@ayando absolutely! I have just not been lucky to meet any. Although I must confess I would prefer a single dad who lived with his child / children. It's not always pleasant dealing with baby mama's especially when she is still interested in the guy!

@dyt
you are so right about the FEAR! It is real. I think there are times that perhaps it's hard to trust your own judgement and so you shy away from committing again!.....

The fear is choosing someone that won't be a good fit for child / children . I think because of this fear most single parents remain single. Most choose to live for the children

Nice thread thanx Op.

Any mature single dad's, I am 36 so happy to chat to older people tx. Drop BBM pin tx

jaybee3:


It’s actually never going to work if they don’t hence why it’s extremely important that you integrate them into the relationship (when you guys start dating and introducing him/her as your friend) from the onset.

It also helps if you go into such unfortunate situation by having clarity of purpose and limiting all element of desperation. This will almost certainly help in allowing true dynamics of relationships to play out as you had be able to separate the wheat from the chaff with minimum fuss



This really shouldn’t matter since the Index family will always be the most important. You cannot worry about things you have absolutely no control over. If you are both in love then surely the love will conquer such challenges.



This is probably the single reason why most men find it hard to take on such responsibility. It helps if the woman is empowered and thus able to secure some part of her biological children’s future. Any woman going into such arrangement should be willing to pull her weight so as to soften the financial dependency.
You shouldn’t also go into it expecting him to behave in a certain way. He should choose to support on his own accord and you shouldn’t feel bad if he decides otherwise



The most important thing that you will need in such union is them having the much needed emotional balance and male/female authority in the home. You can’t underestimate the importance of having a stable home. If that’s all he or she is bringing into the union then surely that’s a very big plus



The foundation, expectation and reality matters a lot. So long as this is pretty clear from the onset, you really shouldn’t have that much problems going forward

Thank you ever so much. You maturity is refreshing! I thank God that I am not financially dependant and can take care of things from my own end without the help of a man.

You are absolutely right about expectations. Both parties need to know where they stand and what is expected of them from the onset. It leaves you in a rather precarious position when you discover a few years into a relationship that you have completely different expectations!

Thanks again

hothead:
I think you shld look for friendship instead of love. A good male friend that gets it. It cld cure ur loneliness.

I have a soft spot for single moms, sometime in future I wld do something sweet for as many as I can. Ya'll special people!

How very reductionist of you! So because I am single mother I don't deserve a second chance at love wow!

dinachi:
I have a hunch the Op is not looking for love but for a male maga who will be bearing her financial responsibility and her daughter's too.
Guys if you fall for this trap do not say you were not warned.

How perceptive of you! Actually you could not be more further from the truth! Just so you know I am career woman with a very good job and financially sound. Besides in the part of the world I live in even if I was not earning much I would still be ok. So no I don't need money from a man !

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post! I have quite a few attempts of private messages, flattering as it may be I am really not desperate or wanting to rush into anything. I was more interested in us engaging in dialogue about matters of the heart that affect single parents. Finding love when you have kids is more complicated because you ask yourself :

1. Will your new partner love and truly accept your child / children
2. Will their family accept you and your kids
3. There are also money matters, some people may not be happy to accept financial responsibility for children that are not biologically theirs.
4. So how much participation can you expect from your partner when it comes to raising kids from previous relationships
5. Do blended families really work - not just for the adults but for the kids

So many questions really that one cannot answer until you find yourself kneed deep in that situation.

lilmax:
It's in your hands,your character,your attitude should change if you want love......

Wow very judgemental of you for automatically assuming that I am the problem! And you were able to deduce this ftom where exactly?

Firstly marriage is hard work! Courtship is the easy part once the roman and honeymoon period end the real work begins. Some people mask their true selves until a little later in the marriage . Some people will tell you there must have sign when you were dating etc of their true character but believe me some people are extraordinary actors!

1. Make sure that you are friends above all else! You have to LIKE the person you are with and have a genuine friendship and common interest otherwise when the crazy sex wears of and you cannot Co exist as friends then you have a problem.

2. Make sure you in laws like and accept you. In African marriages you marry the whole family! My marriage was destroyed 50% by the fact that my in laws hated me even before they met me because of where I am from! I should have walked away at that point because they wanted my husband to marry someone else but I naively thought our love could conquer all! How wrong was I

Life just happens my dear. It is a long story but one of two incompatible people...... loads of other issues that I don't think are entirely necessary to share.

My question is looking at my future and not the past........

At the age of 36, as a single parent I have to wonder if this is the end of it for me........... I wonder if it is too late to find love........
Any single ladies in the house what are your thoughts? I am absolutely devoted to my children, but I am so lonely.......
Have you given up on love completely? Let's chat