₦airaland Forum

sisisioge:
Wawi! So it came to that! The last time you brought this story here, I advised that you allow her assess to you baby by sharing with her. I didn't even say gift her the baby as a whole but share like anyone sensitive to the other woman's plight would be. But no o, your other motherly sisters were attacking me saying I was asking you to gift your child to another. See now. No issues would have arose if you were just nice enough to allow her continue to be your baby's nanny until she gets tired of the stress of the unpaid service, given that you still have a multitude to care for. It was a very simple solution where everyone wins.

Anyways, it is time to woman up towards your responsibilities. You can't be living in free accommodation plus free whatever join while spiting your benefactor. And you can't of course be forced to completely give up your child...Infact, she shouldn't actually want anything to do with you and your children again. The insult and spite from you was just too much!

May God bless everybody with what their heart desires...who knows, they here can gather money for you to get you started, but it won't measure to what that woman you were spiteful towards has given you and your family so far.

Let me add that if you eventually get a job, you may be required to leave your baby with a nanny or whoever while you're out like most working class women do. That's like some 8 hours of someone else "sharing" your baby with you o. Anyways, let's hope for the best. You should do a business that allows you be with the child 24/7.

I'm sorry, I get so unglued when women are especially nasty to one another when it comes to child bearing. Good luck.

I am just noticing or is there really an influx of the way marriages end here?

sassysure:
So, moving on....,

Madam, respect as u have made u your mind to do what's best for you.


But there is one thing I will love to ask.

How do u start surrogacy in Nigeria?
Are there agencies responsible for it or is it an agreement between you and the hospital ie, hospital will provide the lady and do all the paper work etc.

Also, anybody know of any hospital, agency etc that do this?
I assume Mavis3 live in Lagos. I maybe wrong anyway.
If there are tested and trusted places in Lagos she will have the opportunity to chose the best.

Let's help her pls.

Any reputable fertility hospital should be able to help.

It might be more expensive but worth it to avoid stories that touch in future.

Mariangeles:
This is just so sad!

Desperately wanting a child for the wrong reasons...out of revenge, jealousy, hatred?

For me, I'd say now is not the right time for her to conceive a child.
Imagine conceiving a child with a heart full of hate and resentments for the would-be father...
What she needs now more than ever is a timeout to herself to regain her sanity.

I am addressing this post because I assume you are stable and sane from your posts in the kitchen thread.

And in that assumption, I will ask you to point out where I told the OP to have a child out of revenge, jealousy or hatred?
1. Revenge: To whom? Did I tell her to get pregnant for another man?
2. Jealousy: Jealous of whom? The babymama or what?
3. Hatred: Who does she hate?

All my posts to her is in relation to her having kids. Or does it not occur to you that she really wants kids which is why she has tried all sorts and exploring all options?

OP has been trying to conceive for 9 years and the older the woman/man is, the more effort it takes to happen. For instance, once a woman is 35yrs, the IVF rates really drops because of egg quality and all.

So when is the right time to conceive?
When will she carry the babies?
When will she train them?

Or do you think more time (1 year, 2 years) will erase the betrayal she feels?

I don't give feelgood impractical advises to be popular or politically correct.

And please , don't quote me again without objectivity; I beg you as I am a plantain lover like you.

Thank you.

Misscongenialit:
Hey girl, you are very strong and i admire your courage a lot. Pls continue to be strong and may God continue to make a way for you.

Just my opiniom tho: if he wants to close the joint account , fine then u channel the funds to surrogacy or IVF.
Pls dont take adoption option because his child will always be given priority over the adopted child for blood.so dont fall for that

Dont give tye impression that u still have money otherwise u will be cajoled to use it for "family" now, whatever u re opting for whether surrogacy or ivf make sure you use everything in the joint savings

Forget all thia his story, put on your thinking cap , leave love aside , begin to keep your personal money known to u alone or ur parents.

No need to go on leave, the condition for staying is that u must begin planning the ivf or surrogacy now . If u leave , remember the aunt is still there, if she can convince him to have and keep a child, she can still convince him to bring the child and mother to ur house wen u are away.

You have put so much into this marriage to just walk away leaving another bitch to enjoy ur sweat, stay and call the shots , this is the chance u have to get a child out of this marriage you have the knife and the yam.

Be wise , stoop to conquer!!

@Bold:

I wish she realizes the urgency of time right now.

As of now, she holds the yam and the knife.

Mavis3:
Hello Everyone.
I was to update yesterday and I opened the thread and saw a warzone. And I was confused. Please make we take am easy o.

@Oyoolima I am doing fine. The pain is easing and i don't feel that much anger anymore.

@ Bukatyne,. Fountaino.fyouth, Gra.xie, Mer.akhi, and all of all of I am still fine. I appreciate you all.

@ Crack.huas take am easy and I appreciate your advice as well

Hubby and I:

We had a lengthy and intense conversation cos I need answers. I had alot of why's.

It's so lengthy, but there was a lot of crying from both of us, regrets, anger and we just let it out.
And alot of pleading from his end.

At the end he said he wants his marriage to work and don't want to lose me.If only I will give him a chance, he will prove to me how sorry he is and make me happy again.

He said if I want a separate account he is willing to do that but he is scared of me leaving him.

He couldn't explain why it happened but said he is sorry for the betrayal and pain he caused me and for making me so unhappy. And he wants to make it right by me. He said Aunty will never bother me again and he will not bring up anything about the child until I am ready and comfortable talking about the child and his welfare and we will go by what I want regarding the child.

I told him I have heard. But I really want to be alone for a while and get back my sanity.
Told him I am still going to proceed for a leave once the lockdown is over and I won't be staying in town , I will be spending the leave at my brother's. He said that means he will take a leave too and he will inform my brother we are coming together to stay at at his place. I told him I want to go alone and that's the one he is raising face for now. Has been sulking since yesterday and funny, he is making calls and telling his friends we are travelling to see my people for a month after the lockdown.

He said if closing the joint account will make me happy, he is ok with it. And that i never mentioned going back for further studies but if that is what I want to do it's stilll ok .


Last night he asked me if we can start the adoption process immediately and what sex we would go for. I told him I can only talk about that after my leave.

He also spoke about the surrogacy agency we contacted. He asked if I can hold on from school since I have a Masters and we channel the money for the surrogacy since I said the project we are working on should be on hold.

I told him I can only give him a feedback at the end of my leave.

Thank you all once again for checking on me and for all the advice and prayers.

Hello Mavis3,

I am happy you have had the sit down with your husband and he sounds remorseful enough to make it work. You have also done your analysis and decided that your marriage/husband is worth 'fighting' for.

I would rather you strike while iron is still hot than wait to go to your brother's place and back. You don't know how long the lockdown is thereafter, you want to stay with your brother for a month before coming back to take decisions with your husband.

In the alternative, if your husband wants to join you to your brother's place, let him. You can still have your space to breathe.

During this lockdown, take it to God in prayers, pray for His peace, healing, Strength etc. He promised the broken hearted healing, pray to him and also pray for clarity.

Since you have decided to continue in your marriage, it would make no sense to do things to jeopardize the new found 'thingy' you both are trying to build with leaving pressing decisions till you are back months after. By then, he is probably moved on or toughened up. There is a reason people are told to address issues while fresh.

All the best and you will have your babies.

P.S.: You are really strong o! made me go through the hassle of creating an alternate account for the first time in my 8 years here.