₦airaland Forum

Speaking to assembled reporters at a 9am press conference on Tuesday, the spokesperson for the Commissioner for Tourism announced the unusual but rapidly developing program to give white people free flashlights when they come to Nigeria.
In his statement, he said "It has recently come to our attention that none of the white people who come to Nigeria have ever seen a blackout in their lives. And since Nigerian electricity is less stable than a fat woman on a bicycle, they all experience severe shock the first time their lights turn off. "
" We've had reports of 5 Americans who fainted, 8 English women who wouldn't stop crying till the lights came back on, one German tourist who screamed for 3 hours straight before packing his bags, running barefoot to the airport and swearing to never come back.
"Obviously, these reports exacerbate Nigeria's already dubious reputation and further damages our declining tourism industry. This is why we've decided to start handing out welcome packages to white tourists so that they are at least prepared when Nepa bleeps up (Nairaland changed it to "Bleep". I actually wrote f***) . The welcome packages will include flashlights, a box of matches, a candle and a power bank.
"We are certain that with these materials, they will at least be less surprised when the inevitable happens. No longer will they sit, confused and frightened in the darkness. Now, they just have light their candles/flashlight and pray to Jesus and his mother that the light comes back before the candle burns out. Also, the power bank keeps their phone working for long enough so that they can keep tweeting and posting messages on FB and videos on Instagram about how utterly bleeped (sigh) Nigeria is and how it needs help. Maybe we'll get more money from the UN after this. Thank you. "
When asked why the FG couldn't focus instead on perfecting, or at least improving the Nigerian electricity grid itself, the spokesperson laughed, called the reporter silly and moved on to the next question.

We can confirm that one courageous SARS officer did in fact arrest a man in Lagos today because he "looked so happy". This despicable criminal was caught driving around early this morning with a smile on his face. This is in clear violation of the mandate of the recently established Anti-Happiness branch of the Special Anti Robbery Squad.
Speaking today to our reporter, SARS Officer James Bolarinde, commonly known as "Ewure", confirmed that he bravely detained a twenty year old man this morning because of his facial expression.
Speaking today to our reporter, SARS Officer James Bolarinde, commonly known as "Ewure", confirmed that he bravely detained a twenty year old man this morning because of his facial expression.
"It was around for 7am. I saw him getting down from his car and I knew immediately that I had to arrested him. It's difficult for SARS officers like me to identify real criminals on the street. So what we've started doing is arresting anyone that looks too happy. It's perfect. I mean, with the poor condition of this country, why would anybody be smiling unless they're a criminals? It just make sense".
Our reporter attempted to speak with the suspect but only had a few minutes before he was moved to a more secure prison for further torture and interrogation.
The twenty year old man said "I was on my way to the hospital to pay my mother's medical bills. That's why I was smiling. I had a bag containing 120, 000 naira in the car. Please sir just make sure the bag gets to the hospital. Please help my mother sir."
When confronted, the SARS officer, denied finding any money in the car. He was holding a brand new iPhone at the time.
Reports that indicate the officer also threatened our reporter with a shotgun before chasing him out of the police station while cursing his father remain unconfirmed.
But for now, we can all rest easy knowing that brave men and women of service are here to protect us from anyone THEY decide is a criminal.


(This article is for entertainment only. It's not real)

If you liked the article or even if you didn't, leave some feedback and please share. Thanks.

Payments start on Thursday the 22nd at 2pm. Just saw it

coluchi:
Please I would like to find out if you have been able to pay your acceptance fee

Nah payments have not started for new students yet

Alright thanks. At least I know it's possible

Hey guys. I was given Nursing science in OAU but now I'm having second thoughts and might wanna change courses sometime. Could someone please tell me if it's possible to change from nursing science to med rehab in OAU and if so, how difficult is it

Please add 08169215865 to the group please

Essentials1:
I used to wonder about that, especialy when it comes to drumming.. I later go myself a tutor and learned that there are many things involved.. Every song has a key, note or whatever they call it.. There is a beat that goes with that tune.. The only way you can upgrade to that level is to get yourself a tutor..

I am about to start learning Piano.. dumped drumming... and I will go for self training first before going for a tutor because it puts me one step ahead, but a tutor can never be substituted

Thank you for replying. You're probably right. A tutor could explain it better.

For the music geniuses in the house. I've been teaching myself guitar for like 5 months now and by now I know what chords go in what key. The problem is that when I hear a new song, it still takes me some time to figure out which chords go where in the song. 1 minute cab be a long time. But I see keyboardists easily play along to absolutely anything. Could someone please tell me how they do that?

For the music geniuses in the house. I've been teaching myself guitar for like 5 months now and by now I know what chords go in what key. The problem is that when I hear a new song, it still takes me some time to figure out which chords go where in the song. 1 minute cab be a long time. But I see keyboardists easily play along to absolutely anything. Could someone please tell me how they do that?

For the music geniuses in the house. I've been teaching myself guitar for like 5 months now and by now I know what chords go in what key. The problem is that when I hear a new song, it still takes me some time to figure out which chords go where in the song. 1 minute cab be a long time. But I see keyboardists easily play along to absolutely anything. Could someone please tell me how they do that?

For the music geniuses in the house. I've been teaching myself guitar for like 5 months now and by now I know what chords go in what key. The problem is that when I hear a new song, it still takes me some time to figure out which chords go where in the song. 1 minute cab be a long time. But I see keyboardists easily play along to absolutely anything. Could someone please tell me how they do that?

DrHost:
The jamb score most be very high to he on the safer side

Thanks. I thought so too. UI is so strict when it comes to cutoff. I think I can score like 250 but I'm not sure that'll be enough.

DrHost:
The jamb score most be very high to he on the safer side

Thanks. I thought so too. UI is so strict when it comes to cutoff. I think I can score like 250 but I'm not sure that'll be enough.