TONYE001:
Hello Nairalanders, greetings to you all. How are you? I trust that everything is going on well with you all.

Today I would love us to talk about the role of the husband in pregnancy. I’ll be writing from MY experience as a husband to a pregnant wife.

Before we go on, below are some key points:

1. I’ll be writing from the perspective of a Christian though this piece is NOT limited to Christians,

2. I have arranged this work into three parts. Each part represents a trimester,

3. Parts II and III would come up later,

4. The intention of the writer is to share thoughts with fellow fathers-to-be (and fathers) as well as to educate the general public.

PART I

Amongst the numerous reasons for marriage is procreation. It is the dream of every man and woman to have a child (or children as the case may be). I remember those days when I was much younger. While my mates discussed football, wrestling and martial arts; while they concentrated on their careers and how to make millions in the future, I sat and fantasized on how to be a husband and a father at the earliest possible time. Not that I didn’t share the same interests as my friends but the fact is that, perhaps, there is nothing I want more than being a “family man”.

The statement, “darling, I’m pregnant”, often times, marks the beginning of the path of pregnancy. However, I think “WE are pregnant” is better because it makes obvious the fact that responsibilities in pregnancy are to be shared and not necessarily limited to the wife.

So, your darling wife is pregnant and there are celebrations everywhere. The atmosphere is saturated with celebrations and jubilations. Your shoulders are raised and your expectations are high; perhaps you may have bought the pregnancy test strips to confirm, confirm, and confirm again. Maybe you are itching to observe your first ultrasound scan to see your baby (or babies), to hear that tiny heart in your wife’s womb beat rapidly. You just can’t wait to hold your tender baby in your hands. I understand the joy because I’ve been there; it is truly a period of extended euphoria.

Fathers-to-be must note that pregnancy is a phase that one must pass through before the arrival of a child. There is no shortcut; it is impossible to jump from the time of conception to the time of delivery. Between these two defined times are lots of activities, lots of dos and lots of don’ts. If all the laws are abided by, it is almost certain that the end would draw smiles on your faces.

Certain changes in pregnant women are physiological and expected; some are temporal while others may be permanent. Let us see some of these changes:

CHANGES YOUR WIFE MAY UNDERGO WHILE SHE IS IN HER FIRST TRIMESTER

1. Tiredness: This is one of the first changes observed in pregnant women. This is physiological and psychological. Ordinarily, the presence of a foetus in your wife’s womb imposes stress on her body. The relationship between the mother and the foetus is analogous to what is observed in commensalism where one organism benefits from the other without causing harm to the host. The foetus relies on the mother for nutrition, defence (about 70-80%, or more), eradication of wastes, etc. This is an extra stress on the mother because her body, originally, is programmed to cater for itself alone but now, the game is changed as there is another entity within to provide for. Disturbances of the hormone, progesterone, during pregnancy is also associated with fatigue.

Your wife’s psychology may also be a contributing factor to her tiredness. She is aware she is pregnant. She thinks of the “pregnancy” and the associated risks, she thinks of the pains of labour. Never underestimate the things women hear and read when it comes to pregnancy. The information she is exposed to may instil fear in her and fear is stressful while stress is tiring!

2. Loss of Appetite: This could be frustrating to the husband. The things you know your wife likes, those things you always get her as you return home may become repulsive rather than appealing. My wife was a fan of gizzard. Gizzard was almost always present in our stews but now, things have changed. The sight of gizzard can kill her appetite for an entire day! Things are that bad.

3. Mood Swings: This is very important because if not well understood, it could cause problems in your home. Your wife may switch from one mood to the other in a matter of minutes. 10:51AM: Happy! 10:52AM: Unexplained sadness. 10:53AM: Angry! 10:54AM: Leave-me-alone! The list is endless.

4. Return of Appetite: Yea, you read that right. Mr. Appetite may actually return to the Kingdom of Pregnancy in this story. And this time around, he may come HEAVY. Later in the first trimester, your wife’s appetite may return. Sometimes, my wife eats her dinner in three phases – Dinner Phase 1, Phase 2, and Phase 3. I’m not talking about multiple eating of small bits of food, no. That appetite scares me sometimes.

5. Food Craving: Of all the changes associated with pregnancy, I find this one the funniest. My mother-in-law once told me that in one of her pregnancies, she always traveled a journey of about 20 minutes in search of agidi. Funny, isn’t it? This is true in most pregnancies. Before now, my wife’s best soup was Afang Soup but now, she can go any extent to get her newly found love – Okra Soup! She doesn’t care about meat or fish. All she needs is her okra, palm oil and some spices and food is ready. She is that serious with the soup.

6. Sleep: The body refreshes itself when we sleep. You should expect a lot of this in the first trimester of your wife’s pregnancy especially if she has a lot of free times. I love to watch my wife sleep. Sometimes, I sit next to her and watch her thorax rise and fall in response to her breathing. How peaceful!

7. Restlessness: You may call this sleeplessness. Your pregnant wife may spend about an hour in search of a “comfortable sleep posture” as she rolls from one side of the bed to the other. Sometimes, her breathing may be disturbed too. This may be due to the fact that her consciousness may have taken over the autonomic control of her respiration. When we consciously breathe, it is almost impossible to conduct gaseous exchange at the right rate and amount. It is also tiring to consciously breathe in and out repeatedly. This is why respiration, majorly, is regulated at the autonomic level.

8. Weight Gain: Most times, there is a significant gain of weight in pregnancy. In the first trimester however, weight gain may not be obvious but this does not mean that it is absent. There is a visible enlargement of body components. Your wife’s habits and genetic composition may influence her weight gain.

There are many other changes that I may not have listed above. This is why you should comment and share your thoughts because the list of changes associated with pregnancy knows no end; it varies from woman to woman.

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As a husband of a pregnant wife, there are specific roles you must play. Your wife needs support – all kinds of support – and she needs it real bad! It is not enough to get her pregnant and wait for the day of delivery. An ideal husband is a husband that follows his wife through pregnancy, step by step and from stage to stage.

In my next post, I would take you on a ride through some important roles a husband must play in his wife’s pregnancy.

….to be continued.