I really do appreciate all of the feedback, opinions and advice, regardless of stance. Thank you all for taking time to provide input and also kind words. I pray for the best, but expect the worst, if that makes sense.

I honestly can see it with both sides. There's a part of me that keeps saying "what if this is all just pretend" and then there's also that part of me the empathizes with him and have so much emotional investment with him.

I'm going to cut off any financial support. I've basically already done that but every now and again, I've been known to send him $30 USD here or there for miscellaneous stuff. But I'm gonna have to just stick to it and no longer send anything. And I've already told him that and he agreed.

I also requested that he buy and send me a ring if he is serious about being engaged. He said he wanted to wait to give it to me in person, but I told him I can't blindly walk into an engagement without one. He also agreed to that.

So...we will see how it goes. I really do have a lot of time invested in him and in his life (if it is his life that he's shown me).

He knows that if the flirting and/or cheating continues, I will not hesitate to return the favor and then leave. I'm not gonna sit here and be celibate and played, while he is out on the town with some chick. I've got a line waiting outside the door. So if he doesnt make sure his own door is secured with a lock, my door will open, as well.

CAPSLOCKED:




DO YOU LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY AT ALL?

IT'S TRUE THAT WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE MADE TO FEEL INFERIOR. IN FACT, MANY WOMEN NOW BELIEVE THEY ARE INFERIOR TO MEN. BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME THEM FOR CAREFULLY ANALYSING THIS STATUS AND SETTLING FOR THE TRUTH. TRUTH, BECAUSE IN MANY, MANY CASES, WOMEN ARE INFERIOR AND I DON'T THINK EQUALITY CAN EVER BE ATTAINED. THESE CASES ARE ONLY THE NATURAL ONES, OF COURSE. AND NOT MAN MADE STRATIFICATIONS.

AND THAT'S THE POINT WHERE MY POST WILL STOP TO AGREE WITH YOURS.

I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT MEN TORMENT WOMEN BY JUDGING THEM AND SETTING STANDARDS.

WHO BODY SHAMES WOMEN ON INSTAGRAM?
WHO LAUGHS AT WOMEN'S HAIR OR CLOTHES, OR NAILS?
WHO MOCKS THE OTHER WOMEN WHO IS NOT YET MARRIED, OR MARRIED WITHOUT CHILDREN?
WHO COMPARES BOYFRIENDS, HUSBANDS, OR THE COST OF ENGAGEMENT RINGS?
WHO TONES THEIR SKIN IN ORDER TO BEAT THE NEXT WOMAN TO THE BRIGHTEST IN THE STREET?

WHO DOES ALL THESE THINGS TO WOMEN, IF NOT WOMEN?

WOMEN SAY THINGS TO WOMEN, THAT MEN ARE SCARED OF SAYING TO WOMEN.. BOTH IN THIS COUNTRY AND ANY OTHER COUNTRY.

WOMEN DO THINGS, NOT TO PLEASE MEN AS THEY CLAIM,
BUT TO TORMENT OTHER WOMEN AND LOOK SUPERIOR.


THE ONLY TWO THINGS THAT WOMEN CAN COMFORTABLY AND UNIFORMLY AGREE ON, ARE;
1. MEN ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL THEIR PROBLEMS (WHEN CLEARLY, THEY DISLIKE EACHOTHER)
2. YOUR DICK IS SMALL (AND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT READS ONLY ZEROS)

ANY OTHER THINGS APART FROM THIS, FORGET IT.

No, I don't live in Nigeria. I live in the U.S.

Women do mock and berate each other. That is certainly a problem. And it's causes I'm sure are many and convoluted:

Society and it's standards
Competition for a spouse
Low personal self-esteem
Etc. Etc. Etc.

They all cause a knee-jerk reaction that perpetuates self-hatred. Catch 22. We (women) can be our greatest ally, but we often choose to be our own worst enemy.

I do disagree though that men do not play a part. This world we live in is highly patriarchal.

Ranchhoddas:
A 25-year old Nigerian male hospitalized for high blood pressure because of a failed online relationship?

Ma'am you've been scammed!

He's about to be 28. My brother actually was in his 20s when he was diagnosed with very high blood pressure. And yea, my brother has been hospitalized for a failing marriage, amongst other things. So I do know it is possible. But, I also understand that it could be a fabrication. He's a little overweight. So it isnt like he is the EPITOME of health. It seemed believeable especially when I was hearing from his family.

I will say interestingly enough, after I had been talking to his cousin who had initially contacted me about his condition, once he found out she messaged me to tell me of his hospitalization, he insisted that I stopped talking to her. When I asked why, he told me that some of his people's do not necessarily have good intentions and he doesnt want me or him to be badgered with money requests. Being that Ive had some not-so-honest relatives myself, I kinda related to it?

InfernoNig:
Ok. If you say so. My advice is just move on, focus yourself and your kid, who knows there's someone better out there. Peace

Certainly do appreciate your (and everyone's ) input on the matter. Only time will tell. And it definitely will tell.

I sent him a small package once. It contained a card and a cross keychain. If he was such a fraud, why give me an address? i know he picked it up because he's sent pictures of receiving it and once, when I was really down, he sent me a picture of him holding the keychain and told me he always carries it with him.

Why do all of that just for $30 USD here or there? I could see maybe the visa thing...but that came and went. He knows he will need to dave up his own money for the next application attempt.

BluntTheApostle:


He may not be using you but he is DEFINITELY not faithful.

Agreed!

SilentBang:


You sound pretty convinced that he isnt a FRAUD after all... i mean the nexus of this thread is not about that even. for your sake i just hope you are right.

Those messages i read up there aint enough to say he is a cheat, but he is quite flirtacious...

but really did you honestly expect him to be celibate too...? well best of luck you two.

In the first few months, no I did not at all expect him to be celibate. But then...I started thinking. He would message and call me all the time. All the time. Even when I was at work. When I broke it off with him for about 6 weeks during the summer, his family contacted me to tell me how sad he has been and how he was hospitalized for high blood pressure and pleading with me to at least speak to him. And I felt bad because he was always so kind to me and took great interest in knowing and talking to my siblings and even my father.

So we got back together. I broke it off with him strictly because I didnt see how it could be serious and how could he possibly love me. Ive got major trust issues with men to begin with and when he met me I wanted nothing to do with men in general besides ...tbh, using them as much as they use women. And he turned my heart around.

Sounds cliche but it happened.

SilentBang:


You sound pretty convinced that he isnt a FRAUD after all... i mean the nexus of this thread is not about that even. for your sake i just hope you are right.

Those messages i read up there aint enough to say he is a cheat, but he is quite flirtacious...

but really did you honestly expect him to be celibate too...? well best of luck you two.

Yes, exactly. This thread was mainly about infidelity of a relationship that I presumed to be true and then it kinda went off tangent on is the relationship even rooted in truth.

InfernoNig:
You are messing with a yahoo boy (if you know what this means) and a player

I know what a Yahoo boy is. But...he doesnt seem to fit all of the criteria of one, from what Ive read over the internet for the last couple of months.

What makes so many so certain he is, specifically? Because Ive sent money? Many times, he wont even necessarily ask for it. He may allude to it. But sometimes he needs money and doesnt ask and I dont send and sometimes he has needed it and I do send without him asking. And its never much that I send. Is it really worth the trouble for him? He is almost always available to talk or video chat or what-not. Has shown me ID. His facebook is literally full of family and friends who comment when he posts. Some of them at first even were openly surprised he was with me. So ALL of his facebook friends are thieves and criminals and heartless passersby? Idk. That's pretty hard to swallow.

I dont think he is faithful and I have doubts about his attraction to me but...it could be my hangup. Idk. Or it could be that hes using me.

Ranchhoddas:
Geez...

That guy is bad news.

Cut your losses and move on.

If he really loves you he will not accept money from you for any reason.

By the way how do people develop feelings for someone they've never met?

Still can't wrap my head around that?

I couldn't understand it, either. For a bit, I literally brushed him off and sometimes would flat out tell him to save his time because I wasn't interested.

But he persisted.

And after a few months, idk. I just...We talked before and after work. Sometimes, many times, all night long on both of our ends. He listens to me and learns me. We know so much about each other. When you show vulnerability, it can really foster emotional investment.

He's never, ever raised his voice to me in a threatening manner. Never called me names, always shows me out to people (I'm not going on his word alone. Ive seen him do it).

It's very new territory for me to deal with someone long distance. I dont have a habit of it. I honestly think....I felt it was a safer option? When he met me, I didnt want anything to do with a relationship with anyone. I think I saw this as an opportunity to have some kind of...emotional connection without all of the strings attached to a local relationship, if that makes any sense. But as time went on, I really truly started to love him. Funny how human emotions work.

SilentBang:
Charris2284 judging by those messages, i really think he is a flirt, and most flirts are cheats... whether joke or not,,, am well convinced he is cheat,

The truth is "Dont get it twisted, you are so so not his love" you are just his MAGA, trust your instincts.

you really think he is into you

whoever you spoke to isnt his mom, neither were they his siblings... or have you had a video call with the said mom?? even at that all na SCAM.

count your losses and move on! i hope you find whatever your are looking for... adios.

I agree with the cheating wholeheartedly.

I have seen his mom and him, as well as siblings on video and pictures. And lol there is a strong resemblance. You can definitely tell his sister and mother are very closely related to him. Maybe a different relative perhaps, but I'm telling you, he is her twin.

We talk all the time. I'm trying to read up on how these types of romance scams work, and I'm getting things like:

He wont video you or show true identity
He wont introduce you to his family
He wont want to get married in Nigeria - or if he agrees, it will only be a registry wedding
He wont take interest in getting to know your family
He wont spend much time talking to you and will say he has "business affairs" to tend to
He will make up big, sometimes outlandish, lies to gain money from you

He occasionally has asked if I could send money to help out with things. Most of it went to getting a visa. Then small things like....idk. One time he needed oral surgery and I kmow it was real because he sent me pictures AND video of the stitches in his mouth from wisdom tooth extraction. He ended up getting a loan to pay for it and when he fell behind on the payments, I did send him money to pay it off. He showed me the receipt that he paid it off.

Other small things like sometimes I'll ask if he has eaten and he'll tell me what he had eaten and I'll get worried because it isnt much so I'd send maybe $30 USD to help him. Or one time the data plan he had was about to expire and I sent him like $30 or $40 USD. But it's not like I'm sending him all of these huge amounts of money (besides the visa thing - that took up over $1k between the application, travel and other requirements).

I'm pretty torn on the scam thing. �

Miggs:

Alright.My apologises for falsely accusing you.
The lady I accused you of being has numerous monickers on here so I thought yours was one of her alternates.
Ok.Bye

No worries

efesodje:


Wow...... I have nothing but respect for this. Sorry you were insulted earlier most times we get too much adrenaline from our arguments

Its ok. I get passionate with my arguments, too.

Charris2284:


So at first he was thinking we could do a registry in Nigeria with his immediate family and a bigger wedding in the States, but then he changed his mind to a small wedding instead of just the registry in Nigeria. During our conversations, hes mentioned that we needed to get a car there for "ease of movement" and that he is needing me to pay for much of it (in so many words) which I flat out disagreed and told him he would need to invest in it. With that, he agreed that he would save up for it.

He really wants a child. When I met him, I was done having kids. I went through hell with my ex husband and in-laws (he is American) and never wanted to experience that again. But he doesnt have any kids and after a year of this I really....love the idea and wouldnt mind having a child for a husband of mine who didnt have any.

Hes told me the he is an entrepreneur and seels cars and electronics. I just never quite understood that. His story hasnt changed at all. But...he went to uni for computer engineering so why couldnt he get a job in that field? Ive asked him this several times and hes told me that jobs there just dont pay enough to survive and that he couldnt find much. Meanwhile his father is a retired banker, mother is a school official and his brother works in a bank too. I just dont understand why he cant or refuses to "work for anyone".

When Ive expressed my concerns to him (a few times throughout the last year), hes always quick to suggest that he pays me back for any money Ive sent. And while collectively Ive sent about 2k over time, most of the time it has been maybe $50 USD here or $100 USD there. The big money was really sent in the first few months of being together to help pay for the visa application and it's various requirements plus travel costs to the interview. Since then, Ive rarely sent more than $100 USD at a time. And in the last few months, maybe only $200 altogether. Just seems like so trivial of amounts for it to be worth the hassle for him?

Is 34 considered "old"? I am overweight and a divorcee, single mother. But lol I sure hope 34 is not considered too old. LOL

At times, he'll also send me pictures throughout the day, and I'll notice how he goes from car lot to car lot. So I never doubted necessarily that he sells things but just never understood it when he went to school for computer engineering. His facebook has TONS of his friends (thousands) and they respond and comment on his posts. So idk. I guess I found security in that he really is a real person.

lenghtinny:


I'll be blunt with you

Your situation is called "Come and marry" format in Nigeria. It's very common and the white victims are usually fat, older, lonely and single mothers ( No disrespect). Real profiles are used in this case.
No real job is the first red flag you should have noted and then asking for money. He got you trapped in the minute you started sending money to him.

There are two likely outcomes from the scenario;
* He continues extorting you till he gets tired
Or
* He takes you to ikoyi registry for marriage but trust me the marriage will be short lived.

Don't be fooled by the fact that he's introduced you to his mom... Nowadays, the parents are getting involved in the dubious setup especially if marriage will be taking place. Whatever you thought you guys had isn't real from the guy's perspective. It's just a game to him.
Goodluck

So at first he was thinking we could do a registry in Nigeria with his immediate family and a bigger wedding in the States, but then he changed his mind to a small wedding instead of just the registry in Nigeria. During our conversations, hes mentioned that we needed to get a car there for "ease of movement" and that he is needing me to pay for much of it (in so many words) which I flat out disagreed and told him he would need to invest in it. With that, he agreed that he would save up for it.

He really wants a child. When I met him, I was done having kids. I went through hell with my ex husband and in-laws (he is American) and never wanted to experience that again. But he doesnt have any kids and after a year of this I really....love the idea and wouldnt mind having a child for a husband of mine who didnt have any.

Hes told me the he is an entrepreneur and seels cars and electronics. I just never quite understood that. His story hasnt changed at all. But...he went to uni for computer engineering so why couldnt he get a job in that field? Ive asked him this several times and hes told me that jobs there just dont pay enough to survive and that he couldnt find much. Meanwhile his father is a retired banker, mother is a school official and his brother works in a bank too. I just dont understand why he cant or refuses to "work for anyone".

When Ive expressed my concerns to him (a few times throughout the last year), hes always quick to suggest that he pays me back for any money Ive sent. And while collectively Ive sent about 2k over time, most of the time it has been maybe $50 USD here or $100 USD there. The big money was really sent in the first few months of being together to help pay for the visa application and it's various requirements plus travel costs to the interview. Since then, Ive rarely sent more than $100 USD at a time. And in the last few months, maybe only $200 altogether. Just seems like so trivial of amounts for it to be worth the hassle for him?

Is 34 considered "old"? I am overweight and a divorcee, single mother. But lol I sure hope 34 is not considered too old. LOL

pweetyoge:
in conclusion to everything they have told u on this platform, pls be careful of those who would send u a private message no matter their comments. They also want the same thing.
Goodluck to u making genuine friends if u wish to.

Lol I'm already 5 steps ahead with that and expected that. I'm not lonely or desperate. I just was being pursued with persistence for the last year and had began to thought after his family was contacting me that maybe it could be real. And the fact he wasn't hiding his identity. I guess I know better now.

YoungDaNaval:
Hahahahaha baaad detective!!

This is pretty entertaining, I must say.

Miggs:

Good.
Now post a photo of your map of Africa tattoo with your face showing

Lmao you can see part of the horn of Africa in the picture I posted. But no issues. LOL

Isn't it pretty? The baobab tree showcases my strength and ties in with the bottom quote: "a great tree began as a small seed", while the sunrise illustrates the first quote: "however long the night, the dawn will break."

Muzuri:


You shamelful oyimbo you don't understand superior black man only impregnate you for citizenship

I dont have any children by African men.
Not sure what is shameful about me. But you have yourself a nice day.

Miggs:

Liar!
Seriously,you've got mental issues.
You are Charris2284,you are also Ruthdaniels,then Safiaa,Safiaaa etc,you were also Lady Goddiva.
Quit wasting your life on this forum and go out into the real world and make something of your life

Wow, really? My name is Cece. Here's me. Smh. Try again.

Miggs:
Charris2284 and Ruthdaniels are thesame person.
Sneaky muthafucka!

Lol no. I'm near Chicago, IL USA.

RuthDaniels:
You will be surprised the condemnation is coming from a black man himself. Lol Like the black men are any better than men of other races.

What baffles me is why would anyone put down his own and worship another's ? Have always heard about the black's inferiority complex but I never believed in it until now. They believe anything off shore is the best! they never motivate, admonish or try to improve the flaws of one another but condemn each other! Little wonder they remain the lowest!

The only usefulness these people they worship see In them is their ability to satisfy sexual urges.Most Nigerian guys overseas are sex objects, and they gladly accept this! how low. I wonder why a sane being will prefer being treated as an object of sexual gratification than being a respected man all because of skin color and body shape. Honestly I weak!

Let me just stop here... Lol. Calling them idiots is painfully an understatement!

It is pretty tragic that so many white women use black man as a personal sex slave. I remember when I got my tattoo of Africa on my arm, the very first reaction at my place of employment was that Africa resembled a thick penis when turned on it's side. They named me the "Mandingo Champion" because of a tattoo. Sorry to burst their bubble, but not all black men have big joysticks! And some of those that do, don't necessarily know how to use it correctly! I find it horrifyingly irresponsible when white women choose to date and/or create children of mixed race IF it is just for the sake of "good sex".

There is so much more to a black man than his penis and I really loathe the fact that whites have made it such a commonplace assertion that a black man is an object and not a human. Same with black women. It's shameful, at best.

Your first paragraph is just nonsense. Can you please tell me how white women feel bullied or inferior in this white washed planet that we live in? Honestly our men are so pitiful, I really feel sorry for my future child. But to cut the long story short, if you don’t care, why exactly are you on this thread? I don’t understand.

I think women, in general, are made to feel inferior. However, there is no denying that black women, and any woman of color, are made to feel inferiority on a grander scale.

White women can feel insecurity. The society we live in (speaking at least in America), in order to be beautiful, you must adhere to these guidelines:

1. A thin, toned body.
2. Skin void of any blemishes (including stretch marks that just are unavoidable for most during pregnancy).
3. Symmetrical facial features.
4. A body frame of unrealistic proportions, portrayed by the classic Barbie dolls.
5. White, or at least "white passing" skin tone.
6. Long, long hair.
7. And a list of other misc. aesthetics such as teeth, etc.

So it stands to reason that a white woman without those attributes may feel insecurity at some point in her life.

But black women undoubtedly have been dehumanized in more ways than listed above. After all, a fat white woman was still considered a woman (i.e., a human being) back in 1850. A black woman, thin or fat, ugly or beautiful, was considered subhuman.

As a white woman with Italian ancestry, I think black women are some of the most beautiful women alive. Their skin can appear so much smoother in tone and hides blemishes more, as well as makes one appear more youthful and slim.

Why do you suppose women of fairer skin spend money on tanning aides? The skin tanning industry is huge!

My daughters have beautifully thick, luxurious locks. Just because some do not know how to handle and care for it (namely whites), doesnt make it unattractive. Natural hair is stunning.

Makes me sick people still are out here putting down women of any race, not to mention the race of the origin of MANKIND.

Idiots.

Sapiosexuality:
He's a fraud. This is what they do these days, ruining the reputation of this country. His visa was never denied in September because he never applied for Visa. I wrote this some months back and if you read to the end you'd know what's up and how to protect yourself. He's just using you.

http://www.mortalpoet.com/9ice-falz-yahoo-boys-how-nigerians-supported-fraudsters/

He really did apply. I saw confirmation on the website. I saw pictures of him going to the airport and arriving in the office. I saw the denial letter that they gave to him after the interview. But of course it stands to reason he is just using me for a green card.

RuthDaniels:
Typical Nigerian guy!

Woman, I'd advise you get over whatever feelings you have for that dude. He is nothing but a cheater, he will never be serious with you. You are over weight with 6 kids? And you think some African stud will stick with you? come on! It's all for the money and card. Lol!

And If being overweighted is why you think a guy will cheat on you, kindly work out. Not for the stupid scam but for your self. Stay attractive and beautiful someone good will come your way soon.

Ive been very thin before and cheated on. So no, I don't think that is why men cheat. All men just cheat. They can't help themselves.

classicMan22:
sorry madam he's just using u, like u said u are fat, very overweight ,a divorcee ,mother of 6 children, and u are 6 yrs younger than him.madam all this baggage is just too much, 4 a young single man I suggested u leave this guy be4 u regret it latter. that's my humble advice 4 u. by the way wat tribe is he from?

I figured. He's Yoruba.

letterman:


Jesus, mother of six

Madam, your boyfriend is not faithful and will never be faithful. He is a chronic flirt.

I saw the picture of you. You are very beautiful. Why do you even need a boyfriend? Do you want to remarry

Thanks. I dont need a boyfriend. Ive been single prior to him for about 3 years, since my divorce. I have always had some kind of "boy toy" if you will to keep me company but not an established boyfriend.

One day I dreamt of being remarried and having a happily ever after. But Id rather be single and alone than in a relationship and alone.

He keeps telling me all of those messages were just a joke. I just am insulted that he thinks I'm that....quite frankly: stupid.

OAFMods:


How old are you if I may ask ?

Im 34. Well, I will be next month.

He does my bidding when I become angry. He changed all of his profile pics to be of me. Made status after status about me blah blah blah. Blocked the ladies. The only thing he has refused to do is message those women telling them he is wants nothing to do with them. But...idk. He has several phones. So I mean....even if he isnt responding to them on the number I have for him, it doesnt mean he isn't on the other phones he has.

Why even have more than one working cell phone?

I just question everything now. He ruined it all. Tragic. I could have been the best thing he ever had. Sigh.

CsRockefeller:


With what I can see you are not fat, you look very young and you are very attractive, maybe its just because both of you haven't met yet. You have had six kids and still look hot, its just a matter of time before à sharp guy sweeps u off your feet.

I used to be a thick build. In the years after my divorce, about 3 years now, I've gained a ton of weight. About 150lbs. I don't carry my weight in my face. I still can look a bit shapely if I try. I'm not the girl who carries all of her excess weight in her gut (but I do have a gut). I'm a pear shape so a lot of my weight tends to go to my lower half but that's not to say I don't have excess weight in my midsection because I surely do. There's no denying that I am a very heavy set girl these days. Another thing is that he reallllllly doesn't want me to lose weight. At first, he insisted that I didn't lose any. After months of telling him my health is now being compromised, he finally said yes to my losing lots of weight. Again his exes are all thin. Why would he be opposed to me being thin? Because if I am thin, in his mind, Id leave him for another guy. But lol even if I am fat, I could easily pull a man who is attracted to bigger women. So he just assumes that fat ladies cant get a man. I actually read a conversation on his messenger one day that flat out said "fat women cant get boyfriends". Granted, that conversation was years old and while he was still in school I believe, but it just goes to show what he thinks of bigger women.
Appreciate the compliment. Thank you.