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chicken goes out in style with leg crossed

enjoy, If you have funny images too please add it to the thread. Let keep the laughter going.

Husband Down

A husband and wife are shopping when the husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies

'Put them back, we can't afford them', demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.'


He never knew what hit him.

'Sanni said during the dark period, many wealthy Nigerians going to Abuja or Port Harcourt chose to fly international airlines first to Europe before connecting to their original destinations.'

can you believe this? only in nigeria, thank god those days are over.

WORRIEDby the state of some airlines, the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority (NCAA) has indicated its plans to shut down carriers that it adjudged to be unhealthy.

The Director-General of the aviation regulatory body, Captain Folayele Akinkuotu, made the disclosure at a media interaction at the weekend in Lagos.

He said already, the NCAA is interacting with airlines to know that bills are paid promptly, coupled with other factors that shows whether airlines are healthy or not.

Akinkuotu’s call could be a response to call by stakeholders on the need to recertify Nigerian airlines with a view to know their states following allegations that some owe their workers for more than six months.

Many of them are equally indebted to banks, aviation agencies fuel marketers running into several billions of naira.

Akinkuotu added that recertification is an on-going thing for the NCAA, adding, “We will need to keep an eye on the airlines. We plan to shut down airlines that are not healthy. We are interacting with airlines to know that bills are paid. We are not papering anything. Recertification is an on-going thing. We will need to keep an eye on the airlines. ’Recertification is about complying with the laws”.

The NCAA equally highlighted the difficulties airline operators go through; stressing that profit margin for airliners globally is very small.

According to him, “When you see an aircraft that is about to take off from Lagos to Abuja for instance and the cost per ticket is put at N20, 000 or N25, 000. You begin to calculate huge amount of about N3 million for the airline for that single trip. But we forget that the airline will pay for fuel, pay bills to the agencies, pay for catering, pay salaries, pay for offices and at the end of the day, they are left with virtually nothing”.

Also worrisome is the harsh operating environment for them and lack of good policy that puts them at great disadvantage against their foreign counterparts especially in the area of multiple designations that is willingly given to foreign airlines even they do not show much interest.

The situation is attributed to the reason the lifespan of many Nigerian carriers do not exceed ten years.

President, Aviation Round Table (ART), Captain Dele Ore regretted that the policies in the aviation industry were not enduring.

Meanwhile, operators and experts have said Nigerian airlines are poorly patronised because of the erosion of confidence people have for air safety.

Speaking at the Chartered Institute of Logistics and Transport with theme, “Airport Remodelling in Nigeria, Challenges and Prospect of Aerotropolis”, a top official of Lufthansa German Airlines, Adewale Sanni stated that the situation was worse in 2005 and 2006 when airplanes were falling from the sky.

Sanni said during the dark period, many wealthy Nigerians going to Abuja or Port Harcourt chose to fly international airlines first to Europe before connecting to their original destinations.

Sanni stated that it would be difficult for Nigerian carriers to be profitable because of the point-to-point operations they do.

He cited Arik, explaining that the airline won’t be an option for people going beyond New York, adding that global airline alliance are the way to go in international business.

Participants noted that the idea of airport refurbishment was laudable but noted that what was needed was a brand new airport for Lagos.

They noted that no amount of refurbishment would help the facility, owing to long years of degradation, just as they carpeted the lack of other means of transportation to the areas; a situation they highlighted defeats the idea of aeropolis project being touted by the government.

http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/national-news/132929-ncaa-vows-to-shut-unhealthy-airlines

yinchar: You clearly shows your madness in your reply, must you have to be abusive, I clearly made an observation from my point of view, if you have any contrary opinion state it simply without being abusive, this is a forum for intellectuals, mind you....not for people that their brains have been blackened by the oil they inhaled.

Are this located in Niger delta? •Integrated Flight and Radar Data processing Eurocat C and other associated equipment at the four major airports – Lagos, Kano, Abuja and Port Harcourt as well as stand-alone MSSR RSM – 970 at five other locations: Maiduguri, Ilorin, Numan, Obubra and Talata-Mafara

Nama get over your obsession with niger delta and focus on the topic

yinchar: Only for Niger delta....am not trying to be a tribalism here...far from it, because I truly believe in one Nigeria, but for something like this to be allocated only to those who are interested from Niger Delta speaks a lot about Goodluck Jonathan...does this means other ethic region are not interested or not important...This issue of Niger Delta this Niger Delta that is surely getting out of hand...considering all incentives that has been going to that region, from Ministry of Niger Delta, NDDC, 13% derivation and some other commission. In the next 20 years Niger Delta will dominate virtually all aspect of this country, and it's hightime we stopped this segregation.

let me explain it in a language you will understand Niger delta could be likened to a milk cow in a farmers stable in which his whole village gets their supply of milk from. The whole village has to play a big role in tending to that milk cow by feeding it and taking care of it so that it can produce enough milk to sustain the village. because without his milk the village will perish.
Folks like you would be the ones that will kick against feeding and tending to their means of sustenance ! if that is not madness then i don't know what is.
BTW dont try to derail this topic stick to it and take your madness elsewhere.

[quote author=Jingo-OAU]Get it right here, I was part of the team dat did callibration for NAMA last week. I can authoritatively tell you that the TRACON that was installed at the airport only reduced air piracy. There are still pockets of aeropplanes plying Nigerian airspace without NAMA knowing.

Can we thus say that the airspace is safe. What about the airspace of Nigeria that covers Nigeria territorial waters, which I know as am typing this, Ghana is the one collecting money on Nigerian airspace.

Up till now, we doesn't have the adequate instrument that can track crashed aeroplanes even in their crash sites. We still rely on some old tools in air navigation.[/quote]i think you are more of a politician than a technical expert. now that i have given you proof of the availability of radar coverage in Nigerian airspace, and the improvements recorded by the aviation ministry that led to ICAO certification of our airspace,you have diverted your attention to the Atlantic ocean bordering nigeria.
Why don't you just accept that you are one of those with a political axe- to -grind with GEJs administration like your fellow comrades on this thread, rather than try to hide under the cloak of a technocrat ? stop spweing trash on this thread for its now obvious that you dont know what you are talking about.

the changes that led to the certification by ICAO

now check this out

Total Radar Coverage of Nigeria (TRACON)
•The Total Radar Coverage of Nigeria Project (TRACON) was conceived as a key requirement for the modernization of Nigerian Air Traffic Management Infrastructure. It has automated Approach Area Control components as follows:
•Primary Surveillance Radar (PSR )STAR 2000
•Monopulse Secondary Surveillance Radar (MSSR) RSM 970S
•Integrated Flight and Radar Data processing Eurocat C and other associated equipment at the four major airports – Lagos, Kano, Abuja and Port Harcourt as well as stand-alone MSSR RSM – 970 at five other locations: Maiduguri, Ilorin, Numan, Obubra and Talata-Mafara

MiguelMi6: South Africa still discussing in parliament.Bet you,Nigeria takes action immediately,one would expect when UK introduced theirs,South Africa implement compulsory visa application.
Nigeria remains the Giant of Africa.It voiced out reciprocal attempt at the UK visa bond even when it was unofficially announced.Maybe,South Africa has a lot at stakes.

??

[quote author=Jingo-OAU]I will have to restrain myself in name-calling. The truth of the matter is that I'm in the best position to say anything concerning aviation in Nigeria, nay, Africa.

Some Nigerians are just so daft in telling the truth. I will never mix biases and politics together just to score cheap political advantages.

I have worked with ICAO and NAMA before and am an expert in Air Traffic Control. Even your Minister Of Aviation can never says he knws much in Aviation than I do.

Why is it always bitter for some folks whenever you highlight some little deficiencies in the Aviation Ministry?

If you all think you know anything concerning aviation generally, you can come out for a debate........am not a politician, am a technocrat......so get it to ur sinking ass[/quote]I doubt if you know what the aviation ministry has done in order to be certified by ICAO, Are you basing your assessment on the pre stella oduah ministry of aviation? It seems you need to update you knowledge on the present state of the Nigerian Air space so i will be kind enough to provide you a link on the improvement so far recorded in The Nigerian airspace http://fmi.gov.ng/wp-content/uploads...6/Aviation.pdf
after reading the link we can have a debate. BTW no matter what you know you don't know more that ICAO. they deal on facts not sentiments if there was no changes or improvements in Nigerian airspace there will be no certification. ICAO is not a political entity nor santa claus/ father christmas doling out free gifts.

Nice move by the aviation ministry and thanks to GEJ, Haters should remain bitter while nigeria chugs along nicely.

"I see demand from the middle-class higher than ever before," said Deolu Dara, Associate Vice President at Nigeria-based Avante Property Asset Management, which manages several multi-million dollar residential projects in Lagos.

A successful real estate investment in Nigeria can earn an returns as high as 30-35 percent, while rental income yields in cities such as Lagos and Abuja can easily reach 10 percent, developers and estate agents say.

MIDDLE CLASS

Property in Lagos, a heaving metropolis of around 20 million people, can be among the most expensive in the world with two-bedroom flats costing more than $1 million in upmarket areas.

However, the top-end range is dominated by well established players and developers should target middle-income workers in major cities, such Lagos, Abuja and the oil-hub Port Harcourt. The most popular units fall in a price bracket of 20-35 million naira ($123,000-$214,100), developers and estate agents say.

Nigeria's middle class make up around 23 percent of the population and earn around 80,000- 100,000 naira ($490-$610) per month, according to report by investment bank Renaissance Capital.

In smaller cities and rural areas, a lack of information about land and regulation is off-putting, while a violent Islamist insurgency has made the north of Nigeria unattractive, despite huge unmet demand in cities such as Kano and Kaduna.

The majority of Nigerians live in poverty in shanty towns or in basic concrete block and iron-roofed houses they have built themselves, but building mass housing for the poor is not a popular investment.

"If you know the market, the people, focus on middle class and cherry pick your deals, you can clean out," added Dara, who said Africa's biggest oil and gas industry is also driving demand. One foreign oil major bought 300 flats recently.

Nigeria's construction and real estate sectors are growing at more than 10 and 12 percent respectively, a boon for foreign and Nigerian construction firms, including UPDC, Cappa D'Alberto and Julius Berger.

Yet, there is still not enough quality affordable housing because business is frustrated by widespread corruption, poor state infrastructure and a lack of expertise and financing.

Constructing a block of flats costs three times as much in Nigeria than in South Africa, builders say, and many developments are abandoned when projects run out of money or become slums because they are poorly built.

London-based estate agent Jones Lang LaSalle ranks Nigeria 96th out of 97 on its transparency index, just in front of Sudan but behind six other African countries.

Having support from powerful politicians or business magnates will help to avoid terminal financial pitfalls.

LOCAL PARTNERS

"It's a business that requires local partners and local knowledge or you'll run into problems," Dara at Avante says.

Avante's chairman is Wale Tinubu, the head of oil and gas firm Oando and a close relative of former Lagos state governor Bola Tinubu, who still wields influence there.

London-based Actis has given directorships to Nigerian energy firm Seven Energy and local conglomerate UAC.

Once the supply challenges have been overcome, there remains a problem with that huge latent demand. No mortgages. Unless you are willing to pay a 25 percent interest rate.

The mortgage debt-to-GDP ratio in Nigeria is under 0.5 percent, compared with 72 percent in the U.S. and over 30 percent in Malaysia and South Africa, government figures show.

"In places like America you seem to be able to buy property without a stress but it just isn't like that here," said Ike Ejekam, 31, who is about to buy a newly-built two-bedroom apartment for 20 million naira in a gated community in the popular Lekki district on the Lagos peninsula.

Ejekam represents the new breed of buyers who expect well-built housing with all the modern conveniences. He works at a branch of a local bank and is using his life savings and funds borrowed from family members to buy his property outright.

"I don't like to think about mortgages because it scares me when I see how difficult it is for my friends to get a loan."

Nigerian banks don't like giving out mortgages because reliable information about buyers and land is scarce, while there is no secondary market to offset the risks.

MORTGAGE DENIED

The government says it is trying to fix this by securing a $300 million loan from the World Bank to establish a mortgage refinancing company, which should free up some bank lending.

A Federal Mortgage Bank was also launched this year, which government hopes will help build 500,000 new homes. The bank plans to float a 200 billion naira mortgage bond, the proceeds from which can be handed over to home buyers with the state guaranteeing against default for five years.

The government is also discussing passing legislation to create a secondary mortgage market and to improve land laws.

"With this sense of urgency we could have a significant improvement in the mortgage market by 2015," United Bank for Africa CEO Phillips Oduoza told Reuters.

This optimism is also being felt by developers as dozens of well-financed projects are underway, including the Eko Atlantic City - a multi-billion dollar project built from 9 square kilometers of land being reclaimed from the sea in Lagos.

The billionaire Chagoury brothers, who are of Lebanese descent, are leading the mega-project, which will feature parks, swimming pools and skyscrapers with floor-to-ceiling glass. Banks, including France's BNP Paribas, Belgium's KBC and several Nigerian lenders are on board.

In Abuja, UPDC has started its 228-unit 'Metro City', which consists of well-designed blocks with balconies built in palm-fringed private compounds. Privately owned Churchgate Group is building its ambitious $1 billion World Trade Centre, a series of skyscrapers housing offices, flats and upscale shops.

"Nigeria is a huge real estate opportunity," said Ejekam at Actis. "The story is getting out, slowly."

($1 = 162.9 Nigerian naira)

ABUJA (Reuters) - On one of the most exclusive streets in Nigeria's capital sits a crumbling mansion with an unwelcoming message painted at its entrance: "BEWARE! THIS HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE".

The warning refers to a popular property scam. In the most elaborate version, robbers break into your house while you are away, change the locks, and then produce multiple copies of fake title deeds. Posing as estate agents, they show buyers around your house and sell as many copies of the deeds as possible. When you get back, your house belongs to six people.

This sort of deception epitomizes the tricky nature of Nigeria's real estate business, but despite the risks, there are huge returns to be had in a market where around 16 million homes are needed just to meet current demand.

Navigating through opaque land laws, corruption, a lack of development expertise and financing, a dearth of mortgages and high building costs will take courage and influential local partners.

"There are sizeable challenges to overcome but in many ways Nigeria represents the perfect storm for real estate investment; huge population, rapid urbanization and a growing middle-class," said Michael Chu'di Ejekam, Director of Nigerian Real Estate at Actis, a London-based private equity firm.

Actis has $5.2 billion under management, including two sub-Saharan Africa real estate equity funds totaling $434 million, which it says are attracting U.S. and European investors.

Nigeria's population of nearly 170 million is bigger than Russia's and its economy is growing at 6 percent, a combination which is producing a new wave of property buyers from bankers and airline staff to mobile phone and fast food shop owners. for full article visit the webpage below

http://www.baltimoresun.com/business/sns-rt-us-nigeria-property-analysis-20130915,0,1691442,full.story

Ikengawo: i suppose my statement was ill timed, i retract it.

Good job thanks for taking it back As africans we must learn to love our brothers.

redsun: It is not negative,it is factual.But that still does not stop me pointing out the goods and counteracting with the shame of letting those children and elderly suffer needlessly.

Do we actually have to blame the world and nature for the plights of ethiopia or ethiopians themselves?

you know what you are a despicable human being i do not want to have this conversation with you anymore if you still fail to acknowledge your wrongdoing. if i were the moderator i will hide your posts on this thread.

Go and join other tribalistic threads where your invectives will be well appreciated.

Ikengawo: you're taking you comment too far. I was strictly and specifically speaking of the person that said something about the feeling of intellectual superiority. I personally don't believe in the validity of those things but a comment aimed at his specific response.

Where is your statistics to support the claim of lowest IQ? can you back that up or you just wanted to make a hurtful remark.
Learn to rejoice with your brother when he has good news so that goodnews will be @ your door not the other way round.

Your hurtful statement had no bearing with the topic rather than celebrate their success you tried to put them down with your hurtful comment.
am not taking anything too far you know what you wrote and if you had any decency you would retract that statement rather than defend that trash as you are doing.

redsun: I hope to be there,but in the mean time i have come across a lot of ethiopians outside and i am strongly connected with our western brothers and sisters here.I know how they think.

I follow their athletics very well,because they and the kenyans tend to be the only africans that rob shoulders with the rest of the world in that field and they make me proud whenever they win.

then why did you make such negative statements about your fellow Africans. that am sure if some one made about Nigerian you would be livid? why don't you just show some decency and remorse by retracting your earlier statement?

redsun: Don't get me wrong,i think it is a great achievement having a functional airline in africa where countries like nigeria cannot maintain a national local airline or shipping.And their are other commendable things they do like,long distance athletics, coffee productions and distributions,aswell as relatively organized stock markets.But why so many lack chronically there is what baffles me,especially with the way they carry themselves as africa most advanced culture.Even the rastafarians and so many other western orientated blacks tend to see them as superior to the rest of the home grown african.

There is something amiss.

What do you base this on? have you been to ethiopia before? How many ethiopians have you meet?And what would you say about the attitude of an average Nigerian? dont Nigerians also behave and boast as if they own Africa?Am very sure that you are one of those nigerians who feel you are better than other africans.

The ethiopians are exhibiting self confidence if that baffles you then you might have some issues with your self esteem which you need to resolve. it has nothing to do with Ethiopians.

Soludo is no longer running for Anambra governorship.

zaandrew: we seprated from them in the 1960s

UK has a stranglehold on the economy of SA even after the separation, Thats why i doubt the resolve of SA officials to see this through

Am Ashamed of the views espoused by redsun and ikengawo on this thread some of us give Nigeria a bad name can you imagine what this fools said about Ethiopians! this fools i bet have never been to ethiopia yet they claim to know their IQ from the comfort of their mats on the thatch floor of their thatch tent. why do you make a hasty generalization about a ppl you dont know?

How can the country with a low IQ run an airline thats the best in Africa? where is the National carrier of the so called giant of Africa?

the tribalism that we show towards one another in Nigeria is more deep rooted than i thought. so we see other Africans through the same lenses.
God help some of us nigerians.

This will not happen UK owns SA.

Ikengawo: the country has the lowest IQ in the world according to statistics.
congratulations on the award though

What has the IQ got to do with the topic? cant you spot the contradiction, A country with Low IQ will not run the best Airline in Africa!

redsun: For some reasons ethiopians tend to think they are more mentally superior than the rest of the africans.I don't know if there are good grounds to assume such perspective with their long little adulterated history.But going by the way starvation ravages there as a result of chronic famine,it makes one begin to wonder.

What has this got to do with the topic?

Ethiopian Airlines, the fastest growing airline in Africa, won the Passenger Choice Awards for "Best Regional Airline in Africa" on September 9, 2013 at a gala event held in Anaheim, California.

According to a statement from the Ethiopian, the Passenger Choice Awards were created by the USA based Airline Passenger Experience Association (APEX) to give voice to airline passengers. APEX encompasses a network of professionals that are committed to providing an outstanding airline experience for passengers around the globe.

"I would like to thank our passengers for their resounding vote of confidence. This is a strong confirmation that Ethiopian has become an airline of choice by millions of customers. In our belief of continuous improvement, we will continue to expand our strong network of connectivity of 76 international destinations in five continents operated with one of the youngest and most modern fleet. We will enhance our award winning customer services flavoured by Ethiopian Hospitality both on ground and in the air.

The award is also a recognition and an encouragement for all Ethiopian employees all over the world, who are working hard every day to make our Pan-African airline shine high in the sky. I thank them and call upon them to continue giving their best in the service of our passengers," said Tewolde Gebremariam, CEO of Ethiopian.

http://allafrica.com/stories/201309130562.html