₦airaland Forum

coolshegs10: is there any possibility for d registration date to be extended cos I WS not able to do mine in d bank today.... any hope abeg?

I dnt tink so..exam starts on wednesday abd even if its extended to tuesday..monday and tuesday have been declared as public holiday..unless u get the form from anoda place dts nt a bank and trust me dts risky..Goodluck!

Choi! dy look so much alike..even teeth follow sef

Nice one op..educating

Blurr: Thursday 31st....schl of SAAT..8.OOA.M....anybodi wth the same venue and tym??

Saat is not the venue

No comment

God have mercy!..end time signs..we r living under grace

...

This life

EddyNumerouno: Lol, play one of these words in scrabble...#Gbam

Not posibl

- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

These jokes would make ur monday look like friday
1.  A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says:''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her:''The driver just insulted me!''The man says:''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
 
2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
 
3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
 
4.  A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband,''Shut up...you're next!''
 
5.  A classic Tommy Cooper gag''I said to the Gym instructor"Can you teach me to do the splits?''He said,''How flexible are you?''I said,''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.
 
6.  Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.           
 
7.  Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.  The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.            
 
8.  Another one was:  Doc, I can't stop singing the'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said:'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual'he replied.     
 
9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.        
 
10.  A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:''Pint please, and one for the road.''           
 
11.  I went to the doctors the other day and I said,'Have you got anything for wind?'So he gave me a kite.   
 
12.  My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.    
 
13.  I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought,''He's trying to pull a fast one''.          
 
14.  A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named'Amal.'The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds,''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''     
 
15.  There's two fish in a tank, and one says''How do you drive this thing?''            
 
16.  I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.  
 
17.  When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said:''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.   
 
18. ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''         
 
19.   I rang up British Telecom, I said,''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said''Not you again''.  
 
20.   I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.            
 
21.   A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''
 
22.  Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.        
 
23.  A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says,''Is this some kind of joke?''
 
24.  A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says''Sorry we don't serve food in here''       
 
25.  The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said''Did you get my drift?''.
 
26.   I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.       
 
27.  Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
 
28.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.''But why?''they asked, as they moved off.''because,''he said''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''
 
29.   I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said,''Are you two an item?''   
 
30.   I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.            
31.  So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said,''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.
 
32.  Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''        
 
33.  I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
 
34.  There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
 
35.  I went down the local supermarket, I said,''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said,"Those are pickled onions''.            
 
36.  I backed a horse last week at ten to one.  It came in at quarter past four.        
 
37.   I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said''may contain nuts.''Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''           
 
38.   A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster     
 
39.  My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go,''Who's that calling at this time?'''I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!''    
 
40.  I said to this train driver''I want to go to Paris". He said''Eurostar?''I said,''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.
 
41.   Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.      
 
42.  I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.          
 
43.  You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.     
 
44.  A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''   
 
45.   I tried water polo but my horse drowned.      
 
46.   I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.  
 
47.   So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.   
 
48.   Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.            
 
49.  A seal walks into a club...   
 
50.   I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said,'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went  -  and I got it.

WIZGUY69: The first time i sight futa, i was in love with the fucking school.
But with the way they do things, omg. they disappointed me.

What dd dy do dts disappointing u

WIZGUY69: How is it same for unilag?
Futa are thieves! how can a federal uni be selling form for almost 4000?
NOTE : Their colleague (futminna) are sellin their's for #2000 including bank charges.

Nt only futa,All fed skuls..we r in naija!..corruption rules..unilag's p.ume form is 4250 and past question fee is included bt u wouldn't even b given..u can't compare futminna to futa..why do u hate futa?..m sure wen u get admission u wld LOVE it

Kudos..social media truly has it advantages and disadvantages

Horluwahighdee: Please r we going 2 be given past question

I don't think so,most times dy use the 'past question' fee to get money..same tin for unilag too..

Raufrukayat: Good morning all, i want to inform u dat av obtained my form yesterday from uba, i just to d bank to ask if av futa post utme form and they said it is available. i got a deposit slip fill d acct name: futa post ume fee, amt: 3800, jamb reg, phone no and email. i got d confirmation code which i used to confirm my payment on futa web (futa.edu.ng) den i registered. exam date: aug 1, batch 1, 8am.

That's good, which course?

NaLaugh: comments like this make me want to pull my hair out.

I'm pretty sure you spent money to access the internet to post this comment on Nairaland.
Guess what, there are homeless people you could have given a meal with that money. Why didn't you?

THE WORLD DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

No matter what you, her, or anyone does, and how much you give, THERE WILL BE HOMELESS PEOPLE.

So if you're not Mahatma Gandhi or something, y'all need to quit this hypocrisy and naivety each time a celeb does something like this.

That's ur opinion,

Joblessness of the highest order
When there a homeless peeps wtawt clothes

So beautiful

#akwaibomrocks
2nd to comment

Beautiful with nice skin
3rd to comment!
Btw #awkaibomrocks

Alpet: You are welcome. Tell ur friend to join NL and visit the thread for more information. I saw u #FUTA

Hez nt used to browsing evrytym and moreover his exam is arnd the corner

bettygirl97: Are we to go to First Bank and tell them that Futa post utme form and they'll give us the account name and no. Or will the school post it online?

U would go to the bank and ask if dy have postume form for futa

Jovanna: The form is out already hoping to get mine in d evening time..

From which bank

Thanks guys

A frnd of mine, an art student, chose human kinetics, does dt relate to art? And can anytn be done abt it? If he doesn't change wld it affect his p.ume or admission?

A frnd of mine, an art student, chose human kinetics, does dt relate to art? And can anytn be done abt it? If he doesn't change wld it affect his p.ume or admission?

Lmao..I can't bliv a group chat could cause all dis quarrel and insults..please let's grow up and settle dis..we cnt all choose dsame tin..som ppl prefer the group chat to nl and som prefer otherwise..so no fighting abeg..divsy is a good person so dnt insult ha o..and seydam,let's respect ourselves

Nt too long ago..always keep change in my pocket to avoid embarrassment from sellers or conductors..and 2 5naira notes makes 10naira

saheed2532: On the home page of the University of Ilorin
website, click on 2014/2015 Pre-Admission
Screening Procedure
All candidates are advised to click on Pre-
Admission Screening Instructions and to carefully
read the Registration Instructions:
1. Click on ADMISSION displayed on the left hand
side of the screen
2. On Admission Menu displayed, click Pre-
Admission Screening Instructions and read
carefully.
3. Type in your JAMB Registration Number and
SURNAME in the boxes provided. Carefully type in
your JAMB Registration Number as any error
committed will not allow the display of your
details.
Thereafter,
UTME candidates should click on the Get Details
button for your JAMB information;
DE candidates should click OK button on the
dialog box displayed and enter your names; and
Click on Make Payment link to go to WEBPAY
page. Note: UTME Candidates who are qualified
for the course originally chosen can proceed to
make payment by supplying the required
information. However, UTME Candidates who are
not qualified for the course originally chosen are
advised to change their course as indicated on the
payment page. Note the sum of N2,500 is
charged for change of course.
4. Make Payment
Select your ATM card type (e.g Verve or Master
Card)
Enter your Card Number
Enter Card Expiry Date and the card CVV2 (the 3
digits on the reverse side of the card and lastly
enter your card pin; and
Then click on Pay.
Pls note: (Do not Refresh your browser
while the process is going on to avoid
multiple deductions from your account. If
nothing is displayed after 10 minutes, close
the browser and restart again).
5. After Login, click on Continue Registration Link
on the main menu.
6. Fill in your other bio-data and necessary details
truthfully on the webpage. All candidates should
upload their Passports by clicking on Browse
button and select your picture. Your Passport
must not be more than 20KB.
7. On completion of bio-data. click on Next Step
button then click OK on the message dialog box.
8. All DE candidates should complete the Institution
of choice and click on Save then click OK on the
message dialog box.
9. On completion of choice of Institution click Next
Step button.
10.
Direct Entry candidates are required to select their
Higher Academic Qualification(s) from the drop
down and click on Save. On the dialog box click
OK;
To add more Higher Academic Qualifications click
on qualifications drop down to select your
additional qualifications click on save; and
Click on Next Step.
11. All candidates (UTME and DE) are required to
supply their O/L details as follows:
Pick Number of sitting(s) by clicking on the drop-
down button
Enter all the required O/L details; and
Click on Submit button then click OK on the
message dialog box.
12. Click Scheduling Tab. All candidates must
select a screening centre from the drop-down
menu. Note an alert will be immediately sent to
your e-mail and phone number provided in your
bio-data.
13. Click Print Tab to print out the following:
Pre-Admission Screening Registration form;
Scheduling Slip; and
Payment Receipt.
Note: All candidates are expected to be at
the screening centre an hour before their
scheduled time and with the above
printouts
Thank you for choosing University of Ilorin the
BETTER BY FAR UNIVERSITY.
Click Pre-Admission Screening Registration
to continue
Top of page
UNIVERSITY OF ILORIN
Notice to all Students.
© 2014. University of Ilorin, Ilorin. All right

Is the postume form out?

Divsy: so u c dats wat u guys av been discusin ehn? I dnt av a bf biko....

No o we have been doin tutorials which hlps...wizguy nau