Charris2284:


He really did apply. I saw confirmation on the website. I saw pictures of him going to the airport and arriving in the office. I saw the denial letter that they gave to him after the interview. But of course it stands to reason he is just using me for a green card.

Charris2284:

I figured. He's Yoruba.

Charris2284:


I figured. He's Yoruba.

Charris2284:


I figured. He's Yoruba.

efesodje:

Charris2284:


Im not defending him. I was just trying to explain the situation entirely. My understanding of scams and shams (and I could very well be ignorant to this subject) is that scams typically involve someone who will not expose their true identity (via live video) and the shams are when both parties agree that it is not a true marriage. A foreigner pays the citizen of a country money to marry so that the foreigner can obtain a green card. Idk. I definitely feel he is cheating on me. And Im torn if he is just using me. So his own mother who is a deaconess of a church wpuld be willing to lie on her son? I mean why go through the trouble of a marriage in Nigeria if this was all for a green card? Wouldnt his family be embarrassed? I know my family would shame me if I did something horrible like that to someone.

I'll be blunt with you

Your situation is called "Come and marry" format in Nigeria. It's very common and the white victims are usually fat, older, lonely and single mothers ( No disrespect). Real profiles are used in this case.
No real job is the first red flag you should have noted and then asking for money. He got you trapped in the minute you started sending money to him.

There are two likely outcomes from the scenario;
* He continues extorting you till he gets tired
Or
* He takes you to ikoyi registry for marriage but trust me the marriage will be short lived.

Don't be fooled by the fact that he's introduced you to his mom... Nowadays, the parents are getting involved in the dubious setup especially if marriage will be taking place. Whatever you thought you guys had isn't real from the guy's perspective. It's just a game to him.
Goodluck

Donjazzy12:

Hello my dear, stop trying to justify anything. Love itself doesn't make sense! Nobody can truly define love. It has no universal meaning.

Stop trying to justify why he could love you. Most of the responses here are from people who feel jealous of the guy because he is dating a white lady! Quote me anywhere. Most Nigerians still see whites like you as special, so they are jealous of the guy.

Here's my gut feeling. You believe the guy is too good for you physically. According to you, he is smart, intelligent, Handsome and no kids, so you are wondering why he is stuck with you, especially since you know that all his exes are thin. You are trying to analyze his love but it doesn't work that way. I use myself as an example. I have always dated skinny ladies until I met this fat Lady in a cab one day in Abuja and everything changed. It took me months to make up my mind, but I finally did and the relationship is going strong.

Your man is younger than you, so expect youthful exuberance. Stop doubting, it kills love. Remove all doubts except you now get concrete evidence. I wish you the best

jacyhelen:



Not alll men cheat but Nigeria or African men are the WORST.

Have you dated all the men in the world to arrive at this stupid conclusion

Calling you a fish brain is an insult to the real girls with fish brain cos I'm not sure you have a brain at all

pweetyoge:
in conclusion to everything they have told u on this platform, pls be careful of those who would send u a private message no matter their comments. They also want the same thing.
Goodluck to u making genuine friends if u wish to.

lenghtinny:


I'll be blunt with you

Your situation is called "Come and marry" format in Nigeria. It's very common and the white victims are usually fat, older, lonely and single mothers ( No disrespect). Real profiles are used in this case.
No real job is the first red flag you should have noted and then asking for money. He got you trapped in the minute you started sending money to him.

There are two likely outcomes from the scenario;
* He continues extorting you till he gets tired
Or
* He takes you to ikoyi registry for marriage but trust me the marriage will be short lived.

Don't be fooled by the fact that he's introduced you to his mom... Nowadays, the parents are getting involved in the dubious setup especially if marriage will be taking place. Whatever you thought you guys had isn't real from the guy's perspective. It's just a game to him.
Goodluck

Charris2284:


So at first he was thinking we could do a registry in Nigeria with his immediate family and a bigger wedding in the States, but then he changed his mind to a small wedding instead of just the registry in Nigeria. During our conversations, hes mentioned that we needed to get a car there for "ease of movement" and that he is needing me to pay for much of it (in so many words) which I flat out disagreed and told him he would need to invest in it. With that, he agreed that he would save up for it.

He really wants a child. When I met him, I was done having kids. I went through hell with my ex husband and in-laws (he is American) and never wanted to experience that again. But he doesnt have any kids and after a year of this I really....love the idea and wouldnt mind having a child for a husband of mine who didnt have any.

Hes told me the he is an entrepreneur and seels cars and electronics. I just never quite understood that. His story hasnt changed at all. But...he went to uni for computer engineering so why couldnt he get a job in that field? Ive asked him this several times and hes told me that jobs there just dont pay enough to survive and that he couldnt find much. Meanwhile his father is a retired banker, mother is a school official and his brother works in a bank too. I just dont understand why he cant or refuses to "work for anyone".

When Ive expressed my concerns to him (a few times throughout the last year), hes always quick to suggest that he pays me back for any money Ive sent. And while collectively Ive sent about 2k over time, most of the time it has been maybe $50 USD here or $100 USD there. The big money was really sent in the first few months of being together to help pay for the visa application and it's various requirements plus travel costs to the interview. Since then, Ive rarely sent more than $100 USD at a time. And in the last few months, maybe only $200 altogether. Just seems like so trivial of amounts for it to be worth the hassle for him?

Is 34 considered "old"? I am overweight and a divorcee, single mother. But lol I sure hope 34 is not considered too old. LOL

jacyhelen:


Not alll men cheat but Nigeria or African men are the WORST.

SilentBang:
Charris2284 judging by those messages, i really think he is a flirt, and most flirts are cheats... whether joke or not,,, am well convinced he is cheat,

The truth is "Dont get it twisted, you are so so not his love" you are just his MAGA, trust your instincts.

you really think he is into you

whoever you spoke to isnt his mom, neither were they his siblings... or have you had a video call with the said mom?? even at that all na SCAM.

count your losses and move on! i hope you find whatever your are looking for... adios.

Charris2284:


I agree with the cheating wholeheartedly.

I have seen his mom and him, as well as siblings on video and pictures. And lol there is a strong resemblance. You can definitely tell his sister and mother are very closely related to him. Maybe a different relative perhaps, but I'm telling you, he is her twin.

We talk all the time. I'm trying to read up on how these types of romance scams work, and I'm getting things like:

He wont video you or show true identity
He wont introduce you to his family
He wont want to get married in Nigeria - or if he agrees, it will only be a registry wedding
He wont take interest in getting to know your family
He wont spend much time talking to you and will say he has "business affairs" to tend to
He will make up big, sometimes outlandish, lies to gain money from you

He occasionally has asked if I could send money to help out with things. Most of it went to getting a visa. Then small things like....idk. One time he needed oral surgery and I kmow it was real because he sent me pictures AND video of the stitches in his mouth from wisdom tooth extraction. He ended up getting a loan to pay for it and when he fell behind on the payments, I did send him money to pay it off. He showed me the receipt that he paid it off.

Other small things like sometimes I'll ask if he has eaten and he'll tell me what he had eaten and I'll get worried because it isnt much so I'd send maybe $30 USD to help him. Or one time the data plan he had was about to expire and I sent him like $30 or $40 USD. But it's not like I'm sending him all of these huge amounts of money (besides the visa thing - that took up over $1k between the application, travel and other requirements).

I'm pretty torn on the scam thing. �

Ranchhoddas:
Geez...

That guy is bad news.

Cut your losses and move on.

If he really loves you he will not accept money from you for any reason.

By the way how do people develop feelings for someone they've never met?

Still can't wrap my head around that?

Charris2284:


I agree with the cheating wholeheartedly.

I have seen his mom and him, as well as siblings on video and pictures. And lol there is a strong resemblance. You can definitely tell his sister and mother are very closely related to him. Maybe a different relative perhaps, but I'm telling you, he is her twin.

We talk all the time. I'm trying to read up on how these types of romance scams work, and I'm getting things like:

He wont video you or show true identity
He wont introduce you to his family
He wont want to get married in Nigeria - or if he agrees, it will only be a registry wedding
He wont take interest in getting to know your family
He wont spend much time talking to you and will say he has "business affairs" to tend to
He will make up big, sometimes outlandish, lies to gain money from you

He occasionally has asked if I could send money to help out with things. Most of it went to getting a visa. Then small things like....idk. One time he needed oral surgery and I kmow it was real because he sent me pictures AND video of the stitches in his mouth from wisdom tooth extraction. He ended up getting a loan to pay for it and when he fell behind on the payments, I did send him money to pay it off. He showed me the receipt that he paid it off.

Other small things like sometimes I'll ask if he has eaten and he'll tell me what he had eaten and I'll get worried because it isnt much so I'd send maybe $30 USD to help him. Or one time the data plan he had was about to expire and I sent him like $30 or $40 USD. But it's not like I'm sending him all of these huge amounts of money (besides the visa thing - that took up over $1k between the application, travel and other requirements).

I'm pretty torn on the scam thing. �

InfernoNig:
You are messing with a yahoo boy (if you know what this means) and a player

SilentBang:


You sound pretty convinced that he isnt a FRAUD after all... i mean the nexus of this thread is not about that even. for your sake i just hope you are right.

Those messages i read up there aint enough to say he is a cheat, but he is quite flirtacious...

but really did you honestly expect him to be celibate too...? well best of luck you two.

Charris2284:


I know what a Yahoo boy is. But...he doesnt seem to fit all of the criteria of one, from what Ive read over the internet for the last couple of months.

What makes so many so certain he is, specifically? Because Ive sent money? Many times, he wont even necessarily ask for it. He may allude to it. But sometimes he needs money and doesnt ask and I dont send and sometimes he has needed it and I do send without him asking. And its never much that I send. Is it really worth the trouble for him? He is almost always available to talk or video chat or what-not. Has shown me ID. His facebook is literally full of family and friends who comment when he posts. Some of them at first even were openly surprised he was with me. So ALL of his facebook friends are thieves and criminals and heartless passersby? Idk. That's pretty hard to swallow.

I dont think he is faithful and I have doubts about his attraction to me but...it could be my hangup. Idk. Or it could be that hes using me.

SilentBang:


You sound pretty convinced that he isnt a FRAUD after all... i mean the nexus of this thread is not about that even. for your sake i just hope you are right.

Those messages i read up there aint enough to say he is a cheat, but he is quite flirtacious...

but really did you honestly expect him to be celibate too...? well best of luck you two.

BluntTheApostle:


He may not be using you but he is DEFINITELY not faithful.

Charris2284:


I couldn't understand it, either. For a bit, I literally brushed him off and sometimes would flat out tell him to save his time because I wasn't interested.

But he persisted.

And after a few months, idk. I just...We talked before and after work. Sometimes, many times, all night long on both of our ends. He listens to me and learns me. We know so much about each other. When you show vulnerability, it can really foster emotional investment.

He's never, ever raised his voice to me in a threatening manner. Never called me names, always shows me out to people (I'm not going on his word alone. Ive seen him do it).

It's very new territory for me to deal with someone long distance. I dont have a habit of it. I honestly think....I felt it was a safer option? When he met me, I didnt want anything to do with a relationship with anyone. I think I saw this as an opportunity to have some kind of...emotional connection without all of the strings attached to a local relationship, if that makes any sense. But as time went on, I really truly started to love him. Funny how human emotions work.

Charris2284:


I know what a Yahoo boy is. But...he doesnt seem to fit all of the criteria of one, from what Ive read over the internet for the last couple of months.

What makes so many so certain he is, specifically? Because Ive sent money? Many times, he wont even necessarily ask for it. He may allude to it. But sometimes he needs money and doesnt ask and I dont send and sometimes he has needed it and I do send without him asking. And its never much that I send. Is it really worth the trouble for him? He is almost always available to talk or video chat or what-not. Has shown me ID. His facebook is literally full of family and friends who comment when he posts. Some of them at first even were openly surprised he was with me. So ALL of his facebook friends are thieves and criminals and heartless passersby? Idk. That's pretty hard to swallow.

I dont think he is faithful and I have doubts about his attraction to me but...it could be my hangup. Idk. Or it could be that hes using me.

InfernoNig:
Ok. If you say so. My advice is just move on, focus yourself and your kid, who knows there's someone better out there. Peace