Souqwaqif: Goodmorning all, I will try to make it very brief. This lady has tried and needs urgent counselling. She seems to be the breadwinner of the family while her husband while a way with I don't care attitude,such as not providing feeding allowances, coming home very late at night often,with no good reason,not picking calls when he travels to his village, leaving the rent almost completely for his wife to pay,not allowing his wife siblings to spend the night in his house but his own relations will do,not bothered about the wife concerns to make peace. Recently the wife family members had a meeting with him to resolve differences but after a while he continued again and this is virtually affecting all areas of the family psychology and mental health even spiritual.
Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.
Your input is appreciated for sake of peace
The wife has to come here to achieve any result.
First, you say 'it seems' meaning you are not sure.
I can summarize some issues: 1. Financial irresponsibility: a. Not providing feeding allowances b. Leaving most of the rent for the wife to pay
2. Disrespect: a. Coming home late without informing her b. Not allowing his wife's family to visit while his family does
3. Nonchalance towards his wife a. Not communicating when he travels to his village b. Not responding to the wife's efforts to make peace
1. Let's assume the wife pays for feeding and 80% of rent; Who pays for children's fees? children's clothes and feeding? Utility and bills? Home repairs? Care for the in-laws and other expenses?
2. Was this from the start of the marriage? If no, what happened?
3. Same as 2. Why is the wife trying to make peace? Did she offend him? Does she think he is reacting to something?
VivleBriella: Good day everyone I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice
My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him, yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially, I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough, this is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back, is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?
I'm only 24 while he's 31.
What does your boyfriend do to make money?
Why are you calling your relationship parasitic? Are you saying your boyfriend does not DO ANYTHING for you in your relationship for the past three years?
yeyeosoronga: A man of integrity won't borrow money from his girlfriend and not pay back. Imagine if that kind of person would borrow money from a friend, he most definitely will never pay back. It also shows he is living above his means, and pretending to people to be what he is not. Any woman should be weary of such a person, even if his headgame is banging, because such folks are full of head games.
Wolgrace: The woman's thought on her "less expectation" on her successful marriage of 47years is a carnal microscopic view of measurement.
Read her response when asked what's her husband's contribution, and attributed the success to her less expection. DOES SHE THINK HER WORKS EARNED IT?
Less expectation, though crucial, but is not a direct key to man's heart and has no potency to make a faithful in return. Despite her less expection, her husband also contributed to the marital breakthrough as a good man.
In other word, the man is a gift of God to her. She should recognise this first because many women with her qualities are knocked out of their marriages with violent and heartless men, she should count herself blessed... Her husband is a perfect gift from God to her, and her qualities are also gifted by God to support her good husband.
ALL I SEE IN THIS STORY IS GOD because less expection doesn't stop a man from adultery or abuse or rape or domestic violence or having a child out of wedlock etc. BROTHER, NA GOD
dawnomike: I saw this on facebook and decided to share... I used to interpret the saying "Marriage is not for small boys" to mean small boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.
I asked, so what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage? Beaming, she retorted; My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that.
You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.
So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always.
Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bath. I iron his clothes he would take to work, kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours.
I asked my old woman, so then what does the man do in return? She laughed all heart and hearty and replied; You see, this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage. YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER, THIS IS WRONG!
When it becomes your attitude to only please your husband or wife always, the other person responds naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it doesn't rattle.
She continued, my son, never carry "how rich or poor your family is" into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman.
Love only compels/leads would-be couples into marriage but it doesn't sustain marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages.
Sometimes you hear, I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God fearing person etc. You cannot get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So minimise your expectations in marriage.
To cut the long story short, as too many cooks spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes a couple should resist at all cost in marriage:
1) Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only used you as an agent for transformation, give the glory to God.
2) Let the man be head of the home no matter the financial, economic, physical and emotional health situation prevailing in the couple's life whilst the woman exercises diligence in the use of the tongue.
3) Having children should not be the ultimate objective in marriage. They are given to enhance your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life.
4) Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day's stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not "Angels" in that marriage
5) Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes.
6) Let the women " Make up" their characters much more than they make up their body.
Indeed, marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand everything speedily, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc.
Make every effort to let that marriage work and may God help us.
wisdomiskey: Crowds gathered outside of the Ohio Statehouse in Columbus during Gov. Mike DeWine's daily COVID-19 press briefing on the afternoon of April 13 to protest statewide shutdowns.
This isn't the first protest regarding the pandemic-related business closures and stay at home order: About 75 protestors gathered on Thursday, April 9.
Approx 200 - 300 people have protested thus far and none of protestors can be seen wearing cloth face masks at the gathering. It also appears the recommended six-foot social distancing guideline to prevent the spread of the virus was largely ignored. People are sick and tired of having their constitutional rights being stripped away for a virus more similar to the common Flu and not as deadly as it's being portrayed.
Keeping infected people quarantined is one thing, but keeping healthy people under house arrest in the name of "lockdown" is tyranny.
My submission is still the same for the guy. As for u, (ishi òkpùkpù) , look for translator Don't make your woman reach that position or better, go for a woman who can waste away 4 yrs or more without blinking and age is still on her side. Mid twenties.
Though, I will not outrightly tell you to do it today or tomorrow, I will look at your actions, if nothing, I go vamoose
@@op is the type that will disappear His tone at the beginning summed him up. We still have court marriage. I did mine with 15k or was it cheaper? Have forgotten. So cheap. Two or 3 witnesses and court officials and viola, I have fulfilled all righteousness
moviemaker: Your statement reeks of certainty. And to put it more clear to you, you're wrong. It's not in every case someone gets burned when two healthy persons decide to be childfree whether they have kids from past unions or not. We have examples of them living fine even in their old age.
moviemaker: It's possible, but this is not the case at all times. There are CF couples in their old age.
I can relate with this.
I never said there are no childfree couples; I said someone usually gets burnt when two healthy person decide to be childfree especially when neither of them previously had kids.
Hangulsaram: I see, are you implying that your parents made a mistake or they did n’t think before giving birth to you? At the bolded, “no pain no gain” Anyway I think it’s horrible people that reason this way you are reasoning.
factormatt6: . Sorry about my past, I am not proud of it. I have friends and family members who influence me when I was much younger but I am a change person. I gladly marry her in two years, hope my financial goals will yield results. Thanks for your advice.
Right from the beginning of this lockdown, my workplace got us mifis and PCs so we work from home EVERY DAY even weekends.We do zoom video meetings, share screens and use other remote work apps so trust me, we're getting paid.
henryobinna: this is your emotion speaking not your rational mind.
Even in the US the government offered to help small businesses so they can afford to do what you're asking for but here you are berating someone that hasn't recieve anything and the business probably running on a loss. Many businesses are suffering sir
I was typing a response and I changed my mind.
Very emotional post.
I however understand he needs it for sustenance and currently not looking at what his employer is going through this period.
ugwum007: I have been working from home and it have been stressful. I spent more on keeping my laptop on for 10hrs. I have been receiving my salary in full. In short, I am about to apply for unconvinces allowance cos working under this heat and aedc light is not worth it.
Why do you think only you is entitled to inconvenience allowance or is it the whole company including your boss applying?
Theobserver835: Naira landers how true is this,that was how a lady lost 105,000 naira in her bank account to fraudsters in the hope of getting 20k giveaway. The lady is currently hospitalised after she attempt suicide.
This could be one,not sure though but be careful. Never send your account number to anyone.
MansoryMX: Never, I repeat never travel to the US or UK with your wife to settle down. The women there sabi brainwash our women into believing feminist life style that a man is worthless in the life of a woman. Same thing happened to my friend’s elder sister. Not that the husband is poor, rich dude who relocated his wife to join him in US. She grow wings and flew away.
adebayo987: Prostitutes can't stay with a man. I thought the man cheated but it's the other way round.
Man, abeg run for your life o now that she's the one who wants to use rubbishesss as an excuse. Just praise your God. It's very clear how she might have been seeing someone outside the marriage.
It's sad tho, because you're a faithful man and you don't deserve this, and it's also clear how she's not yet ready to drop her differences and settle down. Let her go o!
jaxxy: People smtmes don't understand how God works
If Jesus came and didn't fly from point A to B like an Angel bt rather walked, rode on a donkey, borrowed/used a boat and ate food like a normal man wud yet had power over all creation. That shud tell u smtng about how God works. Stupidity is not Godly.
Faith can make u seem foolish smtmes to common man bt Faith is backed by Knowledge.
I do not know why the bishop defied the order bt I'm not exactly sure it was by faith or knowledge.
Rapmoney: Why Friendship Should Come Before Sex In A Relationship
We live in an era where sex is the first thing most young men think when they intend starting a relationship with a member of the opposite gender. The female folks are not left out. Most young women will 'size' an approaching man from a far. They will not fail to estimate, calculate and approximate the financial status of the man. And if their calculations seem accepted or okay by them, they will not hesitate to start up an affair with the man with utmost alacrity. This is often times disastrous. One mind think sex and the other thinks financial gains (and even sex sometimes too).
Friendship goes beyond sexual attractions. It has to do with having a personal relationship with someone and being aware of both positives and negatives in his/her life. Allowing sex to come before friendship may make both parties to hide vital things about themselves. Most people (especially the female folks) would hide things about themselves after series of sexual acts because they feel there is a bond that has been created which signifies 'commitment' and as such, they would not want the negatives in their lives to terminate the affair.
Have you noticed that you might find it easier to talk about negatives or embarrassing secrets in your life with a friend you have no sexual attachments with than one who you sleep with? It is because true friendship was not formed before you delved into sex. Early sex makes most people to hide things that could practically tear a marriage into shreds later on when they are discovered. Early sex brings with it, bags, bags and more bags of false commitment and attachment.
There are vital things that each partner is supposed to know before a committed relationship is formed. Sex may not allow us to ascertain these things. We have been engrossed in the sweetness of it that we cannot share the shortcomings in our lives in order not to lose the 'sweet flavour of sex'. There are people who see themselves as partners/lovers and have sex regularly yet they might not even know the health status of each other and other little vital things that are easily neglected. That is not a healthy relationship; it is just a long term hookup!!! There are even guys who do not know their girlfriend's surname and vice-versa. They only know him/her as Collins, Fehintola or Kesiena. Sex for these people could be 5 times a week too. If such common information is not known, then which information will you know that is less important than that?
If my post does not harshly condemn or drag sex before marriage on the ground, realize that I am just a social writer who grew up in the streets of Warri and not a moralist. I leave that for the moralists and religionists to flog.
HOWEVER, saying you wouldn't be committed to a non-virgin the way you would with a virgin means your committment is conditional. And as a husband, you have to be determined to be committed 100%.
I think the better way is to ask God for what you want (a virgin like yourself) and lay it at His feet.
Family › Re: Counseling Needed From Experienced Parents Please by bukatyne2: 9:22pm On Apr 15, 2020
