UyaiIncomparabl:


That's the problem right there. The normal thing 'be a fool for him'. I really don't know how to be a fool and have tried being a fool, but sorry, I can't displease myself to please another.

I'm not power drunk, or is it lust? Lol. He's the bossy one. And I so hate bossy people, authoritarians who demands subservience like food.

To say I'm confused is an understatement.

so what to do na? deep down do u really want to be in that relationship or not

Innobee99:
Better take it to the next Level like Buhari...







Remember, no be Engineering course oooo

na so, boss.

mrphysics:

[b]Buy a book on relationship for him to read.[/b]He will unlearn some of those things.

Most people grew up bossy, truth is, life configures us and we are supposed to be flexible than rigid.

Everybody should be teachable and learnable even if he is a Prof

That's one problem right there. Reading is such a task for him. I literally help him study for his tests most times, then summarize the whole notes for him. And voila, he's gone. Lol.

Buying books will be a waste of time, funds and energy. I even have unread books on my phone, ranging from temperaments evaluation, learning and identifying your love languages, unlocking one's potentials and whatever you may think of. I have a handful of them but he's not the type to read.

The issue is not even reading books, it's more about applying its content to your personal life. This guy literally knows too much o! And that's a deal breaker for me.

I don't want an unteachable man.

AmConfused:


so what to do na? deep down do u really want to be in that relationship or not

I think I want out but don't know how to. To do that, I have to leave to a far away place where he wouldn't get to reach me and vice versa. We are too attached to each other.

dmgr:


I always feel like quitting most of the time ...but I will stay and see where the relationship will take us to..

But I miss being single

Asin Ehhhhhhh.. me too

UyaiIncomparabl:


It's really hard.

I love him too much, but then I think love isn't enough. What amazes me is his lack of zeal to want to change. I've done all that I can. I admit, I have a lot of freaking flaws too, we are both perfectionists and it's too bad.

Have you tried keeping quiet when he talks. Allow him talk o, then you smile and say "okay".

UyaiIncomparabl:



That's one problem right there. Reading is such a task for him. I literally help him study for his tests most times, then summarize the whole notes for him. And voila, he's gone. Lol.

Buying books will be a waste of time, funds and energy. I even have unread books on my phone, ranging from temperaments evaluation, learning and identifying your love languages, unlocking one's potentials and whatever you may think of. I have a handful of them but he's not the type to read.

The issue is not even reading books, it's more about applying its content.

Are both of you students?

Reading books has a way of affecting you. More like palm wine, you won't feel it that moment but within minutes your bones are weak and you are subdued by its influence.

This is a benefit based relationship hence the argument. Readung a book together every month would help.

You must affect his life positively.

UyaiIncomparabl:


I think I want out but don't know how to. To do that, I have to leave to a far away place where he wouldn't get to reach me and vice versa. We are too attached to each other.

Chai like say u confuse pass me true true..
in my case we get separated by distance alot

UyaiIncomparabl:


Why can't he just be calm and not look forward to winning at all? Must he argue and always be defensive?

Well, okay. Advice taken.

Break up with him and remain single Miss perfectionist. I don't even know what you ladies want. Maybe you need to go create yourself a man.

This is same attitude that leaves you ladies single till late 30s and then you will start going to many spiritualits and wooing even an agbero just to procreate.

Be submissive

pocohantas:


Have you tried keeping quiet when he talks. Allow him talk o, then you smile and say "okay".

That's true, poco. Lol.

I don't have restraint too. I always want to be heard. Now, to always avoid this, I always like to walk away which he perceives as disrespect, but the frigging truth is, you can't keep cursing and raising your voice at me and expect me not be heard. I'm very defensive too, which makes it too bad.

That's why I feel having a not-too-defensive person will make me calm, because defensiveness often times stems from insecurity and back lash, even low-self esteem. I don't want to be like that no more. We are not helping each other.

UyaiIncomparabl:


That's true, poco. Lol.

I don't have restraint too. I always want to be heard. Now, to always avoid this, I always like to walk away which he perceives as disrespect, but the frigging truth is, you can't keep cursing and raising your voice at me and expect me not be heard. I'm very defensive too, which makes it too bad.

That's why I feel having a not-too-defensive person will make me calm, because defensiveness often times stems from insecurity and back lash, even low-self esteem. I don't want to be like that no more. We are not helping each other.

You sound like a feminist.

You want a man that is not too defensive because you want to retain your defensiveness

Goddys:


Break up with him and remain single Miss perfectionist. I don't even know what you ladies want. Maybe you need to go create yourself a man.

This is same attitude that leaves you ladies single till late 30s and then you will start going to many spiritualits and wooing even an agbero just to procreate.

Be submissive

You needn't be uncouth like that. It's highly unnecessary. I know what I want! And it's not wrong for pointing them out.

I'm subservient, yes, but I can be rebellious. You men love subservient women? I love the same too. It's high time you men stopped ringing this word into our ears everytime. It's stale.

Lol. And I'm not a feminist.

Letting go is so difficult. We are so compatible but his family's tradition wont let us be together. The most annoying part of it all is that, we both don't have the courage to end it.

mrphysics:


You sound like a feminist.

You want a man that is not too defensive because you want to retain your defensiveness

Lol. I'm not. At all. I have the tendencies but I'm restraining myself. It's not a too good decision.

You don't get it, do you? Be calm. I'll be calm too. We don't have to shout at the top of out voices to iron out issues. Stop being sentimental.

mrphysics:

Are both of you students?

Reading books has a way of affecting you. More like palm wine, you won't feel it that moment but within minutes your bones are weak and you are subdued by its influence.

This is a benefit based relationship hence the argument. Readung a book together every month would help.

You must affect his life positively.

He's not a student, neither am I. He's very much older than I am.

Well, I'd try out reading books together with him. I'll see how it pans out.

AmConfused:


sweetie I'm not unhappy... not at all.. I just get confused, and sometimes scared, perhaps insecured. but unhappy? nope I don't think so.

By unsecured I take it you mean insecure? If you have insecurities, describe your state of being as “sometimes scared” and are at times confused you are far from being content. since the word “unhappy” perturbs you. If you are indecisive, unsure of your footing,feel emotionally displaced there is a lot of despondency in the air. Maybe try to realign a few inner things to get a better grip of the external stuff.

AmConfused:


Chai like say u confuse pass me true true..
in my case we get separated by distance alot

I've taken the better part of your thread.

UyaiIncomparabl:


You needn't be uncouth like that. It's highly unnecessary. I know what I want! And it's not wrong for pointing them out.

I'm subservient, yes, but I can be rebellious. You men love subservient women? I love the same too. It's high time you men stopped ringing this word into our ears everytime. It's stale.

Lol. And I'm not a feminist.

Only very few African men are subservient to their wife. What is required of a man is to love and understand his wife and the wife is to mellow down and obey the man decision. You can't control your man lady. If he shouts at you, let him. When he calms down or after love session, register your grievances to him.

Two fierce lions cannot live in the same pride. No matter how fierce and violent a female lion is, she still succumbs to the power of a male lion. This is Africa. Stop watching too many western movies.

AmConfused:


so what to do na? deep down do u really want to be in that relationship or not

No, I don't.

Zeeche:
Letting go is so difficult. We are so compatible but his family's tradition wont let us be together. The most annoying part of it all is that, we both don't have the courage to end it.

That is what missable looks like. Just being in a situation that is clearly not going anywhere yet people stay just because they lack courage to accept what’s obvious? That’s my description of hell.

pocohantas:


Have you tried keeping quiet when he talks. Allow him talk o, then you smile and say "okay".

Strategist extraordinaire. I'll soon come and borrow a strategy for something special from you.

Actually, lasting harmony is the last thing to expect from two domineering people, who're in a relationship.

UyaiIncomparabl:


You needn't be uncouth like that. It's highly unnecessary. I know what I want! And it's not wrong for pointing them out.

I'm subservient, yes, but I can be rebellious. You men love subservient women? I love the same too. It's high time you men stopped ringing this word into our ears everytime. It's stale.

Lol. And I'm not a feminist.

Only very few African men are subservient to their wife. What is required of a man is to love and understand his wife and the wife is to mellow down and obey the man's decision. You can't control your man lady. If he shouts at you, let him. When he calms down or after love session, register your grievances to him.

No matter how fierce and violent a female lion is, she still succumbs to the power of a male lion king.This is Africa. Stop watching too many western movies.


I'd like anybody here to tell us any divorce proceedings in Western Africa where the wife gets equal share of property with the husband at separation. Even Buhari cautioned his wife and she stopped being vocal. This is our culture. Let's curtail the excesses of western influences or if any lady so admires it, she should simply relocate

MissRaine69:

That is what missable looks like. Just being in a situation that is clearly not going anywhere yet people stay just because they lack courage to accept what’s obvious? That’s my description of hell.

I vehemently disagree with you sister. sometimes a relationship that isn't "going anywhere" is not as obvious as u make it seem..
we get unsure, uncertain and still try to make things work out. and things may or may not. Who knows? but I guess that's why we try

UyaiIncomparabl:


I've taken the better part of your thread.

Hahahahahah I kuku tire o.. but that's the purpose of the thread tho.. I must say I'm learning some things from your experience and your special advisors #winks

Goddys:


Only very few African men are subservient to their wife. What is required of a man is to love and understand his wife and the wife is to mellow down and obey the man decision. You can't control your man lady. If he shouts at you, let him. When he calms down or after love session, register your grievances to him.

Two fierce lions cannot live in the same pride. No matter how fierce and violent a female lion is, she still succumbs to the power of a male lion. This is Africa. Stop watching too many western movies.

Lol. I don't even wish to control a man or any human for whatsoever reason. I lack leadership skills and qualities. No, the reason for wanting this doesn't stem from watching western movies, but from self realization. I may be wrong though, what do I know anyway?

In all, subtlety rules the world. I'll take your advice. Thanks sir.

MissRaine69:

By unsecured I take it you mean insecure? If you have insecurities, describe your state of being as “sometimes scared” and are at times confused you are far from being content. since the word “unhappy” perturbs you. If you are indecisive, unsure of your footing,feel emotionally displaced there is a lot of despondency in the air. Maybe try to realign a few inner things to get a better grip of the external stuff.

you just said what I said with vocabulary though. I Don hear u sha

AmConfused:

Hahahahahah I kuku tire o.. but that's the purpose of the thread tho.. I must say I'm learning some things from your experience and your special advisors #winks

UyaiIncomparabl:


Lol. I don't even wish to control a man or any human for whatsoever reason. I lack leadership skills and qualities. No, the reason for wanting this doesn't stem from watching western movies, but from self realization. I may be wrong though, what do I know anyway?

In all, subtlety rules the world. I'll take your advice. Thanks sir.

Very well. Women possess highest power in any home and it is the power of subtlety. It's gifted to them by the serpent. A woman no matter how much she loves a man is still very subtle with her emotions.

No woman is excluded. Work on his psyche and you see his subconscious mind picks up your signal after a while. No lecture can change a man. I have fought my mom verbally when she once tried to change my dispositions as a man.

Goddys:


Very well. Women possess highest power in any home and it is the power of subtlety. It's gifted to them by the serpent. A woman no matter how much she loves a man is still very subtle with her emotions.

No woman is excluded. Work on his psyche and you see his subconscious mind picks up your signal after a while. No lecture can change a man. I have fought my mom verbally when she once tried to change my dispositions as a man.

Hmmm. Touché. You have a point there. Perhaps, I'm just being driven by youthful exuberance.

AmConfused:


I vehemently disagree with you sister. sometimes a relationship that isn't "going anywhere" is not as obvious as u make it seem..
we get unsure, uncertain and still try to make things work out. and things may or may not. Who knows? but I guess that's why we try

You can disagree it’s allowed. What you describe is pure misery to me. Hell actually.
I am pragmatic in how I look at life, I accept and I act. I don’t keep trying when it’s obvious there are no signs of life. It’s like CPR on a dead person.

UyaiIncomparabl:


It's really hard.

I love him too much, but then I think love isn't enough. What amazes me is his lack of zeal to want to change. I've done all that I can. I admit, I have a lot of freaking flaws too, we are both perfectionists and it's too bad.

i am a perfectionist to the core and I am well verse in almost all field. Reminiscing my university days, no one dares argue with me because I must make sure I prove you wrong. My academic record motivated my ego, most times I look down on people especially when I discover you lack the exposure and knowledge I have. I was so arrogant and domineering .i find it hard to create relationship with people I am better than .But I realized my attitude back in 2015 after so many complain.i had to change .I bought a book called "attitude is everything " to assist me with mine attitude. Sincerely speaking I have eradicated all those habits, I act so humble to the extend I could see a ten years old kid and greet him. All this things takes time and your commitment to change. Today I can speak so confidently that I have eradicated those attitude of mine. In fact i was given the award of most sociable during mine service year 2016/2017.
All those things are habits that if you bring out time you can easily change.
I later realize in life no matter the knowledge you posses without attitude it is rubbish. You become happy each day that passes, people will even like to associate with you that is if your attitude is good.
If you boyfriend really loves you, he should change. If I could change because of complain from people I never even liked how much more if I see someone I love.

AmConfused:


maybe you're right.
but from what I've posted, give me a necessary reason to break up

My dear from what you wrote up there, your reasons for wanting to breakup is you feel he is restricting you and he is affecting your spiritual life which I don't think you are.

With such reason(s) I don't think any relationship or marriage will last more than 1 yr.

My dear at some point in your life, you must let go of some comforts to achieve something more meaningful or attain a greater height....learn to sacrifice