₦airaland Forum

hello

Oh gush... shes so beautiful, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL ANGEL.

Ehhh.... welcome to our world

o ga o, love won tintin. Get real man.

Layi, you better check yaself

fataiyo, i guess the pix were taken in the 50s sha

2face, i just think u re the best and we here in london are really gbadun e men

Hope you guys in london are all alright? Its now been a total of 37 Deaths, 45 seriously injured, and over 300 people been treated for minor injuries..

count me in, am all yours.

i dey sure say u sef no know am,

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton & Abacha died and all went straight to hell.

Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.

She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well devil how much do I owe you for the call?

The devil replied, "Five million dollars"

She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked, "Well,devil how much do I owe you?

The devil replied, "Ten million dollars"

With a smug look on his face, and feeling more important than the English, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Abacha was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Nigeria too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I wanna talk to the ministers, the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody".....

He called Nigeria and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you for my long call?

The devil replied "One dollar!".

Abacha is stunned & queries the devil. "One dollar Only one dollar ke??"

The devil replied. "Well, when you make a call from one hell to another hell, we bill it at a local rate".

A man dies and goes to hell. When he arrives, he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?".

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

He is told.."First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Nigerian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work, someone stole all the nails, and the devil used to be a public servant, so he comes in, punches his time-card and then goes back home..."

An American, a Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound.

The American presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile I have a microchip in my hand."

The Nigerian, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive.

He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"

"I'm getting a Fax," he explains.

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. I have some Nigerians up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they've got Maggi sauce and Ogbono soup all over their robes; hamhocks, Isi-ewu, Cow-feet and Bokoto bones are all over the streets of Gold.

Some folk are walking around with one wing, they have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are soda bottles all over the clouds, some aren't even wearing their halos, saying it doesn't fit with their hairstyles."

The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil."

The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? What the.! ...!, hold on one minute." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?"

The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there."

The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold.

After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"

The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't belieee.....hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes.

The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians put the fire out, and now they are trying to install air conditioning! They even bribed my guys!!"

I agree with Tayotina, long distance relationship no dey work.