₦airaland Forum

You are so gifted u really don't need anyones rating I'm sure you know that already....keep it up

Guinness !!! O.G drink

MrCork:
^^^^PETERFILE ALERT...So u want 2yr old to be datin 10yr old.....abi?....sweery r u ok?

Fvck boy its range not age,learn how to read and stop looking for typos!!

ilias24:
does she sell

Yea bro

Too much kush baa? pele, add this person nike 556B5F57 she wuld deff help u out.

5 years from now a man f*cking a horse might be legal no be u.s.a....awon weyre !!

Thanks fam

komek:
The both of u need serious help.

Seun ur attention is needed here.

Lol

WYMAN:
So you quoted the whole post just to type this

Your case is spiritual,I mean biblical


www.nairaland.com/attachments/2558856_img20150623wa002_jpeg2ed73791a9ef32d4ba99b5aa2b3b2e26

Okay you quoted me for quoting the whole post baa?? Then you went through your phone looking for a pic to advertise your business again abi??...who really needs help here ??

Infomizer:
Yes o! Na only me waka come!!!

It might sound unbelievable but it happened and I wouldn’t have written it (cause it sounded unbelievable) if not that it nearly happened again. Elsewhere!

Place: Ikorodu
Time: 20:00-21:00 Hrs ish

I had just alighted from the bus with other passengers who were busy spewing all forms of expletives at the bus driver and his conductor. Their crime? They had decided to discharge all passengers almost 1km to the bus stop and made a u-turn due to the notorious ‘rush-hour’ gridlock. Knowing that nothing I said (or did) would prevent them from repeating the same actions the next day, under the same circumstances, I just kept my cool and decided to use the strolling time to reply some pending pings on my phone. I had nothing to worry about after all - it was a busy place and I was partly aware of my surroundings since I still had to look up intermittently. I had in my possession, three phones (2 in the front left pocket of my jean pants and one in my hands) and my wallet (in the back right pocket of my jean pants).

Some seconds into my journey towards the Oga Roundabout, one guy walked past me (on my right side) and almost immediately slowed down and gave me this look indicative that I had just brushed him accidentally. I knew fully well that I didn’t brush him, and not wanting any tracasserie, I mindlessly apologized and continued chatting on my phone. He then engaged me in a chat that went somewhat like this:

Dude: “I think say you no go talk sorry, I for show you”.
Me: “No vex jare”.
Dude: “You be correct guy joor” (he extends his hand in an handshake gesture)
Me: (Giving him a girlish handshake - y’all know this type) “No lele”

Note: none of us stopped walking, and he was slightly ahead of me, so he was quite close to me.

Dude: “If no be say you talk sorry ehn, I for punch you like this (he feigns a punch clearly not directed at me so I didn’t mind) or make I gbege you like this” (he then grips my jean pants by the waist on the left side and made as if to lift me).
Me: “Oga wetin dey worry you nao? Free me joor” (I pushed him away and wasn’t in anyway aggressive mainly because a highly concentrated waft of an alcoholic nature oozed from his mouth and nose [joking], and partly because I am not aggressive in nature).

Dude: “I just say make I tell you ni”

I checked my back pocket for my wallet and thankfully it was still there, only for the guy to be like:

Dude: “Find something for your boy nao”
Me: “Oga, nothing dey o! Next time abeg” (My default response to Lagos Beggars)
Dude: “No wahala bros” (He then extends his hand to give me another handshake which I took hurriedly and continued tapping away on my phone).
Dude: “Baba, which side you dey go?” (To be sincere, I was attributing this emergency paddy paddy to his inebriated state so I answered him)
Me: “I dey go that Agbowa-Imota side” (kinda false)
Dude: “Me I dey stay that side” (he points towards the direction I was headed from, though on the other side of the road). “If e just reach that side, ask of Taiwo” (I paused for a second to acknowledge his last statement with a nod and then I was like
Me: “No lele baba, nice meeting you”

And for the umpteenth time, I faced my work phone and headed towards my destination. But I could notice from my peripheral vision that he was fixated on the phone I held in my hands (some bigass screen phone - bout 4.7” display). Then he was like:

Dude: “Bros, you suppose hide your phone for pocket o. The police for this Ikorodu dey para gan. Dem fit think say you be Yahoo boy o”
Me: “Nothing dey happen joor, sebi na person wey be yahoo boy go dey fear”

I was wearing a T-shirt, Jean pants and kicks and carrying a back pack containing my laptop so I don’t understand the “Yahoo boy” tag” but I still obliged and pocketed the phone (in the left pocket where the other 2 phones were), though mainly because I now wanted to really get out of this drunkard’s sight if he wouldn’t get out of mine.

Dude: “No talk so o! Dem go just come gbege you, drag you like this”
(So he grabs me in the same ‘demonstrative’ manner he first did and this time around, I shoved him off a bit aggressively)
Me: “Guy, free me nao!! Wetin be all this one?”

He releases his grip, stops in his tracks, and I go my way...but not without stealing one last look at him. Then I noticed that he tried to pull off his shirt, changes his mind, and wears it back. That was when I decided to check for my wallet again - and phones. I then discovered almost immediately that there were only 2 phones in my left pocket instead of 3, and upon closer scrutiny, it was the one I pocketed last that was missing. All this happened in less than 3 seconds! Immediately, I went back to him and was like:

Me: “Bros, I take God beg you, wey my phone?”
Dude: (Raising his hands) “If e search me, e no see am, wetin make I do you?”
Me: “Bros, I no want make we shout, I go find you something (I meant it), just give me back my phone”

At this point, I was already frisking him, but to my surprise, the phone wasn’t on him. I swear down, that realization scared the bejesus out of me!

Dude: “I say If e search me, and e no dey, wetin make I do you?”

Then a ‘Good Samaritan’ stopped by and asked:

G.S: “Wetin happen?”

Sensing that there had to be an accomplice since the phone wasn’t on him, and this G.S had to be that accomplice, I immediately started frisking the G.S while my eyes were still fixated on my number 1 suspect.

Me: (While frisking the G.S) “This guy (referring to the first suspect with a head gesture) carry my phone and him dey deny”
Dude: “Abi eleyi siere ni?” (Is this one mad), and he landed a punch on my face.

Note: Passers-by were still passing by and no one paid attention to our little 'ménage à trois'. Yet.

I first held my cheek bone where he hit, felt an excrescence immediately. The transition from 'drunk' to 'Mayweather' within 2 seconds got me going like WTF! I wanted to hit back but decided against it, but instead went for his collars - oppa women's-you-go-kill-me-today style, grabbed ‘em with all the strength I’ve got and shouted “Ole! Ole!! Ole!!!” at the top of my voice.

Since it was a busy place, some passers-by had stopped and had began to confront him while I held him. So I continued my verbal assault and was like: “He’s a thief! A pick pocket! He picked my pocket and stole my phone!!”.

Before I could say Jack Robinson, the G.S tapped me and was like: “No be your phone be this?”.

Y’all shoulda seen the wave of relief I felt when my phone touched my hand (My Precious!!!). I then released my grip completely and was explaining to one of the roadside sellers that the phone had surfaced o! Meanwhile, the baga was now sober and was apologizing to the elderly men that were tongue-lashing him. The G.S disappeared immediately and the roadside sellers were urging me to wait until the matter was completely resolved so the matter won’t escalate. For a second, I was considering doing just that. But in a matter of seconds, some thugs had arrived the scene and were shouting “Ki lon happen?” (What’s happening) and were attacking the small crowd that had formed with slaps and blows (apparently in a bid to disperse the forming crowd and get the pick pocket to fade out). I was even on the receiving end of one hot ‘sapa’ on my ‘ogo’ and upon receiving this, I left the scene shaperly, went into the nearby Addidae store, cooled off, and headed home - with my swollen face as a voucher to the invaluable lesson I just learnt, and my phone in my pocket.

Fast forward a few weeks later...Last Sunday to be precise

Place: CMS
Time: 17:30-18:00 Hrs ish

So I boarded a bus from Alausa to CMS and upon alighting at the last bus stop (close to Tantalizers), an impoverished-looking fella approached me and was begging for money. I ignored him and was walking towards Marina from Tantalizers and this guy was following me and was even specific in demand when he said: “Brother, please even if na 50 naira to buy Gala”. I didn’t even bat an eyelid (I detest Lagos Beggars!!!!!!) and continued in the direction I was headed. Just as the beggar was about to give up and probably look for a better prospect, I ‘ran into’ someone from behind and actually hit his leg with mine unknowingly while I was walking past him. I quickly apologized and was sincere in my demeanor when he said (yea you guessed right!!): “If to say you no talk sorry ehn, I for land you better punch”. Whilst he uttered this statement, he was actually trying to catch up with my brisk pace. I then remembered my Ikorodu episode and went Ben Johnson on him...

Then it dawned on me..there is a pattern! It’s a working modus operandi. They accuse you of brushing them, and whether you apologize or not, they try to confront you physically and empty your pocket.

In the second scenario, maybe if I had given the 'beggar' guy some money, the thief would have hinged on the fact that I just returned my wallet to my pocket, and as such, might be briefly distracted from there (after all, I had just put it back). I don't know what would've happened, but I'm glad I didn't wait to find out.

But before these recent encounters, earlier in the year, I boarded a Shuttle from Festac to Second Rainbow and when the shuttle discharged some passengers at Apple Junction, one weird looking plus-sized guy boarded and sat close to me. I was with a friend who sat close to the window and we were engrossed in our convo when this new passenger started sneezing at a rate of 20SPM (Sneezes per minute) or Once in 3 seconds. The distance between Apple Junction and Second Rainbow isn’t up to a minute on a good day and this guy sneezed all through. When we got to Second Rainbow, this guy paid, collected his balance and alighted, then a woman from the back seat wanted to alight so I allowed her (them shuttles only have two seat rows behind the driver). Immediately she stepped out, she bent and picked a phone from the floor (just by the front right tyre) and was like, “who get this phone?”. You can imagine how I felt when I realized that the phone that she held in her hands was mine. It was in my right pocket the last time I checked and I could only think of two explanations as to how it could’ve left my pocket.
1. The phone had a mind of its own and decided to leave my pocket in search of greener pastures...clandestinely.
2. The ‘sneezer’ distracted me with his sneezing bout and picked my pocket successfully, but he was unable to effectively hide it without drawing my attention so he was careless with it and it fell off while he tried to alight.

I might be wrong and completely paranoid, especially in the CMS scenario, but I think these pick-pockets have gone Nollywood on us all! They are street-trained psychologists/mentalists and have mastered the art of misdirection à la Apollo Robbins. You just need to have a default mindset that any stranger, that gets too close either knowingly or not, and whether s/he is acting un/necessarily friendly or not is a pick-pocket. That's how to be safe from their subtle overriding of your brain's mechanism of alert.

All these happened this year and after the third NTE case (I call it the Near-Theft-Experience), I began to think about appeasing the god of pick-pockets. I must’ve done something wrong at one point in my life and the Adjustment Bureau had selected 2015 as my year. I’ve survived all three attempts made at my pockets so far and I feel I owe my duty to everybody out there that commutes the streets of Lagos (or any metropolis). Learn from my gullibility o (I know ALL that I did wrong by in retrospect)! Bois are not smiling!!!

People, why not share your experiences be it NTE or not? Let's learn o!

Fact or fiction who knows? But one thing is certain ur a good writer bruv keep it up!

If u've dated some naija babes you just might marry a sex doll....all the best dirk!!

Nawa oo they used explosives dem police came with guns(never bring a knife to a gun fight),nobody wants to die......u can't catch them all im sure before december dey'll finish all the loot,let them enjoy.
Chill sef touts no fit operate explosives this has the military written all over it

She looks so ratchet

Ruq:
BTK.

I know them like mad, sometimes I get scared for my brain and hope I won't turnout to be one.

Bundy defended himself while on trial and was freaking confident about it.

Same here i've always been intrigued by them,i remember i read a book about profiling serial killers way back when i was in jss1 unfortunately I can't remember the title

fathomberry:
Serial killer dey this our naija at all?

Yes oo na ritualist we dey call dem for here

runzlord:
assuming nnamdi azikuwe and his gang fit chill for 5 more years, 9ja for don develop like singapore.

Preach!! Ow getting independence early was a curse mehn.

To all the drug users here y'all should slow down, moderation is the key word here

2+6=.....

Call me ignorant oo bt suya no fit kill black people

Dem chinese people don dey vex oo haba !!

Found no 1-6 funny the rest was just lame

....

"Moderation" is the key word here....too much of everything kills

When you finally smoke that jamaican kush u've been craving for

sureteeboy:
I don't have any contribution to make on this topic so Let me teach you guys how to boil an egg.

Put the egg in a pan of cold water: Place the cold egg in a saucepan and fill with cold water, covering the eggs by an inch.
2. Bring the water to a rolling boil: Set the pan over high heat and bring the water to a boil, uncovered. The water should come to a full, rolling boil.
3. Turn off the heat and cover the pan. As soon as the water comes to a boil, remove the pan from heat and cover the pan. Don't forget about the pan on the stove and let the eggs boil for too long or they will over cook!
4. Set your timer for the desired time: Leave the eggs in the covered pan
for the right amount of time. How long? Depends on whether you want
soft-boiled or hard-boiled eggs. Here's how long each will take:
• For runny soft-boiled eggs (barely set whites): 3 minutes
• For slightly runny soft-boiled eggs: 4 minutes
• For custardy yet firm soft-boiled eggs: 6 minutes
• For firm yet still creamy hard-boiled eggs: 10 minutes
• For very firm hard-boiled eggs: 15 minutes
5. Tap the cooked eggs gently. After your selected time is up, remove the
cooked eggs from the pan with a slotted spoon and tap each gently on the
countertop to crack the shell in a few places.
6. Place the eggs in a bowl of ice water. Fill a bowl with ice water. Transfer the eggs to the bowl and leave them there for at least 1 minute.
7. Peel and eat! When ready to eat, peel the egg and enjoy.

Lmao

bunmititi:
buhari need blood sacrifice

You just took the word stupiid to a whole new level.

Wassup with benin girls??

Gejpresident:
To turn this notification off, send “EOCN OFF” to 131 and that’s all.

O.g thanks

And they almost got the spelling right

Heaven on earth....lucky few

The hustle for bus here in naijs is real a car is needed...my advice ur still young dnt go for flashy cars u suld get a toyota also low cost of maintenance.you should post a pic of d car when you eventually get it you knw