cute-ass:
thank you for your honesty and directness. I appreciate it. You are right, I need to make a decision. Maybe that is what I needed, somewhat to tell me like it is. I have tried to justify all his actions, but I need to face the truth.

I am an American lady married to a man from West AFrica. I suspect that my husband is a player. He denies everything, of course. The first was when I called his job (taxi dispatch) and a girl in the background said when he was talking to me "he's talking to me", "so what!" He then said he had to go and would call me back. He told me later that this lady was waiting for him to drive her somewhere, sometimes they did have taxi fares leaving from the office. But why would she say that? I also found photos of him in a motel room with his shirt off, and a photo of a lady wearing a girdle and wrap skirt tied around her waist posing seductively. He said she was his cousin came to visit, and stayed in motel as his relatives were running from immigration and didn't want nobody to know where they are. The part about immigration is true. The part about it being his cousin, I asked his sister and she said that's not their cousin, that's their cousin's friend and she can't remember her name. Husband still insists it is their cousin and that he didn't take that photo, that probably a sister did. THERE IS A PHOTO OF THE LADY GETTING OFF A GREYHOUND BUS, his family USUALLY TAKE ONE TO OUR STATE, WHEN THEY ARRIVE IN USA from Africa. My husband would never let me talk to the lady because he says he doesn't know where she is now, and that she went back to Africa. In November his ex-girlfriend called his cell phone when I was sitting beside him, he lied to me about who she was and told me that I was too controlling. The latest thing is I discovered on our cell phone bill that he called a single chatline and was on the phone for 8 minutes. I was shocked-now he is trying to meet strangers? There are too many diseases in this world for me to tolerate that, and I didn't get married to share my husband anyway.  He says it was just curiosity that led him to call, and that he didn't talk to any woman-- you have to pay.  LIKE I SAID, HE SAYS IT WAS CURIOSITY, AND DENIES THAT HE HAS CHEATED IN ANY OF THESE SITUATIONS. I can't take much more of his behavior in this marriage. What should I do?

I should add that we have two kids together and I am breastfeeding one, which as you know can transmit HIV through breastfeeding. He is a long distance truck driver and stays gone for up to two weeks at a time. I don' t get no sex, and he is looking to cheat? That makes me real mad! I told him it is over, he wants to go to marriage counseling. I will go once, and tell him that if I find him in anymore suspicious situations, it's OVER! I don't need a cheater! I got married to a man I loved, to be faithful, and enjoy sex without worrying about disease, instead I get cheated on, worry about disease, and don't get my sexual needs met because of his job.

Cute-ass:
I appreciate your advice. You are right, and I appreciate your honesty and directness. It is time for me to make a decision, damning the consequences.

I am an American lady. My husband is from West Africa. He complains about paying the bills, but he thinks he should be "THE BOSS". He paid the rent on april 1st. then he left for Africa on April 11. He sent two cars to Africa to be sold. He said he would send money from AFrica when the cars were sold. He will supposedly return on May 28, after being gone for 7 weeks. He has sent no money whatsoever from Africa, he left no money for us here before he left to go to Africa. I have supported our two kids and myself with my own money since he left. He hasn't called since May 4, saying it is too expensive to call, and he has no money since he didn't sell the cars. How is he paying his airline ticket to come back to the USA then, I asked him. He says he is getting a loan on on of the cars titles, that hasn't been sold yet. I smell a rat! something does not sound right. WHY haven't the cars sold? I think he is doing something else with the money, and doesn't want me to know about it (second wife? building house?) It doesn't sound right to me. this is not the first time that he sent a car there, and money was missing. He claims his brother in law owes him $2000. from 3 years ago for a car he sent to him in Africa. Something does not sound right. I told him if you don't make no money at this business, then drop it! Don't take money out of our household for this nonsense, and the money is not coming back. He says, "don't tell me what to do with my paycheck, you are too controlling". HE IS TOO CHEAP and UNCARING. Every time he sends stuff for business and it doesn't sell right away, or according to him it sells for much less money than he said it would, then he says, "oh, I know what the problem is now, I have to send Chrysler because they sell better",  someone told him Kia sells good before. We have gotten back some money for the cars sold, but never what he says it will be. Is he dumb? Or is he a con artist?

HE IS NEVER AROUND BECAUSE HE DRIVES A TRUCK LONG HAUL AND IS GONE FOR TWO WEEKS AT A TIME. THE CHILDREN NEED THEIR FATHER. I APPRECIATE THAT HE IS A HARDWORKER, BUT THE KIDS MISS HIM, AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO HUSBAND. HE INSISTS ON JOINT BANK ACCOUNT, BECAUSE AS HE SAYS, HE HAS "TO CONTROL" THE MONEY. I TAKE YOUR ADVICE, AND GIVE HIM CHANCE. I WILL TRY NOT TO NAG HIM ABOUT IT, I WILL TRY TO BE SUPPORTIVE. BUT HIM NEVER BEING HOME IS STRANGE FOR ME AS AN AMERICAN. BY THE TIME HE COMES BACK FROM AFRICA, HE WILL HAVE BEEN GONE FROM HOME FOR 7 WEEKS. THAT IS A LONG TIME FOR THE KIDS-OUR TWO YEAR OLD BOY CRIES FOR HIS DADDY EVERY DAY. I FEEL SORRY FOR OUR SON.

I am American lady. My husband is from West Africa. Does anyone know why he cannot tell me that he misses me, when he hasn't seen me for weeks at a time? He says it is cultural.
THANK YOU FOR THE RESPONSES!
******I am seriously  thinking of divorcing him. He admits to not having a very strong bond to me or anyone.  When I complain about him, he always tells me that he is "not going to try to hold me, if I want to leave him, " Then in the next breath, he says let's try to improve things, or go to marriage counseling. He has told me that he doesn't really have the deep feelings for me or any female, except some African girl when he was 13 years old! He told me this after 4 years of being married, 6 years of being together, and having two children together! He says something is missing from his emotional self, and that maybe the counselor will help him. He blames this lack of bond/connection to other people on the fact that his father had 3 wives and 20 kids, so he never developed a bond to them, and consequently to no females either. They sent him to live in village, blah, blah, blah. He described himself as "running around the house like a dog" because he had little care with all those wives/children running around. I feel sorry for him that that happened, but I deserve better. I really do love him, but I get little/no emotion in return. I have tried being affection with him, thinking that he would warm up--NOTHING CHANGED! He doesn't seem to need love/affection. He probably doesn't miss me. But, like I said, he always turns around and tries to keep me with saying something about let's improve, blah blah. The most important thing to him in marriage is respect, he says if you have that you can get love as a result of the respect. Once he was gone for a month, and when he got in the car, he hugged our daughter, and didn't even touch me. !!!!!!! I was shocked. He doesn't like public affection, of course. He sometimes tells me he loves me, when he knows that I am mad or when we are not getting along. He has been in Africa for 6 weeks now. When we were dating he was not like this, he was more romantic. He says it cannot be like when we first met. He got his green card in November 2005. I don't think he married me for green card, we have two kids, and as I said I asked him to get the HE## out, and quit wasting my time with his lack of affection, etc. He won't go. By the way, he thinks he has to control everything. He doesn't control what I do, but he doesn't even like me to ask him questions about business he does, he is paranoid about a woman controlling him. Also, he said a lot of girls used to like him in high school in Africa, he didn't know which one to choose because he didn't want to hurt their feelings. He says in his country they tell the boys, why kill yourself for one woman, when you have a thousand waiting for you. I haven't seen any thousand women knocking on our door! But his ex-girlfriend did call his cell phone, while I was sitting beside him. He tells too many lies(and says he is just trying to prevent an argument!).

I am an American woman. I was dating a man from Cameroon for about a year and a half. I had 4 year old boy at the time, from previous relationship. He treated me and my son very well. My only complaints were that he didn't progress to the next level, and he only asked to see me once a week. I became impatient and dumped him for someone else. I told him, I want to get married one day, and he responded that this was very painful for him, and he asked me to wait six months for him to save money and get a ring. I did not wait. I regret that very much now. He agreed to take me back, up until the point when I became pregnant by my new boyfriend (also African). My new boyfriend and I had not gotten married yet. When my new boyfriend and I broke up, I asked my ex boyfriend from Cameroon to give me another chance. I told him I would never dump him or cheat on him again. He said he would think about it -he asked for two weeks to respond. During those two weeks, I slept with him. At the end of the two weeks, I asked him again, he seemed reluctant to answer, finally he told me that he could not be with me, because his parents did not approve, and one day he will move back to Africa, etc. He has been in America for over 20 years. I really wish I had not dumped him. I wish I could get him back. I don't want to ask again, because he might think I am begging. Maybe I should just try to forget him? I have two children now by the African man I left him for. We eventually married. My husband and I are divorcing. I really think this guy from Cameroon and I would have been great together. How should I try to get him back?