful to my parents for the "bootcamp/African" kind of upbringing they gave me... I hated my pops growing up because he used to beat me like a thief... However, that upbringing gave me the strong mentality I have got today - and I'm forever grateful to him for that... To be honest, nothing can ever break me...

some other kids would use that excuse to do stüpid things and blame their tough upbringing for their irresponsibilities. when i see a serial killer blame his parents for what he became, i always laugh @ them. they should go to nigeria and see how school teachers and parents discipline the kids........

Not saying I'm going to smack my kids around and molest them, however, when you spare the rod, you're definitely spoiling the child...
Big ups to African parents!! - salute!

sometimes, the cane would come handy.....but with a reasonable force!

coogar:
some other kids would use that excuse to do stüpid things and blame their tough upbringing for their irresponsibilities. when i see a serial killer blame his parents for what he became, i always laugh @ them. they should go to nigeria and see how school teachers and parents discipline the kids........

Those are mentally weak folks who just like to whine about everything and play the blame game...

sometimes, the cane would come handy.....but with a reasonable force!

Reasonable force - that's the most important thing... Even Tony Blair once bragged about smacking his kids around, whenever they don't act right...

coogar:

i disagree with this....
if this were true, every nigerian child should be a mass murderer or a serial killer - most nigerian parents didn't spare the rod when raising their children and these kids still wen ahead to become upstanding citizens in their community!

You've obviously misread my post. When I said parents should be careful, I didn't mean that parents shouldn't discipline their children.

Parents should be careful by....
• not neglecting their kids
• not depriving their children of the love that they crave and deserve
• remembering that words sometimes have more impact and are not easily forgotten than getting beaten.
ETC...

Parents should defo not spare the rod. I got beats as a child, that has not affected me psychologically.

parental influence, the lifestyle the child is exposed to and the peer groups they spend most of their time with will have an effect on that child's behaviour

coogar:

some other kids would use that excuse to do stüpid things and blame their tough upbringing for their irresponsibilities. when i see a serial killer blame his parents for what he became, i always laugh @ them. they should go to Nigeria and see how school teachers and parents discipline the kids........

Well said

Low self esteem z as a result of HYPOGARRIOLOGY(LOW G4 INTAKE)... If u wanna quote me wrng ask Dem G....a.....R.....r.....I Lords....dey v al gat gud Self Esteem..if nat y r dey LORDS OF GARR! On Nl

shymexx:

Those people are weaklings - they don't need therapy, they just need to know who they are...

Once you understand yourself and know your capabilities, you shouldn't have self-esteem issues...

Some individuals require a counsellor to help them reach a conclusion about who they are.

Everyone is different... Individual differences.

Also with African cultures, seeing a counsellor/ therapist is a rare thing to do, but in western societies, people book appointments with a therapist for trivial things.


Some people lack the ability to believe in themselves and their capabilities. They need someone to tell and reassure them that they are worthy.


If all of us are "black and strong", I won't be earning a salary. I won't have a job. We need people who needs us to tell them what they already know, but lack the self believe to do it in the comfort of their home.

whichever way you look at it, it still boils down to NATURE and NURTURE things because they involved in moulding the human self-esteem.

To me I tink low esteem is a personal stuff......cz d moment u start feelin inferior,u'll start degradin urslf......

different factors add up to a person's low or high self-esteem BUT parents can do a lot to build up a high self-esteem in a child.
people argue how it's done best. I think a lot of love is a very important factor.

low self esteem arises as a result of lack of love and support from parents and it is exacerbated when the child lives within a society or culture that does not value people from his or her background. for example if a black child grows up with a lot of neglect and lack of emotional support from their parents they are definitely going to have a very poor image of themselves, because that child has never known what love is and if you have never been shown love you can not have love for yourself neither can you give love as you dont know how to. The problem is further worsened when that same child grows up in a place like europe or america where blacks are routinely degraded and devalued by white society as a whole and the western media in constantly projects negative images of black people all over their media. Take a look at an experiment that was carried out in america to determine whether black children suffer from low esteem -they were shown a black doll and a white doll and they were asked to pick the one they felt was more beautiful and intelligent - time and time again these preschool black kids kept picking up the white doll when asked about positive traits and the black doll when asked about negative traits - what does that tell you? surely if you grow up in an environment where it is pounded into your head day in and day out that you are worthless you will eventually see yourself as worthless.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybDa0gSuAcg

carefreewannabe: different factors add up to a person's low or high self-esteem BUT parents can do a lot to build up a high self-esteem in a child.
people argue how it's done best. I think a lot of love is a very important factor.

you mean all those kids who hang themselves after getting bullied in school don't have parents who built their self esteem? the most common place where a child's self confidence get shattered the most is the school/environment, not the home!

k2039: To me it's the individual.

Frankly parents could add to it,by telling their kids you are not good enough,you are not this,you are not that(not just parent alone but every negative statement we have heard,our failures,rejection etc).
The point is jut that,once one start to beleieve this comments then one's self esteem is in trouble.

I think He was Ghandi who said this 'they cant take away our self respect except we give it to them'

The reason why I think it has a lot to do with personality is because for the fact that someone said you are stupid doesnt necessarily mean you are,it's his opinion and he is entitled to it.

So every thing then boils down to this,believing in oneself,liking oneself.

For example personaly I dont have a problem with my self esteem(some say I'm arrogant,just because I dont give a damn about what they say,some find it hard to believe in theirself,and for believing so much im myself they label me names,mtcheww),I understand I may not be able to influence what others say about me,but I have the ability to choose the way I respond to them.
I understand we all see the world the way we are and not necessarily the way it is(reality),so everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

Whatever anyone says is just an expression of their own opinion.


So OP IT'S more of a personality thing(understanding that I have a control over my mood and how I feel),frankly parents and peer may shape it,it still boils down to taking full responsibility for ones life(even if your parents say you are good enough,if you still dont believe it your self esteem is in trouble and finaly if you base your self esteem on what people say,your esteem is still in trouble because as much as positive comments affect you so will their negative comments also affect you).

Individualy we are all unique,we are special

You are very very very wrong my friend....
You said u have good esteem right? How was ur childhood??

cap28: low self esteem arises as a result of lack of love and support from parents and it is exacerbated when the child lives within a society or culture that does not value people from his or her background. for example if a black child grows up with a lot of neglect and lack of emotional support from their parents they are definitely going to have a very poor image of themselves, because that child has never known what love is and if you have never been shown love you can not have love for yourself neither can you give love as you dont know how to. The problem is further worsened when that same child grows up in a place like europe or america where blacks are routinely degraded and devalued by white society as a whole and the western media in constantly projects negative images of black people all over their media. Take a look at an experiment that was carried out in america to determine whether black children suffer from low esteem -they were shown a black doll and a white doll and they were asked to pick the one they felt was more beautiful and intelligent - time and time again these preschool black kids kept picking up the white doll when asked about positive traits and the black doll when asked about negative traits - what does that tell you? surely if you grow up in an environment where it is pounded into your head day in and day out that you are worthless you will eventually see yourself as worthless.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybDa0gSuAcg

I understand that they tested black children living in a white society.
did they also have control groups?
would black children growing up in a society that is mainly black react differently?
how would white children react?
just curious.

carefreewannabe:

I understand that they tested black children living in a white society.
did they also have control groups?
would black children growing up in a society that is mainly black react differently?
how would white children react?
just curious.

the experiment is rubbish - when i was a kid, i must have seen about 2000 dolls of my sisters, i have never ever seen a black doll. if i was then interviewed then to choose between a black and a white doll, i would definitely choose the white cos that's what i am familiar with......... i stand corrected but how many posters here saw a black doll in nigeria as a kid? it's always white dolls, blonde hair with some funny scary eyes - never a black doll when i was a kid!

coogar:

you mean all those kids who hang themselves after getting bullied in school don't have parents who built their self esteem? the most common place where a child's self confidence get shattered the most is the school/environment, not the home!

did I say that ALL children who got bullied and killed themselves have parents who didn't show them love?
your question doesn't make sense at this point BECAUSE I SAID THAT parental upbringing CAN VERY MUCH HELP to develop a healthy self-esteem but NOT that it is the only factor. apart from that, we know very little about the parents whose children were being bullied and who committed suicide.

carefreewannabe:

did I say that ALL children who got bullied and killed themselves have parents who didn't show them love?
your question doesn't make sense at this point BECAUSE I SAID THAT parental upbringing CAN VERY MUCH HELP to develop a healthy self-esteem but NOT that it is the only factor. apart from that, we know very little about the parents whose children were being bullied and who committed suicide.

the kids are bullied because they are fat, obese, ginger/albino, and other rubbish! they become outcasts in schools - not allowed to play with others or interact....they get sad and lonely no matter how much self esteem diet the parents are feeding them with. eventually, the social stigma becomes unbearable and the kids kill themselves!

carefreewannabe:

I understand that they tested black children living in a white society.
did they also have control groups?
would black children growing up in a society that is mainly black react differently?
how would white children react?
just curious.

i dont know what you mean by control groups.

i dont know how black children growing up in a mainly black society would react to such a test as no such test to my knowledge has been undertaken in a black dominated country but if those black children who live in a black dominated environment were to be exposed to the same negative images that blacks in europe and america are exposed to by way of the media then i am tempted to beleive that this might affect their self image.

for example jamaica is a black dominated society but the black people there place more value on light skinned people in their country like the chinese, mixed race and indians than the pure black jamaicans who make up 93% of the population.

so at the end of the day its not about the population of blacks but their mentality and western influences.

k2039: To me it's the individual.

Frankly parents could add to it,by telling their kids you are not good enough,you are not this,you are not that(not just parent alone but every negative statement we have heard,our failures,rejection etc).
The point is jut that,once one start to beleieve this comments then one's self esteem is in trouble.

I think He was Ghandi who said this 'they cant take away our self respect except we give it to them'

The reason why I think it has a lot to do with personality is because for the fact that someone said you are stupid doesnt necessarily mean you are,it's his opinion and he is entitled to it.

So every thing then boils down to this,believing in oneself,liking oneself.

For example personaly I dont have a problem with my self esteem(some say I'm arrogant,just because I dont give a damn about what they say,some find it hard to believe in theirself,and for believing so much im myself they label me names,mtcheww),I understand I may not be able to influence what others say about me,but I have the ability to choose the way I respond to them.
I understand we all see the world the way we are and not necessarily the way it is(reality),so everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

Whatever anyone says is just an expression of their own opinion.


So OP IT'S more of a personality thing(understanding that I have a control over my mood and how I feel),frankly parents and peer may shape it,it still boils down to taking full responsibility for ones life(even if your parents say you are good enough,if you still dont believe it your self esteem is in trouble and finaly if you base your self esteem on what people say,your esteem is still in trouble because as much as positive comments affect you so will their negative comments also affect you).

Individualy we are all unique,we are special

While agreeing †̥ some of what U̶̲̥̅̊ said, parents H̲̣̣̣̥ɑ̤̥̈̊vє̲̣̥ role †̥ pay in their children's esteem. If they start boosting their children's confidence since when they were young. Often more than not,they would raise confident children and vice versa

coogar:

the kids are bullied because they are fat, obese, ginger/albino, and other rubbish! they become outcasts in schools - not allowed to play with others or interact....they get sad and lonely no matter how much self esteem diet the parents are feeding them with. eventually, the social stigma becomes unbearable and the kids kill themselves!

i have also seen the so called "different" children who were strong enough to deal with bullies. how do you explain it?

I think both.

icez: I think both.

simple truth

lool

seedord247: I think its from the parents.

For i.e.. Check yoruba kids... Hardly you see a yoruba kid that doesnt know how to cursed bcus thats what their parents used in bringi g them up.

Check igbo kids... Hardly you see a igbo boy that does not know how to lie or steal from age 8. Thats why you see them turning drug pushers when they grow up.

Check benin and calabar kids..... Being a frnd of this tribe.... They hardly discipline their kids if they do something wrong.. They give thier kids freedom of speech in family matters while they are very young, their folks even do some nasty things in front of thier kids.... Thats why you see calabars and benin girls all over the street of lagos asking for pay as you f**ck.

IMHO, low self esteem is largely dependent on parental upbringing rather than personality. There is an admonition on training up a child in d way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. It is the responsibility of parents to show enough love and care to their children, both in words and in deeds. Also, in d book of corinthians of the Holy Bible, (sorry, can't remember the exact verse), parents are advised not to drive their children to resentment, so they won't feel frustrated at the long run. Many parents nowadays try to instill an extremely competitive spirit into their kids. Although competition is a basic survival instinct that every human must possess, it is pertinent to know that extreme cases of competition could cause one to be highly insensitive, unrefined and selfish, which brings about decay of manners. Some parents want their kids to ALWAYS take d lead irrespective of d toes they step on to accomplish that. What I'm saying in essence is that, kids should be made to understand that success is a beautiful thing and that there are positive ways to accomplish that. A child who finds it difficult to comprehend speedily may be assisted by parents lovingly without having to remind him/her of how excellent kids his age are. Children look up to their parents in virtually every aspect of their lives hence they need their parents contributions on delicate issues. The first stage of breaking a child's low self-esteem starts from the home. Once that is done, the child would be better prepared to cope with bullying and pressure from peers. In Nigeria, especially in our traditional settings, children are perceived as been rude when they try to put up a defence over an accusation which might probably be false. They are usually hushed to keep silent. Little things like these could lower a child's self-esteem without the parents realizing it. In every home, there is need for heart-to-heart conversation between parents and children. Parents have the greatest role to play in improving a child's self-esteem. #sorry for this epistle. Was trying to be succinct as possible, lolz#.

promire2004: IMHO, low self esteem is largely dependent on parental upbringing rather than personality. There is an admonition on training up a child in d way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. It is the responsibility of parents to show enough love and care to their children, both in words and in deeds. Also, in d book of corinthians of the Holy Bible, (sorry, can't remember the exact verse), parents are advised not to drive their children to resentment, so they won't feel frustrated at the long run. Many parents nowadays try to instill an extremely competitive spirit into their kids. Although competition is a basic survival instinct that every human must possess, it is pertinent to know that extreme cases of competition could cause one to be highly insensitive, unrefined and selfish, which brings about decay of manners. Some parents want their kids to ALWAYS take d lead irrespective of d toes they step on to accomplish that. What I'm saying in essence is that, kids should be made to understand that success is a beautiful thing and that there are positive ways to accomplish that. A child who finds it difficult to comprehend speedily may be assisted by parents lovingly without having to remind him/her of how excellent kids his age are. Children look up to their parents in virtually every aspect of their lives hence they need their parents contributions on delicate issues. The first stage of breaking a child's low self-esteem starts from the home. Once that is done, the child would be better prepared to cope with bullying and pressure from peers. In Nigeria, especially in our traditional settings, children are perceived as been rude when they try to put up a defence over an accusation which might probably be false. They are usually hushed to keep silent. Little things like these could lower a child's self-esteem without the parents realizing it. In every home, there is need for heart-to-heart conversation between parents and children. Parents have the greatest role to play in improving a child's self-esteem. #sorry for this epistle. Was trying to be succinct as possible, lolz#.

thank you. it's beautiful.

Its more of personality, one can be whatever he/she wishes.

I think personality and environment. Parental upbringing is a part of environment. Isn't this similar to why one would be courageous?...or a coward? No silver bullet answer.

I think self esteem all boils down to the personality of the individual. While parents might have little or no influence on a child's self esteem you have to realise that no two kids of the same parent are the same. Not all children are the black sheep of the family or end up with a low self esteem.

vislabraye: Self esteme can never be as a result of personality. You cant say some1 is born to have inferiority complex.
To a large extent, its a result of enviroment.

Exactly.