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Celebrities › Re: M.I Abaga List His Top 5 African Rappers, Olamide, Vector Didn’t Make The List by blackmamba1st: 3:14am On Mar 21, 2018
The incredible ones ain't here, this ain't a list, it's THE LEAST.
Lol
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 8:52pm On Dec 16, 2017
I bet those responsible for his debts are yet to PAYRENTS

Burnavick:
David have not paid his school fees, David have not paid for textbooks, but David always paid attention.
1 Like
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 8:44pm On Dec 16, 2017
I like this

illicit:
The Masons disagreed among themselves but surprisingly they mend fences almost immediately.
1 Like
Jokes Etc › Financial Management For Recession Season by blackmamba1st(op): 9:53am On Nov 22, 2016
Yesterday I only had N1000 in my pocket.
I confidently walked into Sheraton and made an order for one expensive meal they had available accompanied by the an expensive wine.
After the meals and drinks my bill was N24,750 after which I told the waiter I had no money. The perplexed waiter called the hotel manager who promptly handed me over to the police.
On my way to the station I gave the N1000 to the officers and was set free.

This is what we call financial management.
Try it too and then text me your results.

All the best!!!
Merry Xmas in advance
Jokes Etc › Alhaji And The Other Room by blackmamba1st(op): 9:50pm On Oct 17, 2016
Upon his return from one of his foreign trips Alhaji and his wife went into The Other Room for the night.
His wife had curled up ready for sleep and Alhaji put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started handling the rose petals between her legs.
He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.
His wife got up and started stripping in front of him. Alhaji was confused and asked,
"What the hell are you doing, taking off your hijab?"
She replied, " Alhaji you were playing with my rose petals. I thought it was 4play and that you wanted me".
Alhaji said, "No no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages."
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 9:16pm On Oct 12, 2016
Heard there was an explosion in Maiduguri.

Boko haram are yet to take responsibility for it so the authorities are suspecting it's Samsung S7
4 Likes
Politics › Re: Military And Shia Members Clash In Funtua Katsina (graphic Pics) by blackmamba1st: 5:55pm On Oct 12, 2016
Heard there was an explosion in Maiduguri.

Boko haram are yet to take responsibility for it so the authorities are suspecting it's Samsung S7
Politics › Re: The Scene Of The Bomb Blast At Muna Garage, Maiduguri (Graphic Photos) by blackmamba1st: 5:54pm On Oct 12, 2016
Heard there was an explosion in Maiduguri.

Boko haram are yet to take responsibility for it so the authorities are suspecting it's Samsung S7
Literature › Re: Memo Of A Male Sex Addict by blackmamba1st: 1:03pm On Oct 10, 2016
o boy. nah pure wiping o. Arsenal swim inside chelSEA anyhow.
vislabraye:
.
You see your life grin
2 Likes
Literature › Re: Memo Of A Male Sex Addict by blackmamba1st: 1:00pm On Oct 10, 2016
sori o.


Perfectdanny:
No disrespect sir. You shouldn't have quoted the whole thing just to make a point.
Literature › Re: Memo Of A Male Sex Addict by blackmamba1st: 2:56pm On Sep 24, 2016
MBush:
We stood there staring at each other for a while and I was having weird thoughts about what was about to happen.

“You sabi am”? Chinedu asked me

“Nooo…, I am just admiring how beautiful she is” I said as I winked for her. While she entered, Chinedu introduced me to her, and we shaked hands.

“It’s so nice meeting you, I have heard a lot about you” I said to her with a smile. After few minutes, I left the room after a signal from Chinedu for me to leave. I waited nearby while I kept imagining what would be happening inside that room. After few hours, I came back to the house and she had left.

“How was it” I asked Edu

“Mehn the babe sabi fvck ooo” He replied with so much smile on his face “You wan follow taste the girl” He asked me

“Emm… no, I won’t and I can’t” I replied him. After that day, I started hanging out with Edu and was undergoing repackaging. First of all he showed me how to curl my hair using a Relaxer and to color it dark using a dye. I wanted to go buy some new cloths and he escorted me to the market and helped me with the selections I needed. I started undergoing some mild body building programs to help make my body structure lovely, and also coached me on the new method of wooing girls by talking to them.

“They must gree” Edu exclaimed anytime I finish any task successfully. It was a moment of pain and pleasure and not before long; the results were becoming visible in all aspect and the way I wanted it. He took me to some of the ceremonies he attended and I was given a task whereby he points at a girl and I am expected to go talk to her. Some gave me the highest snub someone can give to somebody while one of them almost gave me a life changing slap as a take away gift. Any of my failure resulted to serious laughing from Edu and I was almost discouraged till a the help I needed came forth

“I saw you from afar and I wanted to know if you are among the people doing the wake-keep” I said to a girl I saw sitting alone few distance away from my seat

“Seriously” She replied with a grin on her face.

“Yea sorry, I didn’t know what to say and I decided to use that line. I know its whack but I really wanted to talk to you” I replied with a sincere face. The truth was that I had nothing else to say and I had to come out clean. I have already wasted the night, using stupid lines I thought were cool. She gave out a loud laughter while I watched keenly.

“Who taught you to use that line you used the first time” She asked jokingly

“My friend over there” I said while pointing at Edu that was spying from a distance

“He must be an armature” She said while laughing

“Yea, He is really an armature” I replied jokingly but with a mean face.

“What your name”? She asked me, and I told her my name and we started chatting. We joked about lots of thing and talked at length that she even invited her friends to join the discussion. Within few minutes, I transformed from a joker to a Casanova. I held them sway with my jokes and discussion that one of them started coming close and touching my hands frequently. I feel that Nk noticed that she quickly asked me to escort her to buy something somewhere down the road that night. We ended up not buying anything tangible that I became forced to ask.

“Why did you make me leave the company of your friends”? I asked with an unserious face

“Don’t you see that they were beginning to like you and I don’t want to share what belongs to me” She said plainly

“Do I belong to you”? I asked while laughing

“Go away joor big head” She said with a emotionless face. I already knew the interpretation of “go away” and “Big head” and I quickly utilized my opportunity. I held her hand firmly that she hit me on the back, and I knew that was a sign of good things to come.

“Why is this part of your lip very red”? I asked with a serious face

“Show me where” She said. I quickly held her hands while I advanced further and she was standing still while holding my hands tighter while I advance forward again with my own lips. We stood very close to a road, exchanging lips and kissing. Even while I was about letting go, she interlocked her lips with mine so badly that I felt my dicck standing at attention. Only the loud sound of a horn was able to disengage us and we laughed over it.

“I want you bad” I whispered into her ear. She gave me a seductive smile which I assumed was a go ahead.

“Have you ever had sex in an awkward place before” I whispered. smiley

“No, teach me” She said with a romantic smile. I could feel my dicck bulging out of my trouser and it was becoming so restless. I quickly took her along, and we found a cool car pack where we settled down to have fun. Nk was wearing a very long pink gown that could sweep a whole compound if not handled with care. The gown was never an obstacle because she quickly raised it up with her hands, while revealing the most seductive pink pant I have ever seen in my life. I gently pulled down her pant while I went down on my kneed to appreciate what she had below with my tongue and lips. She tried shouting but held it within so as not to attract attention, and I continued in my service to her pvssy. There was no time to waste so I didn’t allow her do same for me, so I had to quickly insert my dicck while she was touching her toes behind the back of a well-packed car. Under the shadow of darkness, I had an unimaginable fun that I never thought of. I banged her with all the frustration that other girls gave to me and it turned out for good. We returned back to meet with her friends after our exploit and we were warmly greeted.

“This buying of something was actually long ooo” One of the friends shouted and the others gave out a loud laugh. They joked over it even though I felt they actually knew what happened.

“Both of you went to buy something and didn’t hold hands, and you came back holding hands like lover. Oya tell us what happened” One of the friends queried jokingly. We laughed over it and it was actually a night to remember before we exchanged numbers and went our various ways the next morning. My other sexual exploits with Nk might be recorded as the diary continues because she was really good at it. I reunited with Edu who congratulated me for a night well-spent.

Few months later, I enlisted to join a Jamb lesson and it was another avenue to learn more about what life without school uniform had to offer. I met with lots of people and made friends in a slow manner. My nature is taking time to observe an environment before making any move. I realized and noticed that we had different categories of people in that lesson center. Some came to show off their clothes, intelligence, beauty, others came to because they wanted to hook-up, some came because they were bored and home and needed where to go while others like me came because we needed to pass Jamb that year.

During our lecture periods, I was always a gentle boy in class and was practically un-noticed. I knew I needed to pass Jamb and gain admission that year, but it was becoming too boring for me as per my type of person. I managed to remain gentle because I had a target on my mind.

“Seems like you love chemistry” I said to my seat mate for the day. She was a quiet cute looking girl with her glasses like someone who discovered river Niger.

“Yea, Chemistry is my best” She replied with a smile “You like Chemistry” She asked me

“I so much hate it with passion and I don’t know what to do” I said with a sad face. The fact was that I knew chemistry more than her if we were to have a test of knowledge but knowing what I had in mind, I had to become a dunce.

“Would you mind me helping you out with it” She asked with a lovely tone. I have never heard such a sweet voice in my life before and she was sounding just like an Angel singing.

“Wow… you are really a lovely person.” I said with so much smile “People like you are difficult to come-by” I continued. While I was saying all this, she kept smiling like someone who was getting mouth action for the first time in her life.

“Thank you so much, I really appreciate your compliments” She said with a melodious voice. “Hope you are not like other guys who make noise and are very rough”? She asked me calmly.

“Noooo… Since I was born, I don’t think I have said up to 350 words I replied with a wink” She smiled and laughed while tapping my arm

“You sef, you are very funny” she said while still smiling. We talked and talked that we actually left the Chemistry subject and started discussing personal issues. I later found out that her father was a commissioner in my state of residence, meaning that money was no longer a problem. Because of her, I thought about every word I said before saying it out. I had to impress. She was using a Symbian Nokia phone, while I was stuck with my Sony Erricsson Old model phone. During lunch periods, I was sitting comfortably in a Mr Biggs Eatery while my mates where hustling Mama-put food. We became center of attraction of the whole lesson and they knew both of us. I protected her from intruders that were hell bent on snatching her from me. But there was a problem; she never had chance on her own. After lessons, their driver would always come to pick her up.

“I think I am getting emotionally attached to you” I told her one night during the regular mid-night call

“Me too… I can’t believe I always think of you when I get home” She said clearly embarassed

“Have you had sex before” I asked her after series of questions and answer. She was reluctant to answer at first, but after much pressure, she gave in. wink


“No, but I always feel like doing it when I am with you” She said with a shy voice. Immediately she said that, my thinking and brain faculty got triggered sexually immediately. I wasn’t thinking straight again. I pushed her on phone till we started the phone –sex stuff.

“How can we do it, when you don’t always have chance” I asked her on phone

“I will plan it, just trust me baby” She said with confidence. Most times during lecture periods, we spent more time exchanging love letters and knowing whose own was more sweet and romantic. We continued all this till one day.

“I haven’t seen your driver today” I asked her after much waiting at the lesson

“He is not coming today” She replied with a smile

“How, Why, What happened” I asked all at once

“Because I want you to have me” She said with some shy shy movement. I gave out my legendary seductive smile and eyes movement that I quickly gave her a big hug.

“But there is a problem baby” I said with a sad face

“Tell me darling” She said

“I don’t have money” I said plainly.

“How much” she asked

“It will cost us one thousand naira to get a room in a guest house and stay for a while” I said to her.

“Don’t worry, let’s go” She gave a commanding order. I couldn’t believe it, and I utilized the opportunity real bad. We arrived at the guest house very close to the lesson center and we headed straight to our room. She was shy at first but after much motivation, she became more active than I was. I gave her no space to settle before I started with our kissing and romance. She was putting on a trouser, so I took my time to UnCloth her gently while the kissing was actually going on. She was already crying or moaning whichever she did, but I was focused on the job at hand. After undressing her, I took my time to romance all the parts of her body. She was well receptive while touching other places but as soon as I decide to go down, she held my hands firmly; meaning I start the whole process all again. I was becoming frustrated but I had to keep my cool.

“It is painful” She said with a sad face

“Believe me, It will pain just for a milli-second and after that comes everlasting joy. Even if you have never trusted me before, just trust me now” I said to her in a low romantic voice. I applied something around her pvssy region and in-fact; she was already wet before I gently and carefully found the desired break-through. She gave out a loud cry and shout that I had to cover her mouth before they assume I am killing a human inside the room. She shouted for a while before she became responsive and was beginning to feel that prophesy I made to her. We dug each other till we became tired and had to leave. It became a sex lesson for us almost on daily basis and I was just so equal to the task. She always wanted it, and I was always at her service to render it to her. We stayed together during the Jamb lesson and fvcked together after the lesson. All these continued for a long time before she broke news to me… cry cry

To Be Continued after a commercial break… cheesy

Abeg make Arsenal win Chelsea ooo.. angry angry
True true bro ur tori sweet wella but ur match prediction nah fiction.
.
Chelsea go bleep arsenal like the way ur guys torture dat girl for uncompleted building.
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 11:46am On Sep 22, 2016
E go dey HILARYous if dis mama TRUMPle oga Donald with CLINsheet o
2 Likes
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 11:45am On Sep 22, 2016
I GARRIt .
bimofalad:
You won't Reap Cassava If you plant AKON u grab?
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 3:54pm On Sep 21, 2016
na so.
dass why "7 DAYS without Christ makes 1 WEAK"


vinee09:
A life without christ is a life with crisis
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 3:40pm On Sep 21, 2016
dis one no be FABU o, na de wHOLE truth and nuTHING BUTT de truth


Fabulousb36:
They got married becoz they liked the wHOLE THING. He liked d HOLE, she liked d THING
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 4:32pm On Sep 14, 2016
illicit:
Windows open, may God expand ur Vista
Amen!
Yes o! Make we UPGRADE and end WINDOW shopping and go DO-BUY. I-luv-my-VISA baby! Illicit u dey flow pass illbliss sef. Ur mouthed
2 Likes
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 4:23pm On Sep 14, 2016
Fashola the TRIminister. Dis baba get the POWER to make HOUSING, WORK ? e be like so.
1 Like
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 2:19pm On Sep 14, 2016
MrBnana:
This PUN trend is hilarious I see many nice PORN
use FORK at all times when you HEAT with your DATE or MATE
na so my broda.
these days sef if u no take woman OUT, she no go take you IN.
FAST food dey SPEED up romance sha.
1 Like
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 12:57am On Sep 14, 2016
If u use leg run pass danfo bus u must to get TYRED, but if danfo come overtake u, u don dey EXHAUSTED be dat bro.
1 Like
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 12:40am On Sep 14, 2016
E good as Johnny MEET Yemi for PARK but e for beta make Johnny PARK MEAT for Yemi
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 12:29am On Sep 14, 2016
Sisi wey too tey untop bedspring, na offspring she go get o
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 12:23am On Sep 14, 2016
Na foolish man dey dash him wife GRAND PIANO, but wise man sabi say nah UPRIGHT ORGAN him wife need.
Hahaha
1 Like
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 12:17am On Sep 14, 2016
illicit:
dont throw stones if you live in a glass house or else your loss is just a stonethrow away...
Throw stones ke?
Make dem use the stones build beta house jare.
I don SEE RIGHT THROUGH dis ur pun, e CRACK me up and i gbadun am. Na beta GLASSIC.
Make I kuku use dis WINDOW of opportunity troway some puns here.
1 Like 1 Share
Literature › Re: Nairaland Book Of Puns- Lovers Of Wordplay, Let's Pun! by blackmamba1st: 9:37pm On Sep 12, 2016
Ah Finally!
Barka de Sallah
Since morning nah my fellow brethren dem I dey FISH out. Na now I just MEAT some beta Alhajis.
alhaRAMdulilah
lol
Celebrities › Re: CUTE PHOTO: Wizkid Strikes A Pose With Patoranking’s Son. by blackmamba1st: 4:07pm On Oct 19, 2014
messpero90:
i can c ure xo dumb like ur signature. person
.
who be dis b'a'stard
wetin do him signature abi u be g'a'y
Agriculture › Re: Agricultural Transformation, Enugu Begins Export Of Pineapples. by blackmamba1st:
Ryabcool: smh! Who is this daft iti akwu that has the guts to attack my post?

If you weren't such an iti, you would have seen that the post you quoted was me telling that guy not to beef Enugu Government for this achievement but rather he should celebrate with them by having a taste of the pineapples. Na wah o!

Try and read before you post. Okay?

And tell that daft idiot who sent you to fight his battles that he should send more.
.
hehehehehehe, die in penury biiaatch!
it's people like you that will end up hanging from a rope soon. go get a life and stop fighting people from one thread to another. paranoiac and schizophrenic b.a.s.tard!
........He's been banned and he opened another account like the d.u.mb a.$$ he is just to insult more people.
Agriculture › Re: Agricultural Transformation, Enugu Begins Export Of Pineapples. by blackmamba1st: 5:47pm On Sep 11, 2014
Ryabcool: guy, beef dey kill o! Na heart attack ad cardiac arrest e dey cause. Try Turkey grin grin

then step it down with some Enugu pineapples wink
.
u dis over ripe f00l, wetin be ur own sef. Go pray make ur governor do something good for ur life rather than beefing everybody since morning.
Nah my guy say make poverty dey worry u. smh
Nairaland General › Re: Facts That Will Blow Your Mind by blackmamba1st: 6:18pm On Nov 06, 2013
India is home to over 200 million cows
Nairaland General › Re: Facts That Will Blow Your Mind by blackmamba1st: 6:18pm On Nov 06, 2013
Hummingbirds can't walk
Nairaland General › Re: Facts That Will Blow Your Mind by blackmamba1st: 6:15pm On Nov 06, 2013
Welcome back o bros, so many questions you have to answer
Nairaland General › Re: Facts That Will Blow Your Mind by blackmamba1st: 6:08pm On Nov 06, 2013
Hehehe I am a hacker!!!!!!
Nairaland General › Re: Facts That Will Blow Your Mind by blackmamba1st: 6:05pm On Nov 06, 2013
Your more likely to be killed by a champagne
cork than by a poisonous spider

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