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collinometricx:
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Lol. Welcome back collinometricx

kalu61, Preetiex, abubakarbabang7, ADECULATE, Creeza, queenitee, jagugu88li, inkdbetty, MichaelBlake40, Dhavido, Lawlahdey, Grendel, SenatorPope, mjay05, Didov1, MariamAlheri, xamiel4, Louisefaye, YINKS89, Cjizzy, leepest, WILLIAMSKECH, Chrismarvel, Jekonmor, HelenBee, Jesutourmewer, Criis....and others I could not mention. 225 Katakata Street is back now. Every Sunday God willing.



THIS HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE

We were gathered in front of the house wondering what to do now. Akunna slumped again and they began to fan him and pour water on him. He even began to foam in the mouth. Someone suggested that he be taken to the hospital. Another said he should be left alone. Mama Cowbell approached and wrapped a hand around Awero and guided her to her shop.

“When will Akunna stop fainting for every small thing?” Irikefe whispered in my ear. And how does this type of fainting bring about foam in the mouth?”

“You are not to analyze this, mister man. Worry about how dead you will be when your dad returns to hear what sister Esther has to say to him about you.”

“My dad is not coming back. He wants to be made a chief in the village. The planting season ended two months ago remember?”

“She will phone him. You better make yourself scarce where she is.”

“Leave that thing bros.”

“I saw Wasiu giving Mama igbo and they were slapping backs and bottoms like old pals. What is this world turning into?”

Irikefe chuckled and said “Now that mama is fully on substance, Katakata Street is in trouble. As for Wasiu, he will sell to anybody. I told you what he did to Castro.”

“Yes you did. You think Mama is buying from him?”

"Of course. Wasiu does not do charity.”

“I wish they catch him again.”

“It’s only a matter of time.”

Neighbors that had gathered round Akunna began to discuss the situation with his mother. Achike said “You see why when we read some things in the newspapers and some people will start saying ‘God forbid, it can’t happen, abomination! bla, bla, bla,’ I just shake my head. Is this not the type of mother that they behead?”

“I swear!” Josiah said. “If not beheading, Akunna should just remove the remaining teeth in her throat with a few good blows.”

‘The teeth is not in the throat Josiah.”

“Abeg leave me jare! This woman dey make person vex. What does she want the poor man to do? Since she came he has been living in the corridor. His children have been scattered all over the place, his wife I heard has been living in a prayer house. She manages to deliver safely and the mad woman would not let her enter her house; even confiscates the baby. What type of thing is this?”

“How does she want to nurse the baby now? Is it that smelling soup she cooks every night that she wants to feed it with?” Achike said.

“She will give him breast,” Mkpoikanna intoned.

“Which breast!” It was Akunna. He had suddenly recovered and sprang up! His eyeballs became larger and whiter. His chest suddenly puffed out. He was breathing as hard as Samuel Peter after the first round against Wladamir Klitchko. His eyes were bearing down the corridor.

“Mama Akunna don die today” Willy willy said. The other children, recognizing what was about to happen began to cheer. “Bro Akunna, attack! attack!”

Akunna continued to breathe hard. He clenched and unclenched his fists and began to look around.

“He won’t do it” Irikefe said to me. “He is now hoping someone will stop him. No one can challenge that witch. Least of all her spineless son.”

Mr Kingsley, who surprisingly appeared more troubled than most with the whole thing walked up to him and said “I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent, Mahatma Ghandi.”

“Kingsley! Wetin concern Maitama Ghandi for this matter now. We say make Akunna wake up from hin sleep take charge of hin family, you come start with that your nonsense,” Talabi said.

“The Undertaker never stops” Irikefe chuckled. “He’s bailed out Akunna. And did you here Talabi? Mai-t-ama Ghandi!”

“This is not a laughing matter Irikefe” I said.

“So you want Akunna to go and beat up his mother?”

I did not respond to that.

Akunna looked relieved at those great words of wisdom from Mr Kingsley. He looked around and said “where is my wife?”

“Mama Cowbell took her to her shop,” someone said. Akunna turned and walked towards the shops.

“I thought Cosmas was supposed to persuade this woman to leave,” Achike said.

“I tried.” Mr Cosmas said. “I did not say it was going to be easy. We have to keep prodding until she sees reason. But I must be honest that there is a different kind of resolve in her this time that does not bode well.”

“It’s the weed,” Irikefe whispered. “Now that she has tasted it and likes it, she is not going anywhere. Imagine nursing a baby under the influence of igbo.”

“Sweet Lord.”

“While I do not subscribe to violence” Mr Cosmas continued, “It may be that the only option open to us at the moment is for Akunna to forcefully eject his mother. They cannot live together. That baby may be in mortal danger.”

“God forbid” Mrs Zubi said. We the women of this compound will get together and support sister Awero. She will live here, and she will have her baby back.”

As they continued to find solutions for Akunna, Alhaji Sirika’s red four wheel drive pulled up in front of the compound with a lurch. Suraju, his driver jumped down and hurried to the back passenger side and opened the door and the Alhaji’s lace agbada overflowed onto the unpaved road. He gathered it as he alighted with both feet touching the ground at the same time. Another man simultaneously climbed down the front passenger seat and spun to the booth where he gathered what looked like a painter’s implements. Alhaji threw his robes over his shoulders the traditional way and jumped the gutter and entered the compound. Lukman, Talabi and some of the other men threw themselves on the floor in prostration. Alhaji Sirika seemed surprised by the crowd, but then he shrugged and gave instructions to the man that accompanied him. It was when the man had disappeared down the corridor that Alhaji asked what was happening.

“A new born baby just arrived, Alhaji” Lukman said.

“Oh I see. Congrats o. Be sure to invite me for the naming.” Then he looked from face to face and spotted Achike.

“Omo Ibo” he said and grinned. We could see he was fond of Achike, or maybe he could afford to smile now that Achike had finally paid his rent. The man we were now sure was a painter appeared on the top floor and proceeded to inscribe the words “THIS HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE” with white paint on the fascia board.

“Alhaji, instead of you to come and repair the roof or do something about the house that is sinking or join the other landlords to appeal to NEPA to give us light, you are coming to write this. Who in his right senses will buy this yeye house?”

“Who said that?” Alhaji Sirika said, with eyes darting about but failing to settle on a face. Just then, we saw a sweaty Akunna burst through with a machete. This time he showed no dithering. He looked one way and the other and then sprinted down the corridor.


TO BE CONTINUED

kalu61:
I have followed your story centino.l love your sense of humor

Thanks kalu61. The story continues...

abubakarbabang7:
I don loose hope for dis story

Don't man. You think I'm taking the threat by jagugu88li and her murder gang lightly?

Preetiex:
centino!!!

Hi Preetiex. Just couldn't get it together this week I'm sorry. Should be back the next. Appreciate your checking.

Sorry guys. Got overwhelmed with work. Serious commitments for another week or so. And truly SenatorPope, maybe if that wasn't on my mind I still would have hard as it may be. But I'll be back.

Didov1:
lol....nice story op

Thanks and welcome Didov1

Preetiex:
centino & michael how have u been na data pursue me,i will read now

Okay welcome back. See, we missed you

MichaelBlake40:
Oga Centino tanx for da mention i almost forgot that today was our Sunday special.
Meanwhile............... See as Mama dey do o so Akunna oda children be bastard but dis newborn because im fair be her proper grandson . Chai *in Splash's voice* I jus dey laff.
Ps:Centino u don sight Preetiex?

No sign of Preetiex my bro. Hopefully she never lose interest. One day dis go become hustle, put food for table so dat update go dey flow everyday.

xamiel4:
I dey wait oo

xamiel4 scroll up. Done already.

tsharp, xamiel4, MariamAlheri, Grendel, leepest, MichaelBlake40, YINKS89, everyone else, oya o!

BLACKMAIL

We found Sister Esther ensconced in a tight corner under the staircase she and Mr Kingsley had converted to their kitchen. She was seated on a stool cross-legged and was humming a traditional hymn of praise and had a finger between the pages of a tiny New Testament Bible. From the aroma of it, she also had yam porridge simmering. I walked past and called out to Irikefe that I was going to my room, but I sped around the building and stood by the hollow bricks at the side from where I could hear what was being said without being seen.

“Good afternoon Sister Esther.”

“Yes, what is it?”

“The Lord had sent me to you” Irikefe said and chuckled smugly.

“Eh ehn!” Sister Esther began and rose, bending her head so as not to hit it against the staircase. She wriggled her index finger and continued, “I am not in the mood for any nonsense this evening. Please just continue on your way.”

Irikefe chuckled and said, “Come on Sister…”

“I said go away!”

“If you knew what I was here for you won’t be shouting like that.”

Sister Esther kept quiet. I could only see her back from where I followed proceedings so I could not tell her demeanor. But I imagined Irikefe made a movement that stopped her in her tracks. I heard Irikefe say “Every morning you will not let us sleep on this street. Repent. You are going to hell. Be righteous bla bla bla. Yet at night you are another person.”

“Sweet Jesus. I know this is the devil. Please give me the strength to overcome.”

“Sister cool down joor. You will not fool me. I see The Undertaker entering here every night since your quarrel ended. The street people may think Mama does not know what she is saying, but I have proof, and I am taking it to your pastor.”

There was a pause then I heard Sister Esther say “Holy Spirit. Ratatatahiha.”

“What is that one?”

“Oya leave” Sister Esther said.

“I say I have proof. It is all on my phone. I videoed the two of you one night. Is this not you twisting under The Undertaker?”

I could not see what was happening. I did not know what he was showing her because I knew there was no video. But I listened on.

“And listen…you are even speaking in tongues.”

“Eh hen? Ok so what do you want now?”

“You will give me fifty thousand naira, and I will sleep in your room once every week otherwise your pastor will see this.”

“Chinekemee!”

“What is that? You think I can’t handle you?”

“Ah Esther…see what your life has now become?” she lamented to herself. Then she said “Okay. Irikefe. I am sorry ehn, forgive me. Oya let’s go inside.”

I wanted to scream from where I was. I heard shuffling feet and knew they were leaving the makeshift kitchen. Five minutes later I heard howls of agony from Sister Esther’s room.

I rushed back through the corridor and tried to open Sister Esther’s door but it was locked from inside. The beating continued and Irikefe continued to shout for help. The door then burst open and sister Esther pushed Irikefe out and he landed on his buttocks on the corridor.

“Your father will hear of this. Idiot. Don’t concentrate on the trade you are learning. Prison is waiting for you. Anuofia!”

I pulled irikefe up and led him outside. Neighbors quickly gathered and were asking questions. I decided to take him to my room. He kept checking his head for blood.

“Irikefe!”

“Bros. The woman nearly break my head,” He said.

“Not least what you deserve.”

“She used garri turner. I thank God the pestle was not handy.”

“What were you doing in her room?”

“Bros plans changed.”

“What nonsense plans changed?”

“It’s a long story.”

“There’s no stupid long story. I heard everything. What do you want to be sleeping in her room once a week for?”

“Bros, Sister Esther is a fine woman. I just saw the way she crossed her legs and decided to modify my demand.”

“Oh Lord.”

“Bros I thought I had her. I was carrying a tape.”

“Irikefe there is no stupid tape. And she is at least twice your age."

“Bros abeg leave that tin.”

“I thought it was money you wanted.”

“I still want money.”

“How will you get it now?”

“She doesn’t know for sure if I have a tape or not.”

“Does she look like she cares?”

“But she has to care. This is my chance.”

“Irikefe. Twice in one day you have messed up beyond reason. To think that you are lusting after Sister Esther of all people!”

“Of all people means what? Is she not already giving it to The Undertaker?”

“You are only a child Irikefe.”

“Bros I will be twenty in November. Besides, I am seven inches down there.”

“Get lost!”

Irikefe chuckled and said “I will try again. Okay maybe we will forget about sleeping in her room but I need the cash bros.”

“What do you mean by we?”

“You know what I mean na. I tell you everything.”

“Count me out. From this moment, I don’t want to know anymore.”

We heard loud cheers from outside and went out to see what it was all about.

On the other side of the road Akunna stood with his wife beside him. She had a new born baby wrapped in a shawl in her arms. The whole compound stood and cheered. As was the custom at number 225, neighbors brought out wrappers and spread them on the floor for the new mum to walk on. The cheering stopped when Akunna would not move after about ten minutes of hearty encouragement.

Mr Zubi, the most respected tenant walked up to him and said “Akunna, congratulations. But you must enter the compound the way you know how to so that we can congratulate you properly.”

“I want my mother to come out here,” Akunna said.

We all looked around but Mama Akunna was not with us.

On a hunch I walked back through the corridor towards the backyard. I got there in time to see Wasiu handing a handful of substance to Mama Akunna. She collected it and slotted it under her wrapper as Wasiu cheered “Mama de Mama” and they gave each other a high-five. I stood rooted to the spot and was sure my opened mouth touched the floor.

“I hear say them dey find me” she said and hobbled to the front of the house. I gave Wasiu a quizzical look and I saw his shoulders jerk mirthfully as he patted his head with both hands like Papa Ajasco. I hurried after Mama Akunna. There would be time for Wasiu later.

Number 225 Katakata street was quiet for the first time since I moved in as Mama Akunna approached her son and daughter-in-law. She kept her focus on the tiny bundle the other woman carried, paying no attention to anything else. She got to where they stood, made a point of burning her eyes into the other woman for an uncomfortable minute, then she parted the shawl and peeked at its content. The baby was pinkish and had two dark spots on the nose. Akunna was light skinned and heavily freckled around the nose.

Mama Akunna grabbed the baby and started an Igbo song and began to prance about, swinging the baby in her arms. The whole compound erupted in another round of cheers.

“This one na my pikin own” she screeched and cut her waist fully this way and that. When the cheers died down she said “Awero, tank you. Tank you ehn. Na now you don do beta tin.”

Akunna heaved a sigh of relief and his wife found the strength to smile too. Mama got to the corridor embankment and then turned and said “Awero, oya come pack ya tins carry all de oda basitad dem dey go. I go take kia of dis one.”

She disappeared down the corridor, and once again silence descended upon number 225.


TO BE CONTINUED

Guys, if I don't update next week or in the new future, it is because I will be away ending the career of one Fidelis Ozuawala (I wonder what his Naialand moniker is) who copies this story and puts on his blog without my permission. I will seek and get the requisite copyright protection in the coming days (hopefully not weeks) and then go to work on Ozuawala and his ilk if he does not remove my work from his website with immediate effect. In the meantime, this is this week's offering...

Enjoy.



FOUND OUT

Mama Akunna let out a guffaw and I saw Irikefe wet his pants. Her eyes were bulging and bright. Her opened mouth was set at a definite circumference, neither widening nor narrowing as the levels of her amusement varied, much like a cartoon character’s. No other part of her body moved. We became so unnerved that Irikefe sank in his knees and said “Mama please. Abeg mama”. Wasiu, sensing where this was headed quickly gathered his wits and said “Mama wetin happen?” I saw that at the same time that he put a knee in Irikefe’s back and Irikefe jumped up and looked around like an awakened somnambulist. I jumped on Wasiu’s side and said “Err mama, wetin you want?”

She stopped laughing and took two steps forward and we retreated and huddled in a corner of the room. She sat on the bed that still did not have a mattress and watched us. Then she laughed again in that strange way. Wasiu then took charge. He was not a jailbird for nothing. “Mama, we dey do meeting for here. You no fit just enter like that. You no even knock de door.”

She continued to watch us.

“Wetin you say make we give you mama?” I said.

She looked us in the eyes from person to person and then fixed her gaze on Irikefe who could not hold the old woman’s eyes and was watching the floor.

“Mama wetin happen?” I ventured again.

“Even as person don dey plant banana, na monkey dey first know wen e ripe” she said and stood up. Our backs were touching the wall in an instant, as the force of her rising threw us there. We watched as she walked back out of the room and disappeared down the corridor.

Without a word or even a glance at us Irikefe flew out of the room.

“Guy, we go see later” I said to Wasiu and also left.

For the rest of the day we did not see Mama Akunna or Irikefe outside.

Over at the shops Josiah, Talabi and Mr Cosmas were talking about the recent flooding in Benue.

“It is only in Nigeria that this type of thing will happen. We are useless, we do not plan, everything about us is just bad.”

“At the same time this was happening there was flooding in Texas as well Josiah.”

“Ehn…yes but we know that those areas are prone to that and it is expected. Is it not hurricane that they experienced? Here, ordinary small rain, people are dying. If we have hurricane nko? We build houses everywhere. Government officials take bribe and let people build houses where they should not.”

“Well, the same thing happens in Houston my friend. As millions flocked to the metropolitan areas in recent decades, local officials there largely snubbed stricter building regulations. As a result, routine weather events have become catastrophes. Nature did not intend for hurricanes or floods to kill or displace people. It is all our making. Did you hear that President Trump as a gift to developers revoked an order by the Obama administration that flooding be taken into consideration when building new infrastructure projects? Where it is not ignorance or corruption it is human beings playing politics with their very existence. As they say there in america, we aint seen nothing yet.”

“And our President went there to commiserate with them.”

‘Fake news. Where will baba get the strength to embark on such a long trip when he can’t leave his house for the Federal Exco meeting?”

“Anyway, God will help us. So Cosmas, when are you talking to the old woman? The small peace we are enjoying now you know will not last. She won’t stay indoors all day.”

“I will go to her room now and see her.”

I waited until Mr Cosmas had entered the room before I went to the door to listen.

“My pikin. Welcome o. Sorry say I no get anything to give you. The soup wey I cook yesterday you no go fit chop am.”

“No worry mama, I’m fine. I just say make I come gist with you small. E don tey.”

“Tank you my pikin. Na only you be better pikin for this compound. You see Akunna? You see as hin dey suffer now because of that ashawo wey hin put for house?”

“Mama that is why I have come.”

“Oh ho! Tank you. I never see dis kind tin before. Person marry woman come give other people. She born basitad full everywhere. I no go close eye see my pikin dey suffer like dis. I go put fire burn all Awero tins so dat hin no go come back to dis house.”

“Mama. To do like dat no good. Akunna na man. Hin know the correct tin weh hin suppose do. E no good say now wey you for dey rest, you come here come dey worry yourself. Mama, go back home. Akunna go solve hin problem.”

“Which Akunna? That one wey dat winch don give medicine? E no go fit do anything. I must helep my pikin.”

“Mama leave Akunna alone. Na man. You don born am finish, come help am grow, you don try.”

“My pikin wetin you dey talk?’

“Mama I say make you go home go rest. Akunna go take care of himself.”

“Na him send you?”

“No mama. I dey live here and I dey see wetin dey happen. You know say I no dey lie.”

“My own pikin dey pursue me comot for hin house. Akunna wey suck my breast till e reach eleven years!”

“No mama, no be like dat.”

“I no dey go anywia! Akunna no know anything. I want my pikin to bury me. If I keep quiet, na me go bury Akunna. You don see d pikin dem wey Awero born? All of dem get dada like dat tailor and dem black like devil. My Akunna yellow. Woman wey do dat kind tin no go put otapiapia for hin food?”

“Mama…”

“My pikin oya dey go. Tell Akunna say I dey wait here for am.”

I quickly strode towards the backyard as Mr Cosmas stood to leave. As I expected, he made his way to his room. He was not one to spoil people’s mood by delivering unfavourable news. He will not say anything to anyone but will try again.

Later that evening Irikefe came out of hiding and met me seated on the soakaway slab.

“I am going to meet Sister Esther now” he said.

“Hmmm you! You better go back to your carpentry work. You are useless.”

“Bros it is not like that. Did you see the woman’s eyes? Did you see the way she was laughing? Don’t forget that I was the one that put the thing in her pot. I am the one she will kill first. I don’t want to die before I hammer.”

“Who told you doing evil was without risk. You think the 419 you want to start is without risk?”

“That is different bros. I will be dealing with normal people, not witches. How did she know we put anything in her food? How did she know it was us? How did she find us at the same time? You see why I must make it and leave this compound?”

“That does not excuse your behavior. What will you do when you get arrested? Start crying and begging?”

“Who will arrest me?”

“Every 419er will have a brush or two with the law. Better be ready.”

“Bros at least I will be dealing with normal people, and I will have money to settle.”

“I pray it works out that way for you.”

“Don't you want to come and see Sister Esther’s reaction when I tell her I have evidence of her being possessed with the spirit of fornication?”

“I don’t trust you anymore Irikefe. I only roll with brave men. You gave us out man!”

“Bros I did not give us out anything. She already knew. You think she was swayed by that drama you and Wasiu pulled there?”

“O boy you piss for body.”

“Bros leave that thing. I no wan die before my time. I will not allow that old witch stand in my way again. If she likes, let her use Akunna and his children to do pepper soup. I no get hand there again. I dey start my own career. Let’s go and see Sister Esther.”


TO BE CONTINUED

I'm with you Debbietiyan.

But err...I quoted your topic over here https://www.nairaland.com/4040010/nairaland-literature-forum-dumping-ground

The Op does not understand our pain I believe.

Sadly, you can't always blame the writers. If you don't do it, someone else will do it for you and reap the fruit of your labour. I was just working to update my story and took a break to see what's happening on my favourite section on nairaland and came across this topic

https://www.nairaland.com/4038171/word-intellectual-property-thieves-lit

I then went online to check and sure enough, my story was out there

http://wap.waploaded.com/stories/number-225-katakata-street-a-story-by-centino-season-1-episode-1-f504/season1-episode1

This is the original
https://www.nairaland.com/3893393/number-225-katakata-street

Will I be posting my update? Don't know for sure. Will I be going to okadabooks? Will you really blame me now?

MichaelBlake40:
Oga Centino heard ur'e looking for me,present sir!.Abeg no mind my absence,for some days now, i no dey well and my phone no gree work well for sometime,but I'm back fully.Nice update u gat dere,i for think say Mama don mad o

Happy say you dey okay now MichaelBlake40. Welcome back.

meneski:
ohboy mama na confirm jombo

FreshestManny:
O boy eh. D woman na badoo. *Ghost mode deactivated*

Nice story u got going @centino. Waiting for more.

Thanks for showing face FreshestManny

desire222:
Oh what an interesting story. They did not know that she is a real ganja mama. I'm laughing my sweet ass off.

sheycrown:
Oh my Jesu Kristi!! Mama loves the ganja....she's going no where.
Dear centino joor please increase this thing na.

Haa sheycrown. I just increase am na. Twice the normal size I post because of Preetiex and MichaelBlake40 Both of whom I haven't seen since yesterday

latbas:
lol. nice one centino

Thanks latbas.

WEED

The President has been back for more than a week and has been doing his best to prove that he is not as feeble as some wanted us to believe that he was. He even posed for a photograph with members of the national female basketball team. Now go and work that out. Julius Berger also came out to dispute the rat story in Aso Rock; after all, it was they, a reputed company that maintained the facility. What needs to be done I think is to cure the diarrhea of the mouth suffered by the presidential spokespersons. To think that these guys in another life were reputed journalists and even statesmen! Maybe it is the demons in Aso Rock that Reuben Abati spoke about that possess them and make them unrecognizable as soon as they make the transition into Government. Anyway, just as Josiah pointed out, nothing has changed in our lives in the midst of all this. I am still to find a job, some that went all the way to Mecca to pray have died there and mama Akunna remains a torn in our flesh.

I knew from the moment Irikefe spoke to me that we would not have to wait long before he carried out his plans against Mama Akunna. If Wasiu was restless, then there were soldier ants permanently domiciled in Irikefe’s pants.

We have not had light for four days now and it has also not rained in that time. As much as we hate the rains for all the flood and whatnot, we sleep better because of the general coolness in the air, and families are able to stay in their rooms in the evenings and play card or ludo games or gossip or just find comfort in each other’s company. But this night, the heat was back with venom, and as we do in the dry season, adults will leave their children in the rooms and bring out mats to the frontage and spread them and lie till about midnight before returning to their rooms.

Mama Akunna we all knew cooked her food by herself and prefers to do so only at night.

“That is because she is a witch” Irikefe reiterated.

“She does not want anyone to see the ingredients she puts in the food, which I know contains human blood.”

“Ah ahn Irikefe. Where will she get human blood from? At least we have not heard of any ritual murders or anything.”

“She brings it from the village.”

“I don’t believe that joor.”

“Then why does she cook only at night?”

“Maybe because then there are fewer people entering the kitchen. You know how our compound is.”

“Well, whatever.” Lowering his voice he said “It is tonight bros.”

“What is happening tonight?”

We were seated on the soakaway slab as we preferred to do while the older men took up the remaining space in the frontage for their mats. No one paid any attention to us as they were busy fanning themselves and cursing the APC Government. But Irikefe still took the precaution to look around to be sure no one was watching before producing the handful of weed he wrapped in a newspaper from his hip pocket.

“We are taking care of the witch tonight. Just when the soup is about to done I will sneak in and put it inside.”

“Haa! All this? It is too much na!”

“We need to be sure bros.”

“Has she started cooking yet?”

“Can’t you hear the pounding?”

In the midst of all the noise from the generators in the neighborhood, the Kpoi kpoi kpoi from mama Akunna’s mortar was still well amplified as her dinner took shape. Then after five minutes the sound was dead and it was just the familiar angry rattle from the converted diesel engine from number 227 that could be heard.

“It is time” Irikefe said and grabbed my hand and we both stood. Rather than use the corridor we stole round the building to access the kitchen through the backyard. Normally when cooking we step out to the backyard or corridor and sit on stools and banter when the heat gets too much or when we need to give the food time to simmer. We were sure mama would be in the corridor rather than at the backyard. At the corridor she would be able to monitor every nocturnal movement. Something she lived for.

As planned, I walked past the kitchen to where I knew she would be to distract her while Irikefe entered the kitchen.

She was telling me “New Calabar boy. You never sleep? Abi you wan hide carry that gal enter ya house?”

“No mama. I go check whether my brother don remove all our cloth for outside.”

“Hmmm I hear” she said and stood and went back into the kitchen. I hurried back to the frontage and hoped that Irikefe had been successful. He was already waiting for me.

“Done, bros. That’s the end of the witch. In forty eight hours she will be on a bus back to where she came from.”

“That will not be so bad,” I said and we said our good nights.

Early the following morning I stirred awake when I heared sister Esther say “Repent” into her megaphone and another familiar shrill voice intoned “You dey lie!”

I flew out of bed and dashed through the corridor to the front of the compound and found Irikefe and Wasiu together in one corner, aghast at the drama that was unfolding. Sister Esther spoke again into the megaphone “You will go to hell if you do not change your ways” and Mama Akunna, eyes glistening like a cats, standing by the road but closer to the compound shouted back “Na you go first reach dia!”

“Every soul that sinneth shall die”

“Esther who sin pass you for this Katakata road?”

“For the wages of sin is death my brother my sister.”

“You for don die since Esther if na so.”

“Brethren do not be deceived by this new trick of the devil to deprive you from hearing the word.”

“My people make una hia me now say de pesin wey dey disturb una for this place na proper devil pikin.”

“Do not be ignorant of the devices of the devil, second Corinthians chapter two verse eleven.”

“My people this Esther wey dey talk so dey sleep for Kingsley house every night.”

I rushed to where Irikefe and Wasiu stood and said “guys, what have we done?”

“De woman don craze o!” Wasiu said.

Sister Esther had had enough and quietly jumped the gutter and rushed back into the compound and into her room. It was 5:45 in the morning and far in the horizon I could see a slit the sky suggesting that daylight was imminent. We hid by the side of the building and watched what was going to happen next. We expected to see mama Akunna tearing her hair and screaming in her new state of lunacy. Instead, she occupied the space in front of Talabi’s shop where the men usually gathered and began greeting the early passers-by. We heard her saying to different people “God e go bless you.” “You go sell plenty market today”. “Bad people eye no go see you today”. “Good morning better pikin” “Na only you dey comot this early morning?” After a while we saw her move quietly back into her room.

Then at about 6:30 I noticed some of the more vocal men heading in the direction of Mr. Zubi’s self-contained. I learnt later that he had sent text messages to them inviting them to his living room for a meeting. Though I was not invited, I still went and stood by the window and listened. When everyone was seated Mr Zubi spoke first.

“Gentlemen, I am sure you all know why we are gathered here. We are not going to sit here and watch as Akunna’s life gets destroyed because of his lunatic mother. We have always endured her and respected her but since she came back this time, you have all seen how notorious she has become. The poor man now lives on the main road and his wife has run away and his children are scattered like chicks that their mother has just been crushed by a speeding vehicle. We cannot continue to say it is not our business. More-so when she does not mind her business and pokes her old nose in our lives and insults us all as she likes. How can we help Akunna?”

“Let him send her back home” Achike said. “That cannot be difficult?”

“It is not as simple as that. Akunna can never chase his mother away. He will be ostracized back home. This is Africa. Our parents are our parents. We take them the way we see them.”

“There is a problem with that line of reasoning” Mr Cosmas began. “Family members should not have that kind of hold on one another. This hinders the free swinging of the human spirit. Children do not belong to their parents. Having children is offering a soul a chance to be born and gain experience. A child is a gift. When one comes to the world through you, all you must do is nurture that child through its years of helplessness, provide for it, give him/her as good an education as you can and then leave them alone to go and experience. Man is the only creature in nature that sticks together far longer than is necessary. This unnatural state of things is the fastest route to destruction for all involved because it is against the laws of nature. You mentioned hens and chicks Mr Zubi. That is a good example. Have you not noticed that when the eggs hatch the hen cares for the chicks and guides them till a certain stage when the mother hen itself chases them away to go and become independent? It is fascinating to see. The hen literally attacks its own offspring until they get the messages and go their own way. It is like that for all creatures in nature except man who erroneously chooses to stick together. We all know how uncomfortable it feels as an adult when you still have to defer to your parents on certain things. That discomfort you feel is your spirit telling you that you are off course. Mama should not be here intruding in her son’s life.”

“Em Cosmas, we have heard you. Shebi the woman is your friend. Perhaps you can find a way to tell her she is better off in the village” Josiah said.

“I will try.” Mr Cosmas said.

“Mr Kingsley what do you think?”

“Bitch” he said.

“Mr Kingsley!”

“When angry, count four; when very angry, swear – Mark Twain.”

“You have every right to be angry. She used your name in the sermon this morning.” It was Achike, and they all roared in laughter.

“It's my duty as a human being to be pissed off ―Eric Brogosian.”

“We don hear.”

“Okay gentlemen” Mr Zubi resumed. Mr Cosmas will try to persuade the woman to go back home. In the meantime let us all ensure that his children do not starve. Mama Cowbell is doing her best in that regard. Thank you for that mini lecture by the way. You did not disappoint.”

“You are welcome Mr Zubi.”

“So you mean that after all the money I am spending on my children when they grow I will just leave them alone? What if they forget about me?”

“Then so be it. You did not have to have them.”

“Hmmm”

I left Mr Zubi’s window and went to Wasiu’s room and met Irikefe there.

“What do you think happened guys?”

“The tin no do the woman anything! Old ogbanje!”

“Kai!” Irikefe exclaimed. “So what do we do now?”

“The men have just had a meeting. They will persuade her to go back home.”

The door to Wasiu’s room then burst open and Mama Akunna stepped inside the room. Wasiu bolted upright and Irikefe stood on the bed and yelped like a frightened puppy. I tried to remain calm. Mama Akunna adjusted the wrapper around her waist and grinned at us.

“Abeg, give me dat tin if una still get” She said.


TO BE CONTINUED.

Preetiex:
i am only advising him cos pple tend to lose interest wen d update is not frequent & he has to interact with his readers

You are right Preetiex. Twice a week looks a real possibility soon. After your first comment been making sure I don't do less than a thousand words. Watch this space.

Preetiex , Thundhay, Jesutourmewer, MichaelBlake40, HelenBee, Jekonmor, xamiel4, Grendel, adealaric, Shesweetdie, ibro2much, Dhavido, sheycrown, aragonchuks, menace001, olumose001, Hundreddegrees, efeteb, Emzyme, Fabulouski, YINKS89, DiegoNakel, yormhienerd, eitsei, jojothaiv, bejeria101, Disneylady, Bridgetania, winkmart, nanadeeva01, AyamConfidence, drewsman, abubakarbabang7, Frankenstein, jagugu88li, do4luv14, ehmusshogun, EvaJael, Kimkardashain, meneski, rapsodi6, empress101....everybody. I don update o. you are all invited.

MAMA AKUNNA

Mama Akunna stayed in the room all through that evening till the following morning. Irikefe assured me she did that so that all those that refused to go and greet her will have no excuse.

“She does not want to hear ‘mama I came but you were not in the room,’ so that she might say ‘where I go? Even to shit I never comot go shit since I come.’ She is sure to go looking for them when day breaks.”

Akunna’s children stayed in mama Cowbell’s shop till late in the evening before they returned to their room. We all knew his wife was not coming back. He himself could be found lurking around the corridor looking confused. No one knew how that first night went for them. We were not surprised when at 5am the children were already dressed in their school uniform and had disappeared before daybreak even though schools were on midterm break. Akunna was also out on the street the moment his mother stepped out of the room for the first time since her arrival.

The compound was as busy as it always was. People queued to use the bathroom and toilets and others hurried in and out of the building. As she responded to greetings she also searched faces for recognition and could be heard saying “good morning my pikin. How body? So you no know say I don come? Ehm, who you be?”

She found Maya’s mother whom we call Mama Tobi after her only son at the backyard where she was making the fufu she sold in the neighborhood. Mama Akunna stood and watched as the other woman vigorously stirred cassava paste in a cauldron, stopping intermittently to stoke the flames that cooked it. Mama Tobi sighed in frustration as the heat from the rampant fire scorched her face, and looked up when she heard someone chuckling.

“So na wetin you dey do now be dis?”

“Good morning mama. Welcome” Mama Tobi said and continued her stirring.

“How you take better pass me wey dey village now? See as you dey suffer. After you go say you dey live for city.”

I saw a flash of anger cross Mama Tobi’s face. For a moment I thought she might attack the older woman with the big ladle she held, but instead she burst into the song “satan don fall for ground o march am march am!” stamping her feet rapidly with the refrain with her wide waist jiggling in tandem.

Mama Akunna spun round and walked to the front of the compound and stood chewing her stick and spitting into the gutter.

“Una mama no dey cook?” she said to three children of the same mother heading to Mama Cowbell’s shop with plates and hundred naira notes each to buy rice. The children took their heels just as sister Esther stepped out rubbing her eyes. She hissed when she noticed Mama Akunna.

“So you no fit greet again Esther?”

“Mama abeg, I take God name beg you. Carry your wahala go meet your pikin wey bring you come Lagos. Na beg I dey beg you.”

“Kingsley don marry you? Abi you think say I no know wetin una dey do?”

“Wetin concern you. Old witch!”

Mama Akunna laughed out loud as Sister Esther rushed back into her room.

I did not know that Mama had seen the exchange between me and Maya that morning. I had not seen Maya for two days as she had just started going out to learn how to make cakes and confectionery while she pursued her admission into the University. I had stopped her as she hurried out to ask about her well being. We smiled warmly at each other and she squeezed my hand in return before we parted.

“New Calabar boy” mama Akunna later called out to me as I finished brushing my teeth.

“Good morning mama.”

“Wetin you dey do with dat gal?”

“Nothing mama. We are just friends”

“hian!” she said and shuddered.

“What is it mama?”

“You no know say na hin papa open the road of dat place wey you wan go enter so?”

Of all the things I thought she could say this was the one I did not expect. Everybody knew about Maya’s sad experience for which her father was still in prison for but no one talked about it so brazenly. I knew I had to stand up for her.

“Mama she was molested.”

“Mole-gini?”

“Na force den force am. No be her fault.”

“Taa! No man fit force woman do dat kind tin. I go kick hin blokos hin eye go comot for hin ear. Na she let am do am. Na bad pikin.”

“Mama she was only a child when it happened.”

“My pikin. Weda na force abi no be force, shild abi wetin you call am, dat place don spoil. Dem suppose carry am go home go baff am inside thick bush before anoda man enter dia.”

I was now convinced that I too needed to avoid Akunna’s mother. No one knew how long she was going to be staying this time. To think that we had to endure this every day until whenever it was she started missing her goats and farm before returning to her village!

“We are going to deal with her” Irikefe later told me when I told him what had happened. “We were going to do it the last time but they took Wasiu away before we could.”

“What were you going to do?”

“We were going to put igbo in her soup.”

“How?”

“When she is cooking na! Is it not in the same kitchen we all use? I will just wait until she goes out to do amebo then I will throw it into the pot.”

“That is extreme irikefe. It could kill her.”

“It will not kill her. She will finish eating and go to sleep for three days. By the time she wakes up she will find herself in the village.”

“Who will take her?”

“That is what Akunna will have to do. You think he will think twice? We will encourage him to and tell him that it is better to take her now that she is still breathing when he will pay only three thousand naira bus fare, okay six thousand if you add himself because she would need support. If she dies it will cost him one hundred thousand to convey her body. Not to talk of money for coffin. That should do the trick.”

“Will you tell him what happened to her?”

“Of course not. But I bet he will find the idea of taking her back to where she came from appealing. She will not know the road back to Lagos when she comes to.”

“You don’t know how it will turn out for sure. Besides, Wasiu no longer deals drugs.”

“Bros, Wasiu does not know any other life. I already told you to give him two weeks. He is already restless. Two weeks may even be too much.”

“What if something goes wrong?”

“So be it. Nobody will miss her I can assure you.”

I did not know if I wanted to be part of this. But I nodded all the same. “So how far with your yahoo business” I said, changing the topic.
Irikefe’s eyes lit up. “My laptop is finally arriving tomorrow. And tomorrow I will also show Sister Esther the tape. I need capital to start,” he said and grinned.

Out in front of their shops Talabi and Josiah were discussing the rats in Aso Rock. I did not want to be part of it. I had some job hunting to go and do. So I took my bucket and went to the backyard and joined the bathroom queue. I found that I felt a lot better having spoken to Irikefe. It would not be a bad idea to send Mama Akunna back to where she came from if we could manage it.

I knew then that I was in on the plan.

TO BE CONTINUED

Meanwhile greetings and thanks for all the appreciation. Will mention y'all just before next update

MichaelBlake40:
Oga Centino hope u neva miss o

Not at all my guy. Na chance. Off work weekend so Sunday as usual. EVERY Sunday.

aragonchuks:
Nice one Centino ...when next you update holla me pls

Will do aragonchuks. Every Sunday for now.

Emzyme:
E b like say u deh forget my moniker ba

Emzyme

Thanks Bridgetania, Disneylady, bejeria101, jojothiav, eithsei and everyone else. You'll sure get the mention on the next update.