I got married to the right person my only mistake was getting married into a family house....... We now stay in our own apartment but the memory of the past still hurt. I hate going to my husband's family house.

forevermine:
Interesting post here!
I'm totally in support of cordial relationships with inlaws, but at the same time, maintaining boundaries so that there's mutual respect.
I've borne the brunt of being too open and trusting of inlaws, taking everyone as I would my family, without any bias or prejudice, but it turned round to sting me in ways I never thought possible. Innocent me!
Now I have learnt, I have taken charge, I stopped wearing my heart on my sleeves(that was my greatest undoing. they knew my weakness and used it to torment me). I had to set my foot down and leave it there... Even up till now when I think about the incident(s), hot tears still gather in my eyes.
My dear ikechizoba and barney11, I can relate. If I begin to tell my story right now(which I can't cos I'm pretty busy at work) , I will take not less than two whole pages on nairaland.
I battled depression, I almost lost myself!
I'm still struggling to let go and forgive, I have accepted an apology I never got.
In the end, who's the loser?
I'm building my home and loving it now. I've taken back the reins. No interference, no puck-nosing! Everybody is now on their lane and its perfect that way so there are no "crashes".Hubby and kids doing great! Life is good....

Same line with my story. I stayed in a family house backed then, I was killed with depression. I am loving my life now and not minding anyone

HazzanTazzan:


the group isnt the first step...

the first step is to read a step by step guide about what to sell on fiverr, how to create your gig and how to get started.

once you all set up, you can join the discussion so you wont feel like a total novice...

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Hazzan Tazzan, I know now you will be earning more than 500000 can you kindly assist me with 1℅ of that
?

thanks

wickedness of the highest order

nawa o

please someone answer this

I got two jobs within a space of 9 months that's my blessing. The funniest thing is I don't savings

.

I use to stay in a family house. so my first meal was ogbono and semo, I didn't know I married into a Bush family come and see yabing...... that what is this she! can't Cook !I cried my eyes out but my husband enjoyed the meal. Next I made fried rice they ate it without complaining ... The day I made rice and beans with too much salt was the end of it o.... See gossip that I can't cook o. I cook with too much salt o. We are many o in the compound. both people that have tasted my food and those who have stopped eating my food.

When I was single whenever I go places they credit my cooking

Now I don turn wife wey no sabi cook. that's my pain in marriage.

So poster,if your setting is like mine only dish out food when you know the is very good.

yettymuse:
why are you staying in a family house?

Beginning of my marriage things weren't working well with my husband so... I decided to leave in his family house

Afhounja:


I can accurately guess that your husband's labour (work) is the means to the bulk of you and your children's comfort and provisions.

"everything else" is nothing difficult. There are many men (bachelors) who work, cook, and clean all by themselves. You don't see them complaining and moaning about those domestic tasks being difficult.

Besides, if you think wives suffer more in marriages, why do you women always look forward to getting married right from your teenage years? Why do you women spend a very extended period of time planning the perfect weddings for yourselves?

Why do brides faint and go crazy upon learning that the grooms are not showing up for the wedding?
It's just like saying that a prospective slave is looking forward to being taken away by a slave owner to be subjected to hard labour, and then feeling bad when the slave owner doesn't show up.

hmmm I guess you said all this because you ain't a woman. I have twins who are less than a year, I wake up at night in intervals to feed them.. waking up by 5am to get everything done and get ready to work while my husband still sleeps. 7am I leave for work with the kids with divided attention. come back 3pm start battling with house chores and the kids till after 8pm when they are asleep.

Every man/woman dream is to get married. I remember when I was still single, I never wanted getting married without achieving anything,if not of my husband I don't think I could have gotten marry when I did.

.

Afhounja:


Abegi. You women make it sound as if cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children are herculean tasks.

I cook for myself and clean my own house. It doesn't take me anything. Even a monkey or a dog can clean a house if properly trained.

And as for taking care of children, I don't see how keeping an eye on children while they play in order to prevent them from harming themselves is such a difficult thing.



So your husband doesn't work? He doesn't labour to the best of his abilities to make sure that you and your children get what they need? And if your husband doesn't do all these, you are ok with it? You don't complain?

we both work...... then everything else I do?

Afhounja:


Marriage is slavery for men. A man gets married under the delusion that he is going to become the "king of 'his' own house". But he ends up becoming nothing else but a work horse---for the comfort of 'his wife'.
This is a key reason why women always want, and are looking forward to, get married: so they can have someone to shoulder all the burdens of providing for them while they do little to nothing, and also have someone to blame when there is a lack of provisions. A man will foolishly get married because he has been told all his life that being a husband is his role and his life is SUPPOSED to be that way.

Once a marriage takes off, the wife assumes the position similar to that of a slave owner---managing the affairs of her slave (husband). Using certain psychological and physical tools, she will exploit the husband and make sure he is as productive as possible so that there are enough resources (coming from the husband's labour) for her to satisfy herself with. She also uses these tools to keep him from running away (i.e. divorce or leaving the marriage eventually).

The major tools she uses are:

-the threat of starvation (the wife takes over the kitchen and can decide anytime to not cook for the husband if he doesn't do what she wants).

-loss of peace of mind (the wife will nag endlessly, b!tch, moan, raise her voice & refuse to shut up, cause deliberate confusion & disorientation, and also throw tantrums whenever something doesn't go her way).

-loss of sexual 'privileges' (the uninhibited & heightened sex drive of a man is taken advantage of. The wife will either use sex as an incentive to make the husband do what she wants or she will go on 'sex strikes' whenever the husband doesn't behave according to her wishes and desires.)---making it look like she is doing her husband a great deal of favour by just laying on her back and spreading her legs.

-the baby/children (the wife knows to a great extent that a man in his right mind will not abandon a child he believes to be his own. She will use the child as a way of keeping the man from running away and making him work even harder. She will also threaten him with the poor well-being & her refusal to take care of the child if he goes against her wishes).

-shaming tactics (in our society, a man is shamed severely for his "failure" to keep 'his' woman. A lot of men fear being subjected to this shaming. So they rather just stay in the marriage, suffer in silence, and do whatever the 'wife' wants.)

Other tools include: praise, blame, flattery, withdrawal of approval, manipulation of the man's insecurities and fears, the shattering of his ego, e.t.c.


*I don't need to define slavery because anyone who knows what slavery means and reads what I wrote above will see no difference between it and marriage.
The only difference is the enabling environment, methods, and institution (or 'bracket') under which a successful slave-master relationship takes place.

P.S. I didn't write all these solely because I want to reply you. Your profile says you are a female so deep down, you already know that all these are facts. I did it in case there are men 'out there' who NEED some clarity on marriage, might end up reading this post and save themselves from the scam called "marriage".

Women suffer the most in marriage.... Imagine I work,cook,clean take care of my kids... practically I do everything so what are you saying?

Destined2win:
Wow. This is wonderful

Thanks

-Don't get married into a family house
-Marry someone who can defend you all the time
-If you are lady be financially independent
-Marry a man whose love is greater than yours
-Never marry for riches, and never accept to marry a poor man who lives under his father roof
-Never marry beauty or handsomest.

focus on your immediate family alone

john4reala:
You are beautiful!!

Thanks

?

I just got a job with the Nigeria police force educational unit as an education officer, the salary wasn't stated on the appointment letter. please any idea?

I just got employed as an education officer under the Nigeria police force educational unit, the salary wasn't stated on the appointment letter.

sbashir10:

no wonder you don't have manners, they only teach you Calculus 1 plus 1 equal to 2.
they don't teach you guys philosophy and morals, that's why you saying trash here

I really don't have your time.......

sbashir10:

haba bbeautylik.., all, make I keep shut?
okay which dept accept that?? maybe you studying education course, not a competitive course , that why maybe they accept people like you with even pass degree for MSC.

keep shut again.... I am a Female engineer......

sbashir10:

I'm afraid no any federal university in Nigeria will accept you, 2.2 on 3.00 is the entry requirement for any master.
anything less than 3.00 will have to do Post graduate diploma first, before going for msc

keep shut..... ABU zaria accept any point in 2.2

aleeyus:
Igbos with crime

This has nothing relating to igbos

Nothing really last for ever.... when you have be humble and wise

oshe11:
Av U tried the modelsms?

And is it payment after service?


Wat makes it better, pls share!

I have and I am still.... Modelsms is for real. many can testify

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delishpot:
point of correction op it is LADY koikoi
And the one you call Jinn is known as Bush baby
What about crossing someone's legs?

we all know it as different names I know it as Madam koi koi

Viking007:
Snakes.

Not only snakes what about vampires?