₦airaland Forum

A Satire!

In a quaint egalitarian state of billionaires known as Anams, there lords an illustrious sadist: Professor Chokeman Oyenzuzu Stupidity. Renowned for his groundbreaking research in the field of idiocy, Professor Stupidity was the undisputed authority on topics such as "The Art of Failing Spectacularly," especially in equating the state of Anam with Taiwan and Dubai, and "Advanced Techniques in Miscommunication," particularly in matters he foolishly believed he could control. How far should one aspire to be like the most foolish bird on earth? Time shall tell!

Every Monday, people stayed glued to their homes out of fear of being killed by state and non-state actors. Yet even his most immediate staff flocked to his lecture hall, a dilapidated space adorned with outdated posters of ill-fated experiments. The professor, a portly man with a head that resembled a hedgehog, greeted them with an air of misplaced confidence. "Welcome, dear Anams! Today, we will explore the intricate dance of ignorance!"

His lectures were nothing short of a spectacle. With a blackboard covered in unintelligible scribbles, Professor Stupidity expounded upon the virtues of never asking questions and the merits of never owning up to broken promises. "Questions," he would declare, "are merely distractions from the important business of being wrong!" The clowns he surrounded himself with nodded vigorously, unsure whether to applaud or seek refuge. Who do we fear more? Professor Oyenzuzu or the state/non state actors forcing their will on everyone? they remembered the special assistant who was sacked because he was dancing gwogwogwogwo.... so much for our dear Prof Oyenzuzu!

One day, he introduced a new concept: "The Theory of Un-Logic." According to this theory, the more convoluted and nonsensical an argument, the more likely it was to be accepted as truth. He demonstrated this by arguing that the moon was made of cheese because, clearly, a giant mouse must be lurking somewhere in the cosmos. The class erupted into laughter and disbelief, but as the professor’s charisma unfolded, some began to reconsider their own understanding of astronomy. By so doing amidst claps and shouts of derison..he decided to take foolishness a bit higher.

To further his research, Professor Stupidity decided to host a "Fool’s Debate," where students were encouraged to present their most absurd arguments. The winner would be crowned "Duke of Dumbness." Armed with inflatable hammers and bewildering logic, students presented topics like "Why Penguins Should Rule the World" and "The Necessity of Wearing Socks on One’s Hands." Each argument was met with raucous applause, the boundaries of reason slowly dissolving under the weight of hilarity.

Despite his questionable teachings, Professor Stupidity garnered a loyal following, especially from children of Oduduwa who actually and conveniently mean no good to him awny way! His students, affectionately known as “The League of the Uninformed,” embraced his philosophy wholeheartedly. They formed study groups ion niaraland, dedicated to perfecting the art of misunderstanding, often gathering in the political café to debate the merits of using left-handed spoons for right-handed tasks.

As this tenure drew to a close, Anam state announced the prestigious “Golden Absurdity Award.” Professor Stupidity, naturally, was the clear choice for this honor. During his acceptance speech, he proclaimed, “Remember, my dear scholars, ignorance is not just bliss; it’s an art form! Go forth and be gloriously foolish!”

And so, the legacy of Professor Chokeman Oyenzuzu Stupidity lived on, a testament to the wonders of ignorance, absurdity, and the occasional bout of uncontrollable laughter. The students left the Institute of Absurd Studies not only with degrees but also with a newfound appreciation for the art of being wonderfully, unapologetically stupid.

Oyenkuzi or Oyenzuzu/
Now, we all heard the too much hyped Taiwan-Dubai mantra...lol. When first I heard this man speak, he reminds me so much about one oversabi ediat in our class then. Shittyy, smallish and grossly overrated dude who somehow got the attention of other shitty lecturer in the department. My class mates who know me will smile reading this...because we all know all shityy the motherfvcker was. Sadistic lecturers all like him because of his shitty nature. and they felt "we" the so called "well to do, "city dwellers" looks down on him. We actually do because, if you no be city dwellers, you nobe city dwellers. you can't fake it like Asiwaju CSU certificate! That was in mid 2000s. Prof Oyenzuzu was just a special adviser to ex president Obj but the werey carries himself like he's a fvcking world bank president! I instantly disliked him because, I have this divine knack to smell folks with rotten characters from miles away, and even if they are surrounded by ghost...I'd still smell them out! it wasn't long before one smart lady technocrat serving in the last three govts called him a "man without character". see? They all know him!

Awon ndi school na scam gang.....

This picture is for you!

A simple use of Google search engine would have told you batteries and touch cane about in late 1880s.....

No wonder these miscreants still believe Asiwaju will turn the economy around, the same way they're waiting for Buhari to make 1NGN to $1...

Hahaha 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 mumu in it's finest display!

Do battery supply what? Hahaha 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣. White powder?

Awon ndi school na scam gang.... The time you lots should go to school and learn basic science, una say na ganja una go dey smoke. Now, seee your life?

richmond500:
Oga, do u know what electric torch mean?
It's a torch that needs electricity to operate, not battery

Geng geng...new shoes loading! Hahahahaha

Nothing wey a jobless failed pasta no go do to buy new shoes! abeg make una leave the werey Jared. Anybody he support for second term always looses!

Hahahahahahhahahahhaa
If Asiwaju no hear he cries...hunger go hear am Jared! Abeg cut him some slack biko. To be mumu no easy these days!

Bobloco:
Are you sure Tinubu have the time to hear your cries and wailings

Before posting hogwash, i'd rather advise you go get a job first, get paid and eat well so you can reason like a human! Been a resident rag on nairaland is something your generation may not forgive you for.

Back to your post...

We all know the tribe filled with hypocrisy. That tribe that trooped out in 2012 shouting don't remove fuel subsidy, but in 2023 full chest support its removal. You need more?

I am talking of that tribe that hates prophet MNk for telling the truth their sango servers can not see, even though his prediction is more accurate than those who drink tea with sango, but in a surprising twist of hypocrisy they are known for, are now supporting Egbon Igboho Sunday for asking exactly what prophet MNk ask...

Next time before you open you agbo filled guts to menttion hypocrisy, think about descendants of Oduduwa first!

Oye ara!

helinues:
Toh

Any events happening at his backyard, he must find a way of twisting the narration.

Foreigners are now calling out Peter Obi's hypocrisy, something we have been yarning for a while

Modified: Peter Obi's supporters should understand that Peter Obi is not above mistakes. It's inability of his supporters and people around him to correct him when he's wrong is what's making him not to have head way in politics.

Please what's the meaning of non state actor? Who are the people causing insecurity in South East if not Ipob militia wing UGM.

Those who take responsibility for their actions are ready to move ahead but pointing fingers, okay oo

A spade should be called what exactly it is .

Btw, why is it so difficult for some Peter Obi's supporters to engage others maturely without throwing tantrums? How would such attitude attract undecided voters to una side when contrary opinions won't be tolerated.. Same obsolete methods

Taking responsibility is out of options for some Peter Obi's supporters

By inadvertently putting mouth in the internal affairs of a supposed sovereign State, this low budget, half crazy paid hand, has just exposed the length Asiwaju would go to gather expired middle cadre British workers!

Whether separatist, or ododuwawa agitators, anyone who could do such evil thing is a criminal. is that not what Asiwaju and other miscreants call killers in Nigeria!

AnonPoet:
https://newsdirect.ng/peter-obi-wrong-to-describe-supersport-killers-as-non-state-actors-british-diplomat/

What if he is one of the UGM? I know this hellinus fellow has many monikers here on nairaland. He could be one of those UGM contracted to cause havoc in SE...

Saintganduje:
Do you love UGM? Hurry up ok.

I think you misunderstood me. APC miscreants should do the laying of the eggs. We go provide feeds. Hallinus and other miscreants should be forced to lay eggs biko. If their asshole no wide reach, P.Diddy oil dey there Jared!

IfnobeGod20:
Day old chicks, 10, is now ₦6,000. Lest we talk of their survival, as sure the 10 would not reach maturity stage. Some may lose 2 or 3 or 4 or 5, while some may even lose all, as they are very difficult to rear. Price of feeds are now very much expensive and out to the reach of the downtrodden that ordinarily rear fowls in the past.

Aunty Remi said you guys should farm your own food. I guess these useless miscreants here on nairaland should be force to lay eggs too!

Bunch of useless tiefs whose only purpose is to live off govt positions!

Just nego du... old grandpa doing cult! What a worthless life indeed!

Tochi3:


..the white haired cultist is a Cornfessor oo..

a country that does things anyhow wants to receive VIP treatment outside...no be juju be this so? You even did it to them first, they didn't complain or come over to SmM to cry....then whether by design or not, you faced the same thing, you want them to overlook theirs, while you can not over look yours1

Make una stop fooling una sef!

No be every country get the patience Nigerians get with bad leadership!

You just don't know how bad it is! fayose is a politician, he should be forgiven...but compare it with those who drink tea with ogun or the white haired cultist...no shame or even fear of their own conscience! Hypocrisy be them like normal normal!

Tochi3:


..even fayoshe..

..tribalism has eaten the souls of people from this region..

HungerBad

They need to be hanged for gross incompetent! If it was the Europeans, they will lynch both old idiots anywhere they see them!

kurupt1:
Tinubu and Bihari need to be crucified

Ever heard of the serpentine breed? Yes, there are humans, races who had a DNA fused with serpentine blood.

See for your self these statistics. It's definitely not for kids who were still in primary schools in early 2000s.

First, they told us Ghana Must Go....especially from the education sector which the Ghanaians filled because the Igbos where hitherto were the scholars back then were still reeling from effects of the civil war. Vroom Ghanaians packed their bags and off they go. education in Nigeria collapsed almost immediately. fast forward to 2024..... Nigerians are now paying Ghan heavily to school there.

In recent times, these same set of reptilain broods mobilized everyone insane enough not to know them, precisely in 2012 to scream in loud voices GEJ must go. And they use fuel subsidy as their veritable tool to puch their serpentine agenda. Vroom. GEJ left, but not without laying a subtle curse on these set of people, and boldly called them "backward, evil or worse". fast forward to 2023..... Na fuel subsidy they want to remove. And like mad people they are, they just went full throttle to remove it without as much as think about the Spread effects! Brood of vipers that poisons anything they come in contact with!
Now, here is the catchy. Nigeria was better prepared in 2012 to remove fuel subsidy because of various factors in Nigerian economy favor such as:
1. naira was exchanging for 87 - 120NGn to a dollar. The Fx was better fit to absorb whatever unintended shock that may arise. As at 2012 -2015 I was actually building a duplex in the village, poor me.
2. Nigerian economy was booming and the SWF has a lot of unspent cash which GEj & NOI pleased with the then Govs to save, but these serpentine broods mobilize their allies including the jesters Rotimi ameachi to fightt the then Gov.
3. FDI was confident Nigeria was getting it right via rule of law, democracy and otherwise, even though elements of corruption exists.

The most hilarious one is this! Sunday igboho...Egbon Igboho is fighting for Oduduwa republic via Referrendum..... Osanobua! As would be expected these broods of serpentine hordes are all in full support becuase na Igboho submit request to 10 Downing street. But what has the Igbos been championing since time immemorial? Why is prophet MNK in DSS dungeon? Their response to all these is even more hilarious. Ohh...MNk was insulting everyone. Now, dear respecters which people elite and agberos combined insulted and denigrated the exhaled seat of president in Nigeria? Been the first to ever carry a live coffin of a sitting president? I remembered vividly what GEJ's mother said about this.I can feel the trauma the poor old woman passed. But these are the hordes talking about how prophet MNk goes about his agitation. What a people!

Now, let me give you this catchy for Free. Anything you are doing, however painful it may seem, and these brood of Vipers oppose it, scream against it...by the Strenght and Honor of G-d, just know you are in the right path! The serpentine blood in them has smelled out the sweet aroma of a future bliss and like the devil they are, they want to thwart it and covet it for themselves even though they k now not how to do!

As the clown who shouted its my turn waste away his feebled vegetable body in France, I am glad he knows he is a hopeless disappointment to even his fellow reptilians.

Mad country with largely useless people

Reasonable countries would even go to wat to keep their currency stable....

But Asiwaju resident rags on nairaland wants everyone to think otherwise!

No wonder only renounced rags like that old vseless werey still dey support the old grandpa in Aso Rock!

Well, what do you expect from someone who's never had a business, worked gainfully or even have employable skills?

Very vseless set of people that have destroyed everything and everywhere!

One minute they are against you for no reason other than it's coming from an Igbo..... next minute a portion of their brain tells them it's good. Vrooom...they want to do it too!

Even though I support what Igboho is doing, but look at it well, it's the same pattern!

Asiwaju & his band of thugs opposed subsidy removal in 2012 when Naira was in a better position to withstand the shock effects, vroom in 2023, they want to support it's removal. No be correct witchcraft be this??

FatimaAbubakar:
The same shameless people who criticize Biafra and Nnamdi Kanu are happy that Sunday Igboho went to UK to submit a proposal for the exit of Yoruba nation. Talk about hypocrisy. These are the same people who want secession for Palestine but are against Biafra exit.

Gain ke?

How can the resident rag of Nairaland gain? Ever heard of the frustrated old hags that vent secret anger due to their pitiable state by supporting anything others consider insane!

Imagine even the people who put the drug dealer there are getting fed up, this old 🤡 still holding up fine, despite the hunger ravaging his miserable life!

Untill evil, wretched clowns like these are cleansed off.....I don't reckon any tribe would be viable!

vanbonattel:
Are you among the less than 1% of Yoruba people who gain from corruption and keep the country and their people in poverty so they can answer big man?

That witchcraft and poverty wey don confuse you inside out...... Na data be wetin you fit afford!

If I torment you with plate of food now, he go be like I dey like intimate hungry clown 🤡 like you!

You get luck say na faceless forum, otherwise na hot slaps naim dey supposed use set your head well.

Old ediat!

helinues:
This one don get data today.

Oya cry boy

G-d punish you there..... You think I dey jobless like you resident rag of Nairaland!

Data kill you..... Ediot!

You get luck say na faceless forum be this, otherwise I trust some Nigerians to don reset that vseless mucus wey you dey call brain!

Vseless jobless miscreant!

helinues:
This one don get data today.

Oya cry boy

Shame no dey catch you for your old age sef? Since you have nothing to loose as a jobless freeloader, others have lot's of stuffs they worked hard to build! Stuff they're watching crumbling right in their eyes while the drug dealer goes off like Buhari used to!

Do you know how many Yoruba business friends I personally know off complaining and swearing for Asiwaju everyday because of how life has become so tough for them....lots of them might even be reading this!

Stop, reflect on your life supporting trash, scvm and trash almost every normal person in Nigeria have come to agree to!

Them swear for you?

helinues:
Obidients should stop trolling others..

Hahahah na curse?

500 Days indeed!

If they refused to attend, why not come to nairaland and invite all these jobless miscreants praising Asiwaju!

At least they go chop well that day, for all the efforts they put at whitewashing a drug baggy man!

Nigerians are some of the smartest people on earth, when compared to almost any other people. I do travel a lot so I know the international view about them Nigerians....
For instance, till date, Nigerians, albeit criminally, has been the only africans capable of orchestrating a bogus scheme designed to steal from individuals as well as government in the West. Only Nigerians can create a value chain in a criminal/fraudulent enterprise....even heard of bombers, pickers etc these are the Value chains I mean. I sometimes laugh how these foundations are built, made to work and works effortlessly like a well oiled machine. Meh mm una too much Sha. Huspupi and co, ndi keyboard warriors una well done ohhh!

The only bad, hidden thing about them Nigerians is the propensities to have quack-wired, inbuilt, hard to detect higher levels of foolishness.... especially when the three factors are played:
Religion.
Ethnicity.
Tribalism.

If the above isn't true, tell me in the Name of my beloved G-d how someone alive, sane and fit, could even think of supporting Asiwaju, so soon after the disastrous ruling of Buhari, knowing fully well what roles Asiwaju played? Not done, let's assumed Buhari Govt was a bit as cool as ofe nsala and Malta Guinness on a cold 🥶 winter night..... How can a sane person support a sick grandpa so soon. Someone who has drug past as well as clear inability to even discuss his plans for 4 precious years. Ntoorrr una go suffer till una get sense!

So what's the fuse.

Recently, a first lady donated 1B naire which I can bet everything I own on that the one billion Naira donation isn't her hard earned money.... No one gives out hard earned money so easily. Only huspupi & co do that.

Prudent use of public resources......These are some of the things that made the white superior to most races on earth. Every one is equal. Your ascension to political positions isn't a blank cheque to start dishing out money as you live. Infact, everything gets allocation and must be used accordingly. If you want to private source money for anything, you gat to fund raise. Not one half crazy politically exposed fellow dipping hands on the treasury and dishing out funds like she owns it! Anyway, wetin I Sabi sef? People dey do am before, pretty aunt has to do it too.

Former CBN governor, SLS did. A so called educated man, left his job descriptions and started performing like a philanthropist. Now, if this here gentleman was sponsoring Nigerians to the Moon or setting up VC for almajiri shoe cobblers or nextgen businesses, I can understand but the dude was doling money to LGA, State or Fed Govt could or should sorts!

Here comes the father of all foolishness! Former president Buhari upped the ant by donating to a band of terrorists in far away Afghanistan, the Talibans, and our dear wereys from SW swept it under carpet.... What a country! No one would have held, if not the CIA raised a query to the presidency for clarification on a huge donation of $100M to a band of terrorists.... legitimate instrument of transfer coming from Nigeria CBN. They were left in shock when the presidency reply in positive affirmation that indeed the transaction was authorized! Hahaha 🤣 🤣 🤣. NIGERIA with 80% of northern NIGERIA having our of school children. Poliomyelitis, VFS scourge on women etc but this old foolish irresponsible ex president though the best of decisions was to gift the terrorists in far away Afghanistan a whooping $100M.... And our sophisticated brethren from Ronu kingdom praised them to high heavens....even when sane people point out the foolishness associated with these acts. What a country! Anyway, the former drug money baggy man's wife is now preaching hard work. Charity we all agree starts from home. Aunty tells us the work history of bro Seyi, asi don't know his mom, that responsibility falls on you? Hard working indeed!

Fear religion + ethnicity + tribalism fused and garnished with illiteracy! It always most certainly destroy the prospects of a country!

Mega thieves.....it's still same old format since 1960...when the Brits left. Steal 100B Naira, gather lots of foolish irresponsible people, donate 1B Naira so they praise you till you even begin to doubt if you stole enough, while they.... mostly owned salaries and emoluments goes home happy but hungry, while blaming G-d for their foolishness, hard times and all that!

For now, let OAU enjoy the new landscaping, yes, the few unstolen cash though.....

Blackman101:
Min wage 70k (x12)=840k
50K rice 125k
fuel 1 litre 1500
loaf of bread 2k
first lady donation to flood victim IN Borno 500m
first lady donation to beautify (plant grass) school 1 billion

This are the people we have entrusted our destiny to

Hahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 the bolded got me laughing.....these are the people they entrust their future to! What a people!

The mega thieves steals 100B naira, hurriedly rush to a gathering of foolish people, donate 1B naire.... every one, a lot of them owned salaries, bonuses and emulations goes home happy and praising the mega thief!

Despite the legendary smartness, there's an inbuilt, hard to detect level of foolishness associated with these some Nigerian people!

I dare any of these mega thieves to show us the donations they made to any charitable cause before they started milking the country..
Pretty aunt donate 1B naire she no work for....yet ask the innocent man suffering the cluelessness of her old husband to work harder.

Tell me the work history of bros Seyi? Such that he has 500M to donate? Yet these rats will praise shit into them!

By the time the mega thieves are done.... y'all be almajiris!

Ndi Ara!

The extraordinary bravery of a soldier: NIGERIA soldiers should be like Avichai!

Lt. Avichai Reuven. Ethiopian Jew who immigrated to Israel and enlisted with IDF. He was taught bravery in the face of those who seek to kill innocent civilians in the name of whatever they serve.

On the morning of Oct 7th 2023, when terrorists from Gaza breached the local barrier and strucked inside Israel, Avichai got the news on his internal Com, jumped out of his bed and grabbed his riffle and without thinking of reinforcement dashed to where Hamas was shooting innocent party goers. He doesn't have a car, so he ran 8 miles to the front and singularly shot 20 terrorists to death trying to infiltrate a kibbutzim. An extraordinary feat for a lone officer. Unlike that country in West Africa that reward's terrorists rather brave officers, the Israeli PM personally honored him for his bravery. This is how to secure a country. Next time, more officers will be willing to dash out of bed, grab their riffles and shoot the craze out of them terrorists! Motherfvckers!

Now compare to NA who randomly lost equipment to Boko Haram, bandits Fulani herdsmen, UGM etc.
No patriotism. No seriousness. Just wait till month end and collect salary or dubious influence their postings to SE/SS where they collect engunje.

Make una learn from Avichai Reuven who liquidated 20+ terrorists without waiting for orders from his Platoon Commander.

Hahahahahah..... just tell them to swear with the Book of Psalm + Incense + 7 coloured candles burnt as offering..... truth go come out sharp sharp.... no jokes at all!

Mad occult people hiding under the cloak of Christianity! Abi no be Nigeria wey a pastor refused to swear with the same Bible he dey give people to swear with for marriage? Mad, sick people. Spite on their useless head!

occfx:
The way Christians ridicule God eh, if na God of the old testament... Na steady striking we go dey see for this zoo

Absolutely 8 solid years ruling Nigeria without the Igbo & Igboid groups! A big Ameen Isha alla...

Na here quarelll go bust! They wont want an Asiwaju ruling Nigeria without the Igbos as part of Nigeria!
Mad people everywhere!

Asiwaju dey do well while a Ghanaian son of former UN Sec Gen is enticing or mocking Nigerian Profs on Linkedin that they got paid patience as salary! See how Profs dey fall over themselves to leave Nigeria. No pity for them though, they rig thieves in, so they're karma bound to suffer the consequences!

Mad people

A man struggled to build a business, and this bleaching gov ....... Sometimes I dare say Nigerians deserve the leaders they get!

The Sc judges who imposed this cl@wn are all enjoying their loot... Nigeria will continue to be the way it is!

SmartPolician:
Why would Innoson want to blackmail you? This is how politicians kill jobs they cannot create; this is what happens when a fraudster with fraud cases in court becomes the governor of a state.

God will curse the generations of the Supreme Court judges who imposed this man on Imo State. If they don't pay for their evil deeds, their descendants definitely will for the rest of their lives!

No psychia is fit enough for him....

He should go join the mujahudeen in Lebanon. He is a maniac, giving his unrelenting support for evil.....the Lebanese muja would need his skills.

sweerychick:
Please this guy needs help, fellow naira landers please recommend a fitting psychiatric hospital for him

You are already derailing your life by supporting a system & a person destined to be clueless! What more can be done to ameliorate your situation? My dear..go and get a life, a skill or both. You need it!

Thankio

helinues:
Don't derail this thread with your incoherency

Thank you

When Europan leaders tell you an illiterate is a dangerous person, you think they don't know what they are talking off?
Jus look at the picture a friend shared with me!

Those her women ant concerned about virginal Vistural Infection ravaging the north, they are just concerned a bout a dangerous fella sent to the world beyond. Same with the Op.... the clown ain't concerned he cant feed well, but fixated about a private citizen! He trolls this privatcitizen, but like the old fool he is destined t0 be, he will Be the first to cry he is e tr0lled!

What a foolish old man

Proudlyomonna:
This is your best reply right??

Shameless to say the least.

Illiteracy is a curse on the society.