₦airaland Forum

OdogwuMike:
@Amconfused. Your situation suit well with human nature. People, especially women, generally tend to misbehave once they notice that they are loved most.

In a relationship, the one that's loved the most, holds the key. I bet if u loved him more, u won't be here typing this. I'm telling u because I know and understand the feeling u are having. The girls I have dated I have felt the same for them too, cause I always make sure I love less.

Listen good to my advice, I have seen a lot in my lifetime. U better hold that guy, experience has personally thought me that good people are actually hard to come by.

The solution to this is, if I knew the guy, i will counsel him to break up with u, inorder to confirm ur love, and give u some serious space. If u come back, then u guys would have a better MUTUAL bond and love, that way, no one could have a monopoly of breakup, then u both will mutually appreciate yourselves.

For me, he's inability to do this yet, is what is giving u this mixed feeling and i fear it might turn out badly for him.

I understand what u mean and in some cases but mine, you're right.
I'm not acting this way because I feel he loves me more or something like that. if u followed the thread carefully, you will see and understand my reasons why I want out.

you just picked a line from all I typed and wrote an epistle on it. my reasons were never about how much he loves me.

MissRaine69:
No my sister part of you hopes he convinces and because you know how he feels that part is assured.
So let me ask you this, what do you want?

okay actually more than anything else, I want the kind of spiritual life I had before I met him.

Secondly, sometimes I get so carried away with the thoughts of him. and how good he makes me feel that I can't concentrate on nothing else.
In times like this, he consumes my every thought.

Thirdly I've been a firm believer of not been in a relationship till one's ready for marriage, which both of us obviously aren't. so what's the point of everything?

I think I should let go, somehow I know I must, but it's effing hard.. especially as the days go by

my moniker says it all

MissRaine69:
No my sister part of you hopes he convinces and because you know how he feels that part is assured.
So let me ask you this, what do you want?

clive2u:
strong as a bull

u sure say u been love her so.. no one who was been dumped by someone they actually love come out "strong as a bull"

clive2u:
strong as a bull

u sure say u been love her so.. no one who was been dumped by someone they actually love come out "strong as a bull"

clive2u:
never thought of it bt she broke up with me anyway


ps: am an arsenal fan, we get patience and nothing hurts us so much again

Lwkmd Eyaaa.. that kind thing. no wonder you sound perfectly fine.

sorry u hear, I hope you're okay.

Airtimex:
Hahaha...people dey nairaland ooo.

My dear your reasons for wanting to break up is not enough. I don't really know how to advice you on this. You desperately want to break an innocent hrt. Lol

till the love dies, stick with him....No place is better my dear, and you can't remain single forever

"till the love dies" I've thought of that approach too So no one gets hurt. but is it the best approach? what if it takes yearrrsss for the love to die? I go just waste my time and his.. plus the time I for Don use find Mr Right and develop my life wella

MissRaine69:
But you can’t have your cake and eat it as well. This is what the person is trying to say to you. Why are you waiting for him to offend you to find a reason? So if he is the perfect gentleman for the whole of 2019 and you still feel the way you do now that’s 3 years gone? Can you see why you are stuck in the situation you are in?


You are being unfair to him and you know you are. By your account you are not going to marry this guy. What emotional connection do you have for this guy? None
Does everything feel rehearsed or you feel like you are just going through the motions? Yes
Do you enjoy his company? Do you actually have quality time together? Do you miss his absences? No
So which reason are you looking for exactly?
The only reason you need is being honest with him and with yourself and you are struggling with both. No one can do this for you or tell you exactly what to do.
This is on you, pointers have been given by a few people though.

exactly. you're very right. You just described perfectly the situation I'm in.
so now I'm supposed to let go of someone that's been completely good to me for two years for no just cause other than the way I feel. Easier said than done ☹️☹️
I actually do love and care for the guy.. just that he loves me more while sometimes I'm just indifferent.

I've tried to be honest to him, giving him reasons why we can't work. for where? every reason I give he gives another to debunk mine. he desperately wants me to stay and the way he treats me right dissolves my defences.

MissRaine69:
You can disagree it’s allowed. What you describe is pure misery to me. Hell actually.
I am pragmatic in how I look at life, I accept and I act. I don’t keep trying when it’s obvious there are no signs of life. It’s like CPR on a dead person.

maybe I can agree if it's pretty obvious they're no signs..
but more often than not, there are never sure signs if a relationship is gonna end well or not.
but that's for me sha, maybe u have special X-ray eyes to see into your relationship. I salute you for that

Airtimex:
My dear from what you wrote up there, your reasons for wanting to breakup is you feel he is restricting you and he is affecting your spiritual life which I don't think you are.

With such reason(s) I don't think any relationship or marriage will last more than 1 yr.

My dear at some point in your life, you must let go of some comforts to achieve something more meaningful or attain a greater height....learn to sacrifice

you just told me what I needed to hear.
Lil problem is that this guy is good! like really really good. he's nice, caring, hardly ever quarrels, quick to apologize and always fight to keep me in his life.
many times I've tried to let go but he go through great lengths to get me back.

please tell me, what kinda approach should I use to break up with someone like this? it's hard u know, especially as he has done nothing to offend me

UyaiIncomparabl:
Hmmm. Touché. You have a point there. Perhaps, I'm just being driven by youthful exuberance.

Hahaha you said you're argumentative and don't easily give up on arguments. but see as u loyal for Nairaland eh, why don't u try this approach on bobo? who knows it may work out except if u just particularly enjoy arguing with him

MissRaine69:
By unsecured I take it you mean insecure? If you have insecurities, describe your state of being as “sometimes scared” and are at times confused you are far from being content. since the word “unhappy” perturbs you. If you are indecisive, unsure of your footing,feel emotionally displaced there is a lot of despondency in the air. Maybe try to realign a few inner things to get a better grip of the external stuff.

you just said what I said with vocabulary though. I Don hear u sha

UyaiIncomparabl:
I've taken the better part of your thread.

Hahahahahah I kuku tire o.. but that's the purpose of the thread tho.. I must say I'm learning some things from your experience and your special advisors #winks

MissRaine69:
That is what missable looks like. Just being in a situation that is clearly not going anywhere yet people stay just because they lack courage to accept what’s obvious? That’s my description of hell.

I vehemently disagree with you sister. sometimes a relationship that isn't "going anywhere" is not as obvious as u make it seem..
we get unsure, uncertain and still try to make things work out. and things may or may not. Who knows? but I guess that's why we try

UyaiIncomparabl:
I think I want out but don't know how to. To do that, I have to leave to a far away place where he wouldn't get to reach me and vice versa. We are too attached to each other.

Chai like say u confuse pass me true true..
in my case we get separated by distance alot

dmgr:
I always feel like quitting most of the time ...but I will stay and see where the relationship will take us to..

But I miss being single

Asin Ehhhhhhh.. me too

UyaiIncomparabl:
That's the problem right there. The normal thing 'be a fool for him'. I really don't know how to be a fool and have tried being a fool, but sorry, I can't displease myself to please another.

I'm not power drunk, or is it lust? Lol. He's the bossy one. And I so hate bossy people, authoritarians who demands subservience like food.

To say I'm confused is an understatement.

so what to do na? deep down do u really want to be in that relationship or not

vingeophysicist:
He can change if he wants. But I advice you to pull out from the relationship if neither party is willing to change.

you people and this "pull out" of an advice ehh.. if you're in a relationship with someone you really love, it's very very hard to call it quits, however ur mind and ur head conceive the idea.

for me, calling off a relationship is hard because I can't just imagine getting to know a new person over again from afresh, getting to know their imperfections and all that, the pretence that comes with new relationship most times, etc.

the stress no be here

marvin906:
still doing friends with benefits

you kant comman kee Ursef...lol

marvin906:
still doing friends with benefits

you kant comman kee Ursef...lol

Airtimex:
My dear I know what you want, and you are not really a spiritual person afterwards.

The best to achieve ur hrt dsr is to remain single...if you breakup with him plz don't hook up again, it might get worst.

I hate seeing women breakup relationship with unnecessary reasons...

maybe you're right.
but from what I've posted, give me a necessary reason to break up

Airtimex:
OP. You have to be disciplined to succeed or achieve greatness. The same applies to relationship...


You don't expect to enjoy the same freedom like a single girl. Somebody somewhere really cares and wishes to know what you are doing at a particular time. Not necessarily monitoring as you assumed.

Guys that tends to settle down with you will try to check on you and know most of ur movements(Not all)

As for spiritually, he is not the cause of your setback. Check yourself very well and kill that spirit that wants you to live your life the way you want.

We all need to be in order once in a while. This is discipline and has nothing to do with your freedom...

discipline.. so easy to say and advice.
sometimes what we want isn't what is right, and I think one of the hardest decisions one can make is choosing between what's right and what we want.

the whole thing just tire me sef. looking forward to our break up jare

UyaiIncomparabl:
I know. But I've really never attracted douchebags into my life. Besides, if this has to fizzle, then I'll be out of relationships for a long time, setting a better pace for what I want and taking it upon myself to improve myself.

And yes, he's not perfect, but there are some things which I consider as a deal-breaker to me, and I've noticed a few. There are things you can and cannot condone in relationships, likewise me, likewise him.

yeah that's the ideal I guess, developing yourself more.. I think I'm with you on that.

I know there are things one can't condone in a relationship, but sometimes to make things work, that's if U actually want things to work, one has to mellow for the other. two wrongs can't make a right, and like sum1 I know would say, most times in a relationship, one person has to be "mumu"(not literally tho)for the other person.

and I hope it's not power lust that's worrying you two. power to have the final say and be in charge, if it's that.. then its very bad o

Airtimex:
You seem more confused than the OP. God is ur strenght

[quote author=Airtimex post=75510480]

mrphysics:
amconfused too.

Oya come let's be confused together

IamPlato:
Well, I Already Sent Her Out My Life because We Were Both Wasting each Others Time. Presently I Have None but Carefully Lookin For The Right One...



Already I Have Two On My Wanted List

lol.. lukman.. no be only wanted list.. Awon police officer

IamPlato:
Well, I Already Sent Her Out My Life because We Were Both Wasting each Others Time. Presently I Have None but Carefully Lookin For The Right One...



Already I Have Two On My Wanted List

lol.. lukman.. no be only wanted list.. Awon police officer

GOFRONT:


I have been looking forward to breaking up with my Gf due to unmatched genotype......Even tho the spirit is willing but the flesh has been weak, but the day finally came yesterday....

I'm typing this with a wounded heart but I know it will heal with time......Faith, I wish you quick recovery wherever you are right now...

Chai this one is sad.. this genotype issues sef sha.. the thing dey pepper body no be small.
sha don't worry.. there are about 7billion people in this world.. surely there's still someone out there for both of you

dmgr:
this is just me...except for the spiritual aspect

lol so are u gonna call it quits or stay?

UyaiIncomparabl:
Every frigging day! The friction is just too much. We have tooooo much issues I can't deal. He's too argumentative, defensive and thinks he's better than you in all ramifications, never agrees to your opinion, Infact he knows too much. I'm like that too, and that causes too much friction. I don't want two perfectionists as partners. I'm seriously pressed. We have too many differences than similarities, and that's not too good.

But then, I think he's the most sincerest, blunt, truthful and faithful person I've ever known and will ever know in my entire life. I don't think I'll ever meet someone as sincere and true to me as he is. I think he's the best, truth be told. He's literally my best friend and supporter, but I think he deserves better, maybe not better as you may think, but someone better to accept his perfectionism and flaws too, likewise me.

I don't know what to do.

Eya.. lemme tell u what to do. Stick with bobo and overlook.
the truth is nobody is actually "perfect".
I think the idea of maintaining a relationship is to. overlook the flaws, and just go with the good flow. because the next person u might meet after ur current one might be a typical douchebag.. and then u will wish u never left ur other partner in the first place.

MissRaine69:
You have one life on this planet, you have used two years of that one life being in a situation (as based on your description it’s not a relationship) being unhappy why? Why are you still with him? Two years you will never get back. Take a moment to reflect a bit on how pointless and to a great extent unfair to the other guy.

sweetie I'm not unhappy... not at all.. I just get confused, and sometimes scared, perhaps insecured. but unhappy? nope I don't think so.

solz007:
Okay' Let's Talk 'Bout U!
1. Freedom??! if a guy really Loves U he'll give U that space/freedom to be yourself like spend time with friends both male/female friends without him being around.

2. Spiritual!? why not be with someone that'll help build your spiritual Life or U help build such person spiritually! you guys need to have a healthy relationship with God that only can help Y'all grow in Love.

3. Distance!? Ebe Like U guys don't trust each other for U to feel that way.

Yeeaahh you're kinda right..
for number 2, the thing is I was struggling with my spiritual life like I wasn't exactly stable before meeting him. and I even have a better spiritual life than he did.. so I guess it's something like two bad drivers driving a bus.. I bet u know accident is bound to happen. we both not stable.. we kun jam, so there goes our spiritual life too.
And I kinda love him so much to let go.. believe me when I say I've tried.

for the trust thing. hmm to trust the male species of homosapiens dey hard me die

CreamyBanana:
i go soon marry am. i love her like die. i never dey ok financially but i don save wella and i go marry am this year.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnn I love love stories Ehhhhhhh.. I hope she feels the same way too.
congrats in advance bro..

CreamyBanana:
chinyere na my life. i never think of breakup with her since 9 years wey we don dey together.

9 years kwa!! I hope say una Don marry already bikonu.. 9years too long for relationship bikonu.. anyways u sound lovey lovey.. like a hopeless romantic, so cute