₦airaland Forum

badohemmy:
Humbly inviting more pairs of eyes : boladex1 johluv bibi294 maryclaire1 auric forzarush mariamalheri emmyn nastynic honourable356 tusinsola missmossy atayis mobecs ayoxelee arrestdarrester mzdee01 zika19 emmotion iamloyalty princessadeola aminatope247 prettyrose daniluv2k4 funnyfun alarmednigerian bibijay123 surestg evajael hadampson stephengee12 ashatoda yommy20 chinnybaby99 yorhmienerd blissfuljeff chidozeze jamieoyel pweetywizzy mummyimadeit sikells mzztega rchilee kaytash kimberlywest silensa bleeze2 precial419 seun lalasticlala Divepen1 egorov tiffanyj khennykhay Johnspurgeon014 skillful01


Welcome Seniors

Welcome Gracious Phlimsy911

got h3r3 as fast as my Maruwa could carry me...
oya na

a trap to lure out Mike. main target was like will along... *hehehe*

kasala don burst...following

@yungtemy finish this story else I go give u story to tell for that ekpoma, na mehn go play u unto say na invalid say u nor finish this story oo

sometimes I wonder where these writers in nairaland are from..this is one hell of a story.plz keep the updates coming in...

The painful part of this is I didn't start till yesterday, but it's had me guessing all through l, damn Suoloho u never fail to deliver, so many twist and turns one has to be smart to keep up..i enjoyed this piece please come and finish what you started...biko.before somebody will die if suspense, I won't be surprised if it's a different palmwine those guys are drinking ...


update! pls..
the Ndi' ches of nairaland hope I have spoken your minds

pleasure I also need the rest of the story
obiebiakpevwe@yahoo.com
it's painful I didn't see this story till now

looking forward to more updates. nice how twisted and inter-related it all is.

........

hooked

This is a piece of art. enjoyed every part of it thanks

whyyyyyyyyyyyyy
You got me crying na

Apollux.....


chai! I read your stories and am like where this guy take dey get him inspiration becos this one pass the renowned kwale weed own o ooo. Please I want to smoke what you are smoking.


thumbs up man I am in awe

****clears throat*****


kudos to you for being bold enough to put together a wonderful piece such as this, it's thrilling and refreshing nice to read a piece like this after all this plenty love stories on nairaland..

been away from the literature section for awhile now in Chase of the paper. just got back and was welcomed by this wonderful piece being your first story you are doing an awesome job trust me. However there are some points I would like to point out like @Epluribusunom spoke about on the first page.


You are writing a story that is about the Medieval age so words used should be strictly related to that time to give your readers a better feel of the story
Modern words like: mehn, roll with my mum, dicked, bitch,pyjama, mother dicker, bleep, stethoscope ought to be replaced. e.g. mehn is an explanatory remark and could be replaced with something like ^the gods be damned^ pyjama with ^night wear^ because it fits the setting you are writing about. Also you mentioned electricity and electricity was discovered in the 18th century.. The Medieval times talks about the 5th to 15th century so there's no way electricity would have been in existence. even though it's a work of fiction there should be some facts to back up everything, it's like the way there's a quantum theory to support teleportation in films that talk about the future.


You should also try to be more detailed in your descriptions it feels like the story is being rushed like Nigerian films, trust me nairaland readers are very patient readers as long as you don't abandon a story they could read on for years (e.g tarasha a story by oyinprince has been on for 2yrs now and readers are still following closely so no need to rush). Take for instance Aric's encounter with the Phoenix ought to be more detailed to give readers an actual experience of what went down also the fight/bonding process with the dragon should have been more. Bonding is not an ordinary event it should be more thrilling, readers should feel the hairs in their neck rising while reading about it(see memoirs of blood and steel by apollux)

But like you said it's your first story and trust me you are doing a wonderful job. thumbs up bro.



wetin go bad na say after all this talk i talk you go con visit my profile..for ur mind make I even see which story this guy don write seff. my brother nor bother o cos i neva write *sto* talkless of story.. people say na who nor dey field dey see wetin happen for the match pass..

Apollux if you were a girl I would ask you to tell you family that am coming to see them.. you always capture the heart of your readers.


bro.thumps up