₦airaland Forum

rapmike: Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!


I have learnt a lot from everyone that has presented so far, especially from Audrey Timms and Prettyspicey. Tho I missed asking Spicey some questions.

Divepen, when its my turn, give me a reminder through tagging my name.

Thanks rapmike. I'm glad you learnt something

kingphilip: sure u will trust me

P.S wen going go with a geepee tank because the tears will surely flow in torrents

Been meaning to check it out but for time. Time is such an enemy right now! I know I'll check it out eventually.

kingphilip: so my name no de the final cut
Chai andreytimms there's God ooo in this mistake u made



BTW nice piece you've got here twas too badt I got it when i was on nl sabbatical though I met it very cold but I'm still glad that I ate the juicy part of it which is da bottom
can't wait for ur nxt piece andreytimms

Lol! Welcome back. Thanks dear

Divepen: @ Audreytimms, now reading...
Are you a writer or an aspiring writer, this workshop is for you...
https://www.nairaland.com/1893739/nairaland-e-workshop-writers---comment-thread

Alright. Thanks.

ThaRuthlxx7: Audreytimms I never ready ur story sha. But I swear e dy fear me die. 94pages when I wan finish am naw...have been hear abt u tay tay bt na nw I really knw wat ur made of. Buy ehn I must try read d story sha. Gracias

Lol! It's mostly comments o! Anyway, whenever you're good and ready. Thanks for stopping by.

repogirl: Good one Audreytimms, taken notes!

Yipee! Thanks dear

LarrySun:

Actually, I've forgotten the question. I'll remember after I've posted mine.

Imagine! I'll be your grim reaper when your time comes.

LarrySun: Lol! I'll jump out only when I'm angry. Today, I'm as happy as a lark.

It's obvious

OMA4U: AudreyTimms thanks for your immense contribution.

Awww! You're welcome, dear

LarrySun: You're going nowhere, Audrey. I'm not done with you. I have a question.

What is it, Mister Questionnaire? Remember, your own time is coming!

LarrySun: I love the part where the character broke her phone to show her anger (although that's not something would do, I would rather punch the pillow or jump out of the window) but the knocking at the door or gate part doesn't sit well in me. It's over-stated.

Sorry, I thought I was through. Please jump out of the window now! Maybe but I was trying to put life into the normal boring knocking routine.

Divepen: Thanx a lot ma..
You have been too Kind(Eddy Murphy-Coming to America)

You're welcome, dear.

Divepen, I guess I'm good to go. My time is up!

LarrySun: I won't sleep.

Indeed!

LarrySun: Wow! Audrey...I'm speechless!!!

No, I'm not.

As a matter of fact, you've told us to become storyshowers, rather than storytellers. Okay.

But I'm sure you will agree with me that, when writing a book, not all events or situations should be 'shown'. Instead of simply writing 'He died poor' and move on, some may want to spoil the flow by unnecessarily 'showing' by writing 'The man whose upper and lower appendages had been rendered shrunken from lack of nutrients a good food might have restored closed his eyes slowly and expired in an indigent circumstance.' See, an overly display of 'showing'.

Ewww! Gross! I did say you shouldn't overdo it. I gave examples of when you should show.

texanomaly: Can I help?

Sure. Come along with a shovel. We'll bury him after cutting him.

LarrySun: I don't believe you.

Amma chase you in your dream tonight with a cutlass!

WHEN TO SHOW
Show don't tell is a technique often employed in various kinds of texts to enable the reader to experience the story through action, words, thoughts, senses, and feelings rather than through the author's exposition, summarization, and description. The goal is not to drown the reader in heavy-handed adjectives, but rather to allow readers to interpret significant details in the text.

"Show, don't tell" should be applied to all incidents in a story. According to James Scott Bell, "Sometimes a writer tells a shortcut, to move quickly to the meaty part of the story or scene. Showing is essentially about making scenes vivid. If you try to do it constantly, the parts that are supposed to stand out won't, and your readers will get exhausted."

Scenes that are important to the story should be dramatized with showing, but sometimes what happens between scenes can be told so the story can make progress. According to Orson Scott Card and others, "showing" is so terribly time consuming that it is to be used only for dramatic scenes. 
The objective is to find the right balance of telling versus showing, summarization versus action. Factors like rhythm, pace, and tone come into play. 

HELPFUL HINTS
1. Study movies. In movies, they can't tell you everything. Everything is visual, thus, shown. How do you know someone is upset, angry, happy, sad, frustrated etc. watch movies and write down facial expressions, movements, actions, gestures etc. Use these to describe your own characters when you're writing. This is one of the ways to learn how to show emotion instead of telling it. 

2. Go to theaters and watch live plays on stage. You will see real emotions pouring forth there from their acts. An actress can't turn to the audience and say, "I'm heartbroken." Unless she wants to be booed off the stage. It is shown by falling on your knees and allowing a single tear to drop. Then, as though that single tear broke a dam in your soul, you collapse forward and bury your face in your hands and cry your heart out. When you visualize such things, it'd be far easier to write them.

3. Use your power of imagination. Imagine yourself as the character you're writing and pretend you're on stage. You live the person's emotions and personality thereby making it easier to show through your imagination than just telling.

"If a writer of prose knows enough of what he is writing about he may omit things that he knows and the reader, if the writer is writing truly enough, will have a feeling of those things as strongly as though the writer had stated them. The dignity of movement of an ice-berg is due to only one-eight of it being above water." -- Ernest Hemingway

(Please ignore all errors. It was written in haste and ill-health. Thanks)

TIPS FOR SHOWING NOT TELLING
1. Use specific details. Try to be specific in your descriptions to give the readers vivid details of what you're talking about. If you are describing a couch for instance. Is it a two seater or a three seater? Is it bright yellow or pale yellow? Brand names help the reader identify with things better, too. Like an LG refrigerator, a Hp laptop or a 2010 Mercedes Benz C-Class. Also, the more concrete your details are, the more your reader can get a visual picture. One way to do this is to take a simple sentence and increase it with details by adding to it but please don't overdo it.
Examples
Telling- He drove the red car to the gate and called his girl friend on the phone to come out.
Showing- The crimson red Toyota Camry cruised to a stop beside the big black gate. He picked up his Nokia Lumia mobile phone to inform his girlfriend he was in front of her gate.
OR
Telling- She felt funny at sighting him.
Showing- He came into view then and she caught her breath sharply. What was that fluttery feeling she had in her tummy? She felt as if butterflies were having a symphony in her tummy. Her heart beat became faster as he moved closer. 

2. Use sensory images- Use the five senses. If you are describing been held up in traffic, don't just talk about the heat and being stuck in a car; add the smell of the fumes coming out of the exhaust pipes of the cars, the sound of the blaring horns or voices of hawkers, the feel of your sweaty and sticky palms or shirt, etc. The more you can create a world for your reader by adding sensory details, the more he or she will be drawn into your writing.
Examples
Telling- She loved the smell of his aftershave.
Showing- The minty and spicy smell of his aftershave got to her senses.

3. Be descriptive. This entails carefully choosing the right words and using them sparingly to convey your meaning.
Examples
Telling- He walked into the room and held his dying mother's hand.
Showing- He opened the door carefully and stood beside it as the emancipated figure on the bed came to his line of vision. Death held his once robust and jovial mother in a tight grip. Her cold hands made fear run down his spine when he got beside her. 
Don't overdo it anyway.

4. Use good comparisons for your metaphors- not cliches. Metaphors can be a great way to show but try to be unique. Don't compare your things to the same tired old things everyone else has used.
Examples
Telling- The lady sang like a bird.
Showing- No wonder the dog barked all the time. He had all the courage of a ninety-pound knight about to undertake his first jousting match.

5. Vary your sentences.  It's a great tool to use when you want to show suspense or fear (use shorter sentences) or draw out suspense (use longer sentences).


6. Use specific actions to make your point. Don't say things like ''he had a reputation for driving like a maniac."- show him driving like a maniac. Let the reader see him doing those things or have others characters talk about him doing those things.

7. Use dialogue as a showing tool. Dialogue is wonderful for bringing out information. Examples.
Telling- She abused him. 
Showing- "You lazy son of a nobody!" she bellowed.
 Now imagine your own rage at those words or pleasure if he deserved it. 

8. Don't pad it too much. Don't overwhelm the reader with description either. You're not writing a travelogue, you're writing a story. Add enough details to give the readers a picture, then move on to the meat of your story. If you have several paragraphs in a row of description, chances are you've gone overboard. Try to work the description in with the dialogue and action instead so you can maintain your pacing and reader interest. 

9.  Don't be afraid of telling sometimes, too. A mix of both showing and telling is a good idea. You don't have to show every single thing in your book. Sometimes, a quick telling helps get through a slow part. The goal is to make the majority of your writing vivid and strong and keep telling to a minimum.

HOW TO "SHOW" AND NOT "TELL" A STORY.
First and foremost, I want to appreciate Divepen for this opportunity he gave to me to be a part of this workshop. I really learnt a lot. 

Here goes.........

HOW TO "SHOW" AND NOT "TELL" A STORY
"Don't tell us that the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream." -- Samuel Clemens.
Since the topic is on how to show and not tell a story, I'm going to do a lot of showing not telling by using examples to buttress my points. Kapish? Okay! Let's move on.

Telling is abstract, passive and less involving of the reader. It slows down your pacing, takes away your action and pulls your reader out of your story.

Showing however is active and concrete; creating mental images that brings your story and your characters to life. When you hear about writing that is vivid, evocative and strong, chances are there's plenty of showing in it. Showing is interactive and encourages the reader to participate in the reading experience by drawing his or her own conclusions.

Tell me what happened is different from show me what happened. Sometimes we think we are showing when we are actually telling. Showing allows the reader to follow the author into the moment, to see, feel, smell and experience what the author has experienced. Using the proper balance of showing and telling will make your writing more interesting and effective.

But at the same time, too much showing can be boring. For example, have you ever read a Mills and Boon intimacy. scene? Too much showing! Sometimes I'm like, "Do it already!" Sometimes I flip through the pages to find out if they did it or not. "They did it! What next?" or "They didn't? Why? A call from an antagonist disrupted the show."
So a balance has to be struck between showing and telling. Too much of either of them makes a boring read.

First we are going to start with what we mean by telling. We'll show when you're telling and give examples of showing also.

SIGNS TO SHOW YOU ARE TELLING NOT SHOWING
1.  When you use too much adverbs e.g happily, sadly, angrily etc. They shouldn't be avoided at all cost but they should be kept to a minimum. It's far better to show emotions than to tell them.
Telling- "You are crazy." she said angrily.
Showing- "You are crazy." Sandra ended the call and threw the phone against the wall. The phone scattered all over the place. Sandra got to her feet, picked up the pieces and threw them out the window.
Now we don't need a soothsayer to tell us that Sandra is angry. Sometimes it's better to use details in describing an event or an emotion. By showing her actions right after the dialogue, you know what's going on with her.

2. When you use too much forms of these verbs- am, is, are, was, was being, will have been, could have been, to be etc. They don't only put you in the passive tense but they also tend to remove your reader from the action. They aren't words to be avoided but if you can work your writing to make it stronger without the word "was" or any form of it, you'll show more than you tell.
Examples.
Telling- The school was perfect. She saw it and was immediately transformed back to her childhood because it had all the elements she remembered.
Showing- She pushed open the gate and stepped into a past from twenty five years ago. The school she remembered, down to the last detail. The blue and green metal swing in the middle of the play ground. Yellow walls with Walt Disney's cartoon characters. Children, immaculately dressed and moving to and fro with teachers. Another school, just like the one she'd attended, years ago, before she'd grown up and left the country. She pressed a hand to her mouth.
If you notice, the word "was" didn't appear anywhere in the showing example. You can see the details that bring her back to her past rather than just being told that it does. This gives the reader something concrete to visualize and connect with.

3. Too much use of 'As' or 'ing' to begin a sentence. They are okay to use. It is telling not showing though it isn't a laid down rule that it mustn't be used.
Examples
Telling- As Chioma walked to the door, she made up her mind not to leave until the door was opened.
OR
Knocking on the door, Chioma made her presence known to the people inside the house.
Showing- Chioma formed a tight fist with her right hand and pounded on the wooden door. They'd hear her, or she'd break her hand letting them know she'd come for her money.

My network is so shitty right now! I feel like crying

D9ty7: Seriously you must be a very sporty woman. The other day you climbed a tree and broke a branch, now you are running away. Blessing Okagbare of Nairaland. lol.

Lmao!

Happy Birthday Dammygoody! (Your moniker reminds me of goody goody chocolate bar) LLNP!

D9ty7: thievery? Lol. Audrey english dictionary. updated version.

Dictionary ke? Sssshhh! *whispers* It's copy and paste.


Lemme run out before the person I accused of such comes here.

Lemme be the first to vote again (Why don't they give an award for this? )

TemitopeDaniel. Even when he doesn't have MB, he still finds a way to update even if its through thievery!

may01: Wow... Such a beautiful story..thanks for sharing

You're welcome. Thanks dear

stormybucci: **folds hand akimbo** u won't beg me abi?? don't talk 2 me again **praying in my mind dat she begs**

Lol! Okay. Sorry oga. Na beg I dey

SexySapphire: D9ty7, tnx for inviting me. I tink dis is the perfect cure. U no try ooo, how will my namesake be in so much pain as she is in atm. Notin must happen to her o.

I saw some mistakes while reading and I can see u've bin corrected, will be on the look out as u progress. Nice story line. Pls don't delay the update.

AudreyTimms, longest time. I hope u're doing great? I've missed u o

Hey girl! I'm good. I've missed you too o! Don't worry, very soon we'll be together again.

D9ty7 (which kain moniker be dis sef) congrats o! Remember to pay your tithe to me o!

I'm still on my way to get to your latest update. Dis workshop thing no lemme see road.

Weldone dear!

morsadh: Long time ma. So glad to hear from you again. Anything new in the pipeline yet?

Good to hear from you too! Nothing yet, my dear. I'm still studying under the feet of geniuses here. I hope to come up with something by November though. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Judith McNaught

Johanna Lindsey

Danielle Steele